Global Aviation Magazine : 60 Years of the Hercules
R4H
Re uniform - back in '71 I had to endure a route check with a wing nav' who always suffered badly from 'small man syndrome'. It was from Dulles back to Lyneham and as I had arrived back at base very late on the evening before initial departure from Lyneham, I had missed the captain's pre-route briefing where maybe it was mentioned that No.1 dress blue was mandatory for Washington.
The little Welsh bar steward downgraded me from B to C - I thought about grabbing him by the throat and asking what the f**k my uniform had to do with him. Having been on a low-level detachment at Luqa with him 6 months before, where he was the operating lead nav' of a 9 ship and I ( still then a Fg Off just prior to promotion ) was sat on the bunk as the stream leader's nav', I did not have too much respect for his professional ability. Bloody useless came to mind!
It reminds me of a story the late John Lambert told me - on one of his last trips as a skipper before taking 8 year option and joining Britannia Airways, he was bounced by a very well known trapper on a flight somewhere east. At the debrief the trapper opened with, 'Well young Lambert, first of all you could do with a fooking haircut' - John replied, 'If that's all you got to say J**k, you can fu*k off', and then walked out. John was a first-class pilot and brilliant good operator, so I doubt that our trapper had much to criticise.
The little Welsh bar steward downgraded me from B to C - I thought about grabbing him by the throat and asking what the f**k my uniform had to do with him. Having been on a low-level detachment at Luqa with him 6 months before, where he was the operating lead nav' of a 9 ship and I ( still then a Fg Off just prior to promotion ) was sat on the bunk as the stream leader's nav', I did not have too much respect for his professional ability. Bloody useless came to mind!
It reminds me of a story the late John Lambert told me - on one of his last trips as a skipper before taking 8 year option and joining Britannia Airways, he was bounced by a very well known trapper on a flight somewhere east. At the debrief the trapper opened with, 'Well young Lambert, first of all you could do with a fooking haircut' - John replied, 'If that's all you got to say J**k, you can fu*k off', and then walked out. John was a first-class pilot and brilliant good operator, so I doubt that our trapper had much to criticise.
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Air Experience
Sorry Smudge. No memories of this.
Ref route checks: As a new Co-pilot D Cat, was on a route check through Gander. All change, problems in Bermuda. My checker became my Captain. Gander Bermuda Gander Lyneham. Shutting down he asked for my cat card and filled it in. Packing up he asked how long I had been on the sqn. 3 months said I whereupon he took my cat card back, scored out the C and gave me a D saying I hadn't been around long enough!
Ref route checks: As a new Co-pilot D Cat, was on a route check through Gander. All change, problems in Bermuda. My checker became my Captain. Gander Bermuda Gander Lyneham. Shutting down he asked for my cat card and filled it in. Packing up he asked how long I had been on the sqn. 3 months said I whereupon he took my cat card back, scored out the C and gave me a D saying I hadn't been around long enough!
My tale of the AOC and his lack of KD to change into was related in an earlier post. As for trappers, well 'I was one ' airdrop and route. Local examiner and two tours at the Gp EU. But like to think I used a dollop of common sense. My experience as a 'newbie' always coloured all my actions when I was elevated to the pantheon of the 'Gods'. I always found a useful corrective to any tendency to lofty superiority was to ask myself 'what would I do in the same circumstances ?'
R4,
Thanks for that, it will remain a tale to recount in the future, should the assembled company require. Though, once again, just like many tales, probably yet another ASCOT rumour !!
Smudge
Thanks for that, it will remain a tale to recount in the future, should the assembled company require. Though, once again, just like many tales, probably yet another ASCOT rumour !!
Smudge
Last edited by smujsmith; 5th Sep 2015 at 11:55.
Smudge (and others) apologies for the lateness to this, and the length of the following ..but the "supersonic" tale .... (due to age/senility I need a trip to the loft to retrieve logbooks to get the Captains name nor can I remember any of the rest of the crew, although I think T***y C*****f may have been the Nav, and the Loady "may" have been "B*b C**k")
Back in the past just after LXX left Cyprus we still resupplied Masirah and many other middle east places, this was done by the "Herc Det" which operated out of Cyprus for 6 week rotations. As we were away more than a month the Pilots had to do their monthly "circuits" at Cyprus. It became common for the "2 winged master race" to invite the younger, more attractive ladies from the hospital and/or the teachers to join them for a "trip around the island" whilst this occurred.
On one such det, OC Ops (Akrotiri) gave my captain a very hard time as there was a rather "large", and loud, lady teacher who had never been invited to fly and was giving said OC Ops an earbashing ... we were tasked to take her flying..... At some point early in the trip she asked how fast the Herk could go .... young co-pilot instantly replies, with a very straight face - "Sorry that's Top secret" .... well she started nagging and nagging ... so eventually young co-pilot points to ASI and says "That's a coded instrument, it is designed not to tell the truth, when it reads 2.0 its actually mach 1.0 the speed of sound ....." which, for some reason she actually believed ..... more nagging and "can we do it " .... so captain called for the "pre-supersonic checks" which T***y (?) made up, followed by "Eng - supersonic power" so I set 1010 and we accelerate from 160 knots to 200 .... as we approach 200 the captain starts to "wrestle" with the controls as the "buffet" was getting "hard to handle" .. as we passed through 200 knots the aircraft "jumped" 100 ft, and we nearly shat ourselves .... as without saying anything the loady joined in by lifting the galley floor about two feet then dropping it !! No-one expected THAT "sonic boom" !! so captain calls for immediate power reduction, wrestles controls a bit more, another bang as we go back through 200 (expected this time) and that was it ... lady concerned is given strict instructions NOT to tell anyone what we had done, repeated many times through the rest of the flight .....
We land and the Loady spoke to the ground crew, we disembark and the first thing she does is blab to the see-in crew .. who instantly tell her to shut up as it is a NATO secret, and the word spread around Akrotiri very quickly .... everyone joining in the deception. Apparently she was not a well-liked person ..
A couple of days later Loady and I are in the mess when I get a phone call .. the captain, very short message ... "we're coming to your mess.. get permission for us to get in" .. so a quick word with the CMC and the front end are made welcome in the Sgt's Mess. It seems another Herk crew had arrived and not been told of the occurrence.. and when she blabbed to them they told her, in no uncertain terms, not to be so bloody stupid etc etc ..... at which point she was going to kill my front enders!! They were awarded "honorary members" status of the Sgts Mess until we flew home....
In those days it was quite common for the Officers to be invited to the Sgts Mess, and occasionally we lower mortals ended up in the O's Mess ... there being one occasion when a certain Lynham Staish ..Gp Capt H*******f and his guests turned up unexpectedly and his passing comment to me was " ..... when we get home can you bring me your commissioning certificate .. I'd love to see it !!" this was just after the captain had introduced me to the AOC as "My Engineer - Flt Lt *****" ... at least on that occasion I was in civvies and not the growbag with the borrowed rank tabs of the previous night !!
Back in the past just after LXX left Cyprus we still resupplied Masirah and many other middle east places, this was done by the "Herc Det" which operated out of Cyprus for 6 week rotations. As we were away more than a month the Pilots had to do their monthly "circuits" at Cyprus. It became common for the "2 winged master race" to invite the younger, more attractive ladies from the hospital and/or the teachers to join them for a "trip around the island" whilst this occurred.
On one such det, OC Ops (Akrotiri) gave my captain a very hard time as there was a rather "large", and loud, lady teacher who had never been invited to fly and was giving said OC Ops an earbashing ... we were tasked to take her flying..... At some point early in the trip she asked how fast the Herk could go .... young co-pilot instantly replies, with a very straight face - "Sorry that's Top secret" .... well she started nagging and nagging ... so eventually young co-pilot points to ASI and says "That's a coded instrument, it is designed not to tell the truth, when it reads 2.0 its actually mach 1.0 the speed of sound ....." which, for some reason she actually believed ..... more nagging and "can we do it " .... so captain called for the "pre-supersonic checks" which T***y (?) made up, followed by "Eng - supersonic power" so I set 1010 and we accelerate from 160 knots to 200 .... as we approach 200 the captain starts to "wrestle" with the controls as the "buffet" was getting "hard to handle" .. as we passed through 200 knots the aircraft "jumped" 100 ft, and we nearly shat ourselves .... as without saying anything the loady joined in by lifting the galley floor about two feet then dropping it !! No-one expected THAT "sonic boom" !! so captain calls for immediate power reduction, wrestles controls a bit more, another bang as we go back through 200 (expected this time) and that was it ... lady concerned is given strict instructions NOT to tell anyone what we had done, repeated many times through the rest of the flight .....
We land and the Loady spoke to the ground crew, we disembark and the first thing she does is blab to the see-in crew .. who instantly tell her to shut up as it is a NATO secret, and the word spread around Akrotiri very quickly .... everyone joining in the deception. Apparently she was not a well-liked person ..
A couple of days later Loady and I are in the mess when I get a phone call .. the captain, very short message ... "we're coming to your mess.. get permission for us to get in" .. so a quick word with the CMC and the front end are made welcome in the Sgt's Mess. It seems another Herk crew had arrived and not been told of the occurrence.. and when she blabbed to them they told her, in no uncertain terms, not to be so bloody stupid etc etc ..... at which point she was going to kill my front enders!! They were awarded "honorary members" status of the Sgts Mess until we flew home....
In those days it was quite common for the Officers to be invited to the Sgts Mess, and occasionally we lower mortals ended up in the O's Mess ... there being one occasion when a certain Lynham Staish ..Gp Capt H*******f and his guests turned up unexpectedly and his passing comment to me was " ..... when we get home can you bring me your commissioning certificate .. I'd love to see it !!" this was just after the captain had introduced me to the AOC as "My Engineer - Flt Lt *****" ... at least on that occasion I was in civvies and not the growbag with the borrowed rank tabs of the previous night !!
Last edited by OmegaV6; 8th Sep 2015 at 12:36. Reason: Might have remembered Loady's name !
OmegaV6,
Thank you very much, virtually verbatim the story I heard many moons ago. Proof positive that the Albert fleet has always had a sense of humour, unequalled. It was the loady and the galley floor/supersonic bang that had me in stitches back then, it's just re occurred. Thanks again
Best
Smudge
Thank you very much, virtually verbatim the story I heard many moons ago. Proof positive that the Albert fleet has always had a sense of humour, unequalled. It was the loady and the galley floor/supersonic bang that had me in stitches back then, it's just re occurred. Thanks again
Best
Smudge
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Reminds me of the incident down south when two flying flick knives bounced one of 1312's finest at Mach 1 ++, believe the frame was in the hangar for a week afterwards undergoing overstress checks, occurred around late '93 
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Good one OV6
It may have been the same time, but I was on a crew in Akronelli with the mighty J*e H******ff as guest captain. He was offered all the VIP visitors' perks but decided to accompany the crew to the mess then down to the Aki Arms. There we were accosted by some comely Wrafs on a hen night and the wrong side of a few brandy sours. Sussing out by our moon tans that we were a Herc crew they asked us our crew positions. Not wishing to offend, we admitted being the Eng, Loadie, GE and SVC etc. till one lass asked J*e. In his booming voice he stated "I am a Group Captain in the Royal Air Force"
When we turned round we were on our own. Low profile, not.
It may have been the same time, but I was on a crew in Akronelli with the mighty J*e H******ff as guest captain. He was offered all the VIP visitors' perks but decided to accompany the crew to the mess then down to the Aki Arms. There we were accosted by some comely Wrafs on a hen night and the wrong side of a few brandy sours. Sussing out by our moon tans that we were a Herc crew they asked us our crew positions. Not wishing to offend, we admitted being the Eng, Loadie, GE and SVC etc. till one lass asked J*e. In his booming voice he stated "I am a Group Captain in the Royal Air Force"
When we turned round we were on our own. Low profile, not.
OmegaV6
Excellent story of supersonic Hercules there.......but, heard it back in the 60s from one of our loadmasters called Mike B.....e who was on the VIP Hastings in Cyprus on his previous posting. I cannot recall the identity of the flight deck guest , but at a subsequent cocktail party/AOC reception when this notable feat of going supersonic (in a Hastings!!) was told to a very surprised AOC the largely one-sided interviews next morning were not as amusing as the flight itself.
Could be the reason Mike ended up on a helicopter squadron - not much opportunity to go supersonic there.
ps. Mike was a great guy with lots of potential, wonder how he got on?
Excellent story of supersonic Hercules there.......but, heard it back in the 60s from one of our loadmasters called Mike B.....e who was on the VIP Hastings in Cyprus on his previous posting. I cannot recall the identity of the flight deck guest , but at a subsequent cocktail party/AOC reception when this notable feat of going supersonic (in a Hastings!!) was told to a very surprised AOC the largely one-sided interviews next morning were not as amusing as the flight itself.
Could be the reason Mike ended up on a helicopter squadron - not much opportunity to go supersonic there.
ps. Mike was a great guy with lots of potential, wonder how he got on?
Nice one LSD, no doubt flying supersonic was well within the scope of all transport aircraft of the period. I just chuck this back to the original query re the Supersonic Herk at Akrotiri. The main points of the story I heard was that the young lady "guesting" on the trip was a newly appointed WRAF JENGO on an F4 Squadron on APC, who had cadged a trip around the island, the point that always stuck in my mind was the Loadmaster dropping the galley floor on the "vinegar stroke" 
The bang means a lot (crew coordination). Otherwise, OmegaV6 recalled the event perfectly as I was told it, apart from that R4H was the skipper. Now, having solved that one, anyone know about the empty beer cans, rolling off the galley floor to the freight bay, in full view of the Army Pax ? What about the pongo holding the lashing tape controls while the Captain makes use of the urinal ? Must be loads of myths to bust, claim prior or otherwise. This before we get round to spiders appearing in front of arachnophobic Captains, and ping pong balls deluging Navs. Now, where to start gentlemen 
keep em coming. One thing for sure, a certain Loadmaster must feature in a few of these "tales of Albert" !
Smudge
The bang means a lot (crew coordination). Otherwise, OmegaV6 recalled the event perfectly as I was told it, apart from that R4H was the skipper. Now, having solved that one, anyone know about the empty beer cans, rolling off the galley floor to the freight bay, in full view of the Army Pax ? What about the pongo holding the lashing tape controls while the Captain makes use of the urinal ? Must be loads of myths to bust, claim prior or otherwise. This before we get round to spiders appearing in front of arachnophobic Captains, and ping pong balls deluging Navs. Now, where to start gentlemen keep em coming. One thing for sure, a certain Loadmaster must feature in a few of these "tales of Albert" !Smudge
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Ex Ascoteer,
Now we're talking serious humour on Albert, and "Pedro" was the epitome of that. I always thought that he was responsible for the spider, and also the Pongo Parade, with Colonel "in the wet" ! The beer cans may well have been in Ksimboys retinue. It's funny how the Loadies always played a major part in the humour on Albert, perhaps escapism from their duties at the galley somehow, I can't picture AA62 with his pinny on, as Gibbo (bless him) did a few times on the routes I had the honour to accompany him on. My favourite memory of the man was lashing up his Walkman to the PA system and enjoying a Disco back across the pond from Bermuda/Lyneham direct. A long dance, with his trainee lady Loadie being beyond belief at an empty freight bay Disco floor. I know that many "jolly japes" were initiated by the Loadies, and most enjoyed by all on board. I raise a glass to the Loadmasters, with serious respect. The ping Pong balls was I believe a Pedro trick on a Nav one route in the early days (way before my time). The locker over the Nav station for "aeronautical publications", in Dougs case "Babes", was filled to bursting with ping pong (or is it Whiff waff?) balls. On looking for a published reference the Nav was deluged with the ping pong balls. Adds to the excitement if on a low level jobby I suspect. Of course, Doug will know the validity of that.
Smudge
Now we're talking serious humour on Albert, and "Pedro" was the epitome of that. I always thought that he was responsible for the spider, and also the Pongo Parade, with Colonel "in the wet" ! The beer cans may well have been in Ksimboys retinue. It's funny how the Loadies always played a major part in the humour on Albert, perhaps escapism from their duties at the galley
somehow, I can't picture AA62 with his pinny on, as Gibbo (bless him) did a few times on the routes I had the honour to accompany him on. My favourite memory of the man was lashing up his Walkman to the PA system and enjoying a Disco back across the pond from Bermuda/Lyneham direct. A long dance, with his trainee lady Loadie being beyond belief at an empty freight bay Disco floor. I know that many "jolly japes" were initiated by the Loadies, and most enjoyed by all on board. I raise a glass to the Loadmasters, with serious respect. The ping Pong balls was I believe a Pedro trick on a Nav one route in the early days (way before my time). The locker over the Nav station for "aeronautical publications", in Dougs case "Babes", was filled to bursting with ping pong (or is it Whiff waff?) balls. On looking for a published reference the Nav was deluged with the ping pong balls. Adds to the excitement if on a low level jobby I suspect. Of course, Doug will know the validity of that.Smudge
The Japes
I remember when Pedro was a ground school instructor during one of my OCU courses. He had a thing going about awarding an Honorary Baldric badge for reasons which i can't quite recall.
Stories linked to him were the exploding ALM, with boots filled with dry ice and a maybe the remains of a flying suit. Lots of fun with chains and tensioners and luggage. Using a brown chinagraph to fake skid marks in all your underwear. The fake shower.
But his most famous story (apologies if its been mentioned before) was the pax trip with a load of Gurkhas when he disappeared before flight up the rear escape hatch, but not before briefing a passenger that under no circumstances should the hatch be closed whilst he was outside. ALM2 then closes the hatch to much protestations from the passenger. Pedro meanwhiles enters the cockpit from the forward escape hatch and hide. After landing, Pedro has changed into a shredded flying suit with talc on his face and bangs on the hatch to be let in, making on that t he has been there all the time.
Other japes I remember was the NTS overheat, the leaking cups, the leaking roof (sometimes it was a cup of water down the neck), the sneezing Eng (flicking wet wipes).
The thing about Lyneham was the people, did the late G***** B**** really go out for sausages one Christmas Eve and was found behind one of the sofas in the Ante Room on Boxing Day?
Did an ATC cadet really vomit down S** V**** neck during a bumpy CPT trip?
Stories linked to him were the exploding ALM, with boots filled with dry ice and a maybe the remains of a flying suit. Lots of fun with chains and tensioners and luggage. Using a brown chinagraph to fake skid marks in all your underwear. The fake shower.
But his most famous story (apologies if its been mentioned before) was the pax trip with a load of Gurkhas when he disappeared before flight up the rear escape hatch, but not before briefing a passenger that under no circumstances should the hatch be closed whilst he was outside. ALM2 then closes the hatch to much protestations from the passenger. Pedro meanwhiles enters the cockpit from the forward escape hatch and hide. After landing, Pedro has changed into a shredded flying suit with talc on his face and bangs on the hatch to be let in, making on that t he has been there all the time.
Other japes I remember was the NTS overheat, the leaking cups, the leaking roof (sometimes it was a cup of water down the neck), the sneezing Eng (flicking wet wipes).
The thing about Lyneham was the people, did the late G***** B**** really go out for sausages one Christmas Eve and was found behind one of the sofas in the Ante Room on Boxing Day?
Did an ATC cadet really vomit down S** V**** neck during a bumpy CPT trip?
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bilious minors
It was well known that Mr V***e was not noted for his back slapping bonhomie on the flight deck or even in the simulator where an unmonitored mobile phone tone could elicit threats of dire retribution. In truth he had a heart of gold if you needed help. There was ONE particular pilot however who was actually called Grumps and on a particular det in France a small boy who was suitably in awe of the grave gentleman barfed up a surprising quantity of chocolate milk over his shoulder into his lap. The milk had been in the little boy long enough to curdle and only his instant removal from the flight deck by his group leader saved him from a grisly fate. Not a word was spoken on pain of death till we landed. Checks were done by hand signals. At last the great man spoke. "I hate vomit!" he uttered savagely.
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Then I went down route with his 'brother'.
He was the best Flt Cdr I ever had barnone.
Dumping on the operating Crew
One poster on here (Flight Idle) will remember well our trip on Albert circa 1970. Part of White team RAF Colerne, we always managed to get a couple of "volunteers" to accompany Sqn Ldr Whelch and his crew on the post Base 3 air test. On this occasion myself and flight idle were the chosen victims. It was always an enjoyable experience once the low level bits were done. On this occasion, Roy Gaunt, a great Loadie, had served up some seriously hot Cornish pasties and coffee early. I was standing behind the Captain, Flight Idle behind the Co as we bombed down the runway at mega speed and pulled up, at I believe 2G in a zoom climb to test safety valve function. As a weedy 19 year old, I had little resistance to the effects of G and duly headed for the flight deck floor, abandoning the contents of my hands, very hot coffee and a scalding hot Cornish pastie. All ended up over the "drivers airframe" and one Bert Poulton (a splendid Flight Engineer) accompanied by a lot of negative vibes through the intercom. Now perhaps Flight idle might like to complete this tale, suffice to say, I had a long wait before I was allowed on a post servicing air test after that. I do remember our Flight Sgt hiding me away if the said Captain appeared in our hangar.Smudge