thought i'd share this
Guest
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thought i'd share this
This allegedly was posted very briefly on the McDonnell-Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor and made the web department take it down immediately.. ...
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: ................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ..................................
Password: ............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:..................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .....................
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../......./......
4. Serial Number:.........................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iran
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply.)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: ................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ..................................
Password: ............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:..................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .....................
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../......./......
4. Serial Number:.........................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iran
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply.)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Has anyone got a copy of the answer phone script that was doing the rounds a while ago? Went along the lines of:
"Thank you for calling the Ministry of Defence. All our Senior Officers are busy with other callers right now.
If you would like to hold press one.
If you are a small African nation requesting military aid, press two."
...and so on.
"Thank you for calling the Ministry of Defence. All our Senior Officers are busy with other callers right now.
If you would like to hold press one.
If you are a small African nation requesting military aid, press two."
...and so on.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Army Official Voice Mail Message
‘Thank you for calling the British Army. I’m sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged.
Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Northern Ireland, the Millennium Bug, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory Equal Opportunities training, we will return your call.’
‘Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:’
‘If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.’
‘If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, please press ‘Hash’ for the Royal Air Force.
Please note this service is not available after 1630 hrs, or at weekends.’
‘If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, Whitehall.’
‘If your enquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.’
‘If you are in real, hot trouble please press 3, and your call will be routed to Sandline International.’
‘If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your ***** off daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrains, both day and night, whilst watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and conditions of service, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop down by the railway station.’
‘Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the British Army.’
‘Thank you for calling the British Army. I’m sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged.
Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Northern Ireland, the Millennium Bug, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory Equal Opportunities training, we will return your call.’
‘Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:’
‘If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal Marines.’
‘If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, please press ‘Hash’ for the Royal Air Force.
Please note this service is not available after 1630 hrs, or at weekends.’
‘If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, Whitehall.’
‘If your enquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.’
‘If you are in real, hot trouble please press 3, and your call will be routed to Sandline International.’
‘If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your ***** off daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrains, both day and night, whilst watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and conditions of service, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop down by the railway station.’
‘Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the British Army.’
Guest
Posts: n/a
Here's one I found earlier:
REASONS WHY WORKING IN MCDONALDS IS BETTER THAN THE ****
I cannot take credit for this - just reproducing it!
REASONS WHY WORKING IN MCDONALDS IS BETTER THAN THE ****
- Better uniform.
- More medals and people respect them, as they show that you can do your job.
- Free food, properly cooked.
- Promotion on ability.
- The average McDonalds is in the middle of town, not in the middle of nowhere.
- When children have tantrums it is because they are under 12.
- McDonalds do not pretend that they are 'Investing in People'.
- Superior supply system.
- Shagging the manageress is not a crime.
- McDonalds only has one clown.
- Only the customers are called 'Sir'.
- You can **** off to Burger King at a moments notice.
- Mounsey Trophy is some crap plastic toy given with a Happy Meal, not an annual pain.
- Ronald McDonald has the decency to smile whilst shafting you.
- The arseholes are in the burgers, not in ............ (you decide)
I cannot take credit for this - just reproducing it!
