Beagle's Lament
Thread Starter
BEagle's Lament
Beagle, me ol' mucker, it's come to note,
For whinging ol' gits, you'd win my vote!
Sorry, ol' boy, but I can't help but notice...
Since leaving the Mob, you've become more emotive.................
Is it because only now you've the time
To rant and rave and move me to rhyme?
Your many tales of flying and daring-do
Would often raise a smile from the grounded 'few'
So the medic prescribes 4-weeks of Jolly Tale
Else your past would have all been to no avail........
Beags, lighten up mate. For guys like myself, with days to do, I've witnessed your slow fall into the dark hole that PPRUNE has a reputation for providing and am wondering if the same fate awaits??????????
Anyone else agree?
For whinging ol' gits, you'd win my vote!
Sorry, ol' boy, but I can't help but notice...
Since leaving the Mob, you've become more emotive.................
Is it because only now you've the time
To rant and rave and move me to rhyme?
Your many tales of flying and daring-do
Would often raise a smile from the grounded 'few'
So the medic prescribes 4-weeks of Jolly Tale
Else your past would have all been to no avail........
Beags, lighten up mate. For guys like myself, with days to do, I've witnessed your slow fall into the dark hole that PPRUNE has a reputation for providing and am wondering if the same fate awaits??????????
Anyone else agree?
Last edited by EESDL; 24th Feb 2005 at 13:36.
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is there any truth that the following "orders" were given to anyone attempting to date BEagles daughters? ......
8 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER ......
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romance or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Certainly sounds like him .....
8 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER ......
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romance or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Certainly sounds like him .....
Top Thread! 
BEags - no need to lighten-up on my account mate!
BEags - no need to lighten-up on my account mate!
When my first-born son arrived in the world, my Warrant Officer (who had a teenage daughter) made the following comment:
"It's alright for you; you've only got one pr*ck to worry about. I've got thousands!"
"It's alright for you; you've only got one pr*ck to worry about. I've got thousands!"
EESDL - I appoint you as my sexual advisor.
Which means that when I want your f*****g advice, I'll ask you for it!
Sticks and stones...... Oh, and I thought this thread was about my sound-alike's abject failure to find life on Mars!
Which means that when I want your f*****g advice, I'll ask you for it!
Sticks and stones...... Oh, and I thought this thread was about my sound-alike's abject failure to find life on Mars!
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BEagle,
Well said old bean - cheeky young ba$tard that he is.
I have arranged for Caruthers to send his latest book on 'manners, politeness and fair play' to this young upstart who, patently needs a damned good threashing in my opinion.
If you so wish, Caruthers says he is up for that, and will cut away as soon as you give the nod! and give this bounder 'what for'
In the meantime, relax, have a beer (or better still a Grouse) and let it all wash over you.
Kind regards
TSM
Well said old bean - cheeky young ba$tard that he is.
I have arranged for Caruthers to send his latest book on 'manners, politeness and fair play' to this young upstart who, patently needs a damned good threashing in my opinion.
If you so wish, Caruthers says he is up for that, and will cut away as soon as you give the nod! and give this bounder 'what for'
In the meantime, relax, have a beer (or better still a Grouse) and let it all wash over you.
Kind regards
TSM
Thread Starter
Likewise, your rants make my grumbles seem quite positive.
Would you let your daughter 'date' a pilot - only if she was a nurse........
There is only one Beagle, no matter how you write it.
Would you let your daughter 'date' a pilot - only if she was a nurse........
There is only one Beagle, no matter how you write it.
TSM, yes, please do send your man Caruthers to box the young whippersnapper about the ears, if you would. No need for a thrashing just yet though, methinks....
Sound advice about the Famous amber fluid - have just quaffed a glass to accompany my lunchtime roast beef sandwich!
Sound advice about the Famous amber fluid - have just quaffed a glass to accompany my lunchtime roast beef sandwich!
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EESDL is getting cheeky now that his 'chuff chart' is nearing completion.
At least he hasn't been told to withdraw this thread. Unlike some of his other ones!
Liked the rhyme though!
kipper
At least he hasn't been told to withdraw this thread. Unlike some of his other ones!
Liked the rhyme though!
kipper
Just a bit of light fun...poking in jest at Beags' soft under belly...something that EESDL has a 'thing' for...(underbelly poking that is!!)
EESDL...matey Booker Prize material it isn't...but you lightened my day at least.
HM
EESDL...matey Booker Prize material it isn't...but you lightened my day at least.
HM
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If we're taking a vote, I'm with BEags. You can't beat honesty and speaking your mind. Even if QRs say otherwise eh?
PPrune without BEagle would be like Pop Idol without Simon Cowell. Someone has to tell it like it is!
PPrune without BEagle would be like Pop Idol without Simon Cowell. Someone has to tell it like it is!
Thanks, chum.
Trouble is, some can't tell talk from banter!
Not sure about Pop Idlers and Simon Cowell, but for cutting through business weasel-speak (I understand the current yoof-term is 'w@nkwords') and telling it like it is, Sir Alan Sugar on BBC2's 'The Apprentice' takes some beating!
Trouble is, some can't tell talk from banter!
Not sure about Pop Idlers and Simon Cowell, but for cutting through business weasel-speak (I understand the current yoof-term is 'w@nkwords') and telling it like it is, Sir Alan Sugar on BBC2's 'The Apprentice' takes some beating!
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I,m with Beag,s, mind you I have 3 lads who would definately want to meet with someones daughters. (there again they could then leave home)
Keep ranting Beag,s old dear, keep making me smile, nay laugh, tell it as it is,
Oh and by the way Cowell is a PR!"ŁK.............Sugar is now the king, did you see him last night sack the Communication woman, what style
BT
Keep ranting Beag,s old dear, keep making me smile, nay laugh, tell it as it is,
Oh and by the way Cowell is a PR!"ŁK.............Sugar is now the king, did you see him last night sack the Communication woman, what style
BT