Qantas August 23rd announcements
 

It's not about the share price, it's not about 'where to from here' who has heard what about the big announcement..?

Rumour has it, $100mill loss, news says 767 refurb so one 'could' infer no 787's to Qf, plenty to JQ, Joyce has forgone his bonus, can't be fantastic news surely...

Big day ahead, go forth and rumour it up!

But, only post factual information where possible please.

Jetstar domestic will be rolled into Qantas domestic and the tails painted red.

Business class will be added.

The 737 classics will be tossed.

The 787s will go to Qantas crewed by Jetstar.

Jetstar will keep the A330s

Joyces successor will be annonced and a transition period formalised.

Network will operate Q400s on the west coast.

A CRJ order will be announced.

OK!

• Joyce will announce a before tax profit of $473 mil
• Board member Cosgrove will announce a weight gain of only 15 kgs
• Qantas will announce the immediate axing of all Consultancy work
• Wirthless announces a restructure of the PR department
• International pilots crewing international America's flights to undergo anger management training
• Share prices to gain 47% value over the next 12 months

The "strategy" is on track

Jetstar is outperforming and will get more routes

Joyce will stay

The share price will decline

The public will be blamed for not choosing to fly QF

QF INTL $400M loss

3 year Plan to turn international around.

OK-my 2 cents worth.

* AJ punted......replaced by John Menadue
* Board sacked -Gillard does buy back of Qantas to improve her polling figures
* Qantas Domestic hived off -renamed Australian Airlines
* Fred Dag (aka John Clarke) to be poster boy for new Ad campaign
* Jetstar sold to China Southern for $1.
* Olivia to be appointed Gillard's press secretary
* Qantas Mainline returns to ATH,FCO,PPT,AMS,SFO AND CDG.
* Boeing order of 32 x 777's
* A-380's sent back to Toulouse with ...Merci Beaucoup painted on side!

*Staff treated with respect. No.... on second thought that is totally unrealistic-will never happen-unlike the the rest on the list.

Merci Beaucoup indeed!
 

Forgot -

• Craig Thomson appointed as Head of Corporate Governance and HR

My best guess is Strambie, but too early to be announced.

My money is on Gina Reinhart wanting some action with AJ........reminds me of the Gimp scene in Pulp Fiction!

AJs kiwi boyfriend turns out to be ex pm Helen Clark.

Another 5 CEO positions are announced in various entities of the group.

I think they will announce that all employees are going to be given a free colonoscopy. It will be compulsory.

All aircraft sold, money to be spent on 5 new consulting firms and new super yachts for the board

Somebody wake the Gimp
 

http://sprocketink.com/wp-content/up...4/the-gimp.jpg

Does make me wonder now who is behind the mask?? A QF manager, 'R'egulator or employee of the Ministers office?

Reminds me of the twist at the end of "The Crying Game":}

Is that when we find out bruce Willis is dead?

I'm with this one. Maybe not tomorrow but it's no co-incidence that there has been a noticeable raising of his profile by Qantas in the media.

Free kick with QF to Gold Coast, article about domestic refurb full of Strambie quotes....


Methinks the plan is hatched and the buttering up has commenced.....

Of course this makes perfect sense.

Another executive lightweight completely out of his depth.

Are there any more incompetent twits waiting for their chance to completely screw the job?

Wasn't his dept responsible for the VS 346 ordering? Poor fleet choice that was

AJ announces that he is grounding the fleet until the Twitterati/bloggers stop being mean about the crappy new ad;

Leigh Clifford says that staff are the company's greatest asset and actually means it;

Leigh Clifford then gets dragged off to involuntary care by his fellow board members because they realise the previous statement is so off the beam for him that it's indicative of a psychotic episode;

Peter Cosgrove quits, as he finally realises that being a part of the Qantas Board is doing absolutely nothing for his reputation as a man of integrity;

Mars Rover sends back pictures of the new Heavy Maintenance facility. It's not just off-shored but off-planet cos the Martian amoeba are cheaper to hire; they know jack about aircraft and don't have any arms or legs but hey, they're cheap;

Shareholders get told it's all going great despite the International 'loss' (nothing to see here :suspect:) and what's wrong with $1 a share anyway.
:}
THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT
Emirates are going to buy Qantas and use the fleet exclusively for live goat freighters, because goats don't care whether the IFE works or not.
:E