Go Back  PPRuNe Forums > PPRuNe Social > Jet Blast
Reload this Page >

Friday Jokes

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Friday Jokes

Old 27th Feb 2013, 22:07
  #2661 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: engineer at large
Posts: 1,409
FlamantRose,
There are many religions who ban sex standing up, so as to not be confused with dancing...
FlightPathOBN is offline  
Old 27th Feb 2013, 22:21
  #2662 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 23, Railway Cuttings, East Cheam
Age: 63
Posts: 3,125
Three guys in a pub, first guy says

'You know you could compare my wife to a swan, she has a beautiful long neck and glides elegantly along.'

Second guy says 'Yes, you could compare my wife to a bird of paradise, always beautifully turned out with a wonderful song.'

Third guy thinks for a bit and says 'You can compare my wife to a thrush. She's an irritating c***.'
thing is offline  
Old 27th Feb 2013, 22:48
  #2663 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: CYZV
Age: 72
Posts: 1,259
Crapduster.

pigboat is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 00:36
  #2664 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else?
Posts: 1,306
AAARGH! I was just about to have my breakfast.
sisemen is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 02:29
  #2665 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Sydney
Posts: 8
My EYES! my beautiful EYES!
Richo77 is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 05:01
  #2666 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 92
from the "Lost in Translation" (an old one, didn't have time for a bookshop or proper warning before got ridden to bed with flu)

Signs:
Do not spit here and there.

Japanese phone card:
1. Lift up receiver
2. Insert phone card
3. Dial 0999+number
4. Say Hello

Chinese bath sponge:
Pull with your hands and stick it to your body, you will feel great as bathing.

Quote from Casablanca:
In all towns of the all worlds of all gin, her it connects to my ones which you walk.

And a true word of wisdom from Japan:
Do not get into this.
probes is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 05:05
  #2667 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Dark side of the moon
Age: 56
Posts: 124
Third guy thinks for a bit and says 'You can compare my wife to a thrush. She's an irritating c***.'
Well for the pedants amongst us, she would actually have an irritating c****, which is him
owen meaney is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 06:45
  #2668 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 92


Sign Language: week 245 - Telegraph
probes is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 09:01
  #2669 (permalink)  

More than just an ATCO
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Up someone's nose
Age: 70
Posts: 1,768


From the same source as Probes' and possibly where the person in Pigboat's post works?

Last edited by Lon More; 28th Feb 2013 at 10:35.
Lon More is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 11:09
  #2670 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: UK
Age: 72
Posts: 532
The hazards of cricket

Discorde is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 11:23
  #2671 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Australia - South of where I'd like to be !
Age: 54
Posts: 4,245
And all from an underarm ball bowled by the Aussies



OK, hat, coat, door, I'm going .......................
500N is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 12:08
  #2672 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: England
Posts: 156
For owen meany and thing, the version I heard was:

Q. Why do young women get thrush?




A. So they know what it's like to live with an irritating c*** from an early age.
waldopepper42 is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 14:29
  #2673 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: quintesential little englander lost in a vacuum of post aviation bewilderment
Posts: 46
MY DOGS

http://s.ngm.com/2012/02/build-a-dog...dogs%20615x410

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare." So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks Friday. Damn, this is a great country.
gunbus is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 15:37
  #2674 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 170
What animal has more nipples than a sow? (lady pig for you townies)


















The Dagenham Girl Pipers
G&T ice n slice is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 16:56
  #2675 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 895
That's pathetic !
vulcanised is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 18:24
  #2676 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 92
pleasures of cross-country (no-one seems to be hurt and I've fallen myself and can testify that mostly it's a reason to laugh, so it's ok in the jokes-thread, I guess). The Vasaloppet-marathon, one of the longest in the world (90km).

Ruotsin hiihtokisa naurattaa - melkoinen farssi! | IL-TV Urheilu | Iltalehti.fi
probes is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 18:52
  #2677 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: East of LGB
Age: 64
Posts: 620
Probes,

Was Inspector Clouseau anywhere nearby?
11Fan is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 20:54
  #2678 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 170
Ok... wierd bunch them Finns

but did you notice the other gem

Roskien vieminen oli koitua kohtaloksi - nainen ei välittänyt! | IL-TV Hullu maailma | Iltalehti.fi

Watch the garbage containers at the far end of the street...
G&T ice n slice is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 21:11
  #2679 (permalink)  

More than just an ATCO
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Up someone's nose
Age: 70
Posts: 1,768
David Cameron was looking for a call girl. He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
To the blonde he said, I am the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom .
Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'
She replied, "£200".
To the brunette he asked the same question.
Her reply was "£100".
He then asked the redhead... Her reply was: "Mr. Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of gas, keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you have retirees, then you can have it for free, like everything immigrants get".
Lon More is offline  
Old 28th Feb 2013, 21:22
  #2680 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 60
Posts: 5,337
Lon, that got a smile out of me. I wonder if that joke would cross the pond. While I don't get the idea that our President steps out on the First Lady, nor would he ... let's give it a try.

President Obama gets a bit quick with his lip during a marital spat with the First Lady, so she cuts him off to teach him a lesson. Being a man, a Democrat, and a president under a lot of sress, his horniness preys on his mind day after day until he can barely function. No mercy from the First Lady.
He contacts former President Clinton, a man who knew how to deal with a withholding wife, for some assistance. Slick Willie shows up at Camp David the next evening, boys night out as it were, with three high class call girls:
a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
He asks what the fee will be.
The blonde replies: $200.
The brunette replies: $200.

The red head sniffs, and says: "Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties as low as my wages, make your meat as hard as the times I'm living in and keep it rising like the price of gas, keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you screw small business, then you can have it as free as you give benefits to illegal immigrants."

I think it crosses the pond rather nicely.
Lonewolf_50 is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement Terms of Service

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.