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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 20th Feb 2017, 20:00
  #9601 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
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Go ahead! I remember the punchline but not how it was arrived at......

It has to do with a glamorous well endowed lady, white wine & white meat, red wine & red lips and flaming brandy where only the boldest fighter pilots dare go.
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Old 21st Feb 2017, 11:37
  #9602 (permalink)  
 
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Old 21st Feb 2017, 11:44
  #9603 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
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I wasn't feeling that well so I went to the chemist. He recommended a new homoeopathic treatment:

"It's not cheap, but it's the biz"

I asked how much it was, and he said "45".

So I took out a 50 note, dipped it three times in a glass of water and handed him the glass, saying "keep the change..."

PDR
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Old 21st Feb 2017, 12:30
  #9604 (permalink)  
 
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 11:43
  #9605 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: QLD - where drivers are yet to realise that the left lane goes to their destination too.
Posts: 2,070
Police have established a crime scene and are awaiting the advice of forensic specialists. They are appealing for anyone with any information as to the last known movements of Mr Pooh to come forward and contact the East Kilbride Constabulary. A Police Spokesperson, Superintendant C. Robin, stated that "while it is too early to confirm any details, we suspect the incident to be drug related".

Last edited by Traffic_Is_Er_Was; 22nd Feb 2017 at 12:01. Reason: Speling
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 12:19
  #9606 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jan 2002
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TIEW, DCI Chris Robin from the East Kilbride Polis has issued pictures of three associates of Mr Pooh whom they wish to interview in connection with his death:





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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 13:14
  #9607 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 57
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In the absence of the third picture, a possible motive emerges:

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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 17:43
  #9608 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Europe
Age: 44
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Ancient Mariner View Post
Nein? Droppen? Haut?
Per
Ok. Two German words. "Droppen" is not a German word.
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 18:02
  #9609 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Not where I want to be
Age: 65
Posts: 213
Originally Posted by sprocky_ger View Post
Ok. Two German words. "Droppen" is not a German word.
Not a Friday Joke, but here goes
Reverso : dictionary for mobile
Per
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 19:30
  #9610 (permalink)  
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In the absence of the third picture
Tigger - he must have been sprung...

Odd, I can see it....
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 19:32
  #9611 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Austria
Posts: 665
Not a friday joke either, but what this translator offers is video game lingo at its worst. It seems that, in certain circles, this word is used to describe the action of a game character losing some items while dying that will be left for others to pick up.

A native speaker would typically not use this word unless he has a particularly bad grasp on the language or is especially fond of anglicisms. It can be fully replaced by "fallenlassen" or "verlieren", meaning "to drop" or "to lose" respectively.
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 20:48
  #9612 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lestah
Posts: 159
A man was arrested yesterday after falling into a Combine Harvester whilst trying to steal it.

He's due to be bailed tomorrow.
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 21:16
  #9613 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: E.Wash State
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He's due to be bailed tomorrow.
Any family waiting to take him home should wait at the chip shop across the road.
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 21:47
  #9614 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MIA
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Don't you mean he fell into a "baler"
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 21:50
  #9615 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
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Apparently they have appointed a Dick in charge of the Metropolitan Police Service in London.................. oh I wish that was a joke.
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Old 22nd Feb 2017, 23:35
  #9616 (permalink)  
 
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Good job that she's not called Ophelia.....
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Old 23rd Feb 2017, 00:11
  #9617 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,045
Don't you mean he fell into a "baler"
don't ruin a good joke most of us city folk don't know what a "baler' is
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Old 23rd Feb 2017, 02:12
  #9618 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MIA
Posts: 212
Ah yes! Only one stacking tons of hay bales would probably know.
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Old 23rd Feb 2017, 02:55
  #9619 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: New Zealand
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Originally Posted by OldCessna View Post
Don't you mean he fell into a "baler"
No if he fell into a baler he would already be baled. In a combine he will be spit out as straw so can be baled tomorrow.

As you were
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Old 23rd Feb 2017, 07:47
  #9620 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 57
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In a combine he will be spit out as straw so can be baled tomorrow.
So he was reaped as well - crime doesn't pay!
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