Top Uas Tips
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Top Uas Tips
With the new Uni term almost upon us, perhaps current UASers and ex-UASers alike could post their tips on how to get ahead on a UAS in the serious manner that befits University Air Squadrons.
Here's a few from me for starters:
1. For those with civvy flying experience:
Impress fellow students and ensure the QFIs know exactly who they're dealing with by affixing a home-made "20 Hours C150" badge to your flying suit.
2. Arrive at the first town night wearing your old Air Cadet uniform (with Nijmagen "medal" as appropriate) and enquire what time drill starts. Chastise other members for having insufficiently polished shoes.
3. When in the bar at the flying station, gain popularity with other mess members by turning on MTV at high volume and explaining "it's a bitching tune". Discount all complaints from groudcrew livers-in on the basis they are blunt and not cool enough to have a flying suit.
<insert more tips here>
Dave.
Here's a few from me for starters:
1. For those with civvy flying experience:
Impress fellow students and ensure the QFIs know exactly who they're dealing with by affixing a home-made "20 Hours C150" badge to your flying suit.
2. Arrive at the first town night wearing your old Air Cadet uniform (with Nijmagen "medal" as appropriate) and enquire what time drill starts. Chastise other members for having insufficiently polished shoes.
3. When in the bar at the flying station, gain popularity with other mess members by turning on MTV at high volume and explaining "it's a bitching tune". Discount all complaints from groudcrew livers-in on the basis they are blunt and not cool enough to have a flying suit.
<insert more tips here>
Dave.
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Recount tales from previous flying experience on the mighty C-150, with stories such as "flying low over my mates house, while on the phone to him". Or you could always explain to the Boss while taxiing back in (on a very early sortie) that you fell you and he "have a personality clash". Both good ways to make friends and influence people 
Ensure that all guests within the bar at happy hour at afore-mentioned flying stn are appraised of the fact that you are a real pilot officer, but that you've just got to go on your 6 month drinking and kit de-fitting course at Sleaford Tech to make it properly official.
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Upon entering the aircraft for your final handling test with the boss, affix a picture of his wife to your side of the instrument panel and stroke it periodically with a wistful look in your eyes.
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Whilst wearing your favourite Che Guevara or "Adihash" T-shirt under your flying suit, enquire if Clothing Stores does NUS Discount for your replacement beret after you actually believed a 60 degree wash was the best way to get it moulded. Alternatively, win the respect and admiration of regular personnel by simply not moulding your beret. Explain to the SWO that "the moulded look is out", and you're not allowed to handle boiling water without a responsible adult present anyway. Claim aircrew prioirty at the med-centre to hasten the removal of pace-stick from arse.
1. Ponce about at airshows wearing oakleys and baseball caps, hands in pockets, smoking, sleeves rolled up, with hilarious badges combining drinking/flying/studying themes on your grobags. All while explaining to impressed air cadets how you are all going to fly Typhoon once graduated from Sleaford Tech.
2. Ponce about at IOT, constantly reminding direct-entry officer cadets of your ball-bouncingly funny japes at 'uni', how zany you all were and how many times you won the aeros trophy... and how this is just an attendance course for "us on cadetships.. you know".
3. Ponce about at Linton and wear an air of superiority in front of all JEFTS studes in the bar, using hand-movements to describe to the other Harrier and Typhoon pilots fresh from 'uni' what its really like to be a god at 240 kts. And sing all your old UAS songs very loud at Happy Hour too.
4. Ponce about at Valley in front of any dribbling, obviously retarded SARTU stude, and tell him how you were meant to go straight from 'uni' to Typhoon, and North Wales really cramps your social life. And explain to said helicopter stude how easy that 'Huey' on the other side of the airfield looks to fly, and.... "aren't we lucky to have you chaps here to pick us up from short-finals if we stall the jet and have to bang out...."
2. Ponce about at IOT, constantly reminding direct-entry officer cadets of your ball-bouncingly funny japes at 'uni', how zany you all were and how many times you won the aeros trophy... and how this is just an attendance course for "us on cadetships.. you know".
3. Ponce about at Linton and wear an air of superiority in front of all JEFTS studes in the bar, using hand-movements to describe to the other Harrier and Typhoon pilots fresh from 'uni' what its really like to be a god at 240 kts. And sing all your old UAS songs very loud at Happy Hour too.
4. Ponce about at Valley in front of any dribbling, obviously retarded SARTU stude, and tell him how you were meant to go straight from 'uni' to Typhoon, and North Wales really cramps your social life. And explain to said helicopter stude how easy that 'Huey' on the other side of the airfield looks to fly, and.... "aren't we lucky to have you chaps here to pick us up from short-finals if we stall the jet and have to bang out...."
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New Stude Advice
A must for the new second years who might just have scraped past their spin/aeros check at summer camp:
Slag off the Fg Off Junior Nav (sorry WSO!) Convexee in the mess bar who has a chop ride the next day by telling him he really should have worked harder at school, and that if he had been a steely eyed UAS "mate" then he would have got a "proper job".
And for new First years:
After barging past Harry Staish at Happy Hour to get to the bar and spilling his drink say "Sorry mate! Can I buy buy you a beer? So what do you do here then?"
or
Tell OC Admin not to be such a "f***ing blunty ar$e, I'm a pilot!"
Slag off the Fg Off Junior Nav (sorry WSO!) Convexee in the mess bar who has a chop ride the next day by telling him he really should have worked harder at school, and that if he had been a steely eyed UAS "mate" then he would have got a "proper job".
And for new First years:
After barging past Harry Staish at Happy Hour to get to the bar and spilling his drink say "Sorry mate! Can I buy buy you a beer? So what do you do here then?"
or
Tell OC Admin not to be such a "f***ing blunty ar$e, I'm a pilot!"
Join Date: Jan 2004
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Try not to be completely astounded when you learn that "yes" everyone has shagged the squadron bike....
Steal everything which isn’t nailed down when visiting other stations in an attempt to win admiration from your fellow RAF bobs...
When on your first sortie with the boss look stunned and petrified using the term " we have to fly these civi death traps solo!" when asked how much one is looking forward to ones first solo sortie....
Inform other UAS studes that your call sign is infact Maverick but the paper work is still in the post....
When under instruction from the CFI comment on his/her poor judgement of a flappless approach with comments like "thank fcuk you never made fast jets sir" and "Jesus did CFS lose the paper work on you.... one slipped through the net again".... and "if you could fly like you talk you'd be a fcuk good pilot"
Whilst under the influence of Alco Pops inform the new sq students that mess bar staff are "not real people" and to be treated accordingly. Saying that if they get out of line the official Black Adder approach requires a firm back hand to the offenders face and the shouting of the following line :- "no darling no!"
Steal everything which isn’t nailed down when visiting other stations in an attempt to win admiration from your fellow RAF bobs...
When on your first sortie with the boss look stunned and petrified using the term " we have to fly these civi death traps solo!" when asked how much one is looking forward to ones first solo sortie....
Inform other UAS studes that your call sign is infact Maverick but the paper work is still in the post....
When under instruction from the CFI comment on his/her poor judgement of a flappless approach with comments like "thank fcuk you never made fast jets sir" and "Jesus did CFS lose the paper work on you.... one slipped through the net again".... and "if you could fly like you talk you'd be a fcuk good pilot"
Whilst under the influence of Alco Pops inform the new sq students that mess bar staff are "not real people" and to be treated accordingly. Saying that if they get out of line the official Black Adder approach requires a firm back hand to the offenders face and the shouting of the following line :- "no darling no!"
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Brilliant - keep it coming.
Finally some real self-depricating humour on PPRuNe
How about turning up at Shawbury and starting every single sentence with "when I was at Valley / when I was on Hawks" then getting three hours FE before going solo....
Finally some real self-depricating humour on PPRuNe
How about turning up at Shawbury and starting every single sentence with "when I was at Valley / when I was on Hawks" then getting three hours FE before going solo....
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Here's a couple of what not to do's -
-don't visit the control tower and stand to attention when an aircraft lands, and don't fight over who's turn it is to watch the jets with the binoculars when you're up there, either. So un-cool.
-don't visit the control tower and stand to attention when an aircraft lands, and don't fight over who's turn it is to watch the jets with the binoculars when you're up there, either. So un-cool.
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fao EMUAS studes who frequent deadloss OM.
Always ensure that when you drive from uni on a friday afternoon wearing civvies you then get changed into growbags in the middle of the heads instead of hiding yourself in a cubicle. This way, when a load of Navy/Army studes walk in on you you look like a complete p***k and give the aforementioned pongos/matelots something to talk about during happy hour.
Later on in the bar, ensure you talk about 10-15 decibels louder than everyone else and swop your dolly mixture rank slides around to make novelty shapes and colours and hogg the pool table before spilling beer on it then comparing body piercings.
Congratulations for winning the Battle of Britain by the way, I would never have been able to get my head around those longgermanwords
Always ensure that when you drive from uni on a friday afternoon wearing civvies you then get changed into growbags in the middle of the heads instead of hiding yourself in a cubicle. This way, when a load of Navy/Army studes walk in on you you look like a complete p***k and give the aforementioned pongos/matelots something to talk about during happy hour.
Later on in the bar, ensure you talk about 10-15 decibels louder than everyone else and swop your dolly mixture rank slides around to make novelty shapes and colours and hogg the pool table before spilling beer on it then comparing body piercings.
Congratulations for winning the Battle of Britain by the way, I would never have been able to get my head around those longgermanwords
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My few tips:
Don't p*ss on the Boss' wife's legs during a dining in ........
Don't have an informal competition to see who can do the lowest go around on a PFL whilst you and your mate are solo in the local area. Trying to get rid of the grass caught up in the undercarriage before the ground crew spot it is not easy
Don't zap the Queen's Flight BAe 146 - a good tick in the box but not worth the subsequent fallout!
Don't stick transparent UAS crest zaps on the headlights of the Staish's car whilst he is at happy hour. Again not worth the fallout.
Don't go land-yachting on the main runway in a howling gale. Its a long way for the ambulance to get to when it all goes pear shaped.
Do use the injured land yacht crew member (who has now lost his sense of taste) in the curry eating competitions with the rival UAS.
Do join, if you are priveliged to be able. You wont regret it.
I could go on, although a lot of it is alcohol hazy memories.
Happy Days
Oggin
now in the navy - see tip 1 above
Don't p*ss on the Boss' wife's legs during a dining in ........
Don't have an informal competition to see who can do the lowest go around on a PFL whilst you and your mate are solo in the local area. Trying to get rid of the grass caught up in the undercarriage before the ground crew spot it is not easy
Don't zap the Queen's Flight BAe 146 - a good tick in the box but not worth the subsequent fallout!
Don't stick transparent UAS crest zaps on the headlights of the Staish's car whilst he is at happy hour. Again not worth the fallout.
Don't go land-yachting on the main runway in a howling gale. Its a long way for the ambulance to get to when it all goes pear shaped.
Do use the injured land yacht crew member (who has now lost his sense of taste) in the curry eating competitions with the rival UAS.
Do join, if you are priveliged to be able. You wont regret it.
I could go on, although a lot of it is alcohol hazy memories.
Happy Days
Oggin
now in the navy - see tip 1 above
Join Date: Jun 2001
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1) For those 2nd year studes recruiting during freshers week.
Spend the day pursuading incredibly beautiful girls to apply and send them in for their prelim interview fully prepared with a 5 min condensed OASC type brief, including "What the R.A.F letters stands for" and "No, it is not like FreshAir on SkyOne". The old A1 CFI's absolutely love completely wasting their whole day interviewing dim girls with small bums. The young B2 QFI's love trying to get mobile numbers and dates.
2)When turning finals back at Boscombe Down after the solo "Do a PFL into my mates Dad's garden 2" sortie, remember to make full use of of the MATZ by being blown right through the runway centreline and making the VAAC Harrier on finals to the parallel runway do some weird bizarre escape manouvre.
3)When in the Bar later at night be sure to tell all those funny foreign guys how good you were to get a first time pass in your Spin/Aeros check and how much better the Grob is than those ****ty slow Cessna 152s, and that you're now well up to speed on the machine. After all, they're just students too!
Spend the day pursuading incredibly beautiful girls to apply and send them in for their prelim interview fully prepared with a 5 min condensed OASC type brief, including "What the R.A.F letters stands for" and "No, it is not like FreshAir on SkyOne". The old A1 CFI's absolutely love completely wasting their whole day interviewing dim girls with small bums. The young B2 QFI's love trying to get mobile numbers and dates.
2)When turning finals back at Boscombe Down after the solo "Do a PFL into my mates Dad's garden 2" sortie, remember to make full use of of the MATZ by being blown right through the runway centreline and making the VAAC Harrier on finals to the parallel runway do some weird bizarre escape manouvre.
3)When in the Bar later at night be sure to tell all those funny foreign guys how good you were to get a first time pass in your Spin/Aeros check and how much better the Grob is than those ****ty slow Cessna 152s, and that you're now well up to speed on the machine. After all, they're just students too!
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More top tips . . . . . .
1) Wear your UAS Summer Camp T shirt to your uni UAS member pub night. This will help you to establish a hierachy eg Camp at Southport 99 beats Colerne 01.
2) Make sure that you religiously fill in your travel claim form for every visit. Realise that no one checks when you were in and that room still exists on the form . . . . . . . . . .
3) Screw the white minibus / Boss's Corsa around the base/local city "dropping off studes at the train station" / on a beach after taking a local girl out on a date while the rest of the camp are on a pub crawl. Ruin/crash the bus/ Corsa or even better get bogged down in a secluded part of the beach late at night and try and explain why it needed to be towed out and why you were down there in the first place with a local girl . . . . .. . . . . .
1) Wear your UAS Summer Camp T shirt to your uni UAS member pub night. This will help you to establish a hierachy eg Camp at Southport 99 beats Colerne 01.
2) Make sure that you religiously fill in your travel claim form for every visit. Realise that no one checks when you were in and that room still exists on the form . . . . . . . . . .
3) Screw the white minibus / Boss's Corsa around the base/local city "dropping off studes at the train station" / on a beach after taking a local girl out on a date while the rest of the camp are on a pub crawl. Ruin/crash the bus/ Corsa or even better get bogged down in a secluded part of the beach late at night and try and explain why it needed to be towed out and why you were down there in the first place with a local girl . . . . .. . . . . .
Last edited by FFP; 16th Apr 2004 at 20:49.
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Squadrom minibuses are suitable modes of transport for drag racing with fellow squadrons along the station runway in the wee small hours.
Do remember squadron minibuses do not have the cornering abilities of a GT3 or Lotus Elise and may therefore be prone to 'interesting' off-road excursions before the return leg.
The railway line passing Woodvale is electrified and is not a suitable venue for inter-squadron naughtiness.
Schoolgirls are not considered a passable alternative for student nurses during weekend pissups at summer camp.
If you really must invite said schoolgirls, do not allow yourself to be caught shagging on the floor of the shower block, especially when a camcorder is being wielded.
Breaking down doors in the mess to gain access to the dullest guy in the squadron for some ritual humiliation is not advisable when said guy is barricaded in his room with his dinghy knife drawn.
Oh happy days!!!
Do remember squadron minibuses do not have the cornering abilities of a GT3 or Lotus Elise and may therefore be prone to 'interesting' off-road excursions before the return leg.
The railway line passing Woodvale is electrified and is not a suitable venue for inter-squadron naughtiness.
Schoolgirls are not considered a passable alternative for student nurses during weekend pissups at summer camp.
If you really must invite said schoolgirls, do not allow yourself to be caught shagging on the floor of the shower block, especially when a camcorder is being wielded.
Breaking down doors in the mess to gain access to the dullest guy in the squadron for some ritual humiliation is not advisable when said guy is barricaded in his room with his dinghy knife drawn.
Oh happy days!!!