I Wish I Hadn't Said That ...
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: isle of wight
Age: 69
Posts: 46
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
As told to me by one who was there, a few years back...the place one of England's off shore islands.
A noted local dignitary was normally the chosen one to meet and greet visiting Royals.
With a forthcoming visit in mind an invite was given to land the royal chopper at his private airstrip near the coast...pop in for tiffin and all that. This was deemed a grand idea..pass on the airfield details to 'my chaps' etc.
Said local dig duly passed on the coordinates from his newly acquired hand held GPS.
Come the day in question the chopper hove into view right on time, landed at the appointed spot. Party disembarked, much shaking of hands doffing of forelocks etc.
When it came to the pilots turn to meet the local dig, conversation went thus..
Local dig, Managed to find the place okay then?
Pilot, Yes, but just as well I did not land at the f***ing ordinates that you gave us.
Local dig, Why??
Pilot, Because we would have landed in the sea 3 miles out in the English Channel!
Local dig went off to read the GPS instruction book.
A noted local dignitary was normally the chosen one to meet and greet visiting Royals.
With a forthcoming visit in mind an invite was given to land the royal chopper at his private airstrip near the coast...pop in for tiffin and all that. This was deemed a grand idea..pass on the airfield details to 'my chaps' etc.
Said local dig duly passed on the coordinates from his newly acquired hand held GPS.
Come the day in question the chopper hove into view right on time, landed at the appointed spot. Party disembarked, much shaking of hands doffing of forelocks etc.
When it came to the pilots turn to meet the local dig, conversation went thus..
Local dig, Managed to find the place okay then?
Pilot, Yes, but just as well I did not land at the f***ing ordinates that you gave us.
Local dig, Why??
Pilot, Because we would have landed in the sea 3 miles out in the English Channel!
Local dig went off to read the GPS instruction book.
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Lancing, Sussex
Age: 92
Posts: 255
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
No doubt other people rememered. When HRH Charles was learing to fly. I was pottering about in Chipmunks. HRH had areas defined as "purple airways" so that nobody bumped into him.
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Near Stalyvegas
Age: 78
Posts: 2,022
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
"Purple Airway" were the norm. I got a rollicking for not inputting a Royal Flight Plan correctly.
The RPL was from Newcastle to Northolt. NO Airway [then] between NEW and Pole Hill [joining airways]. In the ATC computer we used a "tailoring symbol" [ ./. ] so the a/c was zero timed to Pole Hill. What I SHOULD have done was to use an "En Route" symbol [ .. ] so that the NEW..POL time was calculated.
Auntie Betty duly leaves NEW and is departed in the computer.....
unfortunately it takes the departure time as the ARRIVAL time at POL...... in an Andover, about 27 mins. London Centre went ballistic! Fortunately the error was [very] quickly corrected.
The RPL was from Newcastle to Northolt. NO Airway [then] between NEW and Pole Hill [joining airways]. In the ATC computer we used a "tailoring symbol" [ ./. ] so the a/c was zero timed to Pole Hill. What I SHOULD have done was to use an "En Route" symbol [ .. ] so that the NEW..POL time was calculated.
Auntie Betty duly leaves NEW and is departed in the computer.....
unfortunately it takes the departure time as the ARRIVAL time at POL...... in an Andover, about 27 mins. London Centre went ballistic! Fortunately the error was [very] quickly corrected.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Was a laddie in a Harvard long, long ago. Did not hold with NOTAMS and all that sort of nonsense.
Sees this beautiful red Andover chugging along, hauls alongside and takes a good look at it.
May have come out of the Tower in recent years. Don't know.
D.
Sees this beautiful red Andover chugging along, hauls alongside and takes a good look at it.
May have come out of the Tower in recent years. Don't know.
D.
Last edited by Danny42C; 3rd Jun 2015 at 22:29. Reason: Typo.
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Hanging off the end of a thread
Posts: 32,756
Received 2,742 Likes
on
1,168 Posts
Similar...chugging along in a Puma and we espied a Wessex ahead, closing rapidly it slowly dawns on the crew that it is red and Royal, much swearing and a rapid turning descent ensues with much prayers said that no one saw us.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Having travelled through all 50 pages I haven't seen this one:
Victor bomber, usual 20 West borex to test all the jammers.
Crew swop places:
"What's this black and yellow handle for?"
"Don't know, pull it and see?"
The rest of the flight was conducted on oxygen. Courts Martial followed including the engineers (IIRC) as the canopy hadn't ejected.
Victor bomber, usual 20 West borex to test all the jammers.
Crew swop places:
"What's this black and yellow handle for?"
"Don't know, pull it and see?"
The rest of the flight was conducted on oxygen. Courts Martial followed including the engineers (IIRC) as the canopy hadn't ejected.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Gentleman Aviator
Similar...chugging along in a Puma and we espied a Wessex ahead, closing rapidly it slowly dawns on the crew that it is red and Royal, much swearing and a rapid turning descent ensues with much prayers said that no one saw us.
72 Sqn, recently (after a mere 12 years or so of 50% detachments) had become residents in Norn Iron. And we were then told we were "going South" - with the war very much still on.
Cue an amazing effort - particularly from the ginger-beers - to prepare for an open-ended operational detachment. NI was still "interesting" so we couldn't prepare from there. 33 came across to replace us for NI tasking, and we had replaced them in support of 5 Bde (?) on Op CORPORATE. (Someone had finally realised that the Pume's undercarriage was not best suited to deck operations.....!). Idea was to move to Benson to work up for as long as we could before embarkation.
Emotional departure from ALDZ for a coupla dozen Wessi - I was convinced I wouldn't be coming back after I strolled nonchalently to my steed to be delayed briefly by a firm handshake from the Padre and a snog from OC WRAF (better than the other way round I guess .....).
We'd authorised overweight (MAUM 14 000 lb) running takeoffs for all, but that still didn't stop the boss -T*** N******** - from wiring the married patch on our way out. Interesting manouevre at those weights.....
It was a Bank Holiday weekend, so we also wired the Village fete adjacent to the secret Shropshire helicopter base. Lots of friendly waving, I guess everyone knew where we (thought we!) were going.
Heading South through the Marches, someone called a contact on a reciprocal heading - same-ish height.
"Rotary, 12 o'clock level"
Intercomm chat as follows.......
"Looks like a Wessex......"
"Can't be - the Navy have gone South already, can't be Shawbs cos it's a weekend - there's only us....."
"It's a red Wessex .............."
"Sh*t - who checked the NOTAMS ........???"
But it was only a positioning flight (phew!!), and we got a chatty:
"Good luck , and keep yer heads down" on the common freq as we passed ......
S'pose it would include a certain Cranwell Commandant in a Pet Provost (you all remember the cartoon in Air Clues after a misprint) who called "Finals, 3 Greens" at Cranwell, but landed at Barkston!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 502
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
As did a Valley sqn cdr back in the 70s; landed at Sleap, thinking it was Shawbs, having made all the right calls. I'll give a clue: it was when we had several guys on the Gnat wing with colours for surnames; Brown, Black, Green etc.
I know, but Cranwell and Barkston- with that funny white building to the North..................
Mind you, one misty night I was on finals and mistook Watton High Street lighting for the approach lights
And there was the guy at the Towers who used to make his call "Finals, 1, 2, 3 green lights".
Tower - "E... C...., land"
Mind you, one misty night I was on finals and mistook Watton High Street lighting for the approach lights
And there was the guy at the Towers who used to make his call "Finals, 1, 2, 3 green lights".
Tower - "E... C...., land"
Last edited by Wander00; 5th Jun 2015 at 18:46. Reason: My typinng finger again-
In the 90s, as GW1 was drawing to a close, a Hercules C130k from Lyneham called finals into a well known military airbase in Turkey. Their arrival at a well known civilian airport was greeted with some surprise. There were some "rolling eyeballs" at Lyneham when the news arrived as the navigator on the flight was the senior crew member on board (I believe the navigator) was the station commander. With Danny42c's comments I suspect that little changed over the intervening period.
Smudge
Smudge
Registered User **
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Botswana & Greece
Age: 68
Posts: 940
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Just spent four days working through this thread - brilliant.
Trouble is where does one start. Also with recent reference to Purple Airspace most of my stories come from that 'space' and can't be told.
OK I'll start with PM into Edinburgh, she had arrived at LHR 20 mins late. Asked for a direct route to make doors time. Granted. Asked for visual appoach. Granted. Asked to keep speed up downwind. Granted. ATC told Speedbird ahead to keep speed up as there was a high speed VVIP arrival behind him. He asked what speed, was told 320 kts, he elected to go around behind us. Came screaming around the corner onto finals clean. Dropped gear and flap at the last minute landed on time. Then Turnhouse parked us in a different place that we had disscussed and we were five minutes early on doors time. I tore into ops and told Wg Cdr Ops and the Stn Cdr exactly what I thought of them. This resulted in a personal hand written letter to my Stn Cdr and a hat off cup of tea and biccies with him. 'I agree with you Sqn Ldr Exascot' Glad I said that.
Oh forgot to mention my battered SD hat. He put it in his waste paper bin. I said if he did that I would have to wear my second best one so was allowed to retrieve it.
I think everyone was relieved when I retired.
Trouble is where does one start. Also with recent reference to Purple Airspace most of my stories come from that 'space' and can't be told.
OK I'll start with PM into Edinburgh, she had arrived at LHR 20 mins late. Asked for a direct route to make doors time. Granted. Asked for visual appoach. Granted. Asked to keep speed up downwind. Granted. ATC told Speedbird ahead to keep speed up as there was a high speed VVIP arrival behind him. He asked what speed, was told 320 kts, he elected to go around behind us. Came screaming around the corner onto finals clean. Dropped gear and flap at the last minute landed on time. Then Turnhouse parked us in a different place that we had disscussed and we were five minutes early on doors time. I tore into ops and told Wg Cdr Ops and the Stn Cdr exactly what I thought of them. This resulted in a personal hand written letter to my Stn Cdr and a hat off cup of tea and biccies with him. 'I agree with you Sqn Ldr Exascot'
Glad I said that.Oh forgot to mention my battered SD hat. He put it in his waste paper bin. I said if he did that I would have to wear my second best one so was allowed to retrieve it.
I think everyone was relieved when I retired.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
This is definitely an I Wish
Buccanner nav - 8-ship - fly through the HPZ enough route from Norway to Lossie . At the subsequent inquiry "What HPZ"
CO, later to be Sir Sandy Curtains, can see his Star flying out the window and w as apoplectic. He ordered ALL aircrew, SAR crew, Shack backenders, Jag mates, and of course the Buccs, where we all received a mass rollicking. This much to the amusement of all except the Buccs when Sir also said something he might not have wished.
"Do anything like that again and you will be a permanent wing man. How we laughed. . . when he was out of earshot.
Buccanner nav - 8-ship - fly through the HPZ enough route from Norway to Lossie . At the subsequent inquiry "What HPZ"
CO, later to be Sir Sandy Curtains, can see his Star flying out the window and w as apoplectic. He ordered ALL aircrew, SAR crew, Shack backenders, Jag mates, and of course the Buccs, where we all received a mass rollicking. This much to the amusement of all except the Buccs when Sir also said something he might not have wished.
"Do anything like that again and you will be a permanent wing man. How we laughed. . . when he was out of earshot.
Re HPZs....
.....as a Nimrod backender along with a couple of my trusty MAeoPs we were accompanying an Acturus crew on a guided tour of the East Shetland basin trying out their new bits of kit to large-ish area surfsurv.
Job done Ok let's go home.
In the galley making a cup of coffee I hear the phrase "Why don't we just wazz by this oilrig?"
"No!!!!" Rush forward clutching an en route chart only to see as I pass the Tacco's desk, the riig legs at about 50 feet outboard of the port wing tip and the same height above the water. A fast explanation of HPZs followed with advice "Let's piss off at low level an get the F*** out of the HPZ, eh?" "EH?" added because they were Canucks.
Womble westwards towards homeplate looking innocent and after a brief climb call ABZ for clearance back home. "On landing aircraft captain IS to call Aberdeen with an explanation as to why HPZ xyz was violated etcetcetc" Oooer missus!
An appropriate bollocking was delivered and lessons were learned - primarily that North Sea oilfields were a tad different from wide open Canadian airspace.
The Ancient Mariner
Job done Ok let's go home.
In the galley making a cup of coffee I hear the phrase "Why don't we just wazz by this oilrig?"
"No!!!!" Rush forward clutching an en route chart only to see as I pass the Tacco's desk, the riig legs at about 50 feet outboard of the port wing tip and the same height above the water. A fast explanation of HPZs followed with advice "Let's piss off at low level an get the F*** out of the HPZ, eh?" "EH?" added because they were Canucks.
Womble westwards towards homeplate looking innocent and after a brief climb call ABZ for clearance back home. "On landing aircraft captain IS to call Aberdeen with an explanation as to why HPZ xyz was violated etcetcetc" Oooer missus!
An appropriate bollocking was delivered and lessons were learned - primarily that North Sea oilfields were a tad different from wide open Canadian airspace.
The Ancient Mariner
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Which brings to mind a Tapestry sortie, bumbling along at MOA, checking rigs etc. Helo en route to rig calls asking for cloud base as he was VM on top.
Hmmmm, what to say?
"Er, about 200 feet or so"
"Ah, think I'll knock it off today as the pad will be IM."
We eased away before knocking it off ourselves.
Hmmmm, what to say?
"Er, about 200 feet or so"
"Ah, think I'll knock it off today as the pad will be IM."
We eased away before knocking it off ourselves.
Then again, some of us were based on the rigs and doing shuttle work as long as we had a base above 100ft. One finger waves to wayward crabs was something we did since 90% of us were ex FAA, anyway 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Often in Jersey, but mainly in the past.
Age: 79
Posts: 7,803
Received 135 Likes
on
63 Posts
ah, Exascot, the never-ending hat saga.
Mine lasted from commissioning in 65 until somewhen in the late 80's a 4* message was passed to me not to wear it again. I wore it on my last day in 94 whilst clearing
Mine lasted from commissioning in 65 until somewhen in the late 80's a 4* message was passed to me not to wear it again. I wore it on my last day in 94 whilst clearing
Last edited by MPN11; 7th Apr 2019 at 11:09. Reason: Just spotted wrong date!