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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 26th Aug 2015, 11:29
  #7341 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
Posts: 898
A Frenchman walks into a bar and the barman notices he has a duck on his head.

The barman says, "Where did you get that?"

The duck replies, "Paris, there's millions of them!"
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Old 26th Aug 2015, 11:52
  #7342 (permalink)  

Gentleman Aviator
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Teetering Towers - somewhere in the Shires
Age: 70
Posts: 3,385
My Uncle had a lucky escape on D-Day - his tongue was shot off by a sniper.

But he doesn't talk about it ..............!!
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Old 26th Aug 2015, 16:04
  #7343 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: west aust'
Age: 56
Posts: 29
how do you titillate an ocelot ?
oscillate its titalot .
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Old 26th Aug 2015, 17:52
  #7344 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Edinburgh
Age: 81
Posts: 44
FF
Didn't know that "Scotts" passengers wore pants.
Or am I missing something????
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Old 26th Aug 2015, 19:24
  #7345 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Southampton
Posts: 669
Sky has won the rights to broadcast the UK's first origami championship.
Sadly, it's only available on Paper View.
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Old 27th Aug 2015, 01:49
  #7346 (permalink)  
RJM
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Orstralia
Posts: 295
I heard it had folded.
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Old 27th Aug 2015, 08:01
  #7347 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 501
It's a tissue of lies.....
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Old 27th Aug 2015, 08:33
  #7348 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
Posts: 898
It creased me up.
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Old 27th Aug 2015, 10:16
  #7349 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: At work (Often)
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by sitigeltfel View Post
It creased me up.
I wonder how it shaped up?
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Old 27th Aug 2015, 10:39
  #7350 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Gods Country
Age: 49
Posts: 180
Today, I have been sober for 100 days! . . .
Not like in a row or anything.
Just in total.
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Old 27th Aug 2015, 12:19
  #7351 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: A place in the sun
Age: 78
Posts: 769
The World Economy Explained With Two Cows (Part 1)














































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Old 27th Aug 2015, 12:21
  #7352 (permalink)  
Prof. Airport Engineer
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Australia (mostly)
Posts: 726
Today, I have been sober for 100 days! . . .
Not like in a row or anything.
Just half a day at a time.
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Old 27th Aug 2015, 12:22
  #7353 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: A place in the sun
Age: 78
Posts: 769
ECONOMICS PART 2
























































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Old 27th Aug 2015, 12:53
  #7354 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
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Old 28th Aug 2015, 08:16
  #7355 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The Luberon
Age: 67
Posts: 898
Wednesday was national dog day, and Thursday was national burger day.

Except in Korea, where they combined both.
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Old 28th Aug 2015, 09:35
  #7356 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 807
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Old 28th Aug 2015, 10:49
  #7357 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Following the sun and skiing... No snow involved just Spending the Kids Inheritance!
Age: 75
Posts: 175
Brian, my champion racing snail hasn't been winning many races recently, so I decided to remove his shell to help with his weight and aerodynamics.

Unfortunately it hasn't worked. If anything it's made him more sluggish.
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Old 28th Aug 2015, 12:18
  #7358 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Where the Money Takes Me
Posts: 902
Check for Alzheimer's - Pretty Amazing.

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of
Psychiatry at Harvard University Take your time and see if you can read
each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I
betcha' you cannot resist passing it on..........
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Old 28th Aug 2015, 15:00
  #7359 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Heswall,Merseyside
Posts: 30
My missus used to head butt me in the face when she had an orgasm..I didn't mind so much until I found out she was faking them!!
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Old 28th Aug 2015, 22:28
  #7360 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 6,009
In the bank today and guy chatting up young cashier who quiet sweet and always been friendly to me.

Older Guy really trying it on and being obnoxious and she starting to get pissed off when he said "where were you 25 years ago when I was out in nighclubs".

Put down was "In a nappy being fed purified food"
He just sniggered but then she hit him harder
"But in 25 years when I will be doing the nightclubs you will be sitting in a nappy being fed purified food".

Chokes of laughter meant he left very quickly.
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