Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes
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Not at all.
I'm sitting on a balcony overlooking the Gulf of Mexico reading this thread, beer in hand, reflecting on life in general, and the choices I made ealier in life (ie Army, paid attention at school).
Banter's all well and good, but there seems to be some line of thought here that the RAF has some kind of intellectual superiority, if I can call it that. Granted there's some real thick t**ts in the Army, and some prize d**ks in the officer corps, but it's the same in the air force, and probably worse in the Navy.
The fact is though, the RAF's been sold down the river by its frankly naive leadership and know-nothing politicians. It's now merely a third of the size of the Army, has a handful of bases and sod all equipment. Worse, over the years, lots of RAF airfields are now, or will be, Army barracks. Abingdon, Wattisham, Dishforth, Colerne, Waterbeach, Woodbridge, Leconfield, Brueggen, Gutersloh, Tern Hill, St Athan, Topcliffe, Leuchars, Kinloss, North Luffenham etc.
I'm just not seeing the intellectual superiority. No big deal, no nerve hit, but just a bit puzzling.
Back to the beer
I'm sitting on a balcony overlooking the Gulf of Mexico reading this thread, beer in hand, reflecting on life in general, and the choices I made ealier in life (ie Army, paid attention at school).
Banter's all well and good, but there seems to be some line of thought here that the RAF has some kind of intellectual superiority, if I can call it that. Granted there's some real thick t**ts in the Army, and some prize d**ks in the officer corps, but it's the same in the air force, and probably worse in the Navy.
The fact is though, the RAF's been sold down the river by its frankly naive leadership and know-nothing politicians. It's now merely a third of the size of the Army, has a handful of bases and sod all equipment. Worse, over the years, lots of RAF airfields are now, or will be, Army barracks. Abingdon, Wattisham, Dishforth, Colerne, Waterbeach, Woodbridge, Leconfield, Brueggen, Gutersloh, Tern Hill, St Athan, Topcliffe, Leuchars, Kinloss, North Luffenham etc.
I'm just not seeing the intellectual superiority. No big deal, no nerve hit, but just a bit puzzling.
Back to the beer
British officer and Gurhka soldier are attacked by Jap patrol and have no time to fire their weapons. Gurhka soldier rushes forwards and whirl of movement, draws his Kukri and quickly decapitates most of the enemy, leaving one standing stock still.
"I say Rambahadur, that's pretty impressive stuff but you've missed one" says Brit officer.
"No sahab, just wait 'till he shakes his head".
"I say Rambahadur, that's pretty impressive stuff but you've missed one" says Brit officer.
"No sahab, just wait 'till he shakes his head".
Nemo Me Impune Lacessit
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Hmm...I bet you have a 'bushy-topped tree' in your garden.
(Beagle - Given that the paint is only just dry on the very first ever sign that said "Royal Air Force" and the colours of some of our most famous regiments are several hundred years old, hanging in cathedrals throughout the land, you should appreciate that when the RAF try, "Taking the piss out of pongoes" it is exactly like a very precocious, bad tempered brat answering back to it's parents!
)
You could make something of the fact that whilst some Corps and Regiments enjoy the "Royal" prefix, the army as a whole, unlike the other 2 services, has distinctly republican roots!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
The General told the assembly, go and secure three hotels in town.
The Army duly formed up an assault team and cordon party, sealed off the hotel, blew the doors in and cleared each floor room by room.
The Navy sent a shore patrol in a tilly, they entered the hotel, shut all the windows, turned off the lights and locked the doors.
The RAF sent an officer and accountant and booked all the rooms for a month with an option to purchase.
The Army duly formed up an assault team and cordon party, sealed off the hotel, blew the doors in and cleared each floor room by room.
The Navy sent a shore patrol in a tilly, they entered the hotel, shut all the windows, turned off the lights and locked the doors.
The RAF sent an officer and accountant and booked all the rooms for a month with an option to purchase.
Brueggen
Post edited due to my own apparent ignorance of alternative spellings of German place names.
Last edited by J.A.F.O.; 9th Oct 2011 at 16:46.
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Red Rag to a Bull
Given that the paint is only just dry on the very first ever sign that said "Royal Air Force" and the colours of some of our most famous regiments are several hundred years old, hanging in cathedrals throughout the land, you should appreciate that when the RAF try, "Taking the piss out of pongoes" it is exactly like a very precocious, bad tempered brat answering back to it's parents!
However, fact: I had to divert going into Calgary and had two options, guess Edmonton was one, can't remember the other. It made no difference to me. I called the Capt in charge of the detachment on board forward and asked him which he preferred operationally. He had to send for his Sgt Major
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Whilst serving in Borneo a young private, supplemented his personal items of toiletries, by writing to various manufacturers of said products, praising their durability and usefulness etc. in the hot, humid climate of the jungle.
Invariably he would receive a reply and a small parcel containing samples of the product, which he used or sold to his mates.
A junior RAF officer heard of this wheeze and decided to try it. He wrote to Gillette, telling them that he'd been using the same blade, in the jungle, for a year and it was as good as the day he bought it. Gillette replied, thanking him, saying they had great pleasure in enclosing another year's supply!
Invariably he would receive a reply and a small parcel containing samples of the product, which he used or sold to his mates.
A junior RAF officer heard of this wheeze and decided to try it. He wrote to Gillette, telling them that he'd been using the same blade, in the jungle, for a year and it was as good as the day he bought it. Gillette replied, thanking him, saying they had great pleasure in enclosing another year's supply!
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He had to send for his Sgt Major.
Sounds like a good officer and sound leader to consult someone with considerable wisdom and experience before he makes a significant decision.
Sounds like a good officer and sound leader to consult someone with considerable wisdom and experience before he makes a significant decision.
Red On, Green On
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However, fact: I had to divert going into Calgary and had two options, guess Edmonton was one, can't remember the other. It made no difference to me. I called the Capt in charge of the detachment on board forward and asked him which he preferred operationally. He had to send for his Sgt Major
Avoid imitations
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Two true stories:
1) I landed my Puma at Holdfast Camp, Belize and was awaiting the arrival of the CO. I don't remember his name but he always said "Don't call me Major *****, call me Rocky".
Rocky had only been in theatre a couple of weeks. Whilst at Airport Camp, after his arrival on the VC10 and a few welcome drinks he had pronounced a morbid fear of snakes. He had announced that he intended to collect some "jungle specimens" so he could get over his fear.
Anyway, while we waited, at the back of the OM at Holdfast were a number of newly constructed wood and glass cages, all containing snakes, obviously very recently put there by "Rocky". As I used to look after our squadron mascot, a python, I was was well used to snakes so I went over to have a closer look. I decided to see if a three foot long Boa in one of them would allow me to handle it. I opened the lid and carefully put my hand in the cage. The snake immediately tensed up and recoiled into a strike position. I relaxed my hand and arm and waited there for it to calm down.
Just as I did so, "Rocky" appeared behind me shouting "Don't do that - I'm the only person who can handle that snake"!
He immediately put his hand right in front of mine, whereupon the snake took exception, struck hard and sunk its fangs right into him.
I can still see the look of horror on his face as he recoiled backwards with a snake impaled on his hand
2). We were flying the Grenadier Guards (who were the "Berlin" regiment at the time), during their annual exercise in Northern Germany. The exercise went on all week. On the final day, the "Mad Major" (a nickname given by his own men) briefed us about the final battle of the exercise. He wanted to stay behind until the last minute to watch his men depart. My final sortie was to fly him, so he could "leapfrog" ahead to observe "coup de grace" from close quarters.
No problem so far. He then said he would be actually sitting in his "Land. Rover", which he wanted underslinging, so he could point the way!
I told him I couldn't allow that as it was unsafe.
His answer: "That's quite alright. I'll put my seatbelt on and wear goggles"!
I then respectfully pointed out three things. Firstly, from experience, that type of "Land. Rover" spun round and round in flight. He would get very dizzy. Secondly, pointing the way for us wasn't required and in any event we couldn't see him under the aircraft. Thirdly, in the event of a load malfunction or engine failure, the first thing I would do was to jettison the load. How his NCOs sniggered.
He drove.
1) I landed my Puma at Holdfast Camp, Belize and was awaiting the arrival of the CO. I don't remember his name but he always said "Don't call me Major *****, call me Rocky".
Rocky had only been in theatre a couple of weeks. Whilst at Airport Camp, after his arrival on the VC10 and a few welcome drinks he had pronounced a morbid fear of snakes. He had announced that he intended to collect some "jungle specimens" so he could get over his fear.
Anyway, while we waited, at the back of the OM at Holdfast were a number of newly constructed wood and glass cages, all containing snakes, obviously very recently put there by "Rocky". As I used to look after our squadron mascot, a python, I was was well used to snakes so I went over to have a closer look. I decided to see if a three foot long Boa in one of them would allow me to handle it. I opened the lid and carefully put my hand in the cage. The snake immediately tensed up and recoiled into a strike position. I relaxed my hand and arm and waited there for it to calm down.
Just as I did so, "Rocky" appeared behind me shouting "Don't do that - I'm the only person who can handle that snake"!
He immediately put his hand right in front of mine, whereupon the snake took exception, struck hard and sunk its fangs right into him.
I can still see the look of horror on his face as he recoiled backwards with a snake impaled on his hand
2). We were flying the Grenadier Guards (who were the "Berlin" regiment at the time), during their annual exercise in Northern Germany. The exercise went on all week. On the final day, the "Mad Major" (a nickname given by his own men) briefed us about the final battle of the exercise. He wanted to stay behind until the last minute to watch his men depart. My final sortie was to fly him, so he could "leapfrog" ahead to observe "coup de grace" from close quarters.
No problem so far. He then said he would be actually sitting in his "Land. Rover", which he wanted underslinging, so he could point the way!
I told him I couldn't allow that as it was unsafe.
His answer: "That's quite alright. I'll put my seatbelt on and wear goggles"!
I then respectfully pointed out three things. Firstly, from experience, that type of "Land. Rover" spun round and round in flight. He would get very dizzy. Secondly, pointing the way for us wasn't required and in any event we couldn't see him under the aircraft. Thirdly, in the event of a load malfunction or engine failure, the first thing I would do was to jettison the load. How his NCOs sniggered.
He drove.
Re: Brüggen
Always happy to learn. So, why not use the umlaut? That's how it always appeared during my time there.
I have little doubt that I ought to have paid more attention, not only at school but in many other areas of my life, too.
Always happy to learn. So, why not use the umlaut? That's how it always appeared during my time there.
I have little doubt that I ought to have paid more attention, not only at school but in many other areas of my life, too.
If you wanted to take the P out of another armed Unit
Check audience first!
Q. Whats the differance between a Marine and a piece of toast?
A. You can make a Soldier out of a piece of toast.
Q. Whats the differance between a Royal Marine and an endowment policy
A. An endowment policy usually matures after 25 years!
Q. Whats the differance between a Marine and a piece of toast?
A. You can make a Soldier out of a piece of toast.
Q. Whats the differance between a Royal Marine and an endowment policy
A. An endowment policy usually matures after 25 years!
Stop me if I have told you this true tale before.
Met. men in BFG had a strange status: civilians, subject to Air Force Law, with a Dormant RAFVR commission all made out, and a variety of uniforms held in store ...... this against the day WW III cracked off.
However, some Met. men also had exercise deployment duties with HQ 1BR Corps or the Harrier Force, or indeed NATO.
It was deemed inappropriate to wear the RAFVR uniform, and equally inappropriate to wear a pair of jeans and a Hawaii shirt, so we were officially to be kitted in DPMs by the ARMY, and wearing a natty little Met. Office badge on the shoulders.
The army does have a sense of humour.
I went to see a QM or his WO at Bielefeld to draw my kit: all above board, ID, Pass, Chit.
Not a single pair of trousers was anywhere near short enough [I am vertically challended, as also intellectualy].
"Is there nobody in the army my size"
"Yessir ........ he popped in for the trousers only yesterday!"
The off-cuts from the legs made rotten camo. handkerchiefs.
Met. men in BFG had a strange status: civilians, subject to Air Force Law, with a Dormant RAFVR commission all made out, and a variety of uniforms held in store ...... this against the day WW III cracked off.
However, some Met. men also had exercise deployment duties with HQ 1BR Corps or the Harrier Force, or indeed NATO.
It was deemed inappropriate to wear the RAFVR uniform, and equally inappropriate to wear a pair of jeans and a Hawaii shirt, so we were officially to be kitted in DPMs by the ARMY, and wearing a natty little Met. Office badge on the shoulders.
The army does have a sense of humour.
I went to see a QM or his WO at Bielefeld to draw my kit: all above board, ID, Pass, Chit.
Not a single pair of trousers was anywhere near short enough [I am vertically challended, as also intellectualy].
"Is there nobody in the army my size"
"Yessir ........ he popped in for the trousers only yesterday!"
The off-cuts from the legs made rotten camo. handkerchiefs.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
In a bar in Nairobi a bunch of drunks decided it was a good idea to duff up this chap, black eyes, bloody nose, the lot. Made a real mess of him.
A short while later, the same bunch, now more or less sober, embark on Albert en route to a drop zone somewhere near the coast.
Revenge was sweet. The nav dropped them near the coast but the wrong side of the beach
