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Old 30th Mar 2012, 04:01   #1 (permalink)
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New rat poison

Some years ago we acquired - by fair means or foul, can't remember - 3 bottles of Dom Perignon vintage 1983, and "put it down" under the house in a cardboard box to keep cool and dark.

Today we had reason to move the box, which felt slightly less heavy than one would imagine, so opened it up and found two empty bottles and a dead rat carcass - well embalmed !

The stoppers were still in the bottle, only very slightly gnawed, and the question is ... what caused the demise of the rat, alcohol poisoning or drowning by well aimed Champagne, but if the latter it survived the first bottle and then repeated the exercise with the second ?

Mrs. ExS wants me to take it to a vet for an autopsy. So far I've managed to resist !

Expensive rat bait - but if it works ??? ( very little else does )

The rat bait we sometimes use reckons it kills by dehydration, so the rat goes off to find a drink, clearly we have very sophisticated rats with expensive tastes, there were plenty of ordinary wine bottles of NZ origin lying around to choose from !

( I know, someones' going to tell me that they wouldn't be seen dead drinking that vintage, so the rat did us a favour, and serves him right )
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 05:03   #2 (permalink)
 
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So in almost 30 years, there was never an occasion to warrant drinking it?
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 05:48   #3 (permalink)
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The third bottle, which was apparently missing, having been carried off to the rattery, opened and drunk, the master rat then returned to the bubble trove. In an attempt to access the remaining nectar he died of insidious alcohol poisoning before he could gnaw through the corks but he had done so sufficiently to allow the champagne to evaporate and to embalm his body in the confined space of the box.

Last edited by cavortingcheetah; 30th Mar 2012 at 06:01.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 06:04   #4 (permalink)
 
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to allow the champagne to evaporate and to embalm his body in the confined space of the box.
Schrodingers rat?
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 06:19   #5 (permalink)
 
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CO2? May account for lack of oxidation too.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 08:06   #6 (permalink)
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So in almost 30 years, there was never an occasion to warrant drinking it?
'twasn't new when we acquired it, and I think if truth be told we'd forgotten all about it.

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The third bottle, which was apparently missing,.......
No, untouched so far as one can tell, I guess I'll wash the bottle before opening tho'.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 11:21   #7 (permalink)
 
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I have NEVER liked Champagne.
Overrated Ffrench rubbish.
And, if it kills rats, it must be dangerous as well!!!!

Cava, on the other hand, is entirely different.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 12:58   #8 (permalink)
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Cava is excellent for pickling the corpses of rats before the bodies are added to barrels of West Country (UK) cider to improve the flavour. After one year there is no trace to be found of a rat in the cider whatsoever. Perhaps that's where the idea of Somerset Wife Beater came from?
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 13:12   #9 (permalink)

 
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 17:14   #10 (permalink)
 
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Cava, on the other hand, is entirely different.

My local tipple, made at Perelada castle. Take a tour of the castle - church, library, glass museum, bottling plant - and included in the price is a glass at the local bar. Or two, if the guy is in a good mood (usually he is).

Needless to say, any JB-ers likely to be in my area, let me know and I'll arrange a visit with the lovely young Tess as tour guide.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 17:35   #11 (permalink)
 
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Tess as tour guide.
No chance: I met Tess Yourpatience she's a mate of Sarah Endipity.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 17:40   #12 (permalink)
 
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How is it you're so calm about your loss? All those years and used at rat wake with the empties used as grave goods.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 17:44   #13 (permalink)
 
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Mr Optimistic.
Well he cannot be optimistic because that is you.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 18:05   #14 (permalink)
 
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I'd be livered
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 22:31   #15 (permalink)
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How is it you're so calm about your loss?
No use crying over spilt Champagne, Mrs ExS has just looked up the present market value !!

Was told to put it away for a Rainy Day - the monsoon has arrived, and yes, the last bottle has now got a very short life expectancy - hope we don't get Bubonic Plague !

Last edited by ExSp33db1rd; 30th Mar 2012 at 22:43.
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Old 30th Mar 2012, 22:48   #16 (permalink)

 
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?

Something doesn`t ring true.
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Old 31st Mar 2012, 02:39   #17 (permalink)

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Rat poison? Here comes a delivery now...

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Old 31st Mar 2012, 03:01   #18 (permalink)
 
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Best get ratted then
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Old 1st Apr 2012, 00:28   #19 (permalink)
 
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The old way of killing rats was to gas them in their tunnels with Acetylene gas. You'd throw some lumps of calcium carbide in, wet it, plug up the holes and let the gas permeate the tunnels, asphyxiating the rodents.
However, a friend of my fathers managed to screw this up quite well.
He was a not-too-bright council worker, and was told to clear a roadside bank of rats. It was quite a warren, full of the things- so he overdosed the tunnels with carbide. Being a lazy sort, he sat down on the bank to have his lunchtime flagon of cider. And lit a cigarette....
You can guess the rest
Next thing he knew, the bank exploded under him, shooting flames into the air and across the road. He got the backside burnt out of his trousers, and was able to watch a hundred or so rats fleeing for their lives, all on fire.
The worst part of it was the explosion blew a large hole in the bank, undermining it and he had to fill it all back in again while standing there with no rear to his pants...
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Old 2nd Apr 2012, 06:24   #20 (permalink)
 
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Dom Perignon vintage 1983 - pure rat poison, I've been told. Now '82 or '84 - both very good years
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