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Mr Vice...........help?

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Mr Vice...........help?

Old 18th Jul 2003, 02:07
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dear lord

thankyou for breakfast, lunch and dinner
without it we would be much thinner

amen
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Old 18th Jul 2003, 03:18
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Always a favourite in my very Scottish Mother's household:

The Selkirk Grace

Some hae meat and canna eat
An' some wad eat that want it
But we hae meat and we can eat
An' sae the Lord be thankit

Burns

Actually her version of line two was:

An' some hae nane that want it

fobs

Last edited by fobotcso; 18th Jul 2003 at 03:32.
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Old 18th Jul 2003, 08:01
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Interesting question, Tinstaafl. As an atheist, I promised myself that, if called upon to say grace, I would keep it secular. In the event, to my shame, I conformed and chuntered some pious banalities. I am, however, saving this one for the next opportunity:

"Oh gracious (insert name of supermarket or wholesaler here), we thank thee for thy bountiful gifts. Tonight we feast on generous helpings of food that were purchased from your glorious shelves. You graced us with sales on this leg of lamb for us to feast on, and two-for-one specials on frozen prawns. And we will try, in your name, to buy healthy food, so we do not succumb to the evils of the fat demons. For we know if we are wicked and eat too much of the chocolate tort we recieved, we will be under the power of the dastardly PTI for eternity. We must withstand Fat's temptation and defeat him with regular exercise. In (insert name of supermarket or wholesaler here)'s name, dig in."
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Old 19th Jul 2003, 01:40
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Grace for the Atheist

Some say grace should be religious
but I for one, do not believe in Jesus
The reason we are all gathered here
is to wish (use name) well and drink his/her beer
so lets say farewell to our friend (use name)
lets fill our plates
and get stuck in
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Old 19th Jul 2003, 02:44
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Rent the Ben Stiller movie of a few years ago. Meet my parents or something like that. A rather funny one in there. You may get bounced from the table for it, but the stories you can tell...
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Old 20th Jul 2003, 04:55
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Dear Lord,

Bless my old boy
May he be noshed with an ice cube in each cheek
Amen

Load Moving.........
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Old 7th Sep 2003, 17:46
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One that caused a couple of extra duties:

The Lord helps he who helps himself
But God help thoses caught helping themselves! . . . . Amen

Swiftly followed by thundering silence and hard stares
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 11:36
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Saying Grace

I have been informed that my Sister would like me to say Grace at her Wedding in a few weeks time and with it not being a very religious occasion (they are not tying the knot getting married in a church = Burn In Hell ) I am struggling for what to say.

All my times spent at Mess functions I now wish I had written down all the classic Padre tails.

Can anyone remember any light hearted Grace speeches?

Thanks in advance

MM
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 11:50
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"Oh Lord who with thy power divine
turnest water into wine
Have pity on us foolish men
who try to turn it back again"

or

"Dear Lord
Give us the strength and give us the power
to shift this food in half an hour"

or something like this anyway!
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 11:52
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Grace

I thought it was the Devil who had the tail - I can't think of any padre of my acquaintance who had one. Only teasing - I'll be at a dining-in on Friday, I'll make a note for you and post later. Will this be in time?
The Ancient Mariner
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 12:02
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No Padre, thank God.
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 13:00
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How about:
"Thank you Lord for the food here shown,
Speak to you later on the big white phone."
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 13:06
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Good Food
Good Wine
Good Company
Good God

STH
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 13:27
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We had recently:

Good Wine,
Good Meat,
Good God,
Lets Eat.
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 13:44
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Lord,

Rub a dub dub,
Thanks for the grub.

Amen
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 14:14
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Saying Grace

Two suggestions:
1. A Naval Grace, "Thank God! Amen"

2. "There once was a cock and a hen
Who gave lunch to a goose in a pen
"Good Lord" said the goose
"Bless this food for our use
And us to thy service. AMEN"

Last edited by BFLIGHT; 15th Feb 2007 at 17:21. Reason: too long?
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 14:23
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"for good food, good friends, and all the other good F's in life... we thank you lord, Amen".

or...

"rub-a-dub dub, thanks for the grub, amen."

or...

"Ta, Pa."
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 16:23
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I always found this one had the right blend of humour and reverence...

"We thank thee Lord before we dine
For food, for friends, for laughter.
So may we feast and drink fine wine,
And still rejoice the morning after.

Amen"
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 16:43
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For all this food, we thank you Lord
And all these guests we can't afford
Please bless the staff and make them stay
'Til half past three to clear away.
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Old 15th Feb 2007, 19:39
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Just keep it simple. We say Grace for most meals. Something like;

"Lord, we thank you for this time of fellowship, for the food and may you bless us for today. Amen."
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