Blind BEA Viscount Captain.
Returning to Gatwick from Gib on BA sceduled flight; explained to stewardess I was an ATCO and any chance of going forward (pre 9/11 of course).
After a few minutes seeking to impress the 'young lady' I had met in Gib, asked if she could come forward too; Captain said OK; told stewardess in forward galley what I was doing and collected my friend; stewardess thrusts drinks into our hands as we passed.
Explained what the control layout was then through a gap in the cloud, an island appears. Captain calls stewardess forward and asks her if it looked like Jersey to her; she said yes, captain says 'ah we must be on course then'
On returning to our seats, my new girlfried asks quietly 'err they were joking about checking with the stewardess to see where we were weren't they?'
.
After a few minutes seeking to impress the 'young lady' I had met in Gib, asked if she could come forward too; Captain said OK; told stewardess in forward galley what I was doing and collected my friend; stewardess thrusts drinks into our hands as we passed.
Explained what the control layout was then through a gap in the cloud, an island appears. Captain calls stewardess forward and asks her if it looked like Jersey to her; she said yes, captain says 'ah we must be on course then'
On returning to our seats, my new girlfried asks quietly 'err they were joking about checking with the stewardess to see where we were weren't they?'
.
Last edited by chevvron; 24th Sep 2020 at 03:32.
He was rightly proud of the way he could land a VC10 like a feather; I was told that he would ask the FO and FE to let him know when the wheels touched down.
Strange; we had a pilot at Farnborough called Ken Mills who always landed the Comet 4 like that; never a trace of smoke from the tyres.
..........demanded a steward be on board (rumour had it,)
The capt. refused the move the aircraft until they had eggs for breakfast.
John W Welford (known to his friends as Jack and his co-pilots as John Willie) gained the soubriquet "Full Tanks" thanks to an apprehension about fog - perhaps acquired on Dakotas in an era when precision let-down aids in Scotland were few and far between. I have him to thank for one unplanned but very pleasant n/stop in Kirkwall.
One of the many anecdotes about him concerned a departure from Kirkwall to Aberdeen in haar conditions. The aeroplane then flew on to Renfrew and eventually to Jersey.
It was said that Kirkwall received a signal from Jersey asking whether they had a licence to export fuel to the Channel Islands.
The story about entertaining the passengers arose when the Viscount came on the scene. Captains were urged to use the new-fangled cabin address to ensure that passengers were "entertained"
Welford was reported to have emerged from his cabin-address free Dakota cockpit announcing, "Ladies & Gentlemen, my company has said you are to be entertained; entertained you shall be!"
However, my informant maintained that he was carrying a violin case from which he produced a penny whistle.
Given Welford's form, the ukulele version cannot be ruled out - but he was known to play the whistle.
One of the many anecdotes about him concerned a departure from Kirkwall to Aberdeen in haar conditions. The aeroplane then flew on to Renfrew and eventually to Jersey.
It was said that Kirkwall received a signal from Jersey asking whether they had a licence to export fuel to the Channel Islands.
The story about entertaining the passengers arose when the Viscount came on the scene. Captains were urged to use the new-fangled cabin address to ensure that passengers were "entertained"
Welford was reported to have emerged from his cabin-address free Dakota cockpit announcing, "Ladies & Gentlemen, my company has said you are to be entertained; entertained you shall be!"
However, my informant maintained that he was carrying a violin case from which he produced a penny whistle.
Given Welford's form, the ukulele version cannot be ruled out - but he was known to play the whistle.
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Very slight thread creap but oh, so, enjoyable. Yanks were the best at this, in my view. Deadheading, floating past JFK, Capt says on PA ;" Hi folks, for those of you on the right hand side of the aircraft , you have a nice view of New York. Those of you on the left, have a nice view of those on the right. True, I was on left.
"Mildly" Eccentric Stardriver
Reputedly; passing a certain island to the north of UK. "Those passengers on the right; if you look out you will see Rockall. For passengers on the left; if you look out, you will see the same"
and of course there's the old one of the frightfully well-spoken BA Stewardess who, on her last flight, delivered the Safety Briefing in a cut-glass British accent, ending with...
".....and when you hear the Captain call 'brace, brace, brace', you must put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye."
And the Saudia Captain, also on his last flight with them, whether or not he meant it to be, who announced as he touched down in Riyadh,
"Welcome to the 13th Century",
And the Captain on a daytime LHR - JFK service who announced, 2 hours into the flight;
"This is your Captain speaking. If you look out to the right side of the aircraft you will see the sun, while if you look to the left it's not there. If you think this is unusual on a westbound flight, you are right, because we are returning to London due to a technical issue, and expect it will take as long to get back as it took to get here."
".....and when you hear the Captain call 'brace, brace, brace', you must put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye."
And the Saudia Captain, also on his last flight with them, whether or not he meant it to be, who announced as he touched down in Riyadh,
"Welcome to the 13th Century",
And the Captain on a daytime LHR - JFK service who announced, 2 hours into the flight;
"This is your Captain speaking. If you look out to the right side of the aircraft you will see the sun, while if you look to the left it's not there. If you think this is unusual on a westbound flight, you are right, because we are returning to London due to a technical issue, and expect it will take as long to get back as it took to get here."
And then there was the BOAC stewardess in first class coming up from somewhere in Africa who was asked by a very superior type of lady passenger, "Tell me, what is the servant situation in London these days?" Who, with a perfect cut-glass, accent replied, "I am certain you will have no problem finding a position, Madam."
Quick visit required to the Queen Bee, who if the reports are true, collapsed in laughter after telling the girl off.
Happy days!
Quick visit required to the Queen Bee, who if the reports are true, collapsed in laughter after telling the girl off.
Happy days!
Heard over the Rockies in 707 days...
ATC asks someone up ahead for a ride report and gets “pretty rough - nearly stabbed myself with a fork!”
A little later the same request to another jet gets “ Dunno - we’re not eating!!”
ATC asks someone up ahead for a ride report and gets “pretty rough - nearly stabbed myself with a fork!”
A little later the same request to another jet gets “ Dunno - we’re not eating!!”
And then there was the BOAC stewardess in first class ...........
The American Captain who requested an alternative flight level due turbulence, and was asked by ATC what sort of turbulence he was experiencing ? : Waal ... I don't rightly know what you would call it, but there's white caps on my cawfee"
Passing Phuket in Thailand always called for careful pronunciation on the R.T., too !
"Mildly" Eccentric Stardriver
Passing Phuket in Thailand always called for careful pronunciation on the R.T., too !
Gnome de PPRuNe
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The American captain who allegedly informed his passengers "we are currently passing over Salt Lake City, please set your watches back 100 years..."
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HEROD: Bankok to Hongkong and back to Bankok. Gees, I used to get into serious trouble. And now I have to watch Hancock !
737 though, had a "clacker". You could press it in flight. Glory days when we could have FD visits and sharp eyed observer spotted opposite traffic. I told him that if it was enemy traffic we could engage and shoot him down. I asked him if he would like to try. Blimey, he got very eager, placed fingers on the clacker, awaited my command and as the opposite got larger I said "shoot". He pressed the clacker (sounded like a machine gun} and looked out and expressed............." He's still there"...........
737 though, had a "clacker". You could press it in flight. Glory days when we could have FD visits and sharp eyed observer spotted opposite traffic. I told him that if it was enemy traffic we could engage and shoot him down. I asked him if he would like to try. Blimey, he got very eager, placed fingers on the clacker, awaited my command and as the opposite got larger I said "shoot". He pressed the clacker (sounded like a machine gun} and looked out and expressed............." He's still there"...........
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A fellow Brit, training for a PPL at BWU (Bankstown) was the secretary to the CEO of Qantas
and tasked with answering the "Hate Mail" from pax. An American pax in first class, was
asked by the steward, on a flt SYD/SFO. "Madam, would you care for a glass of orange
juice, or sparkling water"? She replied "Give me Champagne". He replied, "Madam, I
have testicles, not tentacles" The "Madam" was not amused. !!
and tasked with answering the "Hate Mail" from pax. An American pax in first class, was
asked by the steward, on a flt SYD/SFO. "Madam, would you care for a glass of orange
juice, or sparkling water"? She replied "Give me Champagne". He replied, "Madam, I
have testicles, not tentacles" The "Madam" was not amused. !!
In the days of Pan Am : from a pilot at FL330. “London, from ABC123; getting some chop here, request ride report at 350”. London to PAA987; “what’s the ride like at FL350 ?”. PAA987: “well, put it like this, we’re having our breakfast & the first officer has just stuck his fork in his nose!” ABC123: “copied that, what’s it like at 370?”
London to PAA567: “what’s the ride like at 370?”
Reply from PAA567: “I’m afraid we can’t tell you that, London - we haven’t had breakfast yet !
As told to me by ex colleague “Mr. Grubby”, sector & TMA controller at LATCC.
London to PAA567: “what’s the ride like at 370?”
Reply from PAA567: “I’m afraid we can’t tell you that, London - we haven’t had breakfast yet !
As told to me by ex colleague “Mr. Grubby”, sector & TMA controller at LATCC.
......please set your watches back 100 years..."
