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Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 3rd Jul 2019, 00:41
  #12941 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: shiny side up
Posts: 361
Smythe is online now  
Old 3rd Jul 2019, 00:44
  #12942 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: shiny side up
Posts: 361
Smythe is online now  
Old 3rd Jul 2019, 00:53
  #12943 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: shiny side up
Posts: 361
Smythe is online now  
Old 3rd Jul 2019, 07:39
  #12944 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Yorks
Age: 59
Posts: 328
[color=left=#000000]50 years after the Americans land a man on the moon the Africans land a man in Clapham.

Yes, I know I'm going to hell, but...…..[/color]
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Old 3rd Jul 2019, 11:06
  #12945 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 803
ricardian is offline  
Old 4th Jul 2019, 07:16
  #12946 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 76
Posts: 16,551
Ladies and gentlemen welcome aboard this new Boeing Max. There is no requirement for passengers to strap in.

In the unlikely event that the aircraft starts to descend all passengers are to muster in the aft galley. This will enable cabin crew to distribute coffee and biscuits before we land.
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Old 5th Jul 2019, 06:59
  #12947 (permalink)  
Paid...Persona Grata
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Between BHX and EMA
Age: 73
Posts: 235
Re post 12945, I prefer my friends to pop in without a nonce.

(For those whose first language is not English English a nonce is a slang word for paedophile.)
UniFoxOs is offline  
Old 5th Jul 2019, 17:15
  #12948 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South East of Penge
Age: 69
Posts: 1,358
, Not exactly:
Originally , in Prison
"Not On Normal Communal Exercise"
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Old 5th Jul 2019, 17:15
  #12949 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Cambridge, England, EU
Posts: 3,402
Originally Posted by UniFoxOs View Post
(For those whose first language is not English English a nonce is a slang word for paedophile.)
For those whose first language is not English English, that was a wind up.

A nonce is a cryptographic technical term https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptographic_nonce
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Old 5th Jul 2019, 20:59
  #12950 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Retired to Leafy Bucks
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Haraka View Post
, Not exactly:
Originally , in Prison
"Not On Normal Communal Exercise"
Almost certainly a backronym, an acronym made up to fit the word.
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Old 6th Jul 2019, 12:17
  #12951 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by tezzer View Post
[color=left=#000000]50 years after the Americans land a man on the moon the Africans land a man in Clapham.

Yes, I know I'm going to hell, but...…..[/color]
The authorities have just released the poor guy's name : Amin Yaflowerbed
SID PLATE is offline  
Old 6th Jul 2019, 13:01
  #12952 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,498
False news, he was actually a Mr Aciousbordah, first name Herb
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Old 7th Jul 2019, 10:13
  #12953 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Canadian Shield
Posts: 520
Hmmmm.... I was just going to congratulate J.B.ers on the 13,000 Friday Joke replies as shown today on the J.B. Front Page. Yet here I am at #12,953.

Presumably the other 47 were zapped by the M.T.P. (Mod Thought Police?) No - that % has to be waaaayyyy too low.

Answers on a postcard.
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Old 7th Jul 2019, 10:43
  #12954 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: The woods
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by jolihokistix View Post
Toiretto
On this very subject, and a great film to boot here: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1603933...nm_flmg_act_15
May 2019?

These things are available all over Europe these days - and I have to say a considerable advance on bumph.
bill fly is offline  
Old 7th Jul 2019, 10:58
  #12955 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 583
The 'thing' is almost incidental to the pot, er, plot. (2010 flick.)

Having used one in Tokyo that turned the light on for you as you opened the door, and lowered the seat even before you could say 'Sit!', I found it embarrassing to return home and use a semi-reliable relic of Victorian mechanical engineering.
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Old 7th Jul 2019, 12:18
  #12956 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Wherever someone will pay me to do fun stuff
Posts: 1,042
Having used one in Tokyo that turned the light on for you as you opened the door....
That's all very well but what really gets me are the ones that turn the light off long before I've finished the paper or whatever else I took with me to read. Even worse are the ones that won't turn the light back on if you wave at some sensor but need you to leave that cosy cubicle and re-enter before deigning to turn the light on again. I won't bore you with tales of woe about finding suitable paper (not for reading), or even to unlock the door again - I'm just thankful that some kind soul decided it would be a good idea to add a torch to that modern-day Swiss army knife, the mobile phone!
LookingForAJob is online now  
Old 7th Jul 2019, 12:49
  #12957 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Hampshire
Age: 72
Posts: 670
The authorities have just released the poor guy's name : Amin Yaflowerbed
Now it is reported that the Kenya Airways pilot had been arrested on suspicion of fly tipping over London.
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Old 8th Jul 2019, 14:12
  #12958 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Age: 76
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ricardian is offline  
Old 8th Jul 2019, 18:34
  #12959 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: UK
Age: 72
Posts: 528
Originally Posted by treadigraph View Post
False news, he was actually a Mr Aciousbordah, first name Herb
I first heard that gag on the radio show “I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again” in 1968 or thereabouts. The challenge was to announce guests attending the Gardeners’ Ball. When the theme changed to the Musicians’ Ball Tim Brooke-Taylor came up with: “Mr and Mrs Fsyewyeahyeahyeah and their daughter Sheila . . .”
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Old 8th Jul 2019, 20:25
  #12960 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Too close to Croydon for comfort
Age: 55
Posts: 5,498
Tim and the others recycle the late arrivals occasionally on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue - I think they deserve the odd airing on here!
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