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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 19th Feb 2013, 16:23
  #2601 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 578
Least thats what he thinks she said.

I'm plausible.

Last edited by oxenos; 19th Feb 2013 at 16:24.
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Old 19th Feb 2013, 16:43
  #2602 (permalink)  

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Lon More, just for you:

"For the hairs on mine are silver,
And the hairs on yours are gold,
Let us bring them both together,
Silver hairs among the gold"


['course everyone is bald as an egg these days...]

Mac

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Old 20th Feb 2013, 04:10
  #2603 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
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I've been in Human at times...


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Old 20th Feb 2013, 06:58
  #2604 (permalink)  
 
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 07:20
  #2605 (permalink)  
 
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This is Anri Sugihara's guide to cooking. Listen
carefully to her instructions with no distractions....






See? Now you can make a shitty omelette!
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 10:22
  #2606 (permalink)  
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I am shocked that anyone would think of using so entrancing a lady in such a menial job.
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 11:03
  #2607 (permalink)  
 
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 11:45
  #2608 (permalink)  
 
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Sorry Slasher, a bit distracted. I took none of that in. She might as well have been speaking in Japanese. I did get some subliminal message about fertilising eggs about half way through...
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 18:24
  #2609 (permalink)  
 
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Prince Philip is still as tactful as ever
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 18:32
  #2610 (permalink)  
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 19:59
  #2611 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
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I have been in many places during my life, but I don’t think I was ever in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I live close, so it's a short drive. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not. People keep telling me I'm in Denial but I'm positive I've never been there before! I have also been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there. I actually kind of enjoy it there. So far, I haven't been in Continent, but my travel agent says I'll be going soon. Are you traveling soon?
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Old 20th Feb 2013, 21:17
  #2612 (permalink)  
 
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Where's the ol' Duke then? Sane?

Last edited by funfly; 20th Feb 2013 at 21:18.
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Old 21st Feb 2013, 06:28
  #2613 (permalink)  

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USED CAR FOR SALE.....

Due to termination of employment, Mercedes Benz class M, white, many special options; airco, raised rear seat. Low mileage.
Best offer.

Jos Ratzinger
Tel. Vatican 1


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Old 21st Feb 2013, 07:42
  #2614 (permalink)  
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HRH The Duke of Edinburgh

Where's the ol' Duke then? Sane?
Definitely not he is in a place already mentioned: Corrigible

A cracking one Sir
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Old 21st Feb 2013, 10:23
  #2615 (permalink)  

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.... or maybe he's now in Ept?
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Old 21st Feb 2013, 11:07
  #2616 (permalink)  
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Out of order Lon. Also for the record from 1st hand experience HRH is a natural when it comes to piloting skills.

Now we are getting away from the thread. Have you heard the one about the 3 Irishmen in a bath........
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Old 21st Feb 2013, 14:30
  #2617 (permalink)  
 
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They have a bath in Ireland !!!

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Old 21st Feb 2013, 14:46
  #2618 (permalink)  

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Out of order Lon.
Why? Because it's rude to mock the afflicted?
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Old 21st Feb 2013, 15:22
  #2619 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: THE BLUEBIRD CAFE
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HRH is a natural when it comes to piloting skills.

Well you cannot say he has not taken a keen interest down the years.
In 'Straight and Level', back when conducted by the oh so droll Roger Bacon,
there was a photo of the man at the controls of the taxpayer's 748. Ever aware of the publicity shot he has turned around to look at the camera.
The expression on his face is slightly quizzical. In the frame is a goodly proportion of the panel. Caption read - "Either the left engine has failed,
or it's a quarter past two."

Somewhere round here recently someone whose task it was to be the royal
aerial chauffeur recalled an occasion when him and her were traveling together. He paid a visit to the wheelhouse, chatted and asked some
to the point questions. As he turned to go back the skipper asked him if her Madge might be interested in seeing the works.

"God no. If it doesn't eat hay and it doesn't sh1t, she couldn't give a damn."

Finally, that apocryphal quote attributed to him -

" My wife doesn't go to the toilet. It bloody well comes to her."


'
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Old 21st Feb 2013, 15:27
  #2620 (permalink)  
 
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Apparently Oscar Pistorious wanted a new bathroom door... But his missus was dead against it..
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