A few years ago while parked up on a VIP stand at Glasgow, the Captain got out and relieved himself on the grass facing the taxiway which was just yards away. After a holiday charter jet had taxied past, an airport security vehicle sped up to our aircraft and a flustered driver got out and informed me that the crew had complained to the Tower that my Captain had offended them and their passengers and could I ask him to use either the aircraft or handling agent's toilets in future.
Needless to say, my Captain had gone inside to greet the passengers.....

Reminds me of the story of the well-spoken Army Officer who was visiting the Royal Air Force College at Cranwell. He found himself in the gents loo peeing alongside one of the resident Royal Air Force officers. As they finish, the Air Force officer shakes twice, zips himself up, and heads for the door:

WSAO: "Excuse me. At Sandhurst they teach us to wash our hands after we have been to the toilet."

RRAFO: "Well here at Cranwell we are taught not to piss on our hands!"

Doubtless all the somewhat prissy commentators here would refuse any kind of sexual activity where a mouth might travel south of the navel; in consideration of the other party of course.

Bar none...
 

We were enjoying a bevy or two in this great pub and enjoying the free nuts, crisps, olives and crackers when a chap at the bar told us he was an analytical chemist. He cheerfully went on to tell us about a testing programme he'd worked on which had identified loads of lavatory bacteria on free snacks, and also public toilet paper. We backed off the freebies, of course, but he didn't. Reminds me of a visit to a brand new sewage works where the guide offered us a glass of re-cycled water which had come in the previous day having passed through various towns on the way. There weren't any takers. Best not to know these things, perhaps.

Back in the day, Montreal had a domestic and international airport. The international one was not overly busy at times and made a good place to go on a 60 minute night cross country practice flight from my home airport with my instructor on a Cessna 150.

We did some touch and goes on one of the two 12,000 foot runways. My instructor had to go fairly bad during this time period so we requested a stop on the runway to "change seats". He went outside and made a puddle on the runway. Seeing as it was winter time, I suspect that it stayed there for a while.

There was also a captain at my old company who many years back had been reprimanded for relieving himself on the tailwheel as pax boarded on the aircraft.

Dirty pilots
 

Funny. I had an FO once pee in the trash bag in the cockpit on final approach because he waited too long to go.

Not a pilot but a PAX and true

I was flying a citation 550 and we had one extremely large Pax who wanted to use the back toilet.

He could not fit through the doors to properly enter the toilet but decided he could pee into it from the entrance.

That would mean dropping his trousers so we and the other PAX where asked not to look.

All was fine but stretching to get closer to the toilet he got wedged between the doors and I mean wedged.

No manner of trying to extricate himself worked and finally he gave up and called for assistance.

turning around the sight I got was jaw dropping followed by fits of laughter not just from me but the rest of the PAX who were all by now looking
talk about mooning this was a very full moon :mad: ;) Not only had he dropped his trousers but his pants were round his knees

Had we not got him out I don't know what radio call I would have made as landing with a PAX unbelted in that position sounded very hazardous
Oh well couldn't find it in the emergency checklist and PAX stuck in Loo doors didn't flash up on the annunciator panel

Pace

Couldn't you have played with the pressurization controls?

Emergency pressure dump may have popped him out :ok: