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Armed Forces to cover for Royal Mail

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Old 4th Oct 2007, 13:12
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Snoop Armed Forces to cover for Royal Mail

Armed forces personnel are recieving emergency training to enable them to provide cover for the Royal Mail during the forth comming strikes. As we speak aircraft are being painted Red, infact such is the urgency the Red Arrows have already received their 'ROYAL MAIL' transfers and are being loaded with Lincolnshires' deliveries. A RAF spokesman said that most of the mail would be delivered by hand however with the RAF's precision strike capability there could be some spectacular deliveries. The public are advised to ensure any delicate items are well wrapped.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 13:14
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So they'll all be "going postal" then?
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 13:24
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What next?!

As if we're not busy enough already....











....OK, I couldn't possibly leave you thinking that I'd fallen for it.
Besides, nobody would ever believe that I'd been busy!!
BV
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 13:26
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I heard they already made the first 'delivery' - they are just not quite sure of the exact location...

Dont worry Mr Miggins, your concrete bomb shaped garden ornament will be found soon.

Last edited by 622; 4th Oct 2007 at 14:07.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 13:39
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Apparently the SAS are being brought in to assist. They will be providing laser guidance in efforts to get the mail through the letterboxes.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 13:45
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At least postmen-chasing dogs will finally have a match...

Dog's are getting special training for the occasion.

Last edited by coolblackcat; 4th Oct 2007 at 16:05.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 13:51
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The newly appointed AOC Post Office has said he is 'delighted with the challenge ahead and looking forward to working with his new staff of 240 Service and Civilian personnel. Our new Pamphlet entitled '21st Century Junk Mail, it's impact on Global Warming/Terrorism' will be out in 6 to 9 months. That is assuming the brand new Postal HQ is up and running at High Wycombe.
In the meantime, we are contracting out the actual delivery of mail to a team of consultants.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 15:12
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Surely it costs more to send everything Airmail?



....don't worry, I've already got it.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 15:36
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Letter bombs.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 15:43
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Wink

A RAF spokesman said that most of the mail would be delivered by hand however with the RAF's precision strike capability there could be some spectacular deliveries

But it must be true - I've had C130Js flying spectacularly over my manor at treetop height for the past two days. However, with their "strike capability" they must have gone out in sympathy with the UCW - they haven't actually delivered anything yet!

Jack

PS There must be some erstwhile ex-Majunga Shacklebat crew out there who would love to help, and some of you may even remember their favourite wind-up

PPS Oh yes - for the avoidance of doubt (or embarassment), the trees are all at least 250 feet tall ......
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 15:46
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I heard that all the letters for a village were to be placed in the chaff dispenser and would be delivered during a low level training exercise
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 15:56
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The newly appointed AOC Post Office...
Air (Mail) Command or Postal Command?
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 16:06
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Royal Air (Parcel) Force
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 17:15
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Can you imagine the SAS doing collections/deliveries.

Deliveries - smash the front door down, lob in a stun grenade, forward roll into house, spraying room with automatic weapon fire before finally delivering the late Mrs Moggins letters.

Collections - blacked-out van screams to a halt outside post box, snatch() team dispatched, blow-off hinges of post box, stuff mail into sack, back into van and depart at speed.

Mind you, at least they'd get the job done and we wouldn't have to wait until the middle of next week for our next delivery - or should that rant be saved for Jet Blast!
 
Old 4th Oct 2007, 17:16
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A whole new meaning to "being posted"?
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 18:06
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Can you imagine the SAS doing collections/deliveries.

Deliveries - smash the front door down, lob in a stun grenade, forward roll into house, spraying room with automatic weapon fire before finally delivering the late Mrs Moggins letters.

Collections - blacked-out van screams to a halt outside post box, snatch() team dispatched, blow-off hinges of post box, stuff mail into sack, back into van and depart at speed.
You've got it all wrong. This is way the Hereford Hooligans would do it:

Deliveries - you wake up to discover your post neatly piled by your bed, despite the windows being shut, the doors locked and the mutt is still asleep on the landing.

Collections - you get a note under the door telling you to leave your post under the hedge* opposite Farmer Giles' barn, between the hours of 2300 and 2330. It's delivered as above in N Scotland by 0530....

*Called a DLB in the trade, aka dead letter box. The Commander of British Forces in GW1 was Gen Sir Peter de la Billiere, ex CO of 22, and always known as DLB....

His brother Fred was an FAA pilot, retired as a Commander.
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 18:12
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Dirty Lying Ba*******
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 18:28
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Will the ensuing SAS book on the postal strike be titled 'BFPO Two Zero' by Andy McMailbag?
Does this mean that they will stick an OP on my house to ascertain my pattern of life before attempting to deliver my parcel with absolute stealth only to discover that I was out...another failure of actionable intelligence...
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 18:52
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Does this mean that they will stick an OP on my house
No need to - it's all on file already .....
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Old 4th Oct 2007, 20:14
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Originally Posted by Compressorstall
Does this mean that they will stick an OP on my house to ascertain my pattern of life before attempting to deliver my parcel with absolute stealth only to discover that I was out
So, the same level of service as the normal PO then
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