Favourite Military Banter/Phrases
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Not sure if this constitutes banter or best put down line but here goes.
Having left the RAF I managed to get a job on a UK 757 charter outfit. Lo and behold, one of my first trips was a mil charter from Akronelli to Nause Brighton. On the way back the army pax were doing their level best to cop off with our extremely attractive senior cabin attendant.
Eventually one of them says words to the effect of:
"How about it darling. Shall we lock ourselves in the forward loo and join the mile high club?"
To which the immediate reply was "Listen mate, I've already got one asshole inside my knickers. If I ever want another one I'll let you know!"
Exit stage left one very demoralised pongo.
Having left the RAF I managed to get a job on a UK 757 charter outfit. Lo and behold, one of my first trips was a mil charter from Akronelli to Nause Brighton. On the way back the army pax were doing their level best to cop off with our extremely attractive senior cabin attendant.
Eventually one of them says words to the effect of:
"How about it darling. Shall we lock ourselves in the forward loo and join the mile high club?"
To which the immediate reply was "Listen mate, I've already got one asshole inside my knickers. If I ever want another one I'll let you know!"
Exit stage left one very demoralised pongo.
Red On, Green On
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"Pressure? I'll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse, playing cricket is not."
Former Australia all-rounder cricketer and fighter pilot Keith Miller, who died in 2004.
From The Telegraph 3 Jan 2005
Former Australia all-rounder cricketer and fighter pilot Keith Miller, who died in 2004.
From The Telegraph 3 Jan 2005
PPatRoN
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Bananas*2's post reminded me of a similar occurence. A student story, but worth letting in to this thread, I think (you may judge otherwise).
Nicki was (is? I haven't seen her for years) immensely attractive, and a bit of a posh bird, and kind-hearted. At a social event, where a number of different courses were mixing, someone from another course, someone with a very high opinion of his own worth, decided he was going to dance with her.
She politely declined. He persisted. Still polite, she gently suggested he might ask one of the other girls. He persisted.
"G'wan, luv, you know you wanna dance."
Nicki fluttered her perfectly formed eyelashes at him, leaned towards him, and in her perfectly modulated voice, softly asked, "I say, do you f*ck?"
He looked as if all his Christmases had come at once, and eagerly replied, "Yeah, luv, I do!"
"Well f*ck orf, then!"
adr
Nicki was (is? I haven't seen her for years) immensely attractive, and a bit of a posh bird, and kind-hearted. At a social event, where a number of different courses were mixing, someone from another course, someone with a very high opinion of his own worth, decided he was going to dance with her.
She politely declined. He persisted. Still polite, she gently suggested he might ask one of the other girls. He persisted.
"G'wan, luv, you know you wanna dance."
Nicki fluttered her perfectly formed eyelashes at him, leaned towards him, and in her perfectly modulated voice, softly asked, "I say, do you f*ck?"
He looked as if all his Christmases had come at once, and eagerly replied, "Yeah, luv, I do!"
"Well f*ck orf, then!"
adr
Last edited by adr; 4th Jan 2005 at 10:09.
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Favourite Military Banter/Phrases
All,
Do you have a partictular favourite phrase or piece of banter which gives you partictular satisfaction in uttering? Maybe something which makes you simle simple to use when addressing another? Or do you especially enjoy confusing the barmaid in your local by using indeciperable jargon at her? Then let's hear it.
For the record, I can't help but grin when I hear somebody described as "an utter chisler". Gets me every time.
BluntM8
Do you have a partictular favourite phrase or piece of banter which gives you partictular satisfaction in uttering? Maybe something which makes you simle simple to use when addressing another? Or do you especially enjoy confusing the barmaid in your local by using indeciperable jargon at her? Then let's hear it.
For the record, I can't help but grin when I hear somebody described as "an utter chisler". Gets me every time.
BluntM8
Aaah banter.
Talking about the size of a gnats cock always brings a smile to my face eg:
"....you missed that one by the width of a gnats cock mate!"
I always was easily amused though. I'll try to think of more.
BV
"....you missed that one by the width of a gnats cock mate!"
I always was easily amused though. I'll try to think of more.
BV
The twist on Will Rogers saying...cracked me up....heard from in the rear of a formation after our collective sins had been described by the Drill Instructor...
"Will Rogers said he never met a man he did not like....it seems Mr. Rogers never met Staff Sargeant Brown!"
"Will Rogers said he never met a man he did not like....it seems Mr. Rogers never met Staff Sargeant Brown!"
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How about:
"progress on this project has been imeasurable"
or
"a legend in his own lunchtime"
or maybe
"not that I dislike him, but he is using oxygen my kids might need"
I also like "it all went t*ts up!" (nowadays I tend to use "tango uniform" since I live in a P.C. part of the U.S )
On the bathroom "front" this one gets the wife pi##ed of at me....
"I'm going to see some friends off to the coast".....normally said whilst looking for a good magazine with which to pass the time
"progress on this project has been imeasurable"
or
"a legend in his own lunchtime"
or maybe
"not that I dislike him, but he is using oxygen my kids might need"
I also like "it all went t*ts up!" (nowadays I tend to use "tango uniform" since I live in a P.C. part of the U.S )
On the bathroom "front" this one gets the wife pi##ed of at me....
"I'm going to see some friends off to the coast".....normally said whilst looking for a good magazine with which to pass the time
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November 1989.
Clumber Park.
Leadership Exercises.
Chucking it down.
The hero of 9 Flight (you still out there Barry B?) is trying to write with a water soluble pen on a wet plastic board:
"N, pass us another pen mate, this one's gone t1ts up."
Flight Commander (@rsehole) stops the lead and threatens to Sheet 3 Barry for using 'Un-officer-like language'.
The same flight commander later rips N's head off for farting during a route march.
Sorry, got carried away there, back to the thread, adaptation of a previous one:
"Chimping Chiseller/Chiselling Chimp."
Muppet/Muppetry is drifting into everyday use (thanks Steve Wright).
'As much use as t1ts on a fish.'
Are we allowed to say 'Sausage Jockey' any more?
STH
Clumber Park.
Leadership Exercises.
Chucking it down.
The hero of 9 Flight (you still out there Barry B?) is trying to write with a water soluble pen on a wet plastic board:
"N, pass us another pen mate, this one's gone t1ts up."
Flight Commander (@rsehole) stops the lead and threatens to Sheet 3 Barry for using 'Un-officer-like language'.
The same flight commander later rips N's head off for farting during a route march.
Sorry, got carried away there, back to the thread, adaptation of a previous one:
"Chimping Chiseller/Chiselling Chimp."
Muppet/Muppetry is drifting into everyday use (thanks Steve Wright).
'As much use as t1ts on a fish.'
Are we allowed to say 'Sausage Jockey' any more?
STH
Yes Sir! I will be sure to do it exactly like you told me too!
PPatRoN
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Coming down off Pen y Fan one February day long ago, with others, all in what for the time was near-Gucci kit (the merest trace of olive drab on only one of our party), as two blokes in green were painfully slogging up.
As they drew level, first one makes eye contact and rasps out: "You b-sta-ds do this for fun?"
adr
As they drew level, first one makes eye contact and rasps out: "You b-sta-ds do this for fun?"
adr