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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

Old 16th Mar 2004, 08:24
  #6301 (permalink)  
 
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Bre901, what a pity it isn't a PPRuNe tree.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 08:26
  #6302 (permalink)  
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Was about to say that as well SG,long time since one had prunes and custard, good for yer a bowl of prunes is, and one gets to play the tinker tailor game with the stones.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 08:33
  #6303 (permalink)  
a is dum
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I wonder what Mr. A. Carn will make of this?

"Chinese tie string around ........ necks to prevent them from swallowing"

 
Old 16th Mar 2004, 08:45
  #6304 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Someone has got to say it, so it might as well be me.

Prunes also give you a good run for your money.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 08:55
  #6305 (permalink)  

stiletto psychopath mk4
 
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Is plum duff made with plums or prunes, Mr Draper? I understand it's closely related to Christmas pudding, so it's probably prunes, but prune duff doesn't have quite the same ring about it...

I was going to say that I prefer plums to prunes, but that would undoubtedly set Mr Crun off on another tack...
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 08:59
  #6306 (permalink)  

Something Gorgeous in the City
 
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Yeah, Ms SG , think of Jack Horner who was eating his Christmas Pie while seated in a corner and on inserting thumb, pulled out a plum. Suppose prune would not have rhymed.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 09:04
  #6307 (permalink)  
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One is aware of that SG having got outside many of em, any dome shaped steam pudding no matter what the contents was known as plum duff at sea for some reason, Huh bloody sailors. who can figure them.
For instance afternoon tea was known as tea and tabnabs, tabnabs being any sweetmeat that acompanied a cup of tea,biscuit(cookies for our cousins across the pond) fruit cake dundee cake manchester tart all know as tabnabs.

ooooh me parcel has arrived, yer won't see much of Drapes here today, (and no! its not a inflatable lady)
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 09:07
  #6308 (permalink)  

FX Guru
 
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Why so enigmatic Herr Draper?

Cummon, give us a clue.

I reckon it's something electrical. Something for your speakers?
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 09:25
  #6309 (permalink)  

Self Loathing Froggy
 
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singaporegirl

Thanks indeed
I got caught by a "faux ami" (a plum is "une prune" in French, whereas a prune is "un pruneau").
And I knew it Prolly forgot to engage part of brain before posting

As some of you might have noticed, English is not my mothertongue and I do appreciate being corrected (serious for once)

And by the way, that plum tree does not even bear fruit, just those lovely flowers.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 09:26
  #6310 (permalink)  
Suave yet Shallow
 
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and no! its not a inflatable lady
Hmmm why so quick to mention inflatables? My pyschology degree has helped me deduce the item is indeed inflatable, albeit not a lady....so what is it Mr Draper? an inflatable Man? Sheep? SpaceHopper?
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 09:29
  #6311 (permalink)  

Self Loathing Froggy
 
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Maybe it is them norty videos Mr D had ordered for the Big Server Shutdown
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 09:46
  #6312 (permalink)  

to sail beyond the sunset
 
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One is concerned that Mr. D. take care in inflating his recent acquisition, given his intake of Marboros.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 10:16
  #6313 (permalink)  
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Set your minds at rest fellow prooners, Drapes got over his rubber fetish years ago, one has aquired a Zoomfire 30 modeling amp, with this computer controlled kit one can annoy neigbours with the sound of a hot tubed sixties VOX AC 30 or a howling distorted fuzz screaming 1000 watt modern job such as is used by these modern skiffle groups so one is told.
One has of course already flung away the instruction manual, twas obviously written for the edification of complete idiots, having six pages on how to plug into the mains and switch on at the switch marked switch on.
The manufacturers of electronic kit obviously think we are all drooling slack jawed bumpkins.

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Old 16th Mar 2004, 10:31
  #6314 (permalink)  

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The manufacturers of electronic kit obviously think we are all drooling slack jawed bumpkins.
I'm afraid in my case they're right. I'm hopeless at electronics and all that stuff.

I can do a nice bit of roast lamb and veggies though.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 10:45
  #6315 (permalink)  

Just Binos
 
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Add me to the list of drooling slack jawed bumpkins when it comes to electronics.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 10:47
  #6316 (permalink)  
Suave yet Shallow
 
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VOX AC 30
V nice bit of kit if you can a) find a good one, b) afford one. I want one of those in my living room, permanently plugged into the cherry red gibson AS355 I'll also be able to afford one day. one day...
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 11:03
  #6317 (permalink)  

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And speaking of electricity and my understanding thereof, forgive me for pasting Dave Barry's take on it. It rather disturbs me that Captain Ed has expressed a liking for Dave Barry, but I am mollified by the fact that so has Flyblue.

Sorry if this is in the wrong place but what the hell, this thread has become the dumping place for everything that doesn't fit neatly elsewhere, and this is funny!
............................................................ ...............................
What is Electricity?

by Dave Barry
------------------------------------------------------------------------


Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson. It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons," which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.

Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.

Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc. for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lightning storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.

After Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments -- among them, Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veretinary sugeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a stone. But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877 was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. but Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: The electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.

This means that an electric company can sell the customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases.

Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani's, we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the past decade scientists developed the [email protected], an electronic appliance so powerful tht it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so precise that doctors can use it to perform delicate operations to the human eyeball, provided they remember to change the power setting from "Vaporize Bulldozer" to "Delicate."


Electricity, Part 2.

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles, called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. Electrons travel at the speed of light, which in most American homes is 110 volts per hour. This is very fast. In the time it has taken you to read this sentence so far, an electron could have traveled all the way from San Francisco to Hackensack, New Jersey, although God alone knows why it would want to.

The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires.
Your home electrical system


Your home electrical system is basically a bunch of wires that bring electricity into your home and take it back out before it has a chance to kill you. This is called a "circuit." The most common home electrical problem is when the circuit is broken by a "circuit breaker"; this causes the electricity to backup in one of the wires until it bursts out of an outlet in the form of sparks, which can damage your carpet. The best way to avoid broken circuits is to change your fuses regularly.

Another common problem is that the lights flicker. This sometimes means that your electrical system is inadequate, but more often it means that your home is possessed by demons, in which case you'll need to get a caulking gun and some caulking. If you're not sure whether your house is possessed, see "The Amityville Horror," a fine documentary film based on an actual book. Or call in a licensed electrician, who is trained to spot the signs of demonic possession, such as blood coming down the stairs, enormous cats on the dinette table, etc.
How to change a fuse


You should change a fuse every six months or 200,000 amperes, whichever comes first. Here's how:

1.Go down to the basement, which should be located beneath the first floor, and find the gray box with all kinds of wires leading to it and little stickers on it saying things like "CAUTION: 80 SKILLION WATTS." 2.Standing about 15 feet away, toss a small domestic animal toward the box and note whether it (a) falls to the floor unscathed or (b) is reduced to a lump of carbon by a gigantic bold of electricity. 3.In the latter case, call an experienced electrician without dependents and have him replace your fuses. In the event of the former case, open the box and remove the old fuses by unscrewing them and replace them with new fuses, which can be obtained wherever new fuses are sold. Then simply close the box and continue to lead a normal life.

Repairing appliances


1.The primary cause of failure in electrical appliances is an expired warranty. Often, you can get an appliance running again simply by changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped marker. 2.If this fails, take the appliance to the basement and leave it there for several months, on the theory that (a) it will get lonely and wants to work again so it can be up in the kitchen with all the other appliances, or (b) we'll have a nuclear war, and you won't have any uses for appliances anymore because you'll be too busy defending your beef jerky and water from your neighbors, or (c) you'll develop a horrible, lingering disease, and people will feel sorry for you and give you new appliances. 3.If, after several months, the appliance still doesn't work, locate the motor or some other electronic part and whap it briskly with a 58-ounce tire iron. This technique is particularly effective with your modern personal home electronic computers, which are smart enough to not want to be struck by blunt instruments. Toasters are much, much stupider -- some of them cannot perform even simple addition -- and often must be whapped for hours before coming around.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 12:36
  #6318 (permalink)  

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Binos - thanks for the explanation, but I still don't get it.....
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 12:38
  #6319 (permalink)  
 
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In defence of M. 901, let me point out that the plum / prune situation derives from a time about 1000 years ago. At that time Britain was under the heel of a despised invader. The hated invaders lived in Great Houses while the honest serfs had only hovels. The invaders spoke to each other in a sort of code known as "French". This code had odd names for the products of the honest serfs.

An example is the plum, the name the honest serfs gave to the fruit and tree. But the hated invaders generally wanted them dried so they would last through the pleasant British winter. The hated invaders called them prunes and forced the honest serfs to call the (dried) product they demanded by that name. So in Britain, even though the hated invader has been assimilated, the tree and its fruit are called plums, but the dried product is the prune.

Other examples are:

Briton Invader
-------------------------------
sheep mutton mouton
pig pork porc
grape raisin
bullock beef boeuf

and so on....

Last edited by seacue; 16th Mar 2004 at 13:46.
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Old 16th Mar 2004, 12:43
  #6320 (permalink)  
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Oh the humiliation!
One has had to retrieve said instruction manual from waste paper bin, fecking programing!! why is every feckin thing programing now?,bloody things got more knobs and buttons than the Tirpitz.
Never mind the dammed thing is magic, one used to have twenty pedals at ones feet at one time to get these sounds.

PS, for those in the know, this kit has the first ring modulator one has ever come across that acuratly tracks played notes, and can therefore be used.

Ah well, back to the learning curve,as the posh folks say.
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