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Favourite Military Banter/Phrases

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Favourite Military Banter/Phrases

Old 16th Dec 2004, 07:07
  #101 (permalink)  
 
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Not sure if this constitutes banter or best put down line but here goes.

Having left the RAF I managed to get a job on a UK 757 charter outfit. Lo and behold, one of my first trips was a mil charter from Akronelli to Nause Brighton. On the way back the army pax were doing their level best to cop off with our extremely attractive senior cabin attendant.

Eventually one of them says words to the effect of:

"How about it darling. Shall we lock ourselves in the forward loo and join the mile high club?"

To which the immediate reply was "Listen mate, I've already got one asshole inside my knickers. If I ever want another one I'll let you know!"

Exit stage left one very demoralised pongo.
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Old 4th Jan 2005, 08:30
  #102 (permalink)  
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"Pressure? I'll tell you what pressure is. Pressure is a Messerschmitt up your arse, playing cricket is not."

Former Australia all-rounder cricketer and fighter pilot Keith Miller, who died in 2004.

From The Telegraph 3 Jan 2005
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Old 4th Jan 2005, 09:54
  #103 (permalink)  
adr

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Bananas*2's post reminded me of a similar occurence. A student story, but worth letting in to this thread, I think (you may judge otherwise).

Nicki was (is? I haven't seen her for years) immensely attractive, and a bit of a posh bird, and kind-hearted. At a social event, where a number of different courses were mixing, someone from another course, someone with a very high opinion of his own worth, decided he was going to dance with her.

She politely declined. He persisted. Still polite, she gently suggested he might ask one of the other girls. He persisted.

"G'wan, luv, you know you wanna dance."
Nicki fluttered her perfectly formed eyelashes at him, leaned towards him, and in her perfectly modulated voice, softly asked, "I say, do you f*ck?"
He looked as if all his Christmases had come at once, and eagerly replied, "Yeah, luv, I do!"
"Well f*ck orf, then!"



adr

Last edited by adr; 4th Jan 2005 at 10:09.
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 15:37
  #104 (permalink)  
 
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Favourite Military Banter/Phrases

All,

Do you have a partictular favourite phrase or piece of banter which gives you partictular satisfaction in uttering? Maybe something which makes you simle simple to use when addressing another? Or do you especially enjoy confusing the barmaid in your local by using indeciperable jargon at her? Then let's hear it.

For the record, I can't help but grin when I hear somebody described as "an utter chisler". Gets me every time.

BluntM8
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 15:48
  #105 (permalink)  
 
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"Which dirty b****r has Cat 5'd the toilet"
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 16:17
  #106 (permalink)  
 
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Aaah banter.

Talking about the size of a gnats cock always brings a smile to my face eg:

"....you missed that one by the width of a gnats cock mate!"

I always was easily amused though. I'll try to think of more.
BV
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 16:17
  #107 (permalink)  

 
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A T Shirt I saw once, which is one of my favourites (but I don't really understand ) 'If you want to run with the big dogs, then don't pi$$ up the tall trees'!
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 16:32
  #108 (permalink)  
 
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Banter!!!

"Should have worked harder at school!!" always works for me!
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 16:34
  #109 (permalink)  
 
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'They might go up-diddly up, but they're still gits!'

Anyone for an Orange Whip?

'It's the dog b@llox!'

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Old 11th Apr 2005, 17:03
  #110 (permalink)  
 
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The twist on Will Rogers saying...cracked me up....heard from in the rear of a formation after our collective sins had been described by the Drill Instructor...

"Will Rogers said he never met a man he did not like....it seems Mr. Rogers never met Staff Sargeant Brown!"
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 17:57
  #111 (permalink)  
 
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Bit of Lossie vs Kinloss banter from a while ago, seen on 8 Sqn T-shirts:

8 screws are better than 4 blow jobs

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Old 11th Apr 2005, 18:11
  #112 (permalink)  
 
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To Observers,

"If you'd spent less time looking out the window at school, you could spend more time looking out the window now!"

or general,

"Stick it up your @rse"
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 18:54
  #113 (permalink)  
 
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Also seen on an 8 sqdn T shirt......
"Old age and treachery, will outshine youth and exuberance any day!"
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 18:58
  #114 (permalink)  
 
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How about:

"progress on this project has been imeasurable"

or

"a legend in his own lunchtime"

or maybe

"not that I dislike him, but he is using oxygen my kids might need"

I also like "it all went t*ts up!" (nowadays I tend to use "tango uniform" since I live in a P.C. part of the U.S )

On the bathroom "front" this one gets the wife pi##ed of at me....

"I'm going to see some friends off to the coast".....normally said whilst looking for a good magazine with which to pass the time
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 19:20
  #115 (permalink)  
 
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To someone who seems to be regularly not at work:

He gets more time off than Nelson's starboard anti flash glove.

or

More time off than Rip van Winkles bunk light.
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 19:24
  #116 (permalink)  
 
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Nuke 'em till they glow!!

Or, how about the ever popular, 'Close enough for government work'
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 19:34
  #117 (permalink)  
 
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November 1989.

Clumber Park.

Leadership Exercises.

Chucking it down.

The hero of 9 Flight (you still out there Barry B?) is trying to write with a water soluble pen on a wet plastic board:

"N, pass us another pen mate, this one's gone t1ts up."

Flight Commander (@rsehole) stops the lead and threatens to Sheet 3 Barry for using 'Un-officer-like language'.

The same flight commander later rips N's head off for farting during a route march.

Sorry, got carried away there, back to the thread, adaptation of a previous one:

"Chimping Chiseller/Chiselling Chimp."

Muppet/Muppetry is drifting into everyday use (thanks Steve Wright).

'As much use as t1ts on a fish.'

Are we allowed to say 'Sausage Jockey' any more?

STH
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 21:26
  #118 (permalink)  
 
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He/she is a "waste of rations"

Rarer than "rocking horse sh1t"

As much use as a "chocolate fireguard"

And that old favourite "she'll be buried in a Y-shaped coffin"
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 21:36
  #119 (permalink)  
 
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Yes Sir! I will be sure to do it exactly like you told me too!
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Old 11th Apr 2005, 21:47
  #120 (permalink)  
adr

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Coming down off Pen y Fan one February day long ago, with others, all in what for the time was near-Gucci kit (the merest trace of olive drab on only one of our party), as two blokes in green were painfully slogging up.

As they drew level, first one makes eye contact and rasps out: "You b-sta-ds do this for fun?"



adr
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