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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 24th Sep 2016, 11:52
  #8621 (permalink)  
 
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Due to Low profit margins Marks & Spencers are to merge with Poundstretcher. The new stores will be called StretchMarks.
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 14:32
  #8622 (permalink)  
 
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Puts me in mind of a proposed merger in the USof A many years ago, when the Fairchild Corp. was to buy Honeywell.
The new company would have been Fairwell Honeychild!
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 15:37
  #8623 (permalink)  
 
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Due to Low profit margins Marks & Spencers are to merge with Poundstretcher. The new stores will be called StretchMarks.

Business press latest: "StretchMarks to merge with Mothercare."

Notice out side a Church which stood next to a pregnancy clinic. "Come unto me you who are heavily laden and seek succour." Some wag had altered succour to 'sucker'.
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 18:06
  #8624 (permalink)  
 
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 18:32
  #8625 (permalink)  
 
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My kind of Pilot )) hilarious and teaches you how to fly a Cirrus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_T_nINO0e4
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 19:22
  #8626 (permalink)  
 
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"Oops!"
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 21:07
  #8627 (permalink)  
419
 
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Originally Posted by RAT 5 View Post
Due to Low profit margins Marks & Spencers are to merge with Poundstretcher. The new stores will be called StretchMarks.
Reminds me of the merger between Gazprom and NNPC in Nigeria.
BBC NEWS | Africa | Nigaz name sparks racism debate

A marketing blunder in Nigeria has got online communities all of a twitter, after a joint oil and gas venture with Russia was named Nigaz.
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 21:50
  #8628 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
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If it's your birthday this week, take heart in knowing you were the result of a Xmas party shag on the photocopier.
No copiers around in 60's

OTOH my siblings all born in November, my late dads Birthday was Feb.

When asked how he got lucky at Christmas when chatting to my mum last Christmas she reminded me that despite my age I wasn't to old to get a slap.
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 21:53
  #8629 (permalink)  
 
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If Isla stClair had married Barry White then divorced and married Brian Ferry she could have been known as Isla White Ferry.
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 23:13
  #8630 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
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If it’s been posted before, then apologies as I’ve heard it for the first time just tonight….

Mike and Steve, two university friends, finally graduate and one heads off for a job in New York and the other for a job in Los Angles.

After about ten years, they decide to get together in Chicago for a weekend’s golf. After the game they’re trying to decide where to go for dinner.

‘Let’s go to Hooters’, says Mike ‘I heard they’ve got these fantastic waitresses with huge t*ts and cute, tight arses. We’ll have a great night’

Ten years later, at their next get-together, they’re again deciding where to go for dinner.

‘Let’s go to Hooters’ says Steve ‘Their ribs are great and these days they’ve usually got a ball game showing on the screens and a bit of betting action going on at the bar’

Another ten years pass, another weekend in Chicago and another decision to make about dinner.

‘Why not Hooters’ says Mike ‘ You remember those ribs we had last time, well now they have a special two-for-one ribs night on Sundays’

At their fourth weekend golf get together, another ten years later, as usual they can’t decide where to go, but eventually it’s Steve who says ‘ Probably best we go to Hooters – I heard they introduced reserved parking bays that are double width to make it easier for us senior guys to get in and out of our cars’

Following their retirement, at their next get together, which is the 50th Anniversary of these weekends, they finish their game and in the clubhouse Mike asks Steve where he’d like to go for dinner.

‘Let’s try Hooters’ says Steve.

‘Hooters ?’ says Mike ‘Why Hooters ?’

‘Coz we’v e never been there before’ is the reply.
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 23:17
  #8631 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
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No copiers around in 60's
In 1963 Xerox introduced the Xerox 813, the first desktop plain-paper copier, realizing Carlson's vision of a copier that could fit on anyone's office desk. [wikipedia]
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 23:28
  #8632 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
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In 1963 Xerox introduced the Xerox 813, the first desktop plain-paper copier, realizing Carlson's vision of a copier that could fit on anyone's office desk. [wikipedia]
First sale in Europe was when ?
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Old 24th Sep 2016, 23:44
  #8633 (permalink)  
 
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Lighten up, Francis!
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Old 25th Sep 2016, 02:51
  #8634 (permalink)  
 
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No copiers around in 60's
Wouldn't have been the same on the office Gestetner, that ink would have got everywhere.
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Old 26th Sep 2016, 20:43
  #8635 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Perthshire scientist’s premature ejaculation treatment can’t come quickly enough
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Old 26th Sep 2016, 20:48
  #8636 (permalink)  
Gnome de PPRuNe
 
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Priceless, ricardian..!
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Old 26th Sep 2016, 21:21
  #8637 (permalink)  
 
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If a man wants to improve his sex life, seems he'll have to put his hand in his pocket.
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Old 26th Sep 2016, 21:51
  #8638 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
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premature ejaculation problems go hand in hand with masturbation
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Old 26th Sep 2016, 23:08
  #8639 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
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And the Perthshire scientist's name was ...

Professor Mike Wyllie
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Old 27th Sep 2016, 11:34
  #8640 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Malvern, UK
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If you are a man with a sex problem then I suggest you sleep on it. The chances are you will wake up with a solution in hand.
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