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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 12th May 2017, 01:25
  #10121 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 55
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Leave it to the Aussies (from the post on awards above...)

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Old 12th May 2017, 19:07
  #10122 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
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A thirsty man ordered a sloe gin fizz.
The bartender allowed as he was out of sloe gin, but had some regular gin and that he could make decent cocktails from unusual ingredients. Having just received a shipment of citrus from the December crop grown in a greenhouse in the Yukon inspired him.
"I can," he said, "make your fizz with winter-tasting limes."
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Old 13th May 2017, 10:25
  #10123 (permalink)  
 
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Old 13th May 2017, 16:01
  #10124 (permalink)  
 
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funfly, Your piece should be set to the music of Billy Joel's 'We Didn't Start The Fire'.
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Old 13th May 2017, 18:24
  #10125 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
Posts: 811
Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, “Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?” And Dick says, “It’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”
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Old 14th May 2017, 02:49
  #10126 (permalink)  
 
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Location: Between a Rock and a Hard Spot
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Old 14th May 2017, 02:58
  #10127 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Melbourne
Age: 68
Posts: 775
Originally Posted by ricardian View Post
Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick? And Dick says, Its a hickory daiquiri, Doc.
The good thing about thirty year old jokes like this one is that they reassure me I am not losing my memory.
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Old 14th May 2017, 07:02
  #10128 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 77
Posts: 16,712
Originally Posted by fujii View Post
The good thing about thirty year old jokes like this one is that they reassure me I am not losing my memory.

The really sad thing is when you can't remember the joke was posted on the previous page, or worse, this page.

Did you hear the one about the almond daiquiri?
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Old 14th May 2017, 09:55
  #10129 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: The Fletcher Memorial Home
Age: 55
Posts: 302
Breaking news, Police in the UK have confirmed that a lorry containing 25 tons of Vicks vapour rub has overturned on the M6 just outside Birmingham, spilling its load across three carriageways.

They insist there will be no congestion for the next 12 hours......
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Old 14th May 2017, 11:15
  #10130 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 546
...and in more breaking news, a truckload of Viagra has been stolen. Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
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Old 14th May 2017, 11:36
  #10131 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: South of Old Warden
Age: 83
Posts: 1,376
....or some upright male citizens
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Old 14th May 2017, 14:15
  #10132 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,350
clearly a bunch of dickheads
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Old 14th May 2017, 14:40
  #10133 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 77
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Old 14th May 2017, 15:20
  #10134 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 744
Can we expect stiff penalties to be handed out?
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Old 15th May 2017, 05:36
  #10135 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: QLD - where drivers are yet to realise that the left lane goes to their destination too.
Posts: 2,338
All those tickets inside the windscreen beaten by just one on the outside.
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Old 15th May 2017, 20:32
  #10136 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: On my farm
Posts: 1,191
He speaketh the truth...
Attached Images
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Old 16th May 2017, 03:13
  #10137 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Seattle
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Old 16th May 2017, 04:09
  #10138 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: SCAL
Posts: 97
Traffic news. An elephant has been caught doing a ton on the M1.



Police advise motorists to drive carefully and treat it as a roundabout.
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Old 16th May 2017, 05:45
  #10139 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wilts
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by sherburn2LA View Post
Traffic news. An elephant has been caught doing a ton on the M1.



Police advise motorists to drive carefully and treat it as a roundabout.
Good old Kenny Everet🙏
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Old 16th May 2017, 07:50
  #10140 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Land of 1,000 Dances
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Posts: 68


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