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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 17th Oct 2015, 13:58
  #7521 (permalink)  
 
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Customer. Waiter, how long will my spaghetti be?
Waiter. Don`t know sir, we never measure it.
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Old 17th Oct 2015, 15:56
  #7522 (permalink)  
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Old 17th Oct 2015, 16:26
  #7523 (permalink)  
 
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At the Annual Sales Convention the Chairman asked for questions from the attendees.
A young salesman puts up his hand and asks,''why are junior salesmen given only, two door, cars''?
Quick as a flash the Chairman replied, ''Because there are no, one door, cars''!
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Old 17th Oct 2015, 23:28
  #7524 (permalink)  
 
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One of the better cat cartoons:

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Old 18th Oct 2015, 00:22
  #7525 (permalink)  
 
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The vet comes out to the waiting room. "Herr Schroedinger, about your cat." "I have some good news and I have some bad news..."
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Old 19th Oct 2015, 20:33
  #7526 (permalink)  
 
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Re Schroedingers cat

That one was a quantum better than the last cat joke; but the lady I told it to was uncertain whether she found it funny.

Last edited by Rengineer; 20th Oct 2015 at 13:43. Reason: Edited 20.10. for wording
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Old 19th Oct 2015, 21:10
  #7527 (permalink)  
 
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That one was a quantum better than the last cat joke; but the lady I told it to couldn't decide whether she found it funny.
Rengineer

You could tell her this one then.
Jean-Paul Sartre sat down in a cafe to work on the text of his Being and Nothingness. The server asks him "Something to drink Monsieur?" To which Sartre replies "A coffee but no cream please."

The server pauses and then she asks him "But Monsieur, we are out of cream today, would you like me to hold the milk instead?"
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Old 19th Oct 2015, 22:32
  #7528 (permalink)  
 
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Thanks Fred. Actually I think she said so on principle.
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Old 19th Oct 2015, 22:48
  #7529 (permalink)  
 
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Hearing security announcements I acted............ if you see an abandoned bag left on its own then please let Police know.

Oh boy she wasn't just abandoned she was as miserable as hell too, good job police took her away though did take 3 of them to take her down....

Must run in family though as cops were taking her away someone ran up claiming to her daughter and grand daughter and they fought with police as well.

Think I did a good deed
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Old 20th Oct 2015, 03:02
  #7530 (permalink)  
 
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I asked my girlfriend what women really want and she said ''attentive lovers''.

Or maybe it was "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.
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Old 20th Oct 2015, 04:40
  #7531 (permalink)  
 
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I asked my girlfriend what women really want

Their own way.
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Old 20th Oct 2015, 13:38
  #7532 (permalink)  
 
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Farmer awarded.

Today a Farmer was awarded a Nobel Prize for being outstanding in his field.

Last edited by Natstrackalpha; 20th Oct 2015 at 13:39. Reason: didn`t realise my post would zip back to the past earlier page(s)
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Old 20th Oct 2015, 14:07
  #7533 (permalink)  
 
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Bad news, its curiosity
Whose curiosity exactly?

Maybe the uncertainty principle applies to the existence (or not) of apostrophes as well as cats?
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Old 20th Oct 2015, 15:13
  #7534 (permalink)  
 
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Old 20th Oct 2015, 15:14
  #7535 (permalink)  
 
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Whose curiosity exactly?

Maybe the uncertainty principle applies to the existence (or not) of apostrophes as well as cats?
No thanks for that post (yours) it makes me think too much and there's no grins in that.

what ever happened to poetic license in a cartoon
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Old 21st Oct 2015, 17:11
  #7536 (permalink)  

Flashes from the Archives of Oblivion
 
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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
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Old 21st Oct 2015, 20:04
  #7537 (permalink)  
 
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I've just seen a great offer on Amazon - if you buy all Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand & deliver.
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Old 21st Oct 2015, 20:27
  #7538 (permalink)  
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Ohhhhhh.... (must email that one...)
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Old 21st Oct 2015, 20:49
  #7539 (permalink)  

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The only quantum physics joke I know ........

Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over by a traffic cop.

Cop: Excuse me Sir, do you know how fast you were going?

WH: No officer, but I know exactly where I was!
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Old 21st Oct 2015, 22:06
  #7540 (permalink)  
 
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Barman says. "We don't serve your type in here."


A neutrino walks into a bar.
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