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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 15th Mar 2013, 08:50
  #2841 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: quintesential little englander lost in a vacuum of post aviation bewilderment
Posts: 46
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, chips and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will Be 9.50 please" The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be 32.60."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes for helping to set him free. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right..whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "my second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.."
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 12:39
  #2842 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 805
The two British cooks at the Vatican upset the new Pope this morning, his first day in office. All Tina Smith and Marge Brown asked was, "Does the Pope want a Full English for breakfast?"
Apparently, annoyed by the Falklands situation, the new Pope was reported to have replied, quite tersely - "Don't fry for me, Marge and Tina..."......
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 12:43
  #2843 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 60
Posts: 5,337
ricardian, you are sooo gonna pay for that.

(And you made me laugh, you did!)
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 16:55
  #2844 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: 1/2 a mile to the right of 14 top end of Yeadon
Posts: 123
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes.


"Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to
himself.

Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be
willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the
golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen, so he says, "Sure,"
and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like
to get an eagle on this one."

The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth
giving up another fourth of your sex life?"

Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay." And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win.

Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to
his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the
rest of your sex life?"

"Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks
alongside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because
you don't know who I am. I'm Satan, and from this day forward you will
have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you, "the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley."
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 17:36
  #2845 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 560
Doesn't ring true, somehow.
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 18:52
  #2846 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 19:35
  #2847 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 5909N 00238W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Age: 76
Posts: 805


Well, that seems clear enough...
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 20:28
  #2848 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: egsh
Posts: 415
I have been working for a few years now on a paper tackling the topic of the effectiveness of research into the usefulness of research, but I am not sure I will publish my findings because I have learned that somebody is researching whether or not I am a waste of space, and appears to be heading towards concluding "yes".
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 21:40
  #2849 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 60
Posts: 5,337
Wings:

Isn't this where a convenient traffic accident happens? Your research may be the most important meta research project ever. We mustn't let it fail, it's for science!
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Old 15th Mar 2013, 23:33
  #2850 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: N. Spain
Age: 75
Posts: 1,308
Neppie

Ah...that would be the "La Soucoupe Volante" (Flying Saucer) sadly now dilapidated. Photos at:
Thanks for that, am a regular visitor to the site, sadly a couple of "final departures" are the most recent entries.

S37

Apologies for more thread drift.

Last edited by Shack37; 15th Mar 2013 at 23:33.
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 03:40
  #2851 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Singapore
Age: 57
Posts: 384
Originally Posted by pigboat View Post


Ian Thorpe?
Norwich's Mayor?
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 07:21
  #2852 (permalink)  
Just another erk
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Germany
Age: 72
Posts: 280
No Rush, There are only 5 toes on each foot.
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 08:32
  #2853 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 238
No - Rush2112 is correct - these are his hands.

Oh - see your point - there are only five fingers...
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 08:40
  #2854 (permalink)  

More than just an ATCO
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Up someone's nose
Age: 70
Posts: 1,768
It's a Londoner then.

Edward Rutherford mentions it in his book "London" as being a trait that continues to this day in certain families.
I don't know how true it is but his books are normally well-researched.
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 08:54
  #2855 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: hkg
Posts: 166
I caught swine flu - but then I was cured!
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 09:00
  #2856 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Land of Beer and Chocolate
Age: 51
Posts: 794
I do remember a tale of how, in recent years, people living in a block of flats in London had to be compelled to relocate as there was a rather large shortage of branches on the family trees of the residents........

Dunno if it is true or not, can't find the original article now.
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 09:35
  #2857 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 238
I caught swine flu - but then I was cured!
So - smoking is good for you!
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 11:30
  #2858 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 1999
Location: Swindon, Wilts,UK
Posts: 563
So - smoking is good for you!
Cures Kippers!
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 13:49
  #2859 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Darkest Surrey
Posts: 5,794
I do remember a tale of how, in recent years, people living in a block of flats in London had to be compelled to relocate as there was a rather large shortage of branches on the family trees of the residents........
So did the family move out of Buckingham Palace then ?
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Old 16th Mar 2013, 14:27
  #2860 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Land of Beer and Chocolate
Age: 51
Posts: 794
Yup, and the Windsors moved in.

Meanwhile.....

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