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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 20th Dec 2016, 11:31
  #9161 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Bedford, UK
Age: 66
Posts: 1,225
Very good, I shall use that!
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 12:37
  #9162 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: England
Posts: 335
Very good, I shall use that!
Some of us have been using it ever since it first appeared here
Sallyann1234 is online now  
Old 20th Dec 2016, 13:27
  #9163 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: south of Cirencester, north of Lyneham
Age: 72
Posts: 1,243
Come on Sally, you're not THAT old!
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 13:32
  #9164 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Perth - Western Australia
Age: 71
Posts: 1,809
BG, thanks for that positively ancient pearler of a JC joke. I'd virtually forgotten it, but it still got me grinning again.


Why did the mechanic go to sleep under his car?

Because he wanted to get up oily in the morning!
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 13:35
  #9165 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Bedford, UK
Age: 66
Posts: 1,225
...I should have known
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 16:08
  #9166 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 810
A little seasonal offering

ricardian is offline  
Old 20th Dec 2016, 16:31
  #9167 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Cambridge UK
Posts: 513
I might have posted this before...

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Old 20th Dec 2016, 16:36
  #9168 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 58
Posts: 3
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are trekking through the Rocky Mountains at Christmas. The trail is knee-deep in snow and the going is tough, when they stagger into a small settlement with a saloon. The Lone Ranger enters the saloon leaving Tonto guarding Silver outside. The Lone Ranger is in there for ages, and Tonto is freezing outside and so begins jogging on the spot to stay warm. Inside the Saloon, a customer sees this through the window and calls out "Hey, whoever owns the white Mustang out front - you left your Injun running!"
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 20:18
  #9169 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 810
ricardian is offline  
Old 20th Dec 2016, 20:52
  #9170 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lestah
Posts: 159
After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion - and I think it's outrageous.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession that he loves.

What a waste of time, training and money.

A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 21:01
  #9171 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,215
"Cometh the hour, cometh the man."

Sage advice, but sadly the reason that I'm banned from being anywhere near Big Ben.
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 21:06
  #9172 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lestah
Posts: 159
Just had one of those spam telephone calls telling me that I'd won a competition and that I could choose my prize. The options were 50 in cash or two tickets to see an Elvis impersonator.

It said, press...

One for the money
Two for the show
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Old 20th Dec 2016, 23:52
  #9173 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: UK
Posts: 785
I just got caught sniffing my sister's underwear - talk about creating a bad atmosphere.... totally ruined her funeral!
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Old 21st Dec 2016, 09:36
  #9174 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 810
John's wife told him that she doesn't care what she gets for Christmas this year.
"Just make sure it's got diamonds in it" she said.
John bought her a pack of playing cards.
John is not going to have a nice Christmas.
ricardian is offline  
Old 21st Dec 2016, 11:42
  #9175 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Fliegensville, Gold Coast Australia
Posts: 35
Santa is loading up the sleigh full of prezzies....and a friednly CASA/CAA/FAA inspector turns up....

...with a shotgun....oh....nevermind.....
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Old 21st Dec 2016, 12:51
  #9176 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: spacetime
Posts: 260
I poured root beer into a square cup. Now I just have beer.
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Old 21st Dec 2016, 14:08
  #9177 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Cambridge UK
Posts: 513
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Old 21st Dec 2016, 14:26
  #9178 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: closer to hell
Age: 48
Posts: 904
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Old 21st Dec 2016, 15:23
  #9179 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wild West Yorkshire
Age: 58
Posts: 3
The most appropriate one has already been used: Cornershop (a one-hit wonder with Brimful Of Asha in 1997) but how about Khanned Heat?
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Old 22nd Dec 2016, 01:00
  #9180 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 406
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