Meaningless management drivel
Top site, Sunfish!
It came out with 'enable sticky niches' when I clicked the 'make bull****' tab.
Enable sticky niches......
Nice! I'll go for that!
Isn't a docker (not him) a quay worker?
It came out with 'enable sticky niches' when I clicked the 'make bull****' tab.
Enable sticky niches......
Nice! I'll go for that!Isn't a docker (not him) a quay worker?
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Tried some RAF webpages on: http://www.cynicalbastards.com/wankometer/
CAS gets a score of: 2.64 (Considerable)
Strategic Vision: 2.03 (Considerable)
Future of the RAF: 4.36 (Significant W***)
Airpower: 5.88 (High W***yness)
Look at that, free and accurate feedback without the need for a Balanced Scorecard and expensive consultants.
CAS gets a score of: 2.64 (Considerable)
Strategic Vision: 2.03 (Considerable)
Future of the RAF: 4.36 (Significant W***)
Airpower: 5.88 (High W***yness)
Look at that, free and accurate feedback without the need for a Balanced Scorecard and expensive consultants.
Boy is this fun! Try this one:
The United Kingdom Military Flying Training system (UKMFTS) will deliver a cost effective, coherent, flexible and integrated tri-service training capability over a 25 year period to cater for the future flying training needs of the UK Armed Forces.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, this came out as 7.80 'Utter wanque'...
As for:
The Future Strategic Tanker Aircraft (FSTA) project, under the Private Finance Initiative (PFI), will provide a modern, cost-effective and fully integrated solution to our future Air-to-Air Refuelling and Strategic Air Transport requirements – good news for our armed forces, the taxpayer, and the UK economy.
Well, that scores an impressive 8.66 and is also considered to be 'Utter wanque'.
The United Kingdom Military Flying Training system (UKMFTS) will deliver a cost effective, coherent, flexible and integrated tri-service training capability over a 25 year period to cater for the future flying training needs of the UK Armed Forces.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, this came out as 7.80 'Utter wanque'...
As for:
The Future Strategic Tanker Aircraft (FSTA) project, under the Private Finance Initiative (PFI), will provide a modern, cost-effective and fully integrated solution to our future Air-to-Air Refuelling and Strategic Air Transport requirements – good news for our armed forces, the taxpayer, and the UK economy.
Well, that scores an impressive 8.66 and is also considered to be 'Utter wanque'.
Seems the Americans don't use the word 'box' any more. Apparently it has been officially replaced by container. So when you go flying on ops, you actually go into the container. And innovative thinking is now thinking outside the container.
Head is another word that has been replaced too - cranium. Missiles no longer have warheads, but warcraniums.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I heard that at a meeting during the week. But it seems the otherwise seemingly normal and vaguely sane USAF Colonel was deadly serious.
Head is another word that has been replaced too - cranium. Missiles no longer have warheads, but warcraniums.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I heard that at a meeting during the week. But it seems the otherwise seemingly normal and vaguely sane USAF Colonel was deadly serious.
Join Date: Jul 2006
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carrying on with the theme of management speak, one instance sticks in my blue sky mind was a during a key management development session we needed to be faciliated to enable us to agree our processes for determing our key performance indicator processes...
Quite a long way into this torturous day I was asked not to smile so much as it unnerved the facilitator and he was unsure why I kept on doing it.
Quite a long way into this torturous day I was asked not to smile so much as it unnerved the facilitator and he was unsure why I kept on doing it.
The rather childish 'container' and 'cranium' nonsense seems to have originated in the F-15 world. They told us that it was to avoid offense to their wimmin....
So one day an official UK request was made for the Spams to stop using a word which was causing great offense to our girls. Anxious to avoid an incident, the dim-witted Spams (who can never sense a spoof coming) asked what the word was...
"Bush!"
Anyway, we said, if you cannot say 'box' or 'head', what do you call a German? A 'container-cranium'?
So one day an official UK request was made for the Spams to stop using a word which was causing great offense to our girls. Anxious to avoid an incident, the dim-witted Spams (who can never sense a spoof coming) asked what the word was...
"Bush!"
Anyway, we said, if you cannot say 'box' or 'head', what do you call a German? A 'container-cranium'?
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Beagle said:
And Exrigger said:
And I was told this - which made me spit coffee on the screen:
A farmer was watching over his sheep one day, when a Range Rover drew up by the dry stone wall and a smart looking bloke in a suit got out, vaulted the gate and strode up to him.
“Beautiful view isn’t it?” He asked, looking out over the valley into the blue haze distance.
“It is that.” Said the farmer incuriously.
“Are those all your sheep?” He asked.
“’Tis some on ‘em.” Replied the farmer. The smart man thought for a moment.
“If I could tell you precisely how many sheep you’ve got, would you give me one of them?” It was the farmer’s turn to think and he thought hard. Not all the sheep could be seen from where they were standing, so he thought he was on pretty safe ground.
“Orlright. Youm tell me erzackly the roight number an’ you can ‘ave a sheep.”
The smart man returned to his Range Rover where he opened his laptop, plugged in the 3G card and booted it up, initialising a VPN connection. Logging on to his server, he established an up/down link with an earth resources satellite and, using a GPS position from his mobile phone, selected the area for review. In a few seconds he had outlined all the fields containing the sheep and launched an interactive image analysis programme from which, moments later, he exported the results to Excel and created both pie and bar charts. After correctly aligning his laptop IR window with the colour printer, he had a ten-page PowerPoint presentation in less than seven minutes. Whistling happily, he shut down his equipment and strode back to the farmer.
“Well now sir, if you look at sheet two, we can see you have a total of four hundred and eighteen sheep in three main subsets. Forty-five percent are in the top, northern field; thirty-two percent are in the western or middle field and twenty-two percent are in the southernmost, bottom field. The one percent residual are four sheep and a lamb that have wandered out of the middle field and are standing in the lane. The movement trend analysis - on page seven - shows that seventy-two percent of your sheep are moving slowly towards the north, while the remainder have hardly moved for almost thirty minutes.” He stood back, pleased with his presentation. The farmer was stunned, but impressed and, being an honest man, allowed him his sheep.
“Orlright – you win. Pick any sheep youm loike.” The smart man went off and was soon back at his Range Rover. A little later he returned to thank the farmer, who had been thinking.
“If I can tell you what youm do,” He asked shrewdly. “… would youm gimme my sheep back?” The smart man chuckled indulgently.
“Of course – that’s only fair.” The farmer smiled.
“Youm are a GE Corporate, Six-Sigma Black Belt and youm working on a Global Communications project.” It was the turn of the smart man to be stunned.
“Good grief! How on earth could you know that?” He asked. The farmer smiled again.
“’Cos for the last ten minutes, you been tryin’ to load my dog in the back of yor’ Range Rover!”
Roger.
Then there's 'Sixsigma'. Don't even try to understand that - if you cannot get off to sleep reading the AP&FS Newsletter or one of those non-absorbent Air Power propaganda magazines, try Googling Six Sigma....
Never have I read such utter horse**** which basically says that if you want something to work well, it must have been worked on by a high quality team.
How long before the meaningless management drivellers start adding six sigma crap to their wanqueword lexicons?
Never have I read such utter horse**** which basically says that if you want something to work well, it must have been worked on by a high quality team.
How long before the meaningless management drivellers start adding six sigma crap to their wanqueword lexicons?
Six Sigma would appear to have confused many who tried to integrate it into the Quality Management System, as it only works by bringing efficiency/savings into a production environment therefore increasing quality of product.
As it is complicated drivel they simplified it and gave it a nice easy to learn name and it became 'Lean' and most quality people stay well away from it all if they get half a chance.
As it is complicated drivel they simplified it and gave it a nice easy to learn name and it became 'Lean' and most quality people stay well away from it all if they get half a chance.
A farmer was watching over his sheep one day, when a Range Rover drew up by the dry stone wall and a smart looking bloke in a suit got out, vaulted the gate and strode up to him.
“Beautiful view isn’t it?” He asked, looking out over the valley into the blue haze distance.
“It is that.” Said the farmer incuriously.
“Are those all your sheep?” He asked.
“’Tis some on ‘em.” Replied the farmer. The smart man thought for a moment.
“If I could tell you precisely how many sheep you’ve got, would you give me one of them?” It was the farmer’s turn to think and he thought hard. Not all the sheep could be seen from where they were standing, so he thought he was on pretty safe ground.
“Orlright. Youm tell me erzackly the roight number an’ you can ‘ave a sheep.”
The smart man returned to his Range Rover where he opened his laptop, plugged in the 3G card and booted it up, initialising a VPN connection. Logging on to his server, he established an up/down link with an earth resources satellite and, using a GPS position from his mobile phone, selected the area for review. In a few seconds he had outlined all the fields containing the sheep and launched an interactive image analysis programme from which, moments later, he exported the results to Excel and created both pie and bar charts. After correctly aligning his laptop IR window with the colour printer, he had a ten-page PowerPoint presentation in less than seven minutes. Whistling happily, he shut down his equipment and strode back to the farmer.
“Well now sir, if you look at sheet two, we can see you have a total of four hundred and eighteen sheep in three main subsets. Forty-five percent are in the top, northern field; thirty-two percent are in the western or middle field and twenty-two percent are in the southernmost, bottom field. The one percent residual are four sheep and a lamb that have wandered out of the middle field and are standing in the lane. The movement trend analysis - on page seven - shows that seventy-two percent of your sheep are moving slowly towards the north, while the remainder have hardly moved for almost thirty minutes.” He stood back, pleased with his presentation. The farmer was stunned, but impressed and, being an honest man, allowed him his sheep.
“Orlright – you win. Pick any sheep youm loike.” The smart man went off and was soon back at his Range Rover. A little later he returned to thank the farmer, who had been thinking.
“If I can tell you what youm do,” He asked shrewdly. “… would youm gimme my sheep back?” The smart man chuckled indulgently.
“Of course – that’s only fair.” The farmer smiled.
“Youm are a GE Corporate, Six-Sigma Black Belt and youm working on a Global Communications project.” It was the turn of the smart man to be stunned.
“Good grief! How on earth could you know that?” He asked. The farmer smiled again.
“’Cos for the last ten minutes, you been tryin’ to load my dog in the back of yor’ Range Rover!”
Roger.
Thought police antagonist
Join Date: Jul 2003
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As the (unwilling) recipient of TQM / BPR and Lean, and having the misfortune to meet some of these "Six Sigma Black Belts" ego's....read failed estate agent /used car salesman here....same capacity to produce utter bolleaux...I would like to dump every one on the ramp, in January, in lousy wx, at night and with a double brake change, toilet defects, galley defects and a u/s APU on three different aircraft....just to prove that you can't apply the principles to maintenance / rectification. 
Ironic really that Motorola who promoted the system used to produce radio's etc that were the equivalent of the end product of a chicken vindaloo with 6 onion bahji's and four pints of Guiness.
Ironic really that Motorola who promoted the system used to produce radio's etc that were the equivalent of the end product of a chicken vindaloo with 6 onion bahji's and four pints of Guiness.
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Force Elements at Readiness (FE@R) and Force Elements at Sustainability (FE@S) User Acquisition Organisations AOF UK MOD
Now if that is not utter utter utter bolleaux I shall feed my nads into a blender
Now if that is not utter utter utter bolleaux I shall feed my nads into a blender
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Force Elements at Readiness (FE@R) and Force Elements at Sustainability (FE@S) User Acquisition Organisations AOF UK MOD
Long time lurker but could not pass on this!
Open link & click on the "Change History" tab, (1 Nov 2009 remarks)
Long time lurker but could not pass on this!
Open link & click on the "Change History" tab, (1 Nov 2009 remarks)