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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 30th Jan 2019, 13:55
  #12481 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
Posts: 2,110
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Old 30th Jan 2019, 22:20
  #12482 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
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Old 31st Jan 2019, 09:40
  #12483 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: LONDON
Posts: 27
I've always wondered whose idea it was to give the horses the first go at putting Humpty together again.
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Old 31st Jan 2019, 20:34
  #12484 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 454
On the egg theme...
A woman was walking out of the supermarket with an armload of groceries, when she heard the sound of smashing glass as a bottle of tomato sauce fell to the floor. As she looked over the top of the load, a couple of eggs also fell from her arms and smashed on the floor. "Oh no!" she cried, I've dropped it!" A shop assistant came scurrying up and said "Don't worry, it wouldn't have lived anyway, its eyes are too far apart."
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Old 31st Jan 2019, 23:14
  #12485 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 54
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 15:59
  #12486 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 64
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by lomapaseo View Post
It might be funnier if we had a caption this challenge
Ok here goes.
"I'm a JBer"
"Oh not another one, I might as well throw these away."
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 16:14
  #12487 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,191
"You're a tanker? <sigh> Oh well then - hold these pants while I find my magnifying glass"
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 17:04
  #12488 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Germany
Age: 71
Posts: 1,560
"If you had sex with me, and I find out about it, you are going to be in a lot of trouble!"
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 17:33
  #12489 (permalink)  
Drain Bamaged
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Earth
Age: 52
Posts: 410
“Oh, you’re a tanker!? I will announce "On the way!" before I break wind”
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 17:46
  #12490 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Richard Burtonville, South Wales.
Posts: 1,802
"Is there a dick in here? Cos there sure ain't one in your pants, Tanky"

CG
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 17:52
  #12491 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by Ogre View Post
It means that she won't get then wet when she pi$$es herself laughing at their attempts to be suave and sophisticated....

Air Force pilots (particularly fast jet pilots) have a similar opinion of their sexual magnetism. If you didn't get that by looking at them they will be sure and tell you....
I thought it was because of the size of their watch!
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 18:52
  #12492 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 76
Posts: 16,580
Sloppy seconds anyone?
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 18:56
  #12493 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Coasting South
Age: 64
Posts: 47
"A tanker? I thought you said wan... oh never mind."
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Old 1st Feb 2019, 21:47
  #12494 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Seattle
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Old 2nd Feb 2019, 07:52
  #12495 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: The right side of the Pennines
Age: 69
Posts: 144
I thought it was because of the size of their watch!
Correct.

Stewardess complained to hotel reception that all the pilots were swimming naked in the swimming pool, could they send security ?

If they're naked, how do you know that they're pilots ?

They all have big watches and little cocks.
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Old 2nd Feb 2019, 10:23
  #12496 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 699
I always thought that you had to have a small cock to be eligable for the Masons
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Old 2nd Feb 2019, 16:53
  #12497 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Retired to Leafy Bucks
Posts: 94
Marvin Gaye used to keep a sheep in his vineyard.

He herded it through the grapevine.
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Old 3rd Feb 2019, 11:45
  #12498 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 42
I always thought that you had to have a small cock to be eligable for the Masons

What has building walls got to do with willy size?
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Old 3rd Feb 2019, 12:33
  #12499 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,191
An American met up with a former colleague whom he had not seen for several years. The colleague was a Native American - a full blood Cherokee named (aren't they all?) Running Bear.

A. Hi, ole Running Bear - how's tricks?

NA Could be better, could be worse.

A Oh - say, how is that lovely wife of yours. Little Moonbeam?

The NA frowned before replying - As is the custom in my tribe, I have insisted that she takes a new name.

A Oh - what's her new name?

NA Three Horses

A Three Horses? Isn't that a strange name for a wife? Why did you choose it?

NA Nag, nag, nag...
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Old 3rd Feb 2019, 12:34
  #12500 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,191


Of course it would be even MORE amusing if they knew how to spell neighbour...

PDR
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