You might be a Flight Attendant If.....
 

Hey! We've all seen those emails tht go around about 'you might be a redneck if...."

I thought, let's start one about flight attendants...

So, to start us off,

You might be a flight attendant if....


You need more than 1 bottle to make a martini (the mini ones of course! ;) )


Your day bag has more stuff in it than your apartment does

You think that Subway, Starbucks etc are legitimate places to 'eat out'

A 'good trip' is one where no one has thrown up on you, pinched your bottom, or asked for a pen (for the zillionth :mad: time!!!)


(lame I know so why don't you guys get started - I know you'll all have some gems!!!

Sky

You know you may be a flight attendant if:

- you stand up in your kitchen at home, eating your food as fast as you can, burn your tongue, then wipe your hands and mouth on the curtain when you're done
- you try to put your car door into the 'armed' position
- you sit down at the movies and try to find your seatbelt, then start doing the silent review before the movie starts
- you answer your phone saying "XX at L1, doors are armed and crosschecked"

:E

(I cant take credit for those by the way, they went around our airline a while back)

You know your a flight attendant when:

- You pass other people in the supermarket aisles bum to bum
- You use your friend's toilet, then clean up and fold the toilet paper into a triangle
- You start off loading shopping out of your car when your partner keeps you waiting
- When asked for directions to the toilet you use two hands to point....

You know you're a flight attendant when....

-everywhere you go you check the emergency exits.

-you're the only one who knows where the emergency torch is in your hotel room on holidays.

-at dinner time meals are served on matching trays and the wine glasses and cutlery have been knocked off from another airline.

-everywhere you go you demand a discount... just because you can.

-you don't go anywhere without your lippy, nail file, first aid kit and 3 spare pens.

-at the park your kids are hiding in embarassment because you insist on evacuation drills at the top of the slippery-dip.

-at the local pool you "save" people from drowning who are actually just waving to their friends.

-when you're out for a meal you hide the rolls, butter, sugar and salt sachets in your handbag for "later on".

-you wake up in a strange room, in a strange bed, not knowing what time it is or where you are... or perhaps that was just another big night out for Iguanahead....... Tia's and coke for everybody bartender. :E

You know your a flight attendant when:

* You carry a personal first aid kit around with you and have tablets and remedies for every conceivable ailment in your handbag

* When someone asks you what a city is like you immediatly talk about how bad/good the hotel is (and forget about the actual city)

* Your hotel taste becomes fussier. What may seem as 5* luxury to someone else becomes to you a filthy cess pit full of ants, dirty carpet and "that rude waiter in the restaurant on the 4th floor"

* You refuse to let anyone sit in your car without a seatbelt on/ you harness your dogs into the back seat with a seatbelt.

* Your wine collection is 50% mini size bottles from the aircraft and hotels.

* You dont buy soap at the supermarket anymore... and your entire family has bathrooms full of hotel ammenity kits.

* Every second thought when booking something is "airline discount?"

* You cant eat slowly even if you try

* When you hear chimes in a shopping centre/restaurant/public place you immediatly look up...

You know youre a flight attendant when:-


*You call the man you bump into "sir" when you apologise

*You carry your passport in your handbag constantly

*You hate the sound of a seatbelt being taken off in the car
before the vehicle comes to a "complete stop"

*When someone asks for directions you point out the road as if indicating an emergency exit

...when travelling on a plane as a passenger you unfasten your seatbelt to get up and fasten it immediately behind your back...

...you put your oven on at home just to warm a bread roll...

...when using your friend's bathroom you wipe the washbasin with a tissue after use...

..when the phone rings in the middle of the night you give name and position... :E

...you have a collection of sickbags in your car, just in case.... :yuk:

...when someone asks you for your teleophone number you give them your staff number...

...whenever you see a fire estinguisher you instinctively check its pressure gauge...

...your are an expert in remedies for sinus problems, stomach upset, headaches...


I could go on for ever....god this jobs takes over your life!!! :)

FBW

You know when your a flight attendent when you..........

Give your boarding smile to the person in the bank.....

Are sick of people looking at you when your food shopping at some odd hour in uniform...................

Have clean underwear you have not looked at in every bag you own............

Always go for the same aisle at the car park so when you land you dont have to think about where you are parked, you can just drag you arse up and down a few times to find ya car..............

Hate seeing the crew going to work looking all fresh, when when you are coming back for a night flight looking like you need a week off.........................

Pay bills late, eat at any time day or night, what ever the food, and cabin secure every room of your house before leaving.......

But the one I think that stands out for me, and proves you really are cabin crew.....

When you feel like you have always forgotten something, it takes about 5 attempts to pack, your still washing at ten at night when you are reporting at 6 am, and you have to leave your house 3 times before your are sure you have everything, and all along,already dreaming about being in the hotel room, when you have not even got to the crew room.


Sad, but true, thats when you get ya wings, whe your about ready to give them back.

These are habits that last a lifetime. Even as an ex-FA you do all of those things! And I still have some mismatched cutlery.
My wife tells me that she gets a kick watching me count the number of rows to the nearest fore and aft emergency exit each time we sit on an aircraft; my friends still point out when I put on my 'airline smile'. I'm still aware that when asked directions, I sometimes point with all fingers, with the thumb crossed over the palm...:uhoh:

Thanks everyone....

these were really good!!!

Some sad but true, but all entertaining.

Once at my last job, there was a particular lady who made me think "I bet she was an F/A..."

She did the 'airline smile', and when she pointed something out, would point just the way described....

Also, she was the one everyone went to for aspirin, Strepsils, tissues etc!!!!;)

Sky

You know when you a flight attendant when.............

After a meal at home you throw your dirty plates and glasses straight into the cupboard and slam them shut so nothing will fall out.

At when you have used the fridge at home you try and find the butterfly clip to latch it closed!

Oh the fun! . x

You know you're a F/A when...

-Your mates drop you home and you get out of the car saying "Thank's Driver!"

-You won't let your friends rack-out on the floor at your house 'cos it's a safety hazard.

-When your toilet at home gets dirty you lock it off.

-Hearing about contest offering travel as a prize make you shudder inwardly.

-Your bedroom curtains have been drawn closed for three months straight.

-Any time a light bulb in you house blows you just stick a U/S label on it and carry-on.

Hmmm....

LMAO at all these - brings back so many happy memories :D

Thanks guyz.


cheers ;)
FF

:} :} Love the U/S sticker one, that is soooo true.... pity you cant call engineering to come and look at it though!

- Although - a crew member I flew with had an "overnight personal comfort device" with her which had become unservicable... She mentioned this to me, I suggested perhaps I could pass it onto the engineers to look at? :eek:

As you would expect, she declined my kind offer :E

HA HA HA! They are all so good! This one is my favourite, It reminds me of me on a nightstop!!!!!!

At home:

* When your friend gets in your car, you lean over to push their bag under the dash.
* You look up everytime an aircraft passes over head
* You smile at strangers babies in the street
* You have a shoe box full of miniatures
* Your childrens cutlery has British Airways/ American Airlines or Dan Air stamped on the back of it
* You carry cures for sore throats, bites, blisters and headaches everywhere you go (next to the sewing kit and shoe shine sponge)
* Every now and then a random sachet of sugar or coffee turns up in your bedroom

On your holiday:

* You cant resist going to say hi to the crew in the galley (or at least eavesdropping on their conversation)
* You check the crew are securing the cabin correctly
* You smuggle a miniature into your handbaggage (and a cup, and a cutlery pack....)
* You look at where they hold your cup when serving your drink
* You avoid bottled water in case its from the tap
* You uncross your legs, tighten your seatbelt and move your feet just before take off and landing
* You notice a seat back down for landing but are too scared to say anything to anyone
* You can no longer sleep on the plane for listening out for an alert call
* You have to buy something from the brochure on board.
* You watch the pool for possible drownees
* You count the doors from your room to the nearest fire exit.
* You take some stationery from your hotel room, and never use it.