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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 5th Jan 2017, 12:34
  #9321 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 6,012
12th Night of being on hold for Helpdesk as my call is important to them.
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 12:50
  #9322 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,204
I found the quote - it's on page 404.

PDR
PDR1 is online now  
Old 5th Jan 2017, 12:59
  #9323 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 325
Thank you kulverstukas that has made my day
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 14:24
  #9324 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Near the watter...
Age: 73
Posts: 251
I recall standing in a bar and telling the aged joke about the difference between Joan Collins and a KitKat...... You can only get four fingers in a KitKat.


One of my chums pointed to an automatic dispensing machine on the wall beside him...it said it dispensed 5 finger KitKats!!!
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 16:40
  #9325 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
Day 3 - and they still don't suspect anything

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Old 5th Jan 2017, 18:41
  #9326 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,510
It's 'cow-cam' & David Attenborough is somewhere abouts.
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 19:40
  #9327 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 225
I'm no farmer, but the cow cam guys should be worried, as the cows don't look like cows to me.......
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 20:36
  #9328 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Budapest
Posts: 0
Originally Posted by Kulverstukas View Post


I wonder what play is it from.
Much ado about nothing.
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 20:39
  #9329 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
Originally Posted by Expatrick View Post
Much ado about nothing.
Probably from page 404?
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 20:40
  #9330 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
Originally Posted by 57mm View Post
I'm no farmer, but the cow cam guys should be worried, as the cows don't look like cows to me.......
Yup, one set of udders only
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 23:29
  #9331 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 633
One on the left has twigged.
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Old 5th Jan 2017, 23:36
  #9332 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Perth - Western Australia
Age: 70
Posts: 1,806
Would I be right in thinking this guy is a Trump voter? Whatever, he must smoke some potent fumes.


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Old 6th Jan 2017, 00:22
  #9333 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: North Queensland, Australia
Posts: 2,865
Yes, everyone should roll up their sleeves and bare arms against the government!
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Old 6th Jan 2017, 00:27
  #9334 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 6,012
Yes, everyone should roll up their sleeves and bare arms against the government!
Bare Chest is a better idea
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Old 6th Jan 2017, 01:35
  #9335 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: PA
Age: 54
Posts: 35
unfortunately, true...reminds me of the video with elevator voice recognition in Scotland!

https://www.airtasker.com/tasks/get-...glish-3465416/

Our company is working on a voice recognition development application and we are seeking Android phone users to participate in this project to improve the quality of voice recognition technology in Australia.

Task description:
* The work will involve recording 500 short English prompts from a WebApp using your own Android smart phone/tablet. Android users ONLY (WebApp is not compatible with iphone/Ipad).

* The total recording time will take approximately 45 mins to one hour. You can choose to record the prompts in several separate sessions or complete them all in one session.

* The audio files must be successfully uploaded and of good quality.

* Upon completion of the tasks (quality checked), you will be paid $25 AUD

Requirement:
Only people who meet the requirement should apply.

* Native Australian English Speaker (born, grow up and spend most of the years living in Australia)

* Good wifi connection to upload while doing the recordings

* Clear voice, confident in using online apps

* You must be 18 years or older
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Old 6th Jan 2017, 17:05
  #9336 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
ricardian is offline  
Old 6th Jan 2017, 19:21
  #9337 (permalink)  
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Lincolnshire
Age: 76
Posts: 16,613
One Track, it sa's evree thing about the amurikan edukashun sistim
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Old 6th Jan 2017, 19:36
  #9338 (permalink)  
Drain Bamaged
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Earth
Age: 52
Posts: 420
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "ugh, that's the ugliest baby I have ever seen!". The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her , "the driver just insulted me".
The man says "you go up there and tell him off". Go on, I will hold your monkey for you.
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Old 6th Jan 2017, 20:54
  #9339 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: last time I looked I was still here.
Posts: 4,510
Winston Churchill was in USA to receive his honorary citizenship. He was at a cocktail party and was cornered by Gloria Venderbelt. She suggested to Winston, "what a shame you were not born in the USA, we'd met, married and had such wonderful children with your brains & my beauty."
"Oh my dear, but what if they'd had your brains & my beauty? Better I was born in UK."
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Old 6th Jan 2017, 22:16
  #9340 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Currently within the EU
Posts: 325
That's more like it RAT 5.

Only 53 years ago, far better than the old stuff we usually get on here.
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