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Friday Joke

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Friday Joke

Old 8th Jan 2009, 20:08
  #1 (permalink)  

More than just an ATCO
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Location: Up someone's nose
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Friday Joke

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to drive a formula 1 car?

Is it to fly a fighter in combat?

Is it to practice free falling parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?

Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?

Is it to insult the doorman in a bar?

Is it to insult your boss?

Is it to go on a defective ferris wheel?

Bullshit…that is nothing… THIS is COURAGE!!! Scroll Down.





















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Old 8th Jan 2009, 20:33
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Well I've heard of taking a tiger by the tail, but I never realised before quite what it meant...
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Old 8th Jan 2009, 20:47
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If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him..............................




Is he still wrong ?
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Old 8th Jan 2009, 21:40
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I challenge you not to laugh

The ASA said: "We are assessing these complaints to see whether there are grounds for an investigation."
Jeezoos, I think I've wet myself.
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Old 8th Jan 2009, 22:24
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Carlsberg Don't "DO" Gods, but if they did they'd probably be the best Gods in the World!

Surely it is going to be easier to prove that God probably doesn't exist then that he probably does. After all, there's no real evidence, is there?

FBW
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Old 13th Jan 2009, 06:56
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The President prepares to step down

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Old 14th Jan 2009, 01:32
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Shipwrecked

A New Zealander was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.

Looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal
companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds
the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the
lonely
Kiwi.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the
man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but
there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman
the
man had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her
back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening
beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle
breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Kiwi started to get "those feelings" again.

He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and,
realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman,
cautiously, and whispered in her ear, .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
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Old 14th Jan 2009, 21:28
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A Greek and an Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.

The Scotsman then replies, 'Well... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.'

The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.' The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars.'

And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!'

The Scotsman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women.'
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Old 14th Jan 2009, 22:58
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And at the next table in the same *bucks, sat three fellers discussing the cleverest invention of the 20th century.
The Englishman thought it was the invention of the internal combustion engine. "It has enabled mankind to travel all over the world at ever increasing speed."
The Scotsman thought that advent of the microchip had brought the most significant improvements to "communications and control".
The Irishman said that without doubt the cleverest invention had to be the Thermos Flask. "It keeps de hot tings hot, and it keeps de cold things cold" he explained.
The other two looked at him sympathetically and asked him why he thought that was so clever......
" Well then there, how does it know which is which?"
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 01:14
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A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we have heard that people in Abu Dhabi Do"
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 08:17
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Hymie Rubenstein is wandering down Wardour street when a girl comes up to him.

-Would you like to sleep with me for a hundred pounds?
- Hmm, I'm not really in the mood, but I could do with the money.
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 08:24
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The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.' John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, 'May I ask what the turkey did?'
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 09:52
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Breaking News

Apparently, global warming will eventually kill over 6 million people in third world countries. But on a more serious note, my feckin snowmans melted!

Coat and hat and off!
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 18:51
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This is a true story:

A radio station in Cork was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Goan **** yourself!”

The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.”

DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Smee again! Goan **** yourself!”
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 19:44
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But "Goan" is in the dictionary.
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 19:48
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Alright Crosshair. Goan f**k yourself then.
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Old 15th Jan 2009, 23:09
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An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one
twice,' he says.

The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.

The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi. He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.

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Old 15th Jan 2009, 23:51
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Abie and Hymie are strolling down the street when a gorgeous young woman appears.
Abie nudges hymie, nods in the direction of the delectable vision and pronounces." My Life! I could lend her one"
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Old 16th Jan 2009, 02:53
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Seeing it’s Friday, I may as well spoil everybody’s weekend.

Paddy and Shamus were out for a drive to a pub.
Paddy. “I had a bit of luck yesterday, a diddicoy bought some old junk off me and gave me twelve Euros,” waving a twelve Euro note in front of Shamus’s face.
Shamus looks at it. “That’s no good. They don’t make twelve Euro notes. It’s a forgery. Take it back and get some real money.”
Paddy thinks. “I can’t do that, he’ll be miles away by now.”
Shamus has an idea. “See this village we’re coming to. The Postmistress is as blind as a bat and deaf as a post. Ask her to change it into something smaller.”
They draw up at the Post Office and Paddy dives in to do the necessary. Three minutes later he is out again, beaming.
As they drive out of the village Shamus says. “No trouble then?”
“She didn’t even think about it.” Paddy looks at the notes again. “Shit! Turn the car round! The old bitch has cheated me. She’s only given me eleven Euros.”
He waves the notes in front of Shamus’s face. “Look, two fours and a three.”
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Old 16th Jan 2009, 09:32
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The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi.


Doesn't work, guns are banned in Australia, unless you're a criminal or bikie of course.



Last edited by Peter Fanelli; 17th Jan 2009 at 00:58. Reason: Emoticon added for those who missed the sarcasm.
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