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Friday Jokes

Old 16th May 2017, 09:25
  #10141 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
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I went along to a Careers Convention. All the British armed forces were there.

I asked a sailor what he'd do if he woke and found a scorpion in his tent. "I'd take a boot and throw it at him until he ran away"

I asked the Marine what he'd do if he woke and found a scorpion in his tent. "I'd stick on a boot and stamp the F***** to death.

I asked the Para what he'd do if he woke and found a scorpion in his tent. "I'd grab it, rip off the stinger and eat it, whole".

I asked the Pilot what he'd do if he woke and found a scorpion in his tent. " I'd call room service and ask them what the hell a tent was doing in my room"

Last edited by blue up; 16th May 2017 at 09:36.
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Old 16th May 2017, 09:33
  #10142 (permalink)  
 
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It's not the sausages that pork people,
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Old 16th May 2017, 11:51
  #10143 (permalink)  
 
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Old 16th May 2017, 12:52
  #10144 (permalink)  
 
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My friend told me: "Im seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife But Im pretty sure shell figure I'm just after my money"
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Old 16th May 2017, 13:00
  #10145 (permalink)  
 
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Gently she tried to slide it in but the hole was too small; she slipped it into her mouth briefly expertly teasing the tip, moistening the end and making it as stiff as it could be - but still to no avail. After a few attempts however perseverance paid off and, greatly relieved, she started sewing up her hem.
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Old 16th May 2017, 15:18
  #10146 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
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Originally Posted by HighAndFlighty View Post


richard balson ? is he in congress ?
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Old 16th May 2017, 17:12
  #10147 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
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Originally Posted by blue up View Post
I went along to a Careers Convention. All the British armed forces were there.

I asked a sailor what he'd do if he woke and found a scorpion in his tent. "I'd take a boot and throw it at him until he ran away"
A sailor in a tent? What kind of navy ships do you guys have? Inflatable ones?
Per
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Old 16th May 2017, 17:51
  #10148 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: West Wiltshire, UK
Age: 67
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Originally Posted by Ancient Mariner View Post
A sailor in a tent? What kind of navy ships do you guys have? Inflatable ones?
Per
We have some pretty good land-based sailors. Ever heard of the Royal Marines?

Mind you, they'd probably think of a tent as a spot of luxury..........

(I had the misfortune to be caught by them during an escape and evasion course - not pleasant - 42 Commando are still not my favourite unit)
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Old 16th May 2017, 18:06
  #10149 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
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Originally Posted by VP959 View Post
......42 Commando are still not my favourite unit)
VP

I'll let Lt Batco jnr RM know. He'll no doubt be pleased!

Regards
Batco
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Old 16th May 2017, 18:47
  #10150 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
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Originally Posted by VP959 View Post
We have some pretty good land-based sailors. Ever heard of the Royal Marines?

Mind you, they'd probably think of a tent as a spot of luxury..........

(I had the misfortune to be caught by them during an escape and evasion course - not pleasant - 42 Commando are still not my favourite unit)
Oh yes, the Maritime Regiment of Foot. Funny sailors.
Per
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Old 16th May 2017, 21:25
  #10151 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Originally Posted by Ancient Mariner View Post
A sailor in a tent? What kind of navy ships do you guys have? Inflatable ones?
Per
The one I saw recently in Portsmouth was wearing a tent, he/she/it looked like it could sink a squad of Marines all on their own.
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Old 16th May 2017, 23:30
  #10152 (permalink)  
 
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Old 17th May 2017, 07:11
  #10153 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
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Ricardian, your previous post on Leeds may be amusing but the link is anything but
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Old 17th May 2017, 07:48
  #10154 (permalink)  
 
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A city centre in the UK not surrounded by security cameras? And they are looking for witnesses? You're avin' a larf.
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Old 17th May 2017, 20:40
  #10155 (permalink)  
 
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Old 17th May 2017, 23:36
  #10156 (permalink)  
 
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Old 18th May 2017, 14:01
  #10157 (permalink)  
 
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Man, has she got a story, to tell the other hens!
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Old 18th May 2017, 14:10
  #10158 (permalink)  
 
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A new take on pencil sharpeners
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Old 18th May 2017, 14:52
  #10159 (permalink)  
 
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Old 18th May 2017, 15:16
  #10160 (permalink)  
 
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Should be renamed "Haram Pig"............
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