Favourite Military Banter/Phrases
BEags,
Yes, RFK, who lost his driving licence having fallen asleep in his XJ6 at the Cartoontown crossroads traffic lights, having consumed several sherberts. After the lights had changed red/green/red about 20 times, and RFK's Jag hadn't moved, the local plods finally realised they had a rare chance of a local "bag".
Anyone know where he is these days?
Yes, RFK, who lost his driving licence having fallen asleep in his XJ6 at the Cartoontown crossroads traffic lights, having consumed several sherberts. After the lights had changed red/green/red about 20 times, and RFK's Jag hadn't moved, the local plods finally realised they had a rare chance of a local "bag".
Anyone know where he is these days?
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Hooligan Sgt Major to trooper who had delayed the combined VIP flight with CAS to SIN/SAS jungle survival to Brunei...
'For you tomorrow is Easter... and we've only got ONE NAIL....'
'For you tomorrow is Easter... and we've only got ONE NAIL....'
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Officers' Mess bar at Valley eons ago.
Trainee 1: "Is that sweat or aftershave on your face?"
Trainee 2: "Aftershave."
Trainee 1: "Personally, I use soap."
Trainee 2: "Well, as it doesn't work for you, I have to assume it wouldn't work for me!"
Trainee 1: "Is that sweat or aftershave on your face?"
Trainee 2: "Aftershave."
Trainee 1: "Personally, I use soap."
Trainee 2: "Well, as it doesn't work for you, I have to assume it wouldn't work for me!"
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Quote:
To which she responded "What did you say?"
His reply? "OI SAID WITH AN ARSE LOIKE THAT, YOU MUST PACK A MEAN FART!!"
In a one to one situation "fart and gimme a clue" come to mind.
To which she responded "What did you say?"
His reply? "OI SAID WITH AN ARSE LOIKE THAT, YOU MUST PACK A MEAN FART!!"
In a one to one situation "fart and gimme a clue" come to mind.
The very same! My co-pilot for a while....
The XJ6 incident I well recall. Bang to rights by Cartoontown Plod for sleeping without due care and attention, charged with being drunk in charge...
Except it wasn't the first time. Got the scare of his life when up in front of the beak and the word 'custodial' was mentioned. But he certainly learned from that; after his ban he was as good as gold. Well, -ish.
Didn't like the TriShaw world though, which was somewhat mutual.
Hope the old bugger is well - anyone know where he is these days?
The XJ6 incident I well recall. Bang to rights by Cartoontown Plod for sleeping without due care and attention, charged with being drunk in charge...
Except it wasn't the first time. Got the scare of his life when up in front of the beak and the word 'custodial' was mentioned. But he certainly learned from that; after his ban he was as good as gold. Well, -ish.
Didn't like the TriShaw world though, which was somewhat mutual.
Hope the old bugger is well - anyone know where he is these days?
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Whereabouts
Beags, don't quote me please but during my time at Basra in 07/08 I got talking to someone who knew said chap. I am pretty sure that he told me that he was still at Brize, but had been given a sabbatical to look after his wife who was vsi (terminal?). Again, please don't take this as gospel, I may have got totally the wrong end of the stick (it has been known to have happened before). CB
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Tri Service Banter
Ppruners,
Some time ago I requested some assistance from you all with regard to a Tri Service Dinner I was in the chair for. I now have the duboius honour to do it again on the upcoming demise of my Project, this time my starred guest has changed from brown to light blue (hurrah!), but agin the majority of the audience will be brown with a smattering of dark blue and a collection of civil servants all with partners.
My plea is therefore not really different from my previous one, in that if you have any tri service ditties I could use I would be most welcome to recieve them. The last time I took a number (not too many to bore folk rigid!) and they went down a storm. Mostly enjoyed a tale comparing a Brigadier to a Flt Sgt then sat down next to a 1* brown job, he finally enjoyed I think!!
Anyway, anything gratefully received, dinner on 1 Aug in a large Army Mess.
Thank you for your assistance.
Jamesman
Some time ago I requested some assistance from you all with regard to a Tri Service Dinner I was in the chair for. I now have the duboius honour to do it again on the upcoming demise of my Project, this time my starred guest has changed from brown to light blue (hurrah!), but agin the majority of the audience will be brown with a smattering of dark blue and a collection of civil servants all with partners.
My plea is therefore not really different from my previous one, in that if you have any tri service ditties I could use I would be most welcome to recieve them. The last time I took a number (not too many to bore folk rigid!) and they went down a storm. Mostly enjoyed a tale comparing a Brigadier to a Flt Sgt then sat down next to a 1* brown job, he finally enjoyed I think!!
Anyway, anything gratefully received, dinner on 1 Aug in a large Army Mess.
Thank you for your assistance.
Jamesman
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Pilot and a pongo in the toilets having a wazz. Pilot goes to leave, pongo goes over to the sinks and says "In the army, they teach us to wash our hands" pilots replies "In the Air Force they teach us not to piss on our hands"
Modify as required.....
Modify as required.....
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This a multi-role joke:
Huntingdon Life Sciences (the notorious laboratory for testing stuff on animals, which will be more or less familiar depending on how near you are to the A1) has stopped using rats in their labs.
Instead they are now using [insert appropriate unit, branch, regiment etc etc]. There were 3 reasons for this:
1. The lab assistants were becoming too fond of the rats.
2. There aren't enough rats.
3. There are some things even rats won't do.
Rgds SOS
P.S. there was quite a lot of good material in response to your last thread, you can't have used it all can you?
Rgds SOS
Huntingdon Life Sciences (the notorious laboratory for testing stuff on animals, which will be more or less familiar depending on how near you are to the A1) has stopped using rats in their labs.
Instead they are now using [insert appropriate unit, branch, regiment etc etc]. There were 3 reasons for this:
1. The lab assistants were becoming too fond of the rats.
2. There aren't enough rats.
3. There are some things even rats won't do.
Rgds SOS
P.S. there was quite a lot of good material in response to your last thread, you can't have used it all can you?
Rgds SOS
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Just remembered another multi-role candidate.
Q. What's the difference between a supermarket trolley and a [Brigadier]?
A. The supermarket trolley has a mind of it's own and there is a limit to the amount of food and drink you can get into a supermarket trolley.
Rgds SOS
Q. What's the difference between a supermarket trolley and a [Brigadier]?
A. The supermarket trolley has a mind of it's own and there is a limit to the amount of food and drink you can get into a supermarket trolley.
Rgds SOS
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James
There is a reasonable selection here;
Military Jokes
Some (I think) are funny, but I am easily amused.
There is a reasonable selection here;
Military Jokes
Some (I think) are funny, but I am easily amused.
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Two blue bloodied brothers start chatting to a grizzled old American in a pub in Cambridge. The older brother is a bit deaf so after every chat the younger brother gives a very loud, brief description of the conversation to his elder.
Young brother to American. ''Is this your first visit to England?''
American, ''No sir I was a Major flying B17's out Alconbury during that little old shindig you had over here, in 42/45 and I flew thirty five missions over Germany.
YB turns to OB and says '' he was a pilot during the war''
OB nods.
The chat continues in this fashion and then the YB says.
to A. ''Tell me Major, during your time at Alconbury did you by any chance meet the Duchess of Huntingdonshire?''
With that the Major's eyes glazed over, he put down his scotch and with a chuckle replied
''Did I know the Duchess of Huntingdonshire? You bet your sweet ass I knew her. She was the hottest piece of ass ever to climb in between a pair of black satin sheets. Why she could take a B17 crew to paradise in no time at all. She knew every goddam trick in the book and we flyboys couldn't get enough of the old Duchess. For ten bucks you sure got your money's worth.
Why we couldn't wait to get back to base to make sure we got in line for the old Duchess
Yessiree a lotta guys in the Mighty Eighth ain't never gonna forget the Duchess.''
He then carried on quietly drinking his scotch, in a reflective mood.
The OB turned to the YB and said ''I say what was that all about? What was that damned yankee fellah saying?
The YB hesitates and then replies in a langiud drawl
''He said he knows Mother!''
Young brother to American. ''Is this your first visit to England?''
American, ''No sir I was a Major flying B17's out Alconbury during that little old shindig you had over here, in 42/45 and I flew thirty five missions over Germany.
YB turns to OB and says '' he was a pilot during the war''
OB nods.
The chat continues in this fashion and then the YB says.
to A. ''Tell me Major, during your time at Alconbury did you by any chance meet the Duchess of Huntingdonshire?''
With that the Major's eyes glazed over, he put down his scotch and with a chuckle replied
''Did I know the Duchess of Huntingdonshire? You bet your sweet ass I knew her. She was the hottest piece of ass ever to climb in between a pair of black satin sheets. Why she could take a B17 crew to paradise in no time at all. She knew every goddam trick in the book and we flyboys couldn't get enough of the old Duchess. For ten bucks you sure got your money's worth.
Why we couldn't wait to get back to base to make sure we got in line for the old Duchess
Yessiree a lotta guys in the Mighty Eighth ain't never gonna forget the Duchess.''
He then carried on quietly drinking his scotch, in a reflective mood.
The OB turned to the YB and said ''I say what was that all about? What was that damned yankee fellah saying?
The YB hesitates and then replies in a langiud drawl
''He said he knows Mother!''
Pilot and a pongo in the toilets having a wazz. Pilot goes to leave, pongo goes over to the basins and says "In the army, they teach us to wash our hands" pilots replies "In the Air Force they teach us not to piss on our hands"
Modify as required.....
Modified as required......
Jack
Modify as required.....
Modified as required......
Jack
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That one about the loadie marching a load of guards about from the Herc ramp, including the colonel was a good one.