Mrs Bloggs 'At Home' Etiquette/Protocols
Gentleman Aviator
I think teeteringhead is a trifle confused.
Ah Shy - the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd. 'Twas indeed Madding Crowd and your 1984 is exactly correct. Sgt Frank Troy of an unspecified cavalry regiment was the character - a cad but one with a modicum of style for a SNEC
. IIRC they gave me different Bathsheba Everdines to play with on alternate nights .... .... perhaps the "just missing her with the sword" scene would have been too much for them every night ......
sorry for the thread drift ... so to return to the (slightly less drifty) subject of cravats: one remembers wearing one to a Saturday breakfast in the Mess as a baby JP stude - along with obligatory tweed jacket, tattersall check shirt and cav twill bags.
Unfortunately ones Sqn Cdr (a Woody Allen lookalike) was single and lived in and the following (one-sided) conversation ensued:
"Teeteringhead - I don't think that thing around your neck constitutes a tie within the meaning of Mess Rules ..... GET OUT!"
Yes best beloveds, chucked out of Saturday brekkie for being tie-less ... and ye tell that t't' young folk o' today - an' they'll not believe yer.......
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Cottesmore had been so up its own . . . that the livers-in started to go to dinner of a Saturday night in DJs. The club was 'ferrets are go'. The staff then played up to this and we went from informal to a formal with a set time and menu.
One evening OC Admin turned up in the mess for a swift half, saw everyone in DJs and thought he had missed notification of a formal function so he beat a hasty retreat. Result!
Always with some garish neckware
The run up to the summer ball had been particularly painful, so we decided to get our own back on the PMC. All the JOs - and the sqn boss - turned up to the ball at the same time having had some very fine 'Burberry chav' bow ties, cummerbunds and shawls made up for the ladies. Apoplectic really doesn't do justice to his reaction. Between the 'chav' accessories, the fairy lights that flashed in such a sequence down the length of the main corridor that they were in danger of triggering a full on epileptic fit and the dodgems that went round quick enough to keep the MO busy with cases of whiplash all night, I have to say it stands out as one of the better summer balls I have been to. I still have the photo from the evening in my study.
In fact it was right up there with the Christmas draw where I was duly stitched up by a mate who decided to set me up with a rather attractive, vivacious and very flirtatious older woman who later turned out to be the bomb disposal officer's wife!
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PN and DF, excellent moves! As once said by an aide to staish - I wouldn't impose that rule sir, they will quickly find a way to take the p...s !!
That was of course the point, that all enjoyed - of course we will acknowledge the mess rule, but beware of the law of unintended consequences!
White mess kit jacket, starch etc - recall one occasion on a secret med base when mine was delivered to the front door of the mess to meet us driving in from hirings to the dining in night- borrowed shoulder boards in hand, total relief to see the chap there on the steps, slightly abated when found that said jacket was still wet from the laundry - nothing a few brandy sours couldnt deal with!
That was of course the point, that all enjoyed - of course we will acknowledge the mess rule, but beware of the law of unintended consequences!
White mess kit jacket, starch etc - recall one occasion on a secret med base when mine was delivered to the front door of the mess to meet us driving in from hirings to the dining in night- borrowed shoulder boards in hand, total relief to see the chap there on the steps, slightly abated when found that said jacket was still wet from the laundry - nothing a few brandy sours couldnt deal with!
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Mess Rules
Cyprus early 70s, combined mess, brekkie time.
All collect choice from buffet, sit down at table. Our hero asks pongo mate (strangely wearing SD hat) to pass the sugar - no response to several polite requests, said gentleman from whichever guards wegiment eventually lowers his newspaper and replies " do you not know that we have a tradition in the wegiment that when an officer wears his SD hat at breakfast he does not wish to be spoken to", our hero ponders for a while, then climbs onto the table , steps into wuperts plate with his combat boots, and replies "we have a tradition in the royal marines that if I stamp in your effin cornflakes I want the effin sugar" !
All collect choice from buffet, sit down at table. Our hero asks pongo mate (strangely wearing SD hat) to pass the sugar - no response to several polite requests, said gentleman from whichever guards wegiment eventually lowers his newspaper and replies " do you not know that we have a tradition in the wegiment that when an officer wears his SD hat at breakfast he does not wish to be spoken to", our hero ponders for a while, then climbs onto the table , steps into wuperts plate with his combat boots, and replies "we have a tradition in the royal marines that if I stamp in your effin cornflakes I want the effin sugar" !
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Neptunus Rex:
A Wing Commander with an American wife certainly narrows the field. Could it have been the inimitable 'Bang Commander Wizzlegette?'
Had it been, they would both have laughed it off. When he was Staish at ISK, on NYE '67/68, he started a snowball fight with OC 206 in the Officer's Mess Bar!
Sure you got the date right NR? 206 lost an aircraft & 13 souls December 21st 1967. Surely no high jinks that year?
Benzimra
A Wing Commander with an American wife certainly narrows the field. Could it have been the inimitable 'Bang Commander Wizzlegette?'
Had it been, they would both have laughed it off. When he was Staish at ISK, on NYE '67/68, he started a snowball fight with OC 206 in the Officer's Mess Bar!
Sure you got the date right NR? 206 lost an aircraft & 13 souls December 21st 1967. Surely no high jinks that year?
Benzimra
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Got chatting to an Army major in a pongo mess not so far from a very secret NBC establishment that rhymes with Horton. Typical Army mess, obligatory black labs dotted about the dining room. Said chap opened up his mess bill for the month and gently complained about the additional costs for crockery. To me it was a staggering amount. I queried why he'd been charged it.
His answer? He had one of the stewards chucking dinner plates out the back of the mess in lieu of clay pigeons!
His answer? He had one of the stewards chucking dinner plates out the back of the mess in lieu of clay pigeons!
Rehearsal Time
Now that MM has benefitted from our collective wisdom and experience, it's time for the REHEARSAL!! I suggest we all assemble at MMs and go through the process under the watchful eye of the station warrant officer or similar.
Come on MM, you didn't think all this advice was free did you???
Come on MM, you didn't think all this advice was free did you???
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
O-D, that reminds me, we went round to one house but while there were lots of people there was precious little space.
Wearing a sports jacket it was easy to slip one's empty glass in while eating the nosh of a plate and recovering same when the bottle came around.
I also had a niffty little gadget lifted from ISK. It clipped on your plate to hold your glass. Plastic unfortunately, now silver would have been much better.
Oh and don't forget MM, you need two sparkling clean white linen hankerchiefs, and may be a third if you need to blow your nose.
Wearing a sports jacket it was easy to slip one's empty glass in while eating the nosh of a plate and recovering same when the bottle came around.
I also had a niffty little gadget lifted from ISK. It clipped on your plate to hold your glass. Plastic unfortunately, now silver would have been much better.
Oh and don't forget MM, you need two sparkling clean white linen hankerchiefs, and may be a third if you need to blow your nose.
I also had a niffty little gadget lifted from ISK. It clipped on your plate to hold your glass. Plastic unfortunately...
A plastic clip indeed - what sort of wretched peasant would ever use something so vulgar?
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
When I said I had, I should perhaps have said the Mess at ISK issued . . .
Any way vulgar surely doesn't apply as far north as ISK.
I remember going to the 'Summer' Ball one year. Fortunately a had a full set of those awful green waterproofs and a pair of wellies in the car. I dropped Mrs PN off at the carriage drop off point and parked the car in the 'car' park which ws swimming in 6 inches of water.
I should have kept the boots on as the sea was well into the sea food tent too.
Any way vulgar surely doesn't apply as far north as ISK.
I remember going to the 'Summer' Ball one year. Fortunately a had a full set of those awful green waterproofs and a pair of wellies in the car. I dropped Mrs PN off at the carriage drop off point and parked the car in the 'car' park which ws swimming in 6 inches of water.
I should have kept the boots on as the sea was well into the sea food tent too.
Gentleman Aviator
I also had a niffty little gadget lifted from ISK. It clipped on your plate to hold your glass. Plastic unfortunately, now silver would have been much better.
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106 course IOT Flight Commander invites his flight to his new home in December for nibbles and career chat/get to know you better evenings. Our course commander now Group Captain I believe, leads our little band of chaps to said house up garden path. Door answered and course commander demonstrates how to enter house with stiff hand shake to flight commander and promptly strides down hallway to introduce himself to the wife. Rest of us jaws to ground on door step as along corridor foot shaped lumps of dog s**t follow course commander over the brand new carpet. Flight commander's lab had been very busy earlier in the evening!! My sides still hurt when I think about that evening.
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A plastic clip indeed - what sort of wretched peasant would ever use something so vulgar?
The stereotypes being played out on this thread may perhaps have a ring of truth after all.
And Now We Come ......
......... to the next problem.
Hold Plate - hands required = one
Hold Glass - hands required = one
Eat Finger snack buffet/fork supper - hands required = one
Shake hands with other guests - hands required = one (See Note 1)
Note: 1
Total hands involved to wipe 'buffet stained' fingers of one hand before shaking hands with guest = two
If God had meant us to go to supper parties he would have given us four hands.
During the scoffing phase, I always try to position myself near to a table, window ledge or somesuch - problem arises when these are at the opposite end of the room to the drinks table!
Other problem is the current Mrs O-D (and all her predecessors) have an unfortunate knack of waiting 'till I'm about to tuck in before asking for a topup, regardless as to how recently I offered to recharge their glass - I think this is a girl thing, as most males of the species seem to get the glass recharged and then think about the food.
You know, guys and girls, until this thread started, I never realised how difficult it is to be a social lion! These are things Stradling never told us about.
O-D
Hold Plate - hands required = one
Hold Glass - hands required = one
Eat Finger snack buffet/fork supper - hands required = one
Shake hands with other guests - hands required = one (See Note 1)
Note: 1
Total hands involved to wipe 'buffet stained' fingers of one hand before shaking hands with guest = two
If God had meant us to go to supper parties he would have given us four hands.
During the scoffing phase, I always try to position myself near to a table, window ledge or somesuch - problem arises when these are at the opposite end of the room to the drinks table!
Other problem is the current Mrs O-D (and all her predecessors) have an unfortunate knack of waiting 'till I'm about to tuck in before asking for a topup, regardless as to how recently I offered to recharge their glass - I think this is a girl thing, as most males of the species seem to get the glass recharged and then think about the food.
You know, guys and girls, until this thread started, I never realised how difficult it is to be a social lion! These are things Stradling never told us about.
O-D