You have been too long in Middle East....
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: KUL
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Spaghetti Monster
The only religion I know of who can take the piss of itself is the cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (I just joined).
The others?
Expect to be impaled, burned or decapitated.
Remember: Religious people are the nice, forgiving ones.
The others?
Expect to be impaled, burned or decapitated.
Remember: Religious people are the nice, forgiving ones.
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Thinking about it, give me a minute.
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So in an attempt to get back on the thread...
When you head straight for the customer service desk at Sainsbury's back home and ask if they have a pork counter
When you head straight for the customer service desk at Sainsbury's back home and ask if they have a pork counter
Join Date: Sep 2005
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Nice to see the Thought Police have been active on this thread. Nice. Very Orwellian. But hey at least no one's offended. Would hate for one religion to be shown less respect than another...cause that sure doesn't happen in the Middle East....
Join Date: Sep 2006
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when the turn indicator is a novel addition to the car to make some pretty, orange lights flash,
when all the lanes on the road are there to be used by you...all at once...and it requires too much coordination to use those pretty flashing lights when changing lanes....because i'm trying to hold a baby in one hand and talking on the mobile with the other....and taking an exit three lanes to the right,
when the whole road is there to be used....including the opposite direction,
when english p/a's sound strange on board,
when arabic p/a's stop sounding too loud,
when you start humming along and doing the 'changing-lightbulbs-with-two-hands' dance when one of the 'familiar' arabic songs come on,
when all the lanes on the road are there to be used by you...all at once...and it requires too much coordination to use those pretty flashing lights when changing lanes....because i'm trying to hold a baby in one hand and talking on the mobile with the other....and taking an exit three lanes to the right,
when the whole road is there to be used....including the opposite direction,
when english p/a's sound strange on board,
when arabic p/a's stop sounding too loud,
when you start humming along and doing the 'changing-lightbulbs-with-two-hands' dance when one of the 'familiar' arabic songs come on,
Join Date: Jun 2001
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When you, without giving it even a passing thought, blissfully overtake a police car 20k above the posted speed limit. (You and the 30 cars surrounding/overtaking you.)
When you see a particularly stupid/dangerous/breathtaking action (usually involving rapid switching of at least three lanes with centimetre clearances from surrrounding traffic) on the part of the driver who has just overtaken you at warp factor 5, if you note the car has Abu Dhabi plates, you simply shrug, (because the car has Abu Dhabi plates, which explains everything).
**********
On a similar note, a variation of the following probably applies to many who arrive in the Sandpit from colder climes and (initially) wax lyrical to those poor unfortunates back home about the 365 days a year of 'glorious' sunshine. This one's about Australia, but switch the months by six and much the same applies to the Sandpit.
When you see a particularly stupid/dangerous/breathtaking action (usually involving rapid switching of at least three lanes with centimetre clearances from surrrounding traffic) on the part of the driver who has just overtaken you at warp factor 5, if you note the car has Abu Dhabi plates, you simply shrug, (because the car has Abu Dhabi plates, which explains everything).
**********
On a similar note, a variation of the following probably applies to many who arrive in the Sandpit from colder climes and (initially) wax lyrical to those poor unfortunates back home about the 365 days a year of 'glorious' sunshine. This one's about Australia, but switch the months by six and much the same applies to the Sandpit.
Diary of a Mount Isa Summer (by a Pom)
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Mount Isa, Queensland!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat ****. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant **** blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid ***** place.
November 8th:
If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to ***** throttle him. **** heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin ***** wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ***** arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my **** arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a ***** recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and ***** sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the ***** pool. Even the palms can't live in this ***** heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the stupid ****. **** Mount Isa! What kind of a sick demented ***** idiot would want to live here?
July 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You have to be **** kiddin’ me.
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Mount Isa, Queensland!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat ****. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant **** blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid ***** place.
November 8th:
If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to ***** throttle him. **** heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin ***** wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ***** arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my **** arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a ***** recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and ***** sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the ***** pool. Even the palms can't live in this ***** heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the stupid ****. **** Mount Isa! What kind of a sick demented ***** idiot would want to live here?
July 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You have to be **** kiddin’ me.
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Where there's money
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When the tradesman turns up to do repairs at the agreed time, and you find your day has been totally disrupted,
You want to get to the Mall 100 metres away, on the other side of the road, and think nothing of allowing for a half hour and/or 10 km drive to get there, because of clever road planning
You can say "Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Prime Minister and Vice President of the United Arab Emirates, and Ruler of Dubai" without a) Taking a breath, or b) Having to think as you say it...
You want to get to the Mall 100 metres away, on the other side of the road, and think nothing of allowing for a half hour and/or 10 km drive to get there, because of clever road planning
You can say "Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Prime Minister and Vice President of the United Arab Emirates, and Ruler of Dubai" without a) Taking a breath, or b) Having to think as you say it...
