Go Back  PPRuNe Forums > PPRuNe Social > Jet Blast
Reload this Page >

Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 17th Nov 2017, 22:31
  #11061 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 18th Nov 2017, 08:17
  #11062 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,509
For those considering the gym, here is a stay at home solution.

Exercise 1.jpg
RAT 5 is offline  
Old 18th Nov 2017, 13:39
  #11063 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 18th Nov 2017, 20:06
  #11064 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Bournemouth
Age: 75
Posts: 37
Parrot Wisdom

As written this little story is set in an unspecified Latin American city, but it could happen in lots of places. Apologies if it's been posted before.
An extremely respectable lady is in a pet shop choosing a parrot for her two daughters. She selects one, but the shop assistant warns her:-

"Madam, that is an excellent parrot you have chosen. He talks really well. But I have to tell you he is not from the best of backgrounds. The thing is - and I don't know how to say this to a lady - until last week he was the Chief Parrot at ... er .... one of those places ... those houses .. a lady like you wouldn't know of them ..err .. where there are women ... young girls .... and men come and .... and... err .. because of that .. some of that parrot's language, and some of the things he says ... are not the things a lady like you and your esteemed daughters should hear ... ".

"Yes, sadly I have heard tell of such places. But don't worry ... we are a very respectable family. Everybody knows us. Ask anybody . We will take this parrot in amongst us, show him the error of his ways and re-educate him. Do not fear. My husband will take him in hand. Under our influence in no time at all he will be the best mannered, best educated and best spoken parrot in the entire neighbourhood."

She pays for the parrot and picks up his cage.

The parrot says "new madam". His new mistress takes no notice.

When they reach home he says "new madam, new house". She pretends not to hear.

Later the two daughters come home from school. The parrot looks them up and down and says:

"New madam, new house, new girls". The girls don't understand what he is saying but burst into tears when they see their mother's expression.

"Never mind, my darlings", she says "Take no notice of him.

"You'll see. Together we will reform that bird. We'll start today. When your father comes home he will have a very serious conversation with him, man to parrot, and make it clear to him what sort of family we are".

Later still Father comes home. The parrot looks carefully at him and says:

"New house, new madam, new girls. But same clients. Hello Pedro".

Davidsa is offline  
Old 19th Nov 2017, 11:59
  #11065 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 19th Nov 2017, 21:09
  #11066 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
Age: 80
Posts: 122


...the gift that keeps on giving...
BlankBox is offline  
Old 21st Nov 2017, 02:24
  #11067 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
Age: 80
Posts: 122


BlankBox is offline  
Old 21st Nov 2017, 18:29
  #11068 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,311
It's not difficult to open a boiler with the right tools

lomapaseo is online now  
Old 21st Nov 2017, 19:12
  #11069 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Yorks
Age: 60
Posts: 328
Meanwhile in Harare......

A topical one........
Attached Images
File Type: jpg
9lVirwjf.jpg (22.5 KB, 125 views)
tezzer is offline  
Old 21st Nov 2017, 19:12
  #11070 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Yorks
Age: 60
Posts: 328
I had a tour of a brewery the other day.

There was a man spreading out dried grain. "This is Fred," I was told, "he takes care of the barley."

There was a man stirring something in a big copper kettle. "This is Dave, he takes care of the yeast."

There was a man bouncing up and down on one leg. "Who is that?" I asked.

"This is Mike. He takes care of the hops"
tezzer is offline  
Old 22nd Nov 2017, 07:18
  #11071 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 732
What do they do to gropers nowadays?


Add colour to see answer... here: They elect some of them president.
jolihokistix is offline  
Old 22nd Nov 2017, 10:55
  #11072 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
A badly designed statue!
ricardian is offline  
Old 22nd Nov 2017, 14:03
  #11073 (permalink)  
Drain Bamaged
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Earth
Age: 52
Posts: 437
A warning to all you drivers, be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a Bus home.
Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests.
Because I was in a Bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a Bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from....
ehwatezedoing is offline  
Old 22nd Nov 2017, 18:05
  #11074 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
ricardian is offline  
Old 22nd Nov 2017, 22:25
  #11075 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 698
Had a phone call from my neighbour today asking if I was interested in going to a party on Saturday.
"I will be getting the BBQ out and there will be plenty of burgers, plenty of wine and plenty of sex".
"Anything else at your party" I asked.
"No, just food booze and sex" he replied.
"yep, I'm interested, what should I wear?" I asked.
"Not important" he replied, "there will only be the two of us!"
funfly is offline  
Old 23rd Nov 2017, 06:59
  #11076 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: edge of reality
Posts: 790
After a night of drink and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when he realized he had made it home safely.
MungoP is offline  
Old 23rd Nov 2017, 12:14
  #11077 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: At My Desk
Posts: 3
Just done my first good deed of the festive period.

I was in the local supermarket and this little old lady went to pay for her shopping, which came to 63, with her debit card but it got declined, so I stepped in and helped her put it all back on the shelves.
Devon Flyer is offline  
Old 23rd Nov 2017, 17:06
  #11078 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 913
Open the window, FFS!


sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 23rd Nov 2017, 21:39
  #11079 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: UK
Age: 81
Posts: 698
Found a neighbour in bed with my wife when I got home early yesterday.
"here", I said, "What are you doin' in my wife's bed?
Well, I knew what he was doing so I pulled him out of the bed, down the stairs, still bollock naked, and into my shed at the bottom of the garden.
Once there I got hold of his member and pinched it tightly into the vice, then I got out my hacksaw.
"Wow, you ain't gonna cut my willy off with that there hacksaw" he cried.
"No" I replied, "You are going to saw it off yourself......

....I'm going to set fire to the shed!"
funfly is offline  
Old 24th Nov 2017, 08:34
  #11080 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 913
Before there were Playboy Bunnies...

sitigeltfel is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.