IT is dash 8 humour not understood by all. Immediatly after my "please continue to remain seated and observed the fastened seatbelt sign" pa there are often those folks to whom rules don't apply immediately jumping up and wandering around the cabin, with various excuses. I had to smile on a 30min SYD-CBR at a recent one that excused himself with " I just wanted to go to the toilet quickly so that I didn't get stuck behind your trolley while you were doing beverage service" Frequent flyer???

My strangest Questions aked by pax were:

"Do you have ice-making machines in the overhead bins?"
and
"What airport did we just take off from?"

Anyone else frightened by the thought we get locked inside metal tubes for hours on end with these people??? I remember being told in training that "pax tend to pack their brains in their suitcases!!!" How true that is.......

MANY years ago working with Air UK on F27 CDG NCL. We had the David Sanborn band (famous saxophonist) on board.

Mr. Sanborn went to the loo and seemed to disappear for quite a while.

Eventually this sheepish face peered from behind the partly open door: "Em, where's the flush?"

Me: " Don't have one, it's a chemical toilet Mr. Sanborn."

pax: " So, where does all the s**t go?"

At which point I just burst out laughing, and eventually so did he...but you know!?


More recently, last year pre SEP 11 I did a private flight with some VIPs who were distraught as there was a possibility that we could not land at the destination. At which point they demanded to go to an alternate, which the flight deck did not have the plates for...the answer "It's okay we will direct him!"

The flight was dodgy enough without this suggestion! DOH-KDH...but we got back!

I had a pax ask me on the phone if QF do special meals. I advised the pax that we do indeed and asked what would she like me to request...vegan vegetarian ? kosher ? low fat ?......the woman replied..." No, I'd like to order kentucky fried chicken 1/4 chicken and chips snack pack "........I laughed so hard that I had tears coming out of my eyes.....however......this woman was serious !

She told me that once when her son flew he received a childs meal containing mcdonalds so why couldnt she order KFC as it was only fair.....:eek:

Cabin Boy,

You could of told her that if time permits, the captain may just detour through drive through!!!

Skypryncess,

We wish that we had a trolley huh?!?!?


:D

gees KFC...how wrong was that woman!!!!

how stupid!!!

nick

Im not cabincrew just yet. But I manage a cafe and we get similar stupid qeustions. A customer asked for a salad sadwich, then asked is there any meat in that?:confused:

Well, I remember some fun stuff from my work experience with cruiseships's guests in the Cayman Islands, where I used to be a dive instructor:

"Do you fly from Miami to here every morning?"

"Is Cayman part of the U.S.?"

"What happens if I am under water and I can't breath?"

"Why is my regulator not giving me enough air? Can I try yours?"

"Why is it that the sea is sometime light blue and sometime dark blue?" ... we paint the bottom once a month so that it looks more attractive.

"So you're on holiday every day?"

"Ah! Your're from Switzerland! Don't you miss cheese?"

"Do you think my FLIPPERS fit me?" (do you think you're wearing a dolphin or what?)

No matter if they are in the air or underwater... they leave their brain at home!!

Smile and take it easy... they pay your wages and tip pretty well, so shut up and dive! :p

Mrs. FloatJockey

;) pax: steward, there are a lot of toilets on this aircraft.
crew member: yes madam, its for all the **** we carry!!

Oh you get some beauties onbaord:-

"Where are we?" (on a plane madam)

After a 14 hour sector to LAX "Do you go straight back to Australia again, or do you get off the plane?"

I once had a first class customer ask "do you have any porno movies available?"

And last but not least "Do you carry condoms onbaord?" on a SYD-LAX sector !!!!

Me: "what would you like to dink madam?"
Lady: "what kind of fruitjuices do you have?"
Me: "I have orange juice, apple juice and tomato juice"
Lady: "Do you have pineapple juice?"
Me: "No madam, I am sorry. I have orange juice, apple juice or tomato juice"
Lady: "Do you have strawberry juice?"
Me: "No madam, I am sorry. I have orange juice, apple juice or tomato juice"
Lady: " Do you have a hard boiled egg for my baby?"
Me thinking: "*&#~@#^????"

Me: "would you care for some afternoon tea madam?"

Stupid dead ****: "what is it?"

Me: "Raspberry muffin, bread sticks with tomato dip and a fruit
and nut pack"

Stupid dead ****: "is there any meat in it"

Me: "Maam, it's raspberry muffin and bread sticks"

Stupid dead ****: "yeah i heard you, but is there any meat in it?"

Me: "well maam i don't actually make the food myself, however i'm guessing that there is no meat in a Raspberry muffin, or in bread sticks"
---

"Excuse me, What's that town we're flying over?"
(asked at FL370 when the cloud below was so thick that we could have landed on it)
----

Whilst passengers in the last row of a 717 were waiting to disembark in MEL at 1030am.

Pax: "excuse me, we're going to miss our next flight, can you please let us out that back door?"
Me: "I'm sorry sir, that's for emergency use only, if i opened it for u to get out the whole tail cone of the aircraft would fall off."
Pax: "yes but we'll miss our flight, you have to let us out."
Me: "Sir if i opened that door it would cost the company tens of thousands of dollars to re attach the tailcone, plus i'd probably lose my job and squash whoever is standing underneath the aeroplane. What time is your connecting flight sir?"
Pax: "230 this afternoon."
:D

Hmmmmmm where do you start?
Some comments from our some of pax on some of my flights.

1. - Do you know the queen?

2. - Where do you come from?
- (I reply)London
- Wow! I have a friend called John, he lives in London, do know him?

3. - (In flight) Can I get something out of my bag? - it's in the hold.

4. - Do you have televison? (?)

5. - (On a 40 min domestic LGW-MAN) When will duty free be coming round?

6. - (On a 40 min domestic LGW-MAN) When will the movie start?

7. - (on a B.A. A/C) I never travel B.A.!!!!

8. - I'm in club, but my wife is in euro traveller.....(at which point i cut in and say) No problem sir....you're quite welcome to go down and join her (never fails!!!)

9. - Did you make the food?

' if your seat is fitted with adjustable foot/headrests please make sure they are stowed before take off'

pax in economy ' can I have one of those footrests please?'

'can you let me past I need the toilet'

'would you mind using the outside walkway - just through that door............... no, come back, only kidding...'

and the classic 'when you have a spare moment...' as if.

A friend of mine on a Delhi flight was asked by a passenger if any of the CC could give her a sanitary product because she had been, ahem, taken by surprise. She was a bit embarrassed so asked if my friend could be discrete. My friend returned with tampon in a sick bag. the Indian man beside asked why she was getting a present and he wasn't. My friend tried to explain that it wasn't a present, and besides, it was something only useful to ladies. This man was not going to take no for an answer, ans said, 'Well, whatever it is, my wife wants one, then.' My friend duly presented Mrs stupid pax with a tampon in a sick bag. The poor wife's reply was not recorded for posterity. :D

True story happened to me on flt back from DFW to London.Standing in galley chatting to Large Texan gentleman,complete with cowboy hat and boots,when a rather meek looking guy peered round the corner,looking a bit pale.He sheepishly asks if I could tell him where the SICK BAY is as he's not feeling too well........?
Before I had time to open my mouth,Cowboy man,who is part way through his 6th JD and coke, BARKS at him....."Jesus man,whaddya think this is...the goddam Starship Enterprise?"

I didn't know where to look,meek man looked at me for reassurance,Cowboy glared at him,I tried to keep straight face!!
I did eventually attend to meek man,after wiping tears from face.
Could'nt have said it any better though....may use that one again at some point?

Now can us poor pax get back at you lot!!!!
Qantas flight atttendant in business class MELSYD.
Me: I'd like some more red wine please.
Female FA: Sure I'll be right back with it.
Said FA comes back with the bottle of wine and tries to pour it into my glass. She stands there wondering why nothing is coming out until I told her I think you actually have to remove the cork first.
I then noticed her driving beside me on Gen Holmes drive. I changed lanes to get out of her way.:p

I suppose the ultimate question would be:- 'Are you a Ppruner?'

Had a good one last year, from MAN to TFS, two teenagers came up to the F/D. They both stood there silent for 3 or 4 minutes, looking bemused at all the instruments and switches, so i broke the ice and asked "Have you any questions?", to which I got the reply "er, yeah mate - is this your hat?!" Burke.

Another from our side. Also this is Continental, it was the OLD Continental, before they got sorted out.

1987, LAX to EWR an overnighter on a DC-10.

I was right at the back, last row by the galley. The CC was sorting out food trays and so forth, so I waited quietly and when she noticed me, I asked when I might get another drink?

She said, "Not now - I'm busy."

I have not travelled on Conti since!