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Apocryphal Tales

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Apocryphal Tales

Old 16th Mar 2014, 19:11
  #361 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK East Anglia
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Wonder00, your tale about the tent for the WAAFs reminded me of the following. Not sure if you were at Wyton when the Happy Eater was built for the OCU. Daddy Dragartist was showing a visiting Senior Officer around the new building. Senior man askes about the facilities for the new WAAF who he had noted earlier. "Don't worry" Dad says, "we are teaching her to use the standups."


Good to see that building is still being put to good use by the Air Ambulance.
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Old 16th Mar 2014, 19:20
  #362 (permalink)  
 
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The story went at Guetersloh c. 1967 of a SNCOs Mess Fancy Dress Do, attended briefly by a sergeant on duty and therefore not in said dress.
When asked what he was attending as, he pulled his trouser pockets inside out and said "an elephant!".

"Elephants have trunks!"

"I can soon fix that!"

and did ......................

Gibraltar, a mighty frontline Jag Sqn flying the flag as a deterrent. Troops arrive on the Britannia trooper and promptly head to the Naaf 1 for a drink, turfing up they espy a cleaner and for some reason a couple whip their willies out and say what about these then love.... Or similar
She was not amused and neither was her husband a Sgt Plod... Result they were arrested charged and thrown off Gib, indeed they departed on the same flight from whence they came back to Germany..

Now the strange bit, both flashed the woman, both were charged, both charges were read on the Sqn and in front of the same person, But both got different fines, we could only summarise that size does indeed matter when it comes to charges..
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Old 16th Mar 2014, 20:00
  #363 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Car parking Slots.

On 42 Sqn it was commented that the Nav Leader's was the easiest to find, and the Pilot Leader's was the easiest to drive into. Seemed reasonable.

120Sqn / Culloden Moor

There was a story that when one of the crew got home, having lost his keys in the forced landing, he had to bang on the door to get his wife to let him in. Wife opened door and said " Where the hell are your keys". "I've been in a crash", says hero. Wife smells breath, says "You liar, your trip was cancelled and you've been in the bar all this time" and slams door.
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Old 16th Mar 2014, 20:46
  #364 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
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May I just but in to thank you, as a non military man, for these great tales that have me giggling like a loon. I can only imagine how even better they are for those there. Butting back out to receive only mode now
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Old 16th Mar 2014, 21:20
  #365 (permalink)  
 
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OTU 1966. Commandant, Col. 'Ringo' G....s, has a habit of taking a stroll through cadets lines, preceded by his labrador dog.
One afternoon, cadets sitting around outside rooms polishing boots, brass etc, when labrador appears at one end of lines. Sharp-eyed cadet spots it, calls "Stand fast!" in anticipation.
Ringo appears at other end of lines, to find cadets at attention or saluting his dog.

Extras all round.
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Old 16th Mar 2014, 21:24
  #366 (permalink)  
 
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LB - Bob was a star, especially considering his tour started with the death of his new Son in Law in the Hyde Park bombing. No, his predecessor, DC, for whom the FLMs of 5 had a record played on Radio Lincoln "The Fool on the Hill". Did not go down well either, nor discovering (by head count) that 30% of the strength was missing from the Station Photograph, setting in train a massive witch hunt to identify those missing.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 07:04
  #367 (permalink)  

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Snoop

setting in train a massive witch hunt ...
Given the obvious photographic evidence, not the most testing of witch hunts I guess ......
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 08:17
  #368 (permalink)  
 
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A4 photograph, 7-800 faces - not very distinct, difficult to identify individuals - at least that was the general response of flt and sqn commanders tasked with identifying those missing
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 09:00
  #369 (permalink)  
 
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Haraka,

Literally - a Triumph Spitfire just fitted under the Guard Room road barrier with an inch or so to spare.
You were lucky!

There was a similar barrier at Akrotiri circa 62-4, before the area to the Tower and Electronics Centre.

I was manning it one night when the OO came along in his Triumph Spitfire, insisting that I didn't lift the boom, so he could see if he could get under.

He did. At walking pace.

On his return journey, he didn't stop and went though at about 30 to 40 MPH, the car must have been bouncing a bit, as he didn't quite make it!

I bet his insurance claim made interesting reading.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 09:46
  #370 (permalink)  
 
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You were lucky!
Different Spitfire same game. Bored one night at White Waltham on a ULAS flying weekend, two of us took off to Maidenhead.
After an evening in Skindles, we discovered that a Spitfire would just go under the barrier of the town's automatic multi-storey car park.
A great game then ensued for about twenty minutes, screaming up and down the ramps both ways from top to bottom and back of the building.

Now one doesn't normally expect to find a policeman standing in the middle of the third floor of a deserted car park with his arm up at around midnight ........

However, said car park was sited right next door to the Maidenhead Cop Shop.

It was an interesting conversation that ensued.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 11:27
  #371 (permalink)  
 
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ian16th wrote:
On his return journey, he didn't stop and went though at about 30 to 40 MPH, the car must have been bouncing a bit, as he didn't quite make it!

I bet his insurance claim made interesting reading.
Yes, a village and its idiot are easily parted....

Haraka, was your colleague in crime perhaps one R***r E******w?

Skindles, eh? You must have been wealthier than most!
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 11:50
  #372 (permalink)  
 
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Might have been ....
and yes, it wasn't called "Swindles" for nothing.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 13:02
  #373 (permalink)  
 
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120 Sqn Shackleton crash lands on Culloden Moor
A bit of an unusual place to put the Shack down as Culloden battlefield is only 4.4 miles from the end runway 23 at Inverness airport and all it's fire cover.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 13:07
  #374 (permalink)  
 
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I reckon if you've already had one engine fall off the wing, and another on the same side is burning and cannot be extinguished, the aircraft gets put down NOW and not in just a mo'.

All the fire cover in the world is no good if your wing falls off 4.4 miles away.

I am only a humble engineer, though: what do mil aircrew say?
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 13:13
  #375 (permalink)  
 
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I know its no SR-71 but how long does it take a Shackleton to cover 4.4 miles?

I'm only a humble engineer too, but I would have thought it's more risky to put down NOW than a runway that doesn't have any obstructions to hit.

I'm not criticising him, I'm just interested in the decision process.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 13:33
  #376 (permalink)  
 
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Pop's aircraft had lost one engine that had fallen off and taken half the rudder with it, the other engine and wing on that side was burning and they had insufficient power to stay airborne. Thanks to the damage to the tail/rudder the aircraft was also in a gentle turn towards high ground and at night. By the light from the burning wing he saw a potential landing area, chopped everything, put it down and they all walked (ran) away from it. Well deserved (and one of the very few) almost instant awards of the AFC.

Of note if the Nimrod that had the engine fire over the Moray Firth had tried to make it to Lossiemouth (also only a few miles away) instead of the instant decision to ditch it the outcome would have also been catastrophic.

There are times and emergencies which are designated as 'LAND IMMEDIATELY, even if that means landing in an unsuitable area and includes ditching, as continued flight is inadvisable' (or similar words). That is what captaincy is all about - the decision to do so is yours and frequently instantaneous - just ask Chesley Sullenberger.

PS - 1. We reckoned the magnesium alloy mainspars would only last about 2 mins max in a fire. 2. We had another Shack on 205 Sqn that had an uncontrolled engine fire en route Gan to Changi at about 8000ft -although they tried to ditch, the wing folded before they reached the water.

Last edited by Shackman; 17th Mar 2014 at 13:50. Reason: Adding the PS
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 13:34
  #377 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
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Wyton in the very early nineties, lovely day, Canberra 8 miles to land. Phone rings in ATC. “I’m watching 2 cows running down your runway mate, a white one and a brown one.”

“Roger that.” Turns to Controller, “Sir, there are cows on the runway.”

“F%$£* me, Callsign on approach overshoot, runway is Black, I say again….”

Canberra cruises through. A ‘throng’ suddenly gathers in ATC Local.

Controller, “Ring 51, tell them those cows are running toward that parked Nimrod.”

“Yes sir.”

Both cows jog past ATC, towards the Nimrod, dragging a barbed wire fence.

A chief suddenly appears, jogs manfully out of the big flappy rubber double doors, crosses the dispersal. Protects Nimrod. Waves arms to fend off approaching bovines. Cows undettered, increase speed and chase him back through double doors. Throng laughing.

Station Commander arrives in Local, throng dissolves. “Where are they now?”

Controller, “The white ones lying down somewhere on Married Quarters, sir. Not sure about the brown one.” Pause. Storno crackles to life……”Rover -Tower…(pause)..”Tower this is Rover pasture message?” (Laughing in background). “Rover - Tower, How now brown cow?”

Station Commander trying not to laugh. Station Tannoy, “All non essential personnel report to ATC etc” A posse of @ 100 people walk in a well ordered line across the length of the airfield, marshalling a cow. Warm grass, skylarks above. The vast open silence of an unused airfield. Cow spotted, cow lies down. Farmer appears with trailer. Brown cow won’t obey instructions to embark trailer. ATC SAC, “My dad has a farm, let me try…” Walks over to cow. Cow pricks ears up, stands, interested. “Ya…Ya…” Cow starts pawing lumps out of airfield, breathing heavily. Posse shuffles backwards. “Ya Ya Ya…” Cow suddenly covers 20 feet in @ 2 seconds, airman takes cows head squarely in between legs and is launched backwards over cow, a perfect somersault. Everyone is laughing, including the SAC. Cow moves back into position and, satisfied with outcome, lies down, chews cud. Police sniper team arrives. (Not making this up!). Farmer nods. Cow chews cud. A rifle is assembled in front of awestruck posse. Posse shuffles back, again. A rifle is aimed. Cow stands up, interested. Crack!

Cow leaps into air, all 4 hooves jerk 90 degrees to starboard. Thud. Cow works, cow stops working. Round of applause! Police leave. Posse back to normal duties with the bemused thanks of the Stn Cdr. Aircraft start to circle and land.

Happy memories.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 13:38
  #378 (permalink)  
 
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During the mid 60s, a new No.1, known as the T63 was introduced for ORs.

The issuing of the new uniform was a shambles, you were called to clothing stores only to find your jacket had arrived etc. etc. There were other problems with cloth deliveries to the manufacturer, as a result of the shambles, the following appeared in Wittering SROs :-

" Due to further delays to T63 uniform issues, WRAF skirts will be held up until SNCOs without trousers have been satisfied"
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 14:11
  #379 (permalink)  
 
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During the mid 60s, a new No.1, known as the T63 was introduced for ORs.
I had to buy mine for AOC's Parade at Coningsby, 1957.

It cost £7+, a lot more than the quarterly Clothing Allowance. If your allowance went to Zero, you made up the differencce from your pay.

By the early 60's surely recruits were issued with them?
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 14:13
  #380 (permalink)  
 
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LB - Bob was a star, especially considering his tour started with the death of his new Son in Law in the Hyde Park bombing.

Yes, I knew him at Guetersloh, 19 I think, and Pete Naz was the other Flight Commander. Good customers, usually gave feedback even if I was right with the contrail forecasts. Which was not often, but that's another story ............

I had to do the annual inspection of Binbrook Met Office just after the Hyde Park bomb and a good WingCo Ops tipped me off before I made the mandatory office visit to Stn Cdr.

Dreadful wicked business.
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