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It's a Dog'sLife

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It's a Dog'sLife

Old 30th Mar 2009, 22:44
  #1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 70
It's a Dog'sLife

SAS meets RDF

Idiot has been in and out of the vets recently as much as an AJ Hackett groupie has had her head dunked in the Kawaru. Except there isn’t a team of incredibly enthusiastic Kiwi’s to persuade a dog that this isn’t ‘the last trip’, she will bounce back, and we’ll laugh about it over a beer and a Bonio later.
Night before last, I was on my own, Idiot had been shown with the aid of Venn Diagrams, that pools of pee will eventually catch a sleeping dog lying.
So she had to go to the loo.
Idiot: ‘It is very windy, I hate you, why do you do this to me, I’ve been to the loo, you watched.’
‘I watched you stare at a pheasant, then drink two litres of water, I can see it in your belly, size zero you are not.’
Idiot: ‘So you going to punish me for water retention? Is that it, it’s come to this.’
‘Yes, you’re a walking chaggle.’

As Oates walked into the blizzard, Idiot walked into the strong winds, but came back, and feigned death on a nearby dog bed immediately.
This was a crap feigned death, because her ears were up and tracking me around the room.
I don’t care. I know she’s not dead, she knows I know and all that. Now, night time drugs... for Idiot.
Surprisingly quiet after drugs, fair enough. Now think back. Previously, post walk or wee Idiot would have searched the house from her bed front to back in seconds.
Idiot with a headset on, designed for flappy ears.
Radio Zzztz ‘Sunray to Idiot you’re clear – go, go, go.’
Tikka tikka tikka TIKKA
Pudda pudda pudda pause. Stop pudududu.
Stop stare out the window.
‘Am headbutting’
Let Idiot in, she’s breathless having cleared half a house, and I’ve just had time to sit down.
She peeks in, makes sure I haven’t left the country, then goes covert in the dark because behind the sofa in the living room is better than dog bed in the utility room. If I can’t see her, she doesn’t exist. Tails and feet don’t count.

Last night. TV room door.

Very small Bump

‘Hello dog.’
‘Want your bed?’
‘Wouldn’t mind, and an ear rub. And a biscuit.’
Go and get her bed, a spin it like a Frisbee so it lands all even, then she can scrunch it into some improbable pilates position.

She ignored that bed and slept on my floor. 1400 earlier that day..
The South Africans arrived.

This was a small lunch, six people, but I’d never met these two Boks before, well met one ‘Hello’, ‘Goodbye’ briefly.
But she has a pretty strong South African accent, whereas I sound normal.
Guests are due to arrive any minute so go to get Idiot, and tie her to something or lock her in a room.
‘C’mon, dog.’
‘What? Leave me alone.’
Meet the guests, hello, yes and hello to you too.
Bloody hell, they have a baby in a stroller, are they a couple? I’ve no idea.
Jesus, that’s a tiny hairy baby, in a t-shirt.

That’s because it’s a West Highland Terrier.

A tiny Westie.
Idiot appears, as if by magic, by my thigh.
Idiot: ‘Why have they a dog in a pram?’
‘Dog, I am at a loss, do not attack that furry tennis ball, it has a tail, it’s a friend right? Like pheasants and burgalars.’
‘But I am a fierce SAS trained ninja four legged...’
‘Shut up and sit.’
‘Fair enough, I’ll just take a peek.’

The furry tennis ball wakes up.
Fierce hunter killer raises hackles, but backs away fom the barking pram.
Idiot: ‘That pram is barking at me, what is going on, I don’t understand, please explain but leave out the Venn Diagrams, wee is wet I get that now.’

The Westie is called Bunny, and is in a pram because it has just had an operation on it’s leg as one of the Saffies explains ‘eet es small, ya? Like thes?’ waggle of a little finger to show how small Bunny’s femur is.
‘She must rist, no runnin.’
Idiot: ‘I couldn’t care less, fire’s lit, there are people I don’t know, there should be food on the go, I’m lying down.’

So we go outside. Bunny swaddled in a jumper, Idiot brings up the rear and makes for the pheasant food.
Pheasant: ‘Morning, on the bread diet are we, drink some of our water while you’re at it.’
Idiot: ‘You live in a tree, I live in a house, this found came from the house, so it’s mine.’
Explain to the two South Africans that lurchers and pheasants don’t normally share the same piece of bread, but they’re friends, oh I don’t know, there’s a chromosome missing or something.
The bloke South African is telling tall tales. Apparently Bunny is a good rabbit killer. This is hard to believe.
‘Ye man, efferyone lafs ya, but she goes mental, she attacked a badger too.’
‘Idiot stand up to the plate, attack something. Go and get a cow.’
Idiot is playing statues with the pheasant.
The girl South African, still holding the baby Westie in it’s swaddling clothes pipes up, ‘Oh ya, she est very fierce, aren’t you, aren’t, yesss, yes you are.’ Much dog kissing.
‘But we can’t get her to stop. She rrruns and rrruns. Very fit. All I have to say is ‘GO GO GO!’

Gone. The furry tennis ball is off like a shot out off her arms and away up the garden after a pheaseant.

Bloody hell, it’s quick for a tennis ball in a T-shirt. Pheasant realises this isn’t going to be a breaking of bread meeting and rises into a tree.
Idiot, looks up. That’s it.

‘Some hunter killer you are.’
Idiot: ‘I can’t climb trees or fly, I’m more your stealth kind of hunter killer, observation, from under a bush or shrub for maybe a whole day, living on dry biscuits, drinking rainwater, eating soil.’
‘You lazy sod.’

So that was last night. After the guests had gone, did the usual loo routine. I open the back door, and Idiot goes out, goes down to the shore and gets on the bus to the next town.
Or, plays hide and seek in the back garden. But there’s always a tiny, tiny ‘clink’ from her collar. Last night, nothing.
So started a really thorough search. Under shrubs with a torch kind of search. The whole garden, it's a big garden.
In a bed of shrubs, 20 yards from the front door. That’s as far as she got.

She slept on my bedroom floor last night.
Vet put her to sleep in the back garden a few hours ago.
Everyone stroking her.

Idiot with a Moron. Moron standing.
Foss is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 22:50
  #2 (permalink)  

Avoid imitations
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Foss, I'm so very sad for you; I know how much that Idiot meant to you and how your tales have entertained all of us here for so long.

You will get another dog. Do it sooner rather than later. Another rescue dog needs your help.

I can say no more.
ShyTorque is online now  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 22:55
  #3 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Germany
Age: 70
Posts: 883
Foss, commiserations mate. I, and I suspect everyone here, will miss hearing about Idiot. I agree with ShyTorque, get another dog it is the best way to get over such a tragic loss. Give another rescue dog the great life that Idiot had.
S'land is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 22:57
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Foss, so sorry. My condolences.
Old 30th Mar 2009, 22:58
  #5 (permalink)  
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mini is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 23:04
  #6 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2007
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What i said on the other place Foss... and an extra hug!
Daze was just beautiful, and the way she looks at you in that pic says it all. She loved you, more than she loved anything else (even more than abusing the damn pheasant)

ATS xxx
Abusing_the_sky is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 23:09
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Sorry to hear your trouble. Sounds like she drifted off surrounded by love....not a bad way to go.....
eastern wiseguy is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 23:30
  #8 (permalink)  
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Oh Foss! I'm so sorry.
DX Wombat is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 23:44
  #9 (permalink)  

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Age: 55
Posts: 5,711
Foss, you gave her a fabulous life (which we all enjoyed) and I think we'll all miss her.

Like ShyT said, there's another dog who would love to share a life with you; a greyhound, a lurcher, a skinny bitch and you'll be able to give them the home and love they desrve.


Whirlygig is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 23:45
  #10 (permalink)  

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Words fail..................

I am so sorry my friend.
con-pilot is offline  
Old 30th Mar 2009, 23:58
  #11 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Manchester
Age: 70
Posts: 58
Foss lad - Rainbow Bridge time if that's your bag - or just sit with a good whiskey and remember the good times you had - and that you gave us too!

Burli has been under the Damson tree for just over a month now - but thank goodness we have Bandit and Pep or the house would have seemed empty.

I parked the car in the light tonight - and said goodnight to her - a big grown up bloke like me!

Somewhere out there is another pup looking for you - like there is a Russell or a Heeler waiting for us.

You'll know when the time comes that you have met another mate!
TBirdFrank is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 01:24
  #12 (permalink)  
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Say it isn't true - it can't be - not dozey Daisy?
Apart from the loss of potential royalties, there's the loss of the frequent accounts of her foibles. What is there to look forward to now?
Such things are unfair - to creature and also to human(s).
It just isn't fair - I demand a recount . . .
Can't we wind back the clock? (Jeeze I cannot control my tears - she was a friend although I never met her I knew that hound like she was click-clacking across my wooden floor.)

I must stop typing as I can no longer see the screen despite frequent applications of 'kleenex'.

My commiserations to you, Fos, what more can I ?

You don't deserve all this bereavement in such a short period.

Please keep writing about her activities - both those in the past and those that she would have performed had she still been with you. In that way her memory (and therefore her spirit) can be prolongued as if she'd never left.

Was there something that we didn't know that tipped the scales towards the final goodbye?

When was that photograph taken?

G-CPTN is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 01:41
  #13 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA USA
Posts: 27

I am so sorry for your loss. She was one heck of a dog. Thanks for sharing her with us. I'm tearing up as I am sure all the fans are.

Dea Certe is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 01:43
  #14 (permalink)  

Life's too short for ironing
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Scotland, & Maryland, USA
Posts: 1,147
I'm so glad G-CPTN owned up to working his way through the kleenex too.

The one & only downside to pets - they don't last as long as we do. But while they are with us, they give so much pleasure and leave memories which can never be erased. And we are almost as lucky as you, Fos, learning about your lovely dog through all your funny tales. She has given us almost as much pleasure through the Idiot stories as she gave to you.

Thank you for sharing them, and her, with us.
fernytickles is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 01:53
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: West of nowhere
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First time a PPRuNe post has made me cry.....although I've been tempted for other reasons. She was lucky to be your dog and vice versa. Condolences.
Latearrival is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 02:00
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Foss mate,

Words cannot express my friend..............

Sleep well Daisy.
Jerricho is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 02:01
  #17 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Redding CA, or on a fire somewhere
Posts: 1,793
Sorry for your loss. Will look up to the stars and toast "Idiot" tonight. I am sure that once the time is right, you will again share your life with another deserving partner, and like everyone else here in Jetblast, will look forward to hearing all about it.
Gordy is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 02:31
  #18 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: at the edge of nowhere, dogleg England
Age: 37
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oh ****.

shit man i;'m sorry. really sorry.

BombayDuck is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 02:39
  #19 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The boonies
Age: 57
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Quiet tear here, too - I loved reading your stories about Idiot.

She was one good dog, and there's not much in the world that's better than a good dog.
Mish Nish is offline  
Old 31st Mar 2009, 02:55
  #20 (permalink)  
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Age: 65
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I'm heartbroken. God bless you Foss. We shall all miss her.
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