Funny dispatch/ops stories
 

So, how about it?

I'm too new here to have any of my own, and it doesn't seem fair to relate the ones I've heard already as it's always funnier from the horse's mouth.

Go on, give us a giggle.:D

Did a 12hr shift once and Commercial only messed with the programme once!!!

Then I woke up and found out it was just a dream :}

VEEPS

With the business jets, we do have funny stories ..such as airlining someone with Caviar to Bamako-Mali because our VIP requested some caviar on his return leg ... and good luck to find some down there... another one ... call sign xxx007 to one of our flights because JB "himself" was on board ... many more funny stories, in fact the daily ops can be considered as "funny"! :hmm:

For the AN124 scenes in James Bonds last one, The World is not enough we used aircraft 82 007 as the film aircraft unfortunately they painted it all out!!

VEEPS

Capt hangover

You post was obviously very funny as well ... another one? :hmm:

...once worked a shift when the aircrew never whinged,moaned,complained etc......

....nah...sorry about that...obviously just a dream.

We had a KLM uk pilot radio us up on the G/A 15 minutes after departure questioning the loadsheet...He asked furiously"what is the /12 after the flight number on the loadsheet"! ( Thinking that we had made an error )
We replied " well that would be the date sir" (trying not to laugh).

"Er....oh..yes ok thanks" he replied as most of the servisair stations in a 200 mile radius would have probably heard his side of the conversation..:ok: :p

The First Officer climbing through the window. With the doors armed. ;)

At my station we can hear aircraft calling EDI and we are in the south.

Anyhow I can remember when Hola airlines started flying. Their first flight was PMI-CWL-PMI-CWL-PMI. Anyhow they couldnt pay for their fuel so had to wait and hour or so for payment to reach AirBP. After the aircraft had pushed back and requested clearence, they found out that no flight plan had been flied for that flight. So it was another hour or so befoer they got on their way.

I had a fuuny remark from a captain once........

Capt ; Good morning, We only have one toilet working on this a/c at the moment...

Me; Yes??

Capt ; Can we give the passengers a comp drink, this is a four hour flight you know!!


-- Wonders will never cease--

Being sarcastic not really on but can be rather humourous to rest of office.

Capt - Flight XXX to Ops, can you ask MX if they know how to reset airshow system?

Ops - What seems to be the problem with airshow?

Capt - Airshow currently showing aircraft flying somewhere over Mid Africa

(Flight actually operating trans-atlantic EU-US)

Ops - Ops to Flight XXX, maybe a suggestion to use GPS instead of airshow for navigation.

Radio goes quiet.........

dep message dynasty 345- off 13...25 erh..14..05 erh..eta 1905..26.12.35..
translated shud have been a dep sig
read back.. 2 spring rolls.shark fins soup,beef chow mein,chicken satay and a prawn crackers
got away with once...!

Worked for a certain Supplemental airline at OAK/KOAK many years ago. One day had a certain pratt of a Capt. who had a major ego problem(?!?!?). I was the duty dispatcher/controller:
CAPT - Dispatch, what's the status of the . . . . ?
DISP - (Capt advised of status)
CAPT - Can you get me someone who speaks English!
DISP - I am ENGLISH A.:mad: H..!

Things went quite quiet after that, especially as his wife was riding jump-seat (against VP Flt.Ops rules)!
Oh, by the way, I'm English! ! :E

Angry Capt calling on company frequency slagging off the handling agent girls, for their slow turnround.
Little did he realise that on that particular aircraft stand the radio feedbacks into the terminal.
"Bunch of Bitches" I seem to remember was one of the phrases!!

Handed all the dispatch docs to an OA crew whilst they transited MEL once. Usual stuff WX, NOTAMS, CFP etc. Capt. stopped at one and started talking to the FO about it. Eventually, he handed it to the FO & the FO included the rest of the crew in the discussion (5 Techs on the B742!). Eventually, the lowest in the food chain spoke to me in English & asked; "The Capt. cannot read this loadsheet!" To which I replied, "Because it's the fuel sheet." A moments silence & then "Flight plan fuel!" from the Capt.!!:rolleyes:

Also remember a trainer that came out from DEN for CO. She told us the story of a first arrival one frosty/snowy morning in DEN. The perspective was that of the crew as they taxiied into the gate. The bridge was low down & the lights were off as they approached. Suddenly, the lights came on & they could see someone running down the bridge. Unfortunately for the ramp chap, the bridge door was left open & the end of the bridge was icy. He subsequently ran off the end of the bridge & landed face first in the snow. Naturally, the crew had to stop their approach because they couldn't stop laughing at how his legs kept running as he fell.

Back in 1987 at LTN, a day shift from hell was unveiling itself. During the 18 (yes 18) hour shift we had over 56 diversions due to fog, and that was just the ones we handled. As the end of the shift came closer, most of the aircraft had positioned back to their bases or performed live flights back into Europe. All except one........

A Dan Air crew came up to LTN by taxi to take a 1-11 back down to LGW only to find that there was no ballast left on the airport to get it in trim for the ferry flight. A rather disgruntled Captain was not amused at the thought of having to go back to LGW empty handied. Thus I asked him to grab himself a coffee and wait a while. I set off in the ramp van transit and an hour later proceeded to load the 1-11 forward hold with 250kgs of breeze blocks "borrowed" from a building site just outside the airport.

A now very happy Captain applauded my work by handing me a £10 note and told me to buy myself a drink or 2 when the pubs opened.........

Rumour has it that the Captain's house sported a new front porch shortly after :E

One of our F/deck crews called us in on the Company frequancy. Whilst awaiting our response, KLM were calling up "Kelsay Company" in AMS and speaking in dutch.

Our driver then comes back on to say that there must be a problem with our frequency as he just heard some foreign a/c calling on it.

We then had to explain to him that it isn't just our dedicated frequency, and about 5 other companies all share it a various airports across the Uk/Ireland/Europe.

Radio then went silent as he realised how all the other airports/companies on that freq just heard him make a prat of himself !.


I know it's sad and petty, but I'm sure you dispatchers/ramp agents all agree when you have a real :mad: of a Captain that there is nothing more satisfying than that feeling you get just after making them look like a prat. :E

;)

Picture this.
It's 4.30 a.m. on new years day here in Sydney and the first arrival of the new year calls up on company frequency in a disgustingly bright and cheery voice...

"Good morning everybody, blocks at 5 a.m., can you give me my bay please."

Very,very hung over voice answers,

"Botany Bay mate."

Deathly hush then ensued.....

Heat.

Ive got a funny dispatch/ops story......


CLC (centralised load control)


do i need to say anymore?............................