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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

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The really really boring and totaly pointless snippets of information thread

Old 15th Dec 2003, 11:59
  #4081 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: United States
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There's a 1/2 gallon of cookies 'n' cream ice cream in the freezer. I think I shall go have a bowl.
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Old 15th Dec 2003, 16:31
  #4082 (permalink)  
 
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fish

Do you think this thread has shot its bolt, Herr D?

One can't help noticing a marked slow-down of late.

Ric
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Old 15th Dec 2003, 16:47
  #4083 (permalink)  
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Peaks and troughs Mr C, peaks and troughs, other things have been taxing prooners minds of late, one is confident that things will improve post wise in due course.
One is in good fettle this AM Lorraine was clad in a very short skirt, and almost flashed her knickers, as you grow older Mr C and aquire wisdom, you will find that the erotic is infinitly more tantalisinfg than the pornographic, the hint rather than the pie in the face.
That is ones observation on life this morning.
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Old 15th Dec 2003, 18:08
  #4084 (permalink)  

Bluey
 
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Yer startin' to become all philosophical there, Mr. D. Is this a sign perhaps that the "Broken Pilot" days are well and truly over???

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Old 15th Dec 2003, 19:32
  #4085 (permalink)  

Something Gorgeous in the City
 
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There's a terribly nice chap in the City called Clive Anderson - transport sector specialist - used to be the Nigels official stockbroker - doesn't do chatshows though.
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Old 15th Dec 2003, 22:17
  #4086 (permalink)  

Prince of Darkness
 
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Clive gets around, he also runs auctions in the US. Find him at www.cliveanderson.com

Ozzy
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Old 15th Dec 2003, 22:46
  #4087 (permalink)  
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Prolly legions of perfectly nice Clive Andersons walking the Earth, tiz the ones who used to be Lawyers and are now snotty TV presenters one does not like.

One knew a Clive Swindon once, perfectly nice chap,but a arch loon,he is the drunkest person one ever clapped eyes on, this encounter occured on a busy shopping street at 10 AM on a fine Summer morning,Clive had decided to experiment in making home brew,and in the interests of science had sampled same.
Clive came walking (one is using the word walking in its loosest sense here) down the street with a strange crab like gait, a normal person would have been long unconcious, but not Clive, through the fog he somehow recognised Drapes,and although he had lost the power of speech fully two hours previously he attempted to impart some vital information to one, without success,
"Grannddrriuuulllpramdrallycrunnnnderspllooot"
he said.
One propped him up against the paper shop window, and to ones ever lasting shame ,fled the scene, as cars and Buses had commensed to pull up their drivers and passengers gazing with amazement at this person who had managed to get so impossibly drunk at that time in the morning, they looked at the obviously sober Drapes with accusations in their eyes, all one could do was back away and give a kind of shrug beloved of frenchmen that indicates " its nowt to do wi me"
One heard Clive had many more adventure before he grew tired and fell asleep, but when he woke up two days later he could recall none of them.

Last edited by tony draper; 15th Dec 2003 at 23:20.
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Old 15th Dec 2003, 23:01
  #4088 (permalink)  
 
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Phew! I've found my stapler at last. Someone's nicked my scissors now though.
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Old 15th Dec 2003, 23:51
  #4089 (permalink)  

Yes, Him
 
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Just spent a couple of hours with an accountant.

Now that was really, really boring, if not quite totally pointless.
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Old 16th Dec 2003, 00:53
  #4090 (permalink)  
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Hmmm, always found visiting ones accountant berra than visiting ones tax man, or tax lady in my case.

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Old 16th Dec 2003, 01:22
  #4091 (permalink)  
 
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fish

I had a letter from my UK taxman forwarded to me a couple of years ago.

In the interests of keeping them sweet, not buring any bridges, etc etc, I gave 'em a call from Zürich.

Taxman: "A yes, Mr Capucho, we believe you're working abroad now, and have filed for 'expat' status".

Ric: "Yep".

Taxman: "Well, we just wondered if you wish to declare your overseas earnings? It'll really make things much easier when you come back."

Ric: "Sorry, passing truck, what did you say?"

Taxman: "Do you wish to declare your overseas earnings?"

Ric: "Very noisy here, sorry, a motorbike that time."

Taxman: "Your overseas earnings? Declare them?"

Ric: "Listen, it's a very bad line. Also very noisy here in Timbuktu, lots of passing camels. Hard to hear...".

Taxman: "If. you. could. let. us. have. your. address, I'll. just. send. you..."

Ric: "Anyway, thanks for your time. Gotta go, I'm going to miss my caravan to Kartoum... Gordon will be mad as hell as me. God, I hope I survive the terrors of the Sahara..."

(click)

Well, it was something like that, anyway.

Ric
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Old 16th Dec 2003, 02:54
  #4092 (permalink)  
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Does not pay to irritate the taxman Ric , they have very very very very long memories.

Ones Clepsydra is running a tad slow, one blames the chlorination of the tapwater, the Dolphin who pops out on the hour and says Glub!! glub!! is also looking a tad sad, anyway tiz a self winding Clepsydra, one simple leaves it out in the rain.
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Old 16th Dec 2003, 03:19
  #4093 (permalink)  
I'll mak siccar
 
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Well now, just had a snappy letter from the revenue that I am delinquent in reporting and paying my last quarter's GST. They threaten Great Evil. Funny thing is, right on my desk I have the revenue receipt for said quarter, duly date-stamped. Planning an understated reply.
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Old 16th Dec 2003, 03:31
  #4094 (permalink)  
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On this day in History 15th Dec 1890, Tatanka Lyotake was shot dead on the Standing Rock Reservation in South DaKota.
To save fellow prooners much googling, Mr Lyotake was better known as Sitting Bull.



I seen the movie, twas Randolf Scott wot dun it, his boyfriend did not approve,Randolf's boyfriend that is, Sitting Bull was apparently straight, prolly why Hollywood had him shot.




My taxman was a vey nice looking Blond Lady, she was never anything but a perfect gentleman in her dealings with Drapes, one has no complaints whatsoever about the taxman.
Which is always a wise policy.
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Old 16th Dec 2003, 15:27
  #4095 (permalink)  

Yes, Him
 
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Minus 7C this morning and severe clear, amazing how quickly the dogs take a pee when its cold, no sniffing of rabbit trails or rummaging around the hedges, just cock yer leg, waz and zoom fer home.

Mr Bre, being an enjuneer, may help with this problem. Its the submarine, as I have dubbed my underwater-traveling boat. For some reason the door gunners keep going missing. Any ideas?
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Old 16th Dec 2003, 18:47
  #4096 (permalink)  

to sail beyond the sunset
 
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Just spent a couple of hours with an accountant.
Think of it as a kind of financial prostate examination;

as a pain in the [email protected] that may prevent a more serious pain in the [email protected]

Speaking as an accountant, though not one of the tax variety.

But Drapes is right about treating them with respect. A friend works for an Oz bank whose Chariman once failed to show the proper respect. Last I heard, the tax audit team had been on site for five years.
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Old 17th Dec 2003, 00:04
  #4097 (permalink)  

Cut & Paste Intellectual
 
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Location: Durham UK
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Isn’t it amazin that modern watches tell the time in such fastidious detail – so inaccurately.

Rather like the Inland Revenue – fastidiously inaccurate.

Just had their accounts qualified by Government auditors. Overpaying £x billions – FTC.
Sorry, Gov – wosn’t us – twas the pooter’s fault.

Mental note – do not use that one way excuse
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Old 17th Dec 2003, 04:58
  #4098 (permalink)  
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Dunno how that Samuel Pepys had time to write a feckin Diary, although, come to think, he prolly needed a feckin diary.
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Old 17th Dec 2003, 05:19
  #4099 (permalink)  

Nice-but-dim
 
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Only 5 posts on the thread today Drapes.. can't remember such a poor show.

(If you deleted the thread, some of us would get quite a kick in the post counts...)
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Old 17th Dec 2003, 05:26
  #4100 (permalink)  
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Me change jar was full to the brim so I counted it today, 91 quid, there must be a easier way of counting and bagging copper.
Me hands had a strange coppery smell, thats like irony only different.
The guvmint has just announced a different way of calculating inflation and money, buggah me, I gorra count it all over again.



Crispwise, one prefers Walkers ready salted, apparently so does everybody else, corner shop had every flavour under the sun up to and including Albatross and turnip, but no crisp flavoured crisps at all, "they all been sold" the corner shop lady said "they go quick do ready salted " she added,
"Why don't yer get more ready salted than Albatros then" Drapes interjected, this confused the poor lady, so one did not labour the point.
life can be a buggah sometimes.

Last edited by tony draper; 17th Dec 2003 at 05:37.
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