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Friday Jokes

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Friday Jokes

Old 27th Jan 2013, 17:15
  #2441 (permalink)  
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Looks like a Beaver . . .
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Old 27th Jan 2013, 17:31
  #2442 (permalink)  
 
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The Maid……


A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one
hour before sex.

The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife
to get back from work. An hour before she was due home, he took the
Viagra pill.

But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn't
be in for another two and a half hours.

In a panic, he phoned the doctor. "What should I do?" he asked. "I've
taken the pill but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife
gets home."

"I see," said the doctor. "It is a pity to waste it............. Do
you have a maid?"

"Yes."

"Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?”

The man was silent for a few seconds, then said "But I never needed
Viagra with the maid!"
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Old 27th Jan 2013, 18:13
  #2443 (permalink)  
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Coming back to screwball's photograph, she only has one hand on the prop. If there was a backfire she could lose everything protruding in front of the centreline.
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Old 27th Jan 2013, 18:25
  #2444 (permalink)  
 
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I can't see enough of a side shot to confirm that all of her would be clear when the engine fired
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Old 27th Jan 2013, 18:40
  #2445 (permalink)  
 
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Well spotted!

Yes, the one in front is definitely a beaver. It's a classic design that is unmistakable.

The one in back, though, is not a Beaver, nor is it an Otter. The design of the landing gear gives that away.

Is it a re-engined Cessna 195?
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Old 27th Jan 2013, 20:18
  #2446 (permalink)  
 
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Not even re-engined, 195's came with a 300hp Shaky Jake radial.

Last edited by pigboat; 27th Jan 2013 at 20:19.
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Old 27th Jan 2013, 23:17
  #2447 (permalink)  

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CORNISH Three kick rule


An English lawyer went duck hunting in Truro . He shot and dropped a bird, but
it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a
duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Mike replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in England and,
if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle
disputes in Cornwall . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three
Kick Rule'."

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go
first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back
and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot
into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his
mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly
managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he
said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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Old 28th Jan 2013, 14:18
  #2448 (permalink)  
 
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They walk among us...

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Old 28th Jan 2013, 14:53
  #2449 (permalink)  
 
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Old 28th Jan 2013, 15:08
  #2450 (permalink)  
 
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Following the recent bad weather. Police have advised parents and children to be aware of two paedophiles posing as council snow clearing operatives.

They have been named as Jimmy Shovel and Gary Gritter

..........................

Bradford City Cup Final tickets have just gone on sale.

6.000 Rupee's each, limited to 40 per household.

..........................

My hobby recreating aerial dogfights is really expensive.

You're looking at between 80-90 helium filled balloons just to lift a pitbull.
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Old 28th Jan 2013, 16:50
  #2451 (permalink)  
 
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Expensive whisky from China, only available for a quarter of the year.....


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Old 28th Jan 2013, 17:22
  #2452 (permalink)  
 
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Now we've discovered just how much Lance Armstrong has lied about his cycling feats, you have to seriously doubt whether he ever landed on the moon...........
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Old 28th Jan 2013, 17:37
  #2453 (permalink)  
 
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The Nerd Corner...

Pigboat... Coming from Canuckistan I am sure you know more about beavers, beavers and Beavers than I do, but take a close look at that engine, once you get over staring at her beaver. I make that out to be a Pratt and Whitney R-985 Wasp Jr.

The gear, plain steel leaf springs, is typical for a Cessna, and the shape of the empennage seems to match a C-195.

Those of us more interested in beavers, please pardon the aviation-themed intrusion!
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Old 28th Jan 2013, 17:53
  #2454 (permalink)  
 
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That polished prop spinner sure makes a interesting reflected image.
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Old 28th Jan 2013, 17:56
  #2455 (permalink)  
 
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Old 29th Jan 2013, 02:50
  #2456 (permalink)  
 
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And of course it is strutless - can't see whether the young lady is the same !!

Last edited by On eyre; 29th Jan 2013 at 02:51.
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Old 29th Jan 2013, 05:23
  #2457 (permalink)  
 
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Even ninja turtles had their moments....

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Old 29th Jan 2013, 06:02
  #2458 (permalink)  
 
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My wife hosted a dinner party for both sides of our entire family and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. During dinner, my four-year-old niece stared at me while sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me. I finally asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet waiting for her response.
My little niece said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."
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Old 29th Jan 2013, 06:18
  #2459 (permalink)  
 
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We were informed that for making soup on an outdoors metal stove a powder fire extinguisher (6 litres) is required. We suggested we'd put out the fire with soup (20+20 l pots), if something really happens, and the official got mad immediately, so we'll never know how often they've had cases of soup combustion to have triggered the requirement.


P.S the stove is small, logs of 30cm, about 4 of them at a time, no tar. Like a tiny campfire. But well, yeah, we did have the extingusher. Proudly.
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Old 29th Jan 2013, 06:31
  #2460 (permalink)  
 
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a fire extinguisher (6 litres) is required
6l diesel?


Last edited by Kulverstukas; 29th Jan 2013 at 06:32.
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