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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 9th Jul 2019, 12:41
  #12981 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: LONDON
Posts: 27
How about a real one..

The founder of the Lear Jet corporation, Bill Lear and his daughter Shanda.

It's better, because it's true [allegedly]
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Old 9th Jul 2019, 12:52
  #12982 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 53
Minister for Culture Ms Phyllis Tyne
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Old 9th Jul 2019, 12:52
  #12983 (permalink)  
Resident insomniac
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: N54 58 34 W02 01 21
Age: 75
Posts: 1,859
From Wiki:-
  • In 1941, Lear married his fourth wife, Moya Marie Olsen. They would have four children together: John Olsen Lear, Shanda, David and Tina.
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Old 9th Jul 2019, 12:55
  #12984 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 623
Following this last week. Took advantage of the timely red light.




Found their hp.
http://www.suikyugrp.co.jp/yusou/



Last edited by jolihokistix; 9th Jul 2019 at 13:10.
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Old 10th Jul 2019, 10:42
  #12985 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

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Old 10th Jul 2019, 23:13
  #12986 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 24
I was going to post this in F1 but I thought Don't Hang Up could do with a good laugh .


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Old 11th Jul 2019, 20:39
  #12987 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 53
I had an appointment with the osteopath. They kept me waiting for two hours.

They only had a skeleton staff.
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Old 15th Jul 2019, 14:26
  #12988 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
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Old 16th Jul 2019, 00:57
  #12989 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 11
I always thought that Margaret Moyston Cumming was an appropriate name for someone who was Research Co-ordinator in the Royal Commission on New Reproductive Health Technologies in Canada. Sadly, she passed away last year, so it takes the edge off the joke.
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Old 16th Jul 2019, 11:50
  #12990 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: ILS 110.75
Posts: 436

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Old 16th Jul 2019, 13:42
  #12991 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Southampton
Posts: 668
Tonto, with his head to the ground: "Buffalo come".

Lone Ranger: "How do you Know?"

Tonto: "Face Sticky.."
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Old 16th Jul 2019, 19:48
  #12992 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
Never again!
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Old 17th Jul 2019, 16:45
  #12993 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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Old 17th Jul 2019, 18:07
  #12994 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 65
Posts: 53
Must have had a Crapie Diem.
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Old 17th Jul 2019, 21:10
  #12995 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: West Country
Posts: 10
I deem it sub optimal!
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Old 19th Jul 2019, 11:34
  #12996 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Sydney Oz
Posts: 90
As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to play & sing at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in the country. As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I sang like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

As I sang & played “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my keyboard and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I’m still lost….
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Old 19th Jul 2019, 16:34
  #12997 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 699
Little Johny in class is chastised by his teacher for using the word 'Bugger"
"Do you know what that word means?" she asks
"Yes" replies Johny
"Can you tell us then?"
"No, but I can show you" he cheekily replies.
Teacher steps forward,

Can't actually finish this joke 'cos it's a bit too rude but worth a punt for joke 13,000.
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Old 19th Jul 2019, 18:12
  #12998 (permalink)  
419
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: London
Posts: 402
A teacher asks the children in her class to name things that end with "tor" and which eat other things.


The first little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good, that's a big word."

The second boy says, "Predator."

"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."

After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."

"Well my Mum has one and she says it eats feckin batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
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Old 19th Jul 2019, 20:59
  #12999 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807

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Old 20th Jul 2019, 11:07
  #13000 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: ILS 110.75
Posts: 436

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