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Unwritten Laws

Jet Blast Topics that don't fit the other forums. Rules of Engagement apply.

Unwritten Laws

Old 18th Jul 2011, 22:40
  #81 (permalink)  
See and avoid
 
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Cowboys have perfect aim when riding horses galloping at top speed. It doesn't matter if it's a moving target or the gun waves wildly when fired -- the bullets will hit the bad guy.

One exception: If there are boulders, the bullets can zing off showering stone shards on the bad guy, who ducks just in time.

Laboratories have glassware full of bubbling liquid in various colors. (Dry ice and food dye anyone?) The glassware breaks if there is a fight.

or
Laboratories have huge electrical switches and thick strands of wire leading to the lightning rod on the roof.

Laboratories always have poisons or highly contagious viruses and suerbugs well-labeled and readily accessible. These rarely kill anyone inside the lab.

Teenagers can hack into any computer anywhere, even if it's on an alien spaceship.

Most computers use UNIX behind the fancy software interface.

An important message or last words will always end with a scrawl as the pen drifts down the page and falls on the floor.
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Old 18th Jul 2011, 22:45
  #82 (permalink)  

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The English are either country bumpkins, cockney sparrows, or sinister victorians.

Okay, and your point is?









I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Also, I never associated any of those with the character of, 'Bond, James Bond'.
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Old 18th Jul 2011, 23:24
  #83 (permalink)  
 
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While sound, unsurprisingly, travels in a vacuum - it also travels instantaneously in air. A person watching a ship exploding on the horizon 10 miles away will hear the explosion at the same time as they see it.
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Old 18th Jul 2011, 23:40
  #84 (permalink)  
 
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Which leads perfectly into this joke:

My wife kissed me the other day and said "make love to me like they do in the movies".
So i got her on all fours, shagged her rotten all the while pulling on her hair and slapping her on the arse. Then i flipped her over, pulled out, shot all over her face and t!ts before flopping onto my back and reaching for a cigarette.

Apparently, we don't watch the SAME movies.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 00:47
  #85 (permalink)  
 
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In the movies.......

Both pilots must have their hands on the control column at all times, even in the cruise, unless the first officer is sent back in the cabin to see what is wrong with one of the engines.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 01:48
  #86 (permalink)  
 
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In Midsomer Murders the opening scene has to have a horse clip-clopping down the village street or a bird on a bicycle with a basket on the handlebars.

That's just to prove it's an English village.

And night scenes are always accompanied by sounds of barking foxes with the occasional pheasant call.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 02:23
  #87 (permalink)  
 
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In horror films the victim always backs into the maniacal killer.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 02:46
  #88 (permalink)  
 
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No-one ever needs to use a toilet.
except in a Godfather movie
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 02:53
  #89 (permalink)  
 
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When choosing sound for aircraft, radial and turbine engine sounds can be used interchangeably. So can jets.

After sex scenes, the female must wrap herself in a sheet from the shoulders down to go to the bathroom leaving another sheet to cover the man from the waist down.

And for Harry Potter fans,

When practicing magic one must pronounce each word in a spell perfectly otherwise disaster will ensue, unless you are in a hurry in which case you can just wave the wand around and not say a word...
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 05:23
  #90 (permalink)  
 
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1. When someone coughs at the beginning of the film, they will be dead by the end.

2. A woman without a man is always carrying a bag of groceries. Watch for the loaf of French bread sticking out the top. This is the phallic reference. Invariably, the bag will break when she's carrying the bag up to her cold, lonely flat, scattering her spaghetti, lemons, and bread. This is meant to show what a mess her life is (without a man). The nice new neighbour next door (surprise, surprise, he is male) comes to her aid. The woman will play hard to get at first. Flash forward to the post-coital Chinese food eaten out of the carton with chopsticks in the not-so-lonely woman's kitchen. She's in a robe - he's bare-chested with shorts. So much for the French bread, spaghetti and lemons in those flimsey bags. Who has time to shop? They're having all that good sex. It's all "take-out" from there.

3. Anyone going into a bathroom is going to get killed, take drugs, get into a fight, commit suicide, or escape out the window.

4. The hero driving the car can look at the guy in the passengers side for up thirty seconds on a busy New York street without ever mowing down a pedestrian or plowing into the back of a FedEx truck.

I could go on, but I won't. You could say I'm a follower of those films that are so bad they're good.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 05:24
  #91 (permalink)  

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Heroes always put their pants back on after having sex
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 05:46
  #92 (permalink)  
 
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Maybe you need to think about that Flowman, they pretty well all do in real life too, unless you have seen all those guys walking around town without trousers?
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 05:50
  #93 (permalink)  
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The NCIS team have the fastest servers known to man...information is always retrieved within 3 nano seconds of searching.

Brit heroes tend, in the main, to come with a well educated accent....regional accents equate to baddies. Female hairstyles are always immaculate...irrespective of the location / activity....
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 07:10
  #94 (permalink)  
 
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In 'Westerns' the frontier women always have fashionable dresses and make up and yes perfect hairstyles.

When the 'Red Indian's' appear there's always an ominous drumbeat in the background
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 07:30
  #95 (permalink)  
 
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You know that when the native drums go silent you're in for trouble.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 07:57
  #96 (permalink)  
 
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The badder the baddie, the more spectacular his demise at the end of the film. Never seen a baddie die of old age....
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 07:58
  #97 (permalink)  
 
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A woman without a man is always carrying a bag of groceries. Watch for the loaf of French bread sticking out the top. This is the phallic reference. Invariably, the bag will break when she's carrying the bag up to her cold, lonely flat, scattering her spaghetti, lemons, and bread. This is meant to show what a mess her life is (without a man). The nice new neighbour next door (surprise, surprise, he is male) comes to her aid. The woman will play hard to get at first. Flash forward to the post-coital Chinese food eaten out of the carton with chopsticks in the not-so-lonely woman's kitchen. She's in a robe - he's bare-chested with shorts. So much for the French bread, spaghetti and lemons in those flimsey bags. Who has time to shop? They're having all that good sex. It's all "take-out" from there.
Daydreaming again V2 ?

My level of english allows me to comment on hollywood movies only, I wouldn't have enough vocabulary to comment on european and asian movies, sorry.
In french movies there's always a complex love triangle, usually involving something obscure.

generally..

the baddie will always explain the reasons for what he is about to do how and where, before leaving the 'hero' to his fate in some time consuming manner, thus allowing the hero to escape and defeat the baddie..

baddies always nearly escape in the nick of time in helicopter.... to bring down a helicopter you shoot at the pilot, which results in sparks pinging off the glass /perspex, not the main or tail rotor.

English men are either forthright suit and tie types with an office view of the houses of parliament, bumbling fools that could never get a womans bra off in under 3 seconds (with one hand) or psychopaths.

cop shows

1970s on - the captain is black

1980s on - the captain is a woman

1990s on - the captain is a black woman
00's on - the captain is black lesbian alcoholic mother

10's on - Swedish
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 08:42
  #98 (permalink)  
KAG
 
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Why my post has been deleted?

May I have the reason why?

What was wrong in my post?

Please quote here the part that is not acceptable.

Do you know the book 1984? This is the feeling we can get here if we don't come from an english speaking country.

Mister moderator: if you did write the same kind of post on french movies on a french website, I can guarante you nobody would have deleted it.

Hopefully this is Jetblast I was told! I said what? Hollywood movies are stupid (I didn't even use this world, I was much more polite!) and my post is deleted? For real? 1984.

Nope THIS is 1984 . Have 3 days off during which you can learn to stop whining when things don't go your way. Incidentally, your post read like an anti-American rant, whether you meant it that way or not. JB Mods.

Last edited by KAG; 19th Jul 2011 at 08:53.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 08:45
  #99 (permalink)  
 
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A train will not only change engines between departure and arrival (even for a run of under an hour), but will in all probability, have said engines from different continents. Railway scenes of the train mid journey will be of somewhere totally different - for example 'From Russia with Love'.

Exception is the 'Titfield Thunderbolt'.
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Old 19th Jul 2011, 08:53
  #100 (permalink)  
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In Brit war movies the only working class chaps who had any involvement in WW2 were Cockneys and their sole function was to make cocoa for the posh officer chappies up on the bridge.
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