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Panicked and Hysterical Phone Call From The Mrs

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Panicked and Hysterical Phone Call From The Mrs

Old 1st Aug 2013, 19:44
  #21 (permalink)  
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500N:

There was a slim chance of her being bitten. She heaved the pot of boiling water THROUGH the screen door.

I'll be leaving here in about 1 hour. IF Mr. Snake is still keeping Mrs. Sissy hostage then I'll have to slay the damn thing. I'll just use my machete.

I just hope that by the time I get home the house is not surrounded with State police SWAT vehicles, FBI HRT teams and the local yokel of a cop. I can just imagine the Mrs. screaming into the phone "I'm being held hostage. Help me. Hellllppppp meeeeeee."

Last edited by rgbrock1; 1st Aug 2013 at 19:46.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 19:50
  #22 (permalink)  
 
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"THROUGH the screen door."

Jesus Christ, she should have left it if it was outside !
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 19:52
  #23 (permalink)  

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I can hear the conversation now when that poor black snake gets home to his wife.

"Did you have a hard day at the office dear, you look a little frazzled?"

"Did I have a hard day, you wouldn't believe what happened to me today. First all I'm doing is minding my own business, crawling up this wall to this wooded deck to see if there were a few rats or mice I could grab and bring home for dinner. Next thing I know this woman is screaming at me, yelling that I'd better not be there when her husband gets home.

Then the next thing I know, she tosses me this nice can of tomato soup, I mean how did she know I like tomato soup? So I go closer to the glass door she standing behind to thank her, and she throws a pot of boiling water on me. Now why on Earth did she do that I ask you, as everybody knows you make canned tomato soup with milk."

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Old 1st Aug 2013, 19:56
  #24 (permalink)  
 
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Tell her to quit with the Hissy fit....and throw it some Lego, as it might be a Boa Constructor.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:00
  #25 (permalink)  
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On a slightly different scale from the one from MWL two weeks ago.
Most upset as the kettle had packed up, until I pointed out that the electricity was off owing to a high voltage fault that I was on my way to sort out!
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:03
  #26 (permalink)  
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Oh, it's getting worse. I might have to leave anyway.

First, she calls her father to ask him what she should do. (I guess my snide comments and attempts at humor failed miserably.) Daddy-O told her to grab a shovel out of our shed and hit him over the head with it i.e. slice his head off.

"Poppy. That's gross. I can't do that."

Now she has it in mind that instead of a shovel she's going to use a mop. A mop you ask? A mop to try to shove it off the deck. It's not working because for every shove she gives the snake, and then runs like hell back into the house, the snake crawls back toward the house door.

Now, the snake has magically grown from 5' to 8' long. All in a matter of a couple of hours. Wow! I didn't know snakes can do that magic trick. By the time I get home it'll have grown to over 100' in length. Then the Mrs. can forget about it because I ain't going near no 100' snake!!!

Oh, and 500N? In answer to your exclamation about JESUS CHRIST....? The Mrs. is blond. I love the heck out of her but she does have many "blond moments." Today, however, takes those blond moments to a completely different level.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:06
  #27 (permalink)  
 
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from 5ft to 8ft, fek me that Campbell soup is good stuff.

Last edited by Dak Man; 1st Aug 2013 at 20:07.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:13
  #28 (permalink)  
 
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"from 5ft to 8ft, fek me that Campbell soup is good stuff."

I might have to try it instead of Viagra


Maybe someone should let Campbells know and they can market it under a different name and for a different purpose.


RGB
How about having some Campbell Soup and letting us know how it works
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:14
  #29 (permalink)  
 
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I've known many a gal who can get a 'snake' to grow from X inches to X plus four or five inches, but to get one to grow to 8 feet?

That is some smokin'- hot beauty you married, RG!

*ducks*

Last edited by Lonewolf_50; 1st Aug 2013 at 20:14.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:16
  #30 (permalink)  
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Is there a soup-can shaped lump in the middle of its body?
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:23
  #31 (permalink)  
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Lonewolf:

We're not discussing the one-eyed trouser snake ya know! That was in conjunction with that other thread with JLH's photo in it!!

Anyway, tally-ho, gotta go. Takes me about an hour to drive home so I should be there in time to slay the beast as I'm quite certain the mop trick did f**k all to solve the dilemma.

And, damn, I was hoping for some Campbell's Tomato soup tonight. Oh well.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:25
  #32 (permalink)  
 
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After your tactical victory, suggest you two celebrate with beer and brats, or a suitable CT equivalent meal. A victory dinner would not be out of order.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 20:58
  #33 (permalink)  
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I can understand your wife being a shade perturbed by the arrival of CT's wildlife, seems perfectly natural after all...an anecdotal story from a Scottish Lt.Col I once knew ( hard as nails by the way ) as to how, when working with the Ghurkas one day, his platoon encountered a snake...after the cream of the British army had duly provided a collective bowel movement, the, by now highly amused Ghurka guide calmly walked forward, picked up said snake..twirled it around a few times..and chucked it back in the jungle....said snake was, it turned out, not at all harmful.

So which one of these had the tee-merit-tee ( as they say across the pond ) to invade ?

Connecticut Snakes

Will you be going in covert, or with all guns laying down an arc of fire I wonder?....it did occur to me that, if you do visit Manchester, and tell us you were a Ranger, somebody would ask,,"so was that in Wivvenshawe or 'eaton park mate...and do you know Yogi Bear then ?".

Lock n load RGB...."shall we dance "....


Last edited by Krystal n chips; 1st Aug 2013 at 21:01.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 21:07
  #34 (permalink)  
 
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RGB riding into battle with the snake

Waiting patiently for the update on the saga.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 21:23
  #35 (permalink)  
 
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This tale is truly hilarious, but I can understand the "women and snakes" thing. Many years ago, one saturday morning when going out (when SWMBO was already out doing the shopping) I found a viper basking on the drive by my car. As I was in a hurry, I just got a bucket, plonked it upside down over the snake and put a brick on top (together with a note to the missus, telling her there was a snake under the bucket).

When I got home an hour or so later you'd have thought WWIII had broken out. SWMBO was yelling about calling every agency under the sun, an odd reaction as she'd not even seen the bloody snake. I got a bit of glass, slid it under the bucket and upended it. The snake was, by this time, pretty pissed off, it was hot and hissing like hell, striking at the sheet of glass. I carried it through the village and released it in the church graveyard, as I thought releasing a viper in the grounds of the God-botherers seemed somehow appropriate.

Last edited by VP959; 1st Aug 2013 at 21:24.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 21:26
  #36 (permalink)  
 
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"I carried it through the village and released it in the church graveyard, as I thought releasing a viper in the grounds of the God-botherers seemed somehow appropriate."


I would have thought the reason was because most people there
were already dead
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 21:36
  #37 (permalink)  
 
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If the bugger had any sense it would sod off sharpish. Hanging around where a known snake eater resides is not a very clever thing for a reptile to do.


Plenty around these parts. Shared my tent for five months with an Egyptian cobra, almost lost an eye to a Moz spitting cobra with crappy aim at a mates place while wandering around half pissed and the amount of mambas a herpetologist mate has dragged out from under his bed on his farm and evicted into the cold, cold night is hardly worth mentioning...


RGB, mention to the ntombezaan that it's low fat and good diet food then sit back and see how long the bugger survives.
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 22:43
  #38 (permalink)  
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At least it was something that potentially can be dangerous. I get the same kind of panicked calls for the smallest of bugs, flies, mosquitoes and wasps. When I just tell her to ignore them I get accused of being afraid of them and thus not wanting to "deal with them".
 
Old 1st Aug 2013, 22:49
  #39 (permalink)  
 
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RGB

Where is the update ?

You should have had enough time to drive home, whack it over the head,
apologise to the wife and hopefully comfort the missus with some close
in TLC AND post a report on here - about the snake, not the TLC !!!
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Old 1st Aug 2013, 22:49
  #40 (permalink)  
 
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RGB, I could give you some serious advice on what to do.

But why would I? We're all enjoying this too much.
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