Female C-130 pilot - The Sunday Times
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Female C-130 pilot - The Sunday Times
Did anyone else read the interview with the female C-130 pilot in The Sunday Times magazine? "Bringing the Royal Air Force into disrepute" springs to mind... Both myself and Mrs SMT were disgusted. The CRO or MCO (or whatever they are called this week) should be ashamed of themselves!
She made a fool of herself with Samsonite cases, not being able to shoot properly and the classic line to alienate all aircrew from the ground personnel, "In Basra I'm supposed to shack up with in the women's tent, but they get up at random times for LESS STRINGENT DUTIES(!!!). If they have a disturbed night, THEY MIGHT DROP THEIR PENCIL(!!!!!) - but I could crash an aircraft (should have had better flying skills then love!)". She goes on to state that "I'm not supposed to sleep in the tent with the guys, but I do"
She has not shown the RAF nor women in the Forces in the best light...
SMT
She made a fool of herself with Samsonite cases, not being able to shoot properly and the classic line to alienate all aircrew from the ground personnel, "In Basra I'm supposed to shack up with in the women's tent, but they get up at random times for LESS STRINGENT DUTIES(!!!). If they have a disturbed night, THEY MIGHT DROP THEIR PENCIL(!!!!!) - but I could crash an aircraft (should have had better flying skills then love!)". She goes on to state that "I'm not supposed to sleep in the tent with the guys, but I do"
She has not shown the RAF nor women in the Forces in the best light...
SMT
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Posted for your perusal...
The only funny bit is the Gloria Gaynor bit at the end...
SMT
From The Sunday Times
February 11, 2007
A Life in the Day: Caz Leavey
A Hercules pilot based at RAF Lyneham, Caz (Caroline) Leavey, 26, joined the Southampton University Air Squadron while studying biochemistry, then trained at RAF Cranwell, Lincolnshire. She is currently on tour in Iraq
Interview by Alice Douglas
"The time I get up depends on my duties. It could be 2 or 3 in the morning. I’m bleary-eyed and carry all my stuff from my tent to the bathroom, dropping things on the way. I then shower and get ready — basically by scraping my hair back in a scrunchie. We have breakfast — I eat Alpen, hurriedly. Then we get our rations for the flight — sausage rolls, biscuits and fruit — and fill our canisters with hot water for tea and coffee. I call being in Iraq my fat camp, as I always lose about a stone. I think: “Okay, I’m stuck out here, I might as well glean a detox out of it.”
I wear a green flying suit for normal operations but I also have a warm-climate, sandy-coloured one — I tease the blokes it’s actually pink. If we got shot down and captured we’d immediately be identified as RAF crew and tortured, as we’d have the most information. Now they’re designing fire-retardant combats for us that blend in with the rest of the troops; then we’ll all get tortured equally!
After breakfast we collect a rifle, pistol and ammunition. I’m not a good shot: in training, target practice wasn’t my top priority. I guess I was concentrating on flying planes. We then get the tactical information for the day, and set off on a standard route: Baghdad-Kuwait-Baghdad, mainly, or around Iraq. Mostly we collect troops or ferry them around in theatre [the theatre of operations].
My parents were both cabin crew, so I practically grew up in the air. My sixth birthday was spent in the cockpit of a 747, gaily munching cake on the captain’s knee. My original dream was to be a doctor, but I fell short of the three As and ended up doing biochemistry.
I was pretty despondent, so my brother, who’s a commercial pilot, suggested joining the University Air Squadron. It was exhilarating. I could fly a Bulldog before I got my degree, but long-term I had no idea what I wanted to fly, and my decision was based on location, location, location. I’m a southern girl at heart, so that ruled out Nimrods because they’re based in Scotland. That left Brize Norton, with its VC10s, TriStars and C-17s, or Lyneham, where the Hercules are based.
I’ve been to Iraq seven times in the last couple of years, and it’s always been hairy. But it’s even more dangerous now. In Basra I’m supposed to shack up in the women’s tent, but they get up at random times for less stringent duties. If they have a disturbed night, they might drop a pencil — but I could crash an aircraft. I’m not supposed to sleep in the tent with the guys, but I do. In theatre I need to be with my crew constantly. We sleep, eat and work alongside each other.
When rain floods the tents it’s bad. The guys mock me for bringing a Samsonite suitcase with me, but when their Bergens are soaked through and mine is bone-dry inside, they’re begging to put their mobiles and laptops in it.
I have to put up with a bit of a hoo-ha when I’m lugging it off the aircraft, but you wouldn’t be a woman in the forces if you couldn’t take a bit of stick.
The first time I made a night approach into Basra, rockets were exploding on the runway. I’d been through the ropes in the simulator, but a real explosion is something else! I had to fly into Kuwaiti airspace while they checked the runway for damage. About two hours later we landed fine, but I felt bad for my 80 troops on board. It’s like: “Welcome to the base — it’s under fire.”
Our day can be 18 hours long. Lunch depends on when we’ll be at a certain air base — at the American ones there’s Burger King. But I feel safer in the sky. When you’re being rocketed on the ground you feel completely helpless. You just repair to your tent and hope. You hear a “whooo” before a rocket lands, then the ground shakes and the tent sucks in and you’re frozen as you feel the vacuum after the blast. My boyfriend was in the RAF for 10 years, and he once said: “If the rocket’s got my name on, my time is up.” That calms me down.
The Hercules can carry 120 people and has four engines. Once, a warning came up saying “engine vibration high”. I reduced the power but it didn’t go away, so I shut that engine down and returned to base. It wasn’t a panic, just something I had to do. But once I buggered up a landing, and the crew were like: “What the hell was that?” It isn’t always your fault: the wind might change, and a Hercules hasn’t got air brakes, so you may have to break off the approach. I’ve never done serious damage to an aircraft, but I expect I’ve caused bruises.
We get basic escape and evasion training, but in my view if you can’t limp to a runway, you’re a goner. A Hercules went down between Balad and Baghdad two years ago. The co-pilot was a close friend of mine. I was at a panto at Brize Norton when we got the news. It was devastating. Some of my colleagues went to 10 funerals. When I joined up there was no war and I didn’t think about that side of things. But when I’m flying, no emotion interferes: I remain cool, detached and professional. It’s on the ground I run round like a hot potato.
After the final flight of the day we return all our kit, check the plot for the next day, then head for the mess. I have a light supper and, if I’ve got the energy, go to the gym. In the evening, DVDs are the main form of entertainment — except I can’t persuade the lads to watch the movies I like, so I take my laptop and watch Pride and Prejudice, or whatever, by myself on my camp bed. I read a lot too. Then, as long as there are no sirens or rockets, I go to sleep. I always pray that I don’t get mortared that night. In my dreams I always survive."
The only funny bit is the Gloria Gaynor bit at the end...
SMT
From The Sunday Times
February 11, 2007
A Life in the Day: Caz Leavey
A Hercules pilot based at RAF Lyneham, Caz (Caroline) Leavey, 26, joined the Southampton University Air Squadron while studying biochemistry, then trained at RAF Cranwell, Lincolnshire. She is currently on tour in Iraq
Interview by Alice Douglas
"The time I get up depends on my duties. It could be 2 or 3 in the morning. I’m bleary-eyed and carry all my stuff from my tent to the bathroom, dropping things on the way. I then shower and get ready — basically by scraping my hair back in a scrunchie. We have breakfast — I eat Alpen, hurriedly. Then we get our rations for the flight — sausage rolls, biscuits and fruit — and fill our canisters with hot water for tea and coffee. I call being in Iraq my fat camp, as I always lose about a stone. I think: “Okay, I’m stuck out here, I might as well glean a detox out of it.”
I wear a green flying suit for normal operations but I also have a warm-climate, sandy-coloured one — I tease the blokes it’s actually pink. If we got shot down and captured we’d immediately be identified as RAF crew and tortured, as we’d have the most information. Now they’re designing fire-retardant combats for us that blend in with the rest of the troops; then we’ll all get tortured equally!
After breakfast we collect a rifle, pistol and ammunition. I’m not a good shot: in training, target practice wasn’t my top priority. I guess I was concentrating on flying planes. We then get the tactical information for the day, and set off on a standard route: Baghdad-Kuwait-Baghdad, mainly, or around Iraq. Mostly we collect troops or ferry them around in theatre [the theatre of operations].
My parents were both cabin crew, so I practically grew up in the air. My sixth birthday was spent in the cockpit of a 747, gaily munching cake on the captain’s knee. My original dream was to be a doctor, but I fell short of the three As and ended up doing biochemistry.
I was pretty despondent, so my brother, who’s a commercial pilot, suggested joining the University Air Squadron. It was exhilarating. I could fly a Bulldog before I got my degree, but long-term I had no idea what I wanted to fly, and my decision was based on location, location, location. I’m a southern girl at heart, so that ruled out Nimrods because they’re based in Scotland. That left Brize Norton, with its VC10s, TriStars and C-17s, or Lyneham, where the Hercules are based.
I’ve been to Iraq seven times in the last couple of years, and it’s always been hairy. But it’s even more dangerous now. In Basra I’m supposed to shack up in the women’s tent, but they get up at random times for less stringent duties. If they have a disturbed night, they might drop a pencil — but I could crash an aircraft. I’m not supposed to sleep in the tent with the guys, but I do. In theatre I need to be with my crew constantly. We sleep, eat and work alongside each other.
When rain floods the tents it’s bad. The guys mock me for bringing a Samsonite suitcase with me, but when their Bergens are soaked through and mine is bone-dry inside, they’re begging to put their mobiles and laptops in it.
I have to put up with a bit of a hoo-ha when I’m lugging it off the aircraft, but you wouldn’t be a woman in the forces if you couldn’t take a bit of stick.
The first time I made a night approach into Basra, rockets were exploding on the runway. I’d been through the ropes in the simulator, but a real explosion is something else! I had to fly into Kuwaiti airspace while they checked the runway for damage. About two hours later we landed fine, but I felt bad for my 80 troops on board. It’s like: “Welcome to the base — it’s under fire.”
Our day can be 18 hours long. Lunch depends on when we’ll be at a certain air base — at the American ones there’s Burger King. But I feel safer in the sky. When you’re being rocketed on the ground you feel completely helpless. You just repair to your tent and hope. You hear a “whooo” before a rocket lands, then the ground shakes and the tent sucks in and you’re frozen as you feel the vacuum after the blast. My boyfriend was in the RAF for 10 years, and he once said: “If the rocket’s got my name on, my time is up.” That calms me down.
The Hercules can carry 120 people and has four engines. Once, a warning came up saying “engine vibration high”. I reduced the power but it didn’t go away, so I shut that engine down and returned to base. It wasn’t a panic, just something I had to do. But once I buggered up a landing, and the crew were like: “What the hell was that?” It isn’t always your fault: the wind might change, and a Hercules hasn’t got air brakes, so you may have to break off the approach. I’ve never done serious damage to an aircraft, but I expect I’ve caused bruises.
We get basic escape and evasion training, but in my view if you can’t limp to a runway, you’re a goner. A Hercules went down between Balad and Baghdad two years ago. The co-pilot was a close friend of mine. I was at a panto at Brize Norton when we got the news. It was devastating. Some of my colleagues went to 10 funerals. When I joined up there was no war and I didn’t think about that side of things. But when I’m flying, no emotion interferes: I remain cool, detached and professional. It’s on the ground I run round like a hot potato.
After the final flight of the day we return all our kit, check the plot for the next day, then head for the mess. I have a light supper and, if I’ve got the energy, go to the gym. In the evening, DVDs are the main form of entertainment — except I can’t persuade the lads to watch the movies I like, so I take my laptop and watch Pride and Prejudice, or whatever, by myself on my camp bed. I read a lot too. Then, as long as there are no sirens or rockets, I go to sleep. I always pray that I don’t get mortared that night. In my dreams I always survive."
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'they might drop their pencil' 
Oh dear Caz, you may find your groundcrew a little less helpful from now on. I guess in your eyes you won't expect them to read the broadsheets though will you?
Oh dear Caz, you may find your groundcrew a little less helpful from now on. I guess in your eyes you won't expect them to read the broadsheets though will you?
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They are obviosuly giving commissions to any idiot these days , this woman has shown the RAF in a very bad light indeed , what were the flight eng and the other pilot doing when she got the not really a big issue eng vib caption and saved the world ? There is the other train of thought that she has been paraphrased by a journalist , wouldnt be the first time would it ? Best hope when the other females on their not so stringent duties , like for example sitting in the tower getting shelled whilst your in Kuwaiti airspace , arent arming aircraft etc etc , this beggars belief
Last edited by maxdrypower; 15th Feb 2007 at 19:43.
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SMT and the rest,
Bearing in mind all of what Caz will have said would have been off the cuff and at the mercy of the journo so please don't take it all to heart dear folks
I know and have flown with her on numerous occasions and the portrayal you have read is a long long way from the truth
Bearing in mind all of what Caz will have said would have been off the cuff and at the mercy of the journo so please don't take it all to heart dear folks
I know and have flown with her on numerous occasions and the portrayal you have read is a long long way from the truth
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I have absolutely no doubt that they weren't the words that left Caz's mouth. I do not know the girl, and sympathise with her if she's feeling let down by a supposed trustworthy journalist.
HOWEVER, how on earth did this get past the RAF PR team!! I assume, of course, that we have an RAF PR team??!! This was not some page 9 article in a local rag, this was the Sunday Times for heaven's sake. The much-quoted 'pencil' line above was especially disappointing to read, particularly to those of us who try and go out their way to get on with our non-aircrew brethren. Again, not wholly the subject's fault but not the best RAF Aircrew piece I have ever read........
HOWEVER, how on earth did this get past the RAF PR team!! I assume, of course, that we have an RAF PR team??!! This was not some page 9 article in a local rag, this was the Sunday Times for heaven's sake. The much-quoted 'pencil' line above was especially disappointing to read, particularly to those of us who try and go out their way to get on with our non-aircrew brethren. Again, not wholly the subject's fault but not the best RAF Aircrew piece I have ever read........
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Dear MaxDryTissue;
The Flight Eng was probably in Calne tending to his garden as dearest Caz wouldn't be needing one of those chaps.
Looks like the journo has garnished it a bit......
NAJB
The Flight Eng was probably in Calne tending to his garden as dearest Caz wouldn't be needing one of those chaps.
Looks like the journo has garnished it a bit......
NAJB
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Everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame, unfortunately our badly briefed CRO's are too often pushed by self serving politicos who seem hell bent on parading population minorities in the armed forces as though they were something different (or special).
No doubt encouraged by her bosses, flattered by a professional journo and lonely as hell on Det she said things she probably regrets.
Answer: Stop promoting minority representation, for goodness sake hasn't the hopeless and often backfiring promotion of minority groups in the public sector taught us anything. The Americans learnt that positive discrimination doesnt work years ago.
Cas is a victim not the purp! Where was the media minder?
No doubt encouraged by her bosses, flattered by a professional journo and lonely as hell on Det she said things she probably regrets.
Answer: Stop promoting minority representation, for goodness sake hasn't the hopeless and often backfiring promotion of minority groups in the public sector taught us anything. The Americans learnt that positive discrimination doesnt work years ago.
Cas is a victim not the purp! Where was the media minder?
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I'm guessing none of you have flown C 130s in the desert. What Caz states is essentialy true. She doesn't state that the duties carried out by non flyers are not important but simply puts it that if she is not on top of her game the consequences are potentialy more serious if she was to make a mistake.
Would you fly on a BA/Virgin flight knowing the crew had F' all sleep due to constant interuptions during the night?........... Didn't think so.
However, would you let a slightly drowzy check in attendant or baggage handler assist you before the flight?.......Of course you would( and probably have!).
Look, i'm not interested in a Pissing contest between pilots and "everyone else" and I am a firm believer that we are all one team but there seems to be a fundemental mis understanding of the importance of crew rest.
I know Caz well and she is an excellent example of a professional pilot. You would do well to have her at the controls of your C130 next time you are being ferried around the gulf.
Caz, don't listen to people with half the facts or not willing to admit the importance of your job. Fly safe and keep bringing them home in one piece!
Would you fly on a BA/Virgin flight knowing the crew had F' all sleep due to constant interuptions during the night?........... Didn't think so.
However, would you let a slightly drowzy check in attendant or baggage handler assist you before the flight?.......Of course you would( and probably have!).
Look, i'm not interested in a Pissing contest between pilots and "everyone else" and I am a firm believer that we are all one team but there seems to be a fundemental mis understanding of the importance of crew rest.
I know Caz well and she is an excellent example of a professional pilot. You would do well to have her at the controls of your C130 next time you are being ferried around the gulf.
Caz, don't listen to people with half the facts or not willing to admit the importance of your job. Fly safe and keep bringing them home in one piece!
Last edited by Prop-Ed; 13th Feb 2007 at 08:31.
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Couldn't find the link by searching PPRuNe. It's been posted before, but had me in stitches when I first saw this:
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TRANSPORT PILOT
0700L - Woken by telephone call. It's another crew member reminding you that wheels are at 0700L.
0700.5L - Leave hotel room fully clothed, refreshed, with bags packed, ready to face the day's challenges.
0705L - Get to bus. Apologise to rest of your crew for your tardiness. Claim that you spent too long in the gym that morning. Note looks of disbelief. Remember not to use that excuse again.
0706L - Take seat on bus. Note t-shirt is on inside out. Hope nobody else notices.
0720L - Recline in air conditioned luxury as the bus propels you to the airport. Suspect that you didn't pack your shoes and that your washbag is still in the hotel bathroom.
0745L - Arrive at airport and debus. Note that suitcase is suspiciously light. Now fairly confident that shoes are still under hotel bed.
0800L - Negotiate airport security. Spend several minutes being told that you cannot take the knife on your flying suit onto the aircraft without the captain's permission. Explain that you are the captain.
0810L - Still negotiating airport security. Guard now on telephone to superiors. Suspect he does not believe that you are the captain. Remember t-shirt is on inside out. Now suspect that you have also not brushed your hair this morning. Try to see reflection in window to confirm. Get funny looks from guard.
0815L - Eventually allowed to pass on the understanding that you hand the knife to loadmaster for safe keeping until you reach the aircraft. Leave knife and now worryingly light suitcase with loadmaster and proceed to Met.
0820L - In depth met brief for 15 minutes as very keen met officer explains that there is in fact no weather within a 500nm radius of the airport or your destination.
0835L - extract a selection of performance figures from a variety of graphs.
0845L - compare selection of figures with those of co-pilot. Decide that they're close enough although suspect that the co-pilot isn't entirely sure what's going on.
0850L - The cause of the co-pilot's distraction becomes apparent when he announces that he has left the imprest in the hotel safe.
0853L - stop laughing to take a breath.
0854L - Co-pilot disappears to find taxi back to hotel. Decide that you've briefed enough and head out to the aircraft.
0858L - Arrive at aircraft. Loadmaster now extremely hot and sweaty manhandling pallets single handedly into aircraft, cursing the local handling staff. Praise him for his hard work. Pretend to miss his request for help and proceed outside hastily. Spot Flt Eng and GE looking concernedly at a large trail of orange fluid emanating from an engine. Saunter over casually to join them but they spot you and pretend they were talking about football. Mention the large leak. Note they both feign surprise and pretend they hadn't seen it. They dismiss it as a "seep". Retire to flight deck safe in the knowledge that they will die with you if it explodes in flight so assume that it'll probably be alright. Note tray of sandwiches on flt deck bunk.
0910L - Finish last smoked salmon and cream cheese baguette just as the now exhausted loadmaster joins you on the flight deck. Apparently he could really do with a smoked salmon baguette. State that sadly there were none. Surreptitiously wipe cream cheese and salmon from your chin and hope he didn't notice. Offer him processed ham and gherkin sandwich. He declines.
0925L - Co-pilot returns looking somewhat frustrated. Establish that imprest had in fact been in his suitcase all along.
0935L - Call for crew check in on intercom then realise you are in fact the only one on headset. Again, hope no-one noticed. Eventually gather enough people on intercom.
0937L - Commence starting checks. During start a light on the top panel comes on. Remember seeing this light during a simulator once but cannot recall what exactly it is. Flt Eng begins explaining an electrical fault with the aid of a large wiring diagram. Nod every now and then and agree with him at salient points. Wonder if you shaved this morning.
0940L - Fault rectified, taxy off blocks. Only 10 minutes late. Not bad going.
0941L - ATC pass lengthy clearance. Note the co-pilot copies down "ATC Clears Ascot 5432 to destination..." and then nothing else. ATC requests readback. Co-pilot asks - "did anybody get that". Navigator proceeds to pass the details to him. Flt Eng assists by commenting that he thought the clearance was slightly different. Flt Eng and Navigator argue. Co-pilot drops pencil. You note that your cup of tea has gone cold.
0945L - Cleared line up.
0946L - Airborne. Gear up. Now positive that your shoes are still in hotel.
1100L – Top of climb. Autopilot appears to be u/s. Express relief that it’s the co-pilot’s leg.
1115L – Commence first meal.
1130L – Replete from meal, retire to freight bay to use the “facilities”. On return, note large pallet of full mail bags. A quick test reveals the pile to extremely comfortable. Relax eyelids briefly.
1400L - Return to flight deck to find co-pilot now desperate to use “facilities”. Explain that you were delayed discussing your routing with some of the pax down the back. Take control.
1405L – Co-pilot returns. Comments that the passengers must all be asleep in the freight now as he couldn’t see them. Remember vaguely that you actually have no pax.
1415L – Pass overhead large international airport. Nil cloud or weather, calm, unlimited visibility. Co-pilot asks you get the weather for the airfield below. Look out window. Navigator asks for the QNH there. Make up figure.
1500L – Get cramp. Go to “inspect the freight bay”. Discover that loadmaster has been hoarding chocolate in his drawer in the galley. Steal the good ones.
1520L – Steal Flt Eng’s FHM. Read out the jokes at the back. Flt Eng comments that they have already been read out earlier in the flight. Look busy with Jetplan.
1600L – Top of descent.
1615L – Commence second meal. Spill curry on flying suit leg when putting the gear down.
1630L – Aircraft lands at destination.
1640L – On chocks. Aircraft met by officious customs man who demands that the can of coke you are now drinking from be destroyed before you can leave the aircraft.
1830L – Eventually find bus to take crew to hotel. Despite having been on the ground for 1.5hrs it still takes 30 minutes for every man and his dog to get on the bus.
1915L – Arrive at Hotel Splendide. Receptionist requires passports, ID cards and birth certificates from each crew member.
1957L – Eventually receive room key. Arrange to meet in co-pilots room in 10 minutes for more money.
2006L – Finally get to room. Happens to be most distant room from reception. Again. Open suitcase. As expected no shoes. Or washbag. Find trousers that go best with flying boots.
2008L – Arrive one minute late at co-pilot’s room to discover he has gone. Adjourn to hotel bar. Crew member visited this location 7 years ago. Remembers a fantastic bar. Set out to find bar.
2230L – Arrive back at hotel bar having walked around city centre twice in search of bar. Crew member then remembers that in fact the bar wasn’t in this town but one like it. Blow entire kitty on one round of beers at hotel prices.
2345L – GE gets address of low quality strip bar from hotel barman. You decide it’s bedtime. Crew members engage in harsh banter. You hold your ground.
2346L – Leave hotel for low quality strip bar. Evening becomes a blur……….
0700L – Woken by telephone call……………………..
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TRANSPORT PILOT
0700L - Woken by telephone call. It's another crew member reminding you that wheels are at 0700L.
0700.5L - Leave hotel room fully clothed, refreshed, with bags packed, ready to face the day's challenges.
0705L - Get to bus. Apologise to rest of your crew for your tardiness. Claim that you spent too long in the gym that morning. Note looks of disbelief. Remember not to use that excuse again.
0706L - Take seat on bus. Note t-shirt is on inside out. Hope nobody else notices.
0720L - Recline in air conditioned luxury as the bus propels you to the airport. Suspect that you didn't pack your shoes and that your washbag is still in the hotel bathroom.
0745L - Arrive at airport and debus. Note that suitcase is suspiciously light. Now fairly confident that shoes are still under hotel bed.
0800L - Negotiate airport security. Spend several minutes being told that you cannot take the knife on your flying suit onto the aircraft without the captain's permission. Explain that you are the captain.
0810L - Still negotiating airport security. Guard now on telephone to superiors. Suspect he does not believe that you are the captain. Remember t-shirt is on inside out. Now suspect that you have also not brushed your hair this morning. Try to see reflection in window to confirm. Get funny looks from guard.
0815L - Eventually allowed to pass on the understanding that you hand the knife to loadmaster for safe keeping until you reach the aircraft. Leave knife and now worryingly light suitcase with loadmaster and proceed to Met.
0820L - In depth met brief for 15 minutes as very keen met officer explains that there is in fact no weather within a 500nm radius of the airport or your destination.
0835L - extract a selection of performance figures from a variety of graphs.
0845L - compare selection of figures with those of co-pilot. Decide that they're close enough although suspect that the co-pilot isn't entirely sure what's going on.
0850L - The cause of the co-pilot's distraction becomes apparent when he announces that he has left the imprest in the hotel safe.
0853L - stop laughing to take a breath.
0854L - Co-pilot disappears to find taxi back to hotel. Decide that you've briefed enough and head out to the aircraft.
0858L - Arrive at aircraft. Loadmaster now extremely hot and sweaty manhandling pallets single handedly into aircraft, cursing the local handling staff. Praise him for his hard work. Pretend to miss his request for help and proceed outside hastily. Spot Flt Eng and GE looking concernedly at a large trail of orange fluid emanating from an engine. Saunter over casually to join them but they spot you and pretend they were talking about football. Mention the large leak. Note they both feign surprise and pretend they hadn't seen it. They dismiss it as a "seep". Retire to flight deck safe in the knowledge that they will die with you if it explodes in flight so assume that it'll probably be alright. Note tray of sandwiches on flt deck bunk.
0910L - Finish last smoked salmon and cream cheese baguette just as the now exhausted loadmaster joins you on the flight deck. Apparently he could really do with a smoked salmon baguette. State that sadly there were none. Surreptitiously wipe cream cheese and salmon from your chin and hope he didn't notice. Offer him processed ham and gherkin sandwich. He declines.
0925L - Co-pilot returns looking somewhat frustrated. Establish that imprest had in fact been in his suitcase all along.
0935L - Call for crew check in on intercom then realise you are in fact the only one on headset. Again, hope no-one noticed. Eventually gather enough people on intercom.
0937L - Commence starting checks. During start a light on the top panel comes on. Remember seeing this light during a simulator once but cannot recall what exactly it is. Flt Eng begins explaining an electrical fault with the aid of a large wiring diagram. Nod every now and then and agree with him at salient points. Wonder if you shaved this morning.
0940L - Fault rectified, taxy off blocks. Only 10 minutes late. Not bad going.
0941L - ATC pass lengthy clearance. Note the co-pilot copies down "ATC Clears Ascot 5432 to destination..." and then nothing else. ATC requests readback. Co-pilot asks - "did anybody get that". Navigator proceeds to pass the details to him. Flt Eng assists by commenting that he thought the clearance was slightly different. Flt Eng and Navigator argue. Co-pilot drops pencil. You note that your cup of tea has gone cold.
0945L - Cleared line up.
0946L - Airborne. Gear up. Now positive that your shoes are still in hotel.
1100L – Top of climb. Autopilot appears to be u/s. Express relief that it’s the co-pilot’s leg.
1115L – Commence first meal.
1130L – Replete from meal, retire to freight bay to use the “facilities”. On return, note large pallet of full mail bags. A quick test reveals the pile to extremely comfortable. Relax eyelids briefly.
1400L - Return to flight deck to find co-pilot now desperate to use “facilities”. Explain that you were delayed discussing your routing with some of the pax down the back. Take control.
1405L – Co-pilot returns. Comments that the passengers must all be asleep in the freight now as he couldn’t see them. Remember vaguely that you actually have no pax.
1415L – Pass overhead large international airport. Nil cloud or weather, calm, unlimited visibility. Co-pilot asks you get the weather for the airfield below. Look out window. Navigator asks for the QNH there. Make up figure.
1500L – Get cramp. Go to “inspect the freight bay”. Discover that loadmaster has been hoarding chocolate in his drawer in the galley. Steal the good ones.
1520L – Steal Flt Eng’s FHM. Read out the jokes at the back. Flt Eng comments that they have already been read out earlier in the flight. Look busy with Jetplan.
1600L – Top of descent.
1615L – Commence second meal. Spill curry on flying suit leg when putting the gear down.
1630L – Aircraft lands at destination.
1640L – On chocks. Aircraft met by officious customs man who demands that the can of coke you are now drinking from be destroyed before you can leave the aircraft.
1830L – Eventually find bus to take crew to hotel. Despite having been on the ground for 1.5hrs it still takes 30 minutes for every man and his dog to get on the bus.
1915L – Arrive at Hotel Splendide. Receptionist requires passports, ID cards and birth certificates from each crew member.
1957L – Eventually receive room key. Arrange to meet in co-pilots room in 10 minutes for more money.
2006L – Finally get to room. Happens to be most distant room from reception. Again. Open suitcase. As expected no shoes. Or washbag. Find trousers that go best with flying boots.
2008L – Arrive one minute late at co-pilot’s room to discover he has gone. Adjourn to hotel bar. Crew member visited this location 7 years ago. Remembers a fantastic bar. Set out to find bar.
2230L – Arrive back at hotel bar having walked around city centre twice in search of bar. Crew member then remembers that in fact the bar wasn’t in this town but one like it. Blow entire kitty on one round of beers at hotel prices.
2345L – GE gets address of low quality strip bar from hotel barman. You decide it’s bedtime. Crew members engage in harsh banter. You hold your ground.
2346L – Leave hotel for low quality strip bar. Evening becomes a blur……….
0700L – Woken by telephone call……………………..
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Easy Easy Steady!
I smell ****e.
Because its in print, it must be true?
How many times are we going to slag off the media in one breath then fall hook line and sinker for there next issue of boŁ&ocks.
I look forward to reading the many posts in support of her if indeed this is a complete stitch up.
I smell ****e.
Because its in print, it must be true?
How many times are we going to slag off the media in one breath then fall hook line and sinker for there next issue of boŁ&ocks.
I look forward to reading the many posts in support of her if indeed this is a complete stitch up.
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Retired to Wiltshire.
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Any group which represents only 12.3% of the total population is a "minority group".
Doesn't make them less or moreimportant except to those politically correct tree-huggers who tried to get me to sit through a whole day of "orientation".
Doesn't make them less or moreimportant except to those politically correct tree-huggers who tried to get me to sit through a whole day of "orientation".
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Totally embarrassing to read . It made me feel ill.
The sense of me! me! me! ,even to the choice of platform location -(perish the thought of being "oop North").
Nope! I'm glad I'm out.
Before anybody starts whingeing about "the poor girl was misquoted ";
what the hell was the Service doing in letting such a bimbo being let loose with those clowns in the first place?
I heard very much similar cr*p being gobbed off by certain members of a Nimrod crew in the RAF Club last year - for all to hear in the Cowdray Room.
Wake up Guys-you are being your own worse enemies in letting this sort of puerile idiocy escape to a wider audience.
The sense of me! me! me! ,even to the choice of platform location -(perish the thought of being "oop North").
Nope! I'm glad I'm out.
Before anybody starts whingeing about "the poor girl was misquoted ";
what the hell was the Service doing in letting such a bimbo being let loose with those clowns in the first place?
I heard very much similar cr*p being gobbed off by certain members of a Nimrod crew in the RAF Club last year - for all to hear in the Cowdray Room.
Wake up Guys-you are being your own worse enemies in letting this sort of puerile idiocy escape to a wider audience.
Join Date: Feb 2007
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I am 100% certain I would rather operate with this particular "bimbo" than a bitter and twisted obviously passed over and obviously blunt cretin like you RET
Last edited by Seldomfitforpurpose; 13th Feb 2007 at 08:37.
Join Date: Feb 2005
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However, would you let a slightly drowzy techie re-rig your flying controls before the flight?.......Of course you would NOT and the list is endless of groundcrew who have very important jobs to do and need proper rest to do them effectively. Your comment is prop-ed.
I imagine Caz has been mis-quoted plenty and I feel for her if she has. However, comments like the pencil one are unforgivable if she did make them.
prop-ed.I imagine Caz has been mis-quoted plenty and I feel for her if she has. However, comments like the pencil one are unforgivable if she did make them.
Hovering AND talking
Join Date: Feb 2003
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Originally Posted by Amelia Earhart
"...Women must pay for everything. They do get more glory than men for comparable feats, but, they also get more notoriety when they crash..."
Cheers
Whirls