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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 4th May 2019, 19:19
  #12781 (permalink)  
 
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Old 4th May 2019, 21:31
  #12782 (permalink)  
 
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Old 5th May 2019, 06:26
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Old 5th May 2019, 09:13
  #12784 (permalink)  
 
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A stolen joke ....

Two Ladies Who Lunch are doing just that in lower Manhattan. One shows off her new diamond ring, one with a huge klunker as its centerpiece. "My Gawd, Sylvia, where did you get that?!" asks her friend.

"It's my engagement ring. That's the Plotnik Diamond there, but it comes with a curse."

"So what's the curse?"

"Plotnik!"
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Old 5th May 2019, 13:23
  #12785 (permalink)  
 
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Old 6th May 2019, 09:28
  #12786 (permalink)  
 
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The real green revolution
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Old 6th May 2019, 10:04
  #12787 (permalink)  
 
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Where to start?

Who ever heard of the Plotnik Diamond, or of Plotnik? The joke starts with this stone, obviously big, being given legendary status, plus then having a curse associated with it, as with the legendary Hope Diamond: https://www.google.com/search?q=cursed+gems&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-ab

So this large but otherwise unexceptional diamond is blown up like a balloon in that way, becoming the Plotnik Diamond, as if it's famous.

Then comes the punchline, like a pin bursting the balloon. It's not that its owner is going to die horribly, or young, or whatever. The curse of the Plotnik Diamond is merely that this woman is going to have to marry Plotnik, who is probably a boring man of some wealth but no distinction, the sort of man that Ladies Who Lunch tend to go for if they can not do any better. So ... not much of a diamond, but not much of a curse either.

It's a Jewish joke, one I probably stole from The Big Book of Jewish Humor (Novak & Waldoks, pub. by Collins, 1981). To get the joke right away I guess you need to know a bit about Jewish humor, in this case absurdist humor.

Here is one from the Firesign Theatre, from one of their LP records:

(Man coughs lightly in background) "Doctor, give him something for his cough."

"Here's a quarter."

"Doctor, that's not much."

"Not much of a cough, either."


Here's one from George Burns and Gracie Allen, radio humor from the Thirties:

(Gracie) "A poor man came to the back door this morning asking for a bite."

(George) "So what did you do?"

(Gracie) "I bit him!"
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Old 6th May 2019, 19:34
  #12788 (permalink)  
 
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Old 9th May 2019, 11:12
  #12789 (permalink)  
 
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Insert your favorite Prince Philip quote
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Old 10th May 2019, 08:11
  #12790 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by troppo View Post

Insert your favorite Prince Philip quote
“Ginger and Megs”
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Old 10th May 2019, 08:13
  #12791 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by troppo View Post

Insert your favorite Prince Philip quote
Press here and it farts.
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Old 10th May 2019, 09:48
  #12792 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by troppo View Post

Insert your favorite Prince Philip quote
I say, look at that Philip, it's bigger than yours...

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Old 10th May 2019, 09:55
  #12793 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by troppo View Post

Insert your favorite Prince Philip quote
Look, another one without the same hair colour as it's father.
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Old 10th May 2019, 09:58
  #12794 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by troppo View Post

Insert your favorite Prince Philip quote
What is the servant doing in photo of our grandchild ?
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Old 10th May 2019, 10:01
  #12795 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by racedo View Post
What is the servant doing in photo of our grandchild ?
Less than a week old and I expect he's already a better driver than you Philip.
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Old 10th May 2019, 17:10
  #12796 (permalink)  
 
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Old 10th May 2019, 22:30
  #12797 (permalink)  
 
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Old 11th May 2019, 16:44
  #12798 (permalink)  
 
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Not quite sure where to put this one, it appears to fit most threads on JB.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ab4...=youtu.be&t=55
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Old 11th May 2019, 17:11
  #12799 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by troppo View Post

Insert your favorite Prince Philip quote
At last someone else in nappies
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Old 11th May 2019, 18:06
  #12800 (permalink)  
 
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