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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 29th Oct 2016, 18:52
  #8861 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: apogee
Age: 65
Posts: 59
or...


ومسجل تبيع شحنة من الخشب ل 100 $. له تكلفة الإنتاج 4/5 من الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟
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Old 29th Oct 2016, 21:26
  #8862 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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ricardian is offline  
Old 29th Oct 2016, 21:28
  #8863 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
Age: 79
Posts: 118
"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would
be found in all corners of the earth."

........Then He made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and
laughed!
BlankBox is offline  
Old 30th Oct 2016, 20:03
  #8864 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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ricardian is offline  
Old 30th Oct 2016, 20:03
  #8865 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 166
[/IMG]
Nervous SLF is offline  
Old 30th Oct 2016, 20:43
  #8866 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 6,031
Halloween tomorrow............

Last year putting luminous popup battery powered skeleton hand on a couple of graves among the flowers didn't go down to well.
One old dear seeing a skeletal hand rising up from flowers was eventually allowed go home for Christmas.

Cops came around and they said no recurrence of this...........

This year putting a wire across the road and lets see if a Green lumious clown costume 20 feet off the ground going across the road causes any problems.
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Old 30th Oct 2016, 20:58
  #8867 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Perth - Western Australia
Age: 71
Posts: 1,806
FIFY ...

6. Teaching Math In 2010

Un hachero vende 200 libras de cocaína por $100,000, ya que es mucho más rentable que la de acceder. El costo de producción es de $1.00. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
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Old 30th Oct 2016, 21:25
  #8868 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by onetrack View Post
FIFY ...

6. Teaching Math In 2010

Un hachero vende 200 libras de cocaína por $100,000, ya que es mucho más rentable que la de acceder. El costo de producción es de $1.00. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
A hachero sells 200 pounds of cocaine for $100,000, since is much more profitable that it's access. The cost of production is $1.00. How much money has made?

Nervous SLF is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 01:45
  #8869 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Japan
Posts: 652
Wait, I think I've got it...
jolihokistix is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 13:36
  #8870 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 809
For those of a certain age...

ricardian is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 16:36
  #8871 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Canada/Malaysia
Age: 79
Posts: 118
VEET reviews...

[url=http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_top?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=byR ankDescending[/url]

BlankBox is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 19:38
  #8872 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Wellington,NZ
Age: 62
Posts: 1,633
https://www.amazon.co.uk/product-rev...0ankDescending

Fixed that for you.
Tarq57 is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 19:54
  #8873 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 68
Posts: 902
For those tired of Chateau Latour..

www.amazon.co.uk/Rustins-5015332370016-Methylated-Spirits-Purple/dp/B001GU498C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477939674&sr=8-1&keywords=methylated+spirit
sitigeltfel is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 20:31
  #8874 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: eastcoastoz
Age: 72
Posts: 1,703
An old aviator finally makes it to the pearly gates..
Once inside, he notices, on a wall, a huge bank of instruments vaguely resembling altimeters.

"What are those for?" he asks St Peter.
"Oh, those are what we call Lie-Meters .. y'see we have one for everybody on earth and every time they've told a lie, the hands move."
"That one up there on the left was Mother Theresa's - the hands never moved."
"The one further over was Abraham Lincoln's - the hands only ever moved twice."

"Do you have one for Tracey Curtis-Taylor?" asks the ex-pilot.
"Oh yes" says St Peter, "That one's mounted above you - we use it as a ceiling fan."
Stanwell is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 20:42
  #8875 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Not far from a lot of solar panels.
Posts: 79
Pure genius, Stanwell!
Null Orifice is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 21:06
  #8876 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 6,031
Cried with laughter through these reviews
racedo is offline  
Old 31st Oct 2016, 22:43
  #8877 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Farnham, Surrey
Posts: 1,206
I've just read a book about a couple of footballer's wives who developed magical powers. It's a WAGs to witches story.
PDR1 is offline  
Old 1st Nov 2016, 06:21
  #8878 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 158
A woman came home and screeched to a stop in the driveway, jumped out of her car an excitedly ran inside to her husband.

"Quick, pack your bags, I've won the lottery" she exclaimed.

"That's wonderful" he said, "must I pack beach or mountain holiday clothes?"

"It doesn't matter" she said. "Just pack your stuff - you're leaving"

***************************

A friend was telling me that his ex wife works in a pharmacy. "Every other day I pop in there and buy a packet of condoms, just to annoy her. Sometimes it upsets her so much i'll pop back and do it again"

***************************

Now that food has replaced sex in my life I find I can't even get into my own pants
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Old 1st Nov 2016, 10:44
  #8879 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
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ricardian is offline  
Old 1st Nov 2016, 16:28
  #8880 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 67
BlankBox and especially Tarq57.

Thanks guys - best laugh for weeks. Literally brought tears to my eyes!
axefurabz is offline  

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