Friday Jokes
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
As we were heading for bed my wife asked "Have you put the wheelie bin out?"
I replied "No, I'll do it in the morning."
She said "What about the cat?"
I replied "Well I'll ask him but I don't think he'll be able to push it."
I replied "No, I'll do it in the morning."
She said "What about the cat?"
I replied "Well I'll ask him but I don't think he'll be able to push it."
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Under the flight path
Posts: 2,363
A teacher asked her young class how many of them were Jeremy Corbyn fans.
Not really knowing what a Corbyn fan was, all the children raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he hadn’t raised his hand
He said, "Because I'm not a Corbyn fan."
The teacher then asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Corbyn?"
Little Johnny replied, “Because I'm a Conservative."
The teacher asked, "Why are you Conservative?”
He said, “Well, my Mum’s a Conservative, my Dad’s a Conservative, so I'm a Conservative."
Somewhat rattled by this answer, the teacher said, “If your Mum was a moron and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied,
"That would make me a Corbyn fan."
Not really knowing what a Corbyn fan was, all the children raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he hadn’t raised his hand
He said, "Because I'm not a Corbyn fan."
The teacher then asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Corbyn?"
Little Johnny replied, “Because I'm a Conservative."
The teacher asked, "Why are you Conservative?”
He said, “Well, my Mum’s a Conservative, my Dad’s a Conservative, so I'm a Conservative."
Somewhat rattled by this answer, the teacher said, “If your Mum was a moron and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied,
"That would make me a Corbyn fan."
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
I was reading an article last night about strengthening the bond between fathers and sons.
Memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.
I got him a Fosters. He didn't like it so I had it.
Then I got him a Carlsberg. He didn't like it - so I had it.
It was the same with Guinness and with cider.
By the time we got down to the whisky, I could hardly push his pram home!
Memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.
I got him a Fosters. He didn't like it so I had it.
Then I got him a Carlsberg. He didn't like it - so I had it.
It was the same with Guinness and with cider.
By the time we got down to the whisky, I could hardly push his pram home!
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 61
Posts: 5,623
What radio call does Tinkerbell make when having trouble while flying?
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Pan, Pan, Pan ..
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Shamelessly borrowed from a funny post by ORAC.
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Pan, Pan, Pan ..
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Shamelessly borrowed from a funny post by ORAC.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 69
Posts: 917
These were judged to be the best jokes at this years Edinburgh festval fringe, starting with the winner...
"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day." Adam Rowe
"I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse
"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel
"In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt
"What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan
"I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh
"Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse
"I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff
"Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
"I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx
It must be the way they tell them!
"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day." Adam Rowe
"I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse
"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel
"In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt
"What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan
"I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh
"Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse
"I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff
"Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
"I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx
It must be the way they tell them!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: North West UK
Posts: 531
Originally Posted by sitigeltfel
These were judged to be the best jokes at this years Edinburgh festval fringe....
"Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
It must be the way they tell them!
"Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
It must be the way they tell them!
