The Army - The Edge
 

Subject: SEC: UNCLASSIFIED:-Advice of Civil passenger movement in Army
Aircraft.
Sir,

As the authorising officer for the redeployment of Kiowa 033 from
Madang to Darwin, I would like to advise you of a no-notice SAR I conducted which involved transporting an injured male civilian from a position 80 nm north of Weipa to Weipa airport on 05 May 02.

The background to the SAR involved the aircraft transiting from Horn Island to Weipa enroute Darwin. Travelling via the authorised route, I overflew a fishing camp that had several people on the beach signalling by hand signals that there was a problem and they wished for me to land. I landed at their camp to confirm everything was ok. They advised me that one
of their members was injured and needed urgent medical attention. .

It turns out the gentleman in question had a large chicken bone stuck up his anus. Not only that but the bone was in the horizontal position. I spoke to the man and requested his personal feelings on the matter. He told me that he
was in a substantial amount of pain (as you would be) and that his fellow fisherman had attempted to remove the object with a set of needle nose pliers (for the love of god). They believed they may have ruptured his bowel in the process (how far did they go).

At this point I believed the man's condition could deteriorate and decided that he required immediate transportation to the nearest medical facility. My decision was based on several factors. Firstly, a Rescue Helo had already been requested by the group but had been denied as the chopper was on another job. Secondly, road
transport to Weipa was at least a days drive as there were no roads in the area and sitting down for that long was not advisable. To accommodate the gentleman all our equipment was left at the camp due to weight limitations and the man was flown to Weipa. Enroute to Weipa Flight Watch were advised
of the situation and an ambulance arranged to meet us at the Weipa airport. I then conducted a refuel and returned to the camp for our equipment.

The rest of the transit to Darwin was uneventful. I have included
the CO and my OC as information copies to stop the rumour mill on this one.

I believe that if the man has passed away due to this incident then he should be considered for this years Darwin Award.

For your consideration.

*. ******
CAPT
QFI

and the reply from his boss


Subject: SEC: UNCLASSIFIED:-Advice of Civil passenger
movement in Army Aircraft.
****,

Well done on using your initiative. This is the sort of decision
making I expect of aviators in the 1st Avn Regt.

Please ensure that the appropriate DACC paperwork is completed and forwarded through Regt Ops. I suggest that your narrative stands as it is, although you might like to expand on the comfort of the passenger (seated in the back on his hands to relieve pressure, I hear) and the 40 knot headwinds.

This has made my 22 years in the Army (and especially in Aviation)
worthwhile.

OCs might like to use this example as an example of good use of
initiative (on our part) and not so good on the the part of the fisherman with the needle nose pliers.

************************************************


Subject: SEC: UNCLASSIFIED:-Advice of Civil passenger
movement in Army Aircraft.

As the authorising officer I endorse all your thought processes and actions in relation to the incident. I recommend that the ASOR include a recommendation for the Corps to acquire the services of a proctologist so that you are not placed in the unenviable position of assessing rectal complications. Failing this the Avmed cse should include a component on the ever increasing problem of adventurous people investigating the pleasures of sticking things up their ass. On this occassion there 'was a line' and the pointy pliers were on the wrong side of it.

Some questions:

1. Did you inspect the injury to ensure it was serious enough to take him.
2.question 2 removed due to offensive content
3. Did you give him doxy to try and 'force' it out.


MAJ *****
Authorising Officer for 'Rear Door' tasks

******************************************************

BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA........things them blokes get up to in the top end. I aint ever going fishing when the guys are packing chicken in the lunch box if this is what they do to ya when your asleep.:D :D

I was wondering how long it was going to take for this to appear here.... I have been too busy ROTFL to post it myself :)

I sent it to DFS and asked them to include it in the next Flying Feedback for those out there who aren't blessed with email/PPRuNe.

The most amazing part of this whole escapade for me was it showed that there are some Army officers out there who do have a sense of humour! ;)

but that was the funniest bit!!:D

ruprecht

The other funny bit was where one of the people who forwarded it around said
:p

It could only happen to MB....well done mate.

Ruprecht,

I agree re Q2. But you know, with the current politically correct climate and not to mention self appointed thought police who sometimes appear here. I thought it better to leave it out.

Not all that long ago an F/O who was ex RFDS had me in stitches telling the tale of a Cape Cocky who had been constipated for quite some time and attempted to work it out with a spoon! :eek:

Poor bugga pierced his bowel and had to be loaded onto the Kingair lying on his stomach with the hande of a spoon protruding from his fundamental orrifice! :D :o

:D :D :D :D :D
I think you've got your ends mixed up!!!!!

Anyone care to emial me question 2????:)

The Army - The Edge
 

No one was spilling the beans when i landed as to how the bone got stuck up this blokes anus. All his so called mates appeared very guilty and I would suggest they had a shocking night on the turps and became a bit bored at some stage. I held a straight face until required to tell Brisbane Flight watch on the HF what the nature of the injury was. Poor bloke had to sit in the back of a little kenny for an hour because there was no room to lay down. It turns out the bone was out of the reach of the hospital staff at Weipa and the man was transferred to Cairns Hospital for surgery. The operation was a success and the man was discharged two days later. This poultry matter is hopefully closed.

So THAT'S why the chicken crossed the road!

Good work Matty!

:o :D :eek:

Probarker - Again........
 

Hey Probarker,

That story had me laughing nearly as much as the story about the "Big Dog" in the paddock near Dubbo.

Say Hello to all

LB

The Army - The Edge
 

This is the second time i have landed somewhere and animals have been involved. However, I will take chickens over lions any day.

Cheers from East Timor.
MB

THIS IS FOWL:D

All well and good mattbar.

I'm just curious as to how the text of your email to your boss suddenly found itself doing the rounds through the DEFWEB?

Did you allow one of your mates to use your logon and and send it to everyone in your address list?
Or do you have an OC with a sense of humour? :D