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Friday Jokes

Old 1st Sep 2019, 09:35
  #13041 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Pewsey, UK
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Originally Posted by racedo View Post
Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award with the niche culinary pun.

He took the title with the gag: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

Charity supporting Tourettes has complained and asked for an apology.

Personally don't see why they are having a nervous tic and shouting out uncontrollably about it.
I used Tourettes as a way to get out of a parking ticket once. The traffic warden told me I couldn't park in the disabled parking bay. I said "I am disabled. I've got Tourettes. **** off."
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Old 4th Sep 2019, 11:55
  #13042 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: At My Desk
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A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.

"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one problem," said the golfer. "Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."��
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Old 10th Sep 2019, 07:00
  #13043 (permalink)  
 
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Old 11th Sep 2019, 02:48
  #13044 (permalink)  
 
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Old 12th Sep 2019, 02:04
  #13045 (permalink)  
 
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Old 14th Sep 2019, 10:48
  #13046 (permalink)  
 
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Old 18th Sep 2019, 07:34
  #13047 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
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Old 18th Sep 2019, 07:35
  #13048 (permalink)  

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Old 18th Sep 2019, 09:54
  #13049 (permalink)  

Only half a speed-brake
 
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Old 18th Sep 2019, 11:37
  #13050 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Originally Posted by FlightDetent View Post
Hmmm

Have a great big curry the night before Bojo meets HM Queen, make sure Corgi's not in room and let one rip and watch Bojo blame the Queen.
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Old 18th Sep 2019, 11:39
  #13051 (permalink)  

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Old 18th Sep 2019, 12:00
  #13052 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: UK
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Is it just cynical old me, or has anybody else elected NOT to download something from Nigeria?
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Old 18th Sep 2019, 12:25
  #13053 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Florida
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What did the drummer call his twin girls?

Anna one.....Anna two......
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Old 18th Sep 2019, 14:05
  #13054 (permalink)  
 
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I believe that's a variant on the Mexican fireman's two sons, Jose and Hose B.
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Old 19th Sep 2019, 08:34
  #13055 (permalink)  

Nigerian In Law
 
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Old 19th Sep 2019, 12:35
  #13056 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
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I reckon both Men and Women can relate to this....


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Old 19th Sep 2019, 23:20
  #13057 (permalink)  
 
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Old 20th Sep 2019, 07:03
  #13058 (permalink)  
 
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Old 20th Sep 2019, 16:27
  #13059 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
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Originally Posted by Cat3508 View Post
Time will tell!
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Old 21st Sep 2019, 09:04
  #13060 (permalink)  
 
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