Mega Merged: AsA ATC staffing levels
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I'm having a T-shirt made up, Buster. How many would you like?
You'll find them worn with pride in busy ACCs all over the world.
These delays are the tip of the iceberg. It appears that AsA isn't even aware of the looming nuclear detonation? I take it there's a reason for that, fellas?
You'll find them worn with pride in busy ACCs all over the world.
These delays are the tip of the iceberg. It appears that AsA isn't even aware of the looming nuclear detonation? I take it there's a reason for that, fellas?
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Ok...sorry chaps...I tried, but have been deemed "unsuitable"...you're on yer own!
Apparently : "The selection standards are extremely competitive and unfortunately the selection panel has deemed you unsuitable for Air Traffic Controller Training."
Despite them wanting to get 90 people starting the academy this year, according to their ad for an Instructor.
Join Date: Jan 2006
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Yet another classic Airservices moment, a close and well respected ATC friend has returned to the BN ACC post retirement to work as a part time TGO was asked by a local manager if he had a current Class 3. Apparently despite officially having a surplus of staff for sometime, BN desperately needs 20 bums on seats yesterday. I assume already being in the system makes it easier for local management to employ them as an ATC rather than having to go through the protracted and bureaucratic business case process as run by CB & ML.
In the meantime another colleague (in fact there are 3 of them) wanting to return home got an offer from the Irish in less than a week which is nearly twice what the new 457 visa new hires were given by AsA in the great global search.
AsA where the never ending pursuit of mediocrity at the expense of your licence is our core business
In the meantime another colleague (in fact there are 3 of them) wanting to return home got an offer from the Irish in less than a week which is nearly twice what the new 457 visa new hires were given by AsA in the great global search.
AsA where the never ending pursuit of mediocrity at the expense of your licence is our core business
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My personal copy of 'Spacewreck ASA episode 3'
Episode 3: The Phantom Menace
When we last left the Spacewreck Airservices the Captain was leading his Gang of Gollums bridge crew to the 6th Floor Alan Woods Battle Bridge (known to all on the Airservices as the “NOC Shop”) in order to deal harshly with a mutiny by the crew. Never in the history of the United Federation of Off-the-Planet ANSP’s had their been a mutiny of such gravity – the demand for free hot water, sugar, milk and a cup to go with the Captains generous offer of free tea & coffee had left him and the Gang of Gollums shocked. Not shocked into silence – but shocked into explosive action. We rejoin the action on the Battle Bridge:
“Ships Personnel Officer!”, snaps the Captain.
“Yessir”, squeaks the Officer huddled over a desk moving paper from one side of the desk to the other whilst considering this productive work.
“Find me a way to deal harshly with the crew, let them know that I’m running this ship and demonstrate my power!”
The Personnel Officer recalls a technique used some time ago that upset the crew:
“Sir, I recommend we do a leave audit on the ships crew but - like we did last time – have the ships computer take unused leave off some of the crew in a subtle manner. The crew will eventually detect it and demand it back. We can then give it back to them and also give them a fake apology with the excuse that it was an administrative oversight. For months to come they’ll be too busy making sure their pay and leave is correct to have time for their petty whining about your extraordinarily generous offer of tea and coffee.”
“Make it so!”, mutters the Captain before stalking off to his Battle Bridge cabin to consider other pressing matters.
Our doughty Captain sits at his desk sipping a cup of tea (all ingredients provided free). Despite his High Powered Executive Mind the irony of this escapes him. Maybe it’s the two immediate problems confronting him that have dulled that Mind. Firstly, the United Federation of Planets Senate Estimates Committee hearings are occurring shortly. They only happen rarely - it’s the time when representatives of the ultimate owners of the Airservices expect to be provided with a Captain’s Report on the state of the ship. The Captain has always considered these hearings to be beneath a man of his stature – how dare there be any form of accountability applied to his command!? Don’t they know he commands the finest ANSP Starship in the Fleet? The Senators and the lumpen proletariat they purport to represent are fools. His time is important – if they want to know the state of the ship all they have to do is ask the ships Corporate Communications department. That department is the most efficient on the ship – they have only one thing to ever do - flip the switch on the continuous playback tape between “We’re a world’s best practice ANSP. Look at the IATA Silver Eagle Award we recently won” to “Safety was never compromised. Safety is our No.1 priority.” It just depends on the question asked by the enquirer.
The Captain doesn’t know the decrepit state of the Airservices has meant the “Safety was never compromised” part of the tape is being used much more than it was designed for and is starting to sound scratchy from over use…
Nonetheless, his Mind has never failed him before and it doesn’t this time – he will send his Chiefs of Ships Operations and Safety to the hearings whilst he takes himself even further off the planet on Celestial and Astro Navigation Services Organisation (CANSO) business. All First Class, of course.
The second problem is somewhat less easy to solve. It involves the mutinous crew and that infernal site on the Galaxynet called PAROON. (For the uninitiated – PAROON is the Professional Astronauts ROOster Network. It gives the operational crews of ANSP starships –amongst many others - a place where they can temporarily escape from under the jackboot of corporate totalitarianism; shed their innocuous feather duster disguises; climb onto the rooftops and cock-a-doodle-FREAKING-DO; before slipping their disguise back on and reporting back for duty in the engine rooms and battle towers). The Bridge Crew of the Airservices don’t like the Galaxynet much. They like the opportunity it presents them to tell the entire Federation of Planets how wonderful the Airservices is – and by association how wonderful they are. They don’t like, however, that many more people – including their own crew for goodness sake – can just as easily tell the people of the Federation the exact opposite. The Captain, with the help of his Gollum’s, has gone to much effort to stamp out free speech on the Airservices – and been largely successful. What makes the situation particularly galling for the Bridge Crew is that PAROON also has its own Mission Statement:
And Ye Shall Know the Truth: And the Truth Shall Set Ye Free
It’s even got its own Guiding Philosophy:
You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police. Yet in their hearts there is unspoken – unspeakable! – fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts! Words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home, all the more powerful because they are forbidden. These terrify them. A little mouse – a little tiny mouse! – of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.
The Bridge Crew had never before seen these quotes let alone understood their significance. They had to resort to the Ships Computer for help. Observed from the 25th Century the first quote was 2500 years old and first appeared in a book titled “The Bible” – which the computer told them was a book used by an ancient “religious sect”. The second quote was sourced back to the mid-20th century as being said by a gentleman known as “Sir Winston Churchill”. On finding this out their collective High Powered Executive Minds kicked into gear, looked no further than how old the quotes were and spat out, as always, a brilliantly perceptive answer as to why the crew were using PAROON; resisting change; and being of mutinous disposition. In unison the Bridge Crew looked at each other and blurted out:
“The crew is living in the past! They think history has something to teach us!! Those poor, illiterate, uneducated fools!!! HAHAHA!!!! Can you believe it, they think history has lessons we should not forget?!!! Idiots!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”
The Captain calls the Bridge Crew to his ready room;
“Gentlemen, I am concerned about this PAROON site on the Galaxynet. I’m particularly concerned about the ships crew using it to criticise you and I. We all know the crew’s unhappiness is a result of their backwardness of thought. We should pity them. It must be difficult for them to live without the cutting edge intellects possessed by us. However, we must attempt to reduce the amount of criticism appearing on the Galaxynet. I have a brilliant plan their puny little minds will completely fall for.”
The Chiefs wait breathlessly.
“It’s called Atmospherix.”
The following day the Chiefs of Operations and Safety are down on the planets surface appearing before the Federation Senate Estimates Committee. All is well until Senator O’Brien Wan Kenobi says:
“I am told that the Launceston battle tower was closed early Saturday and then for over six hours on Sunday morning outside normal coverage hours. In order for the Sunday afternoon and evening gunners to attend duty early Monday morning the Launceston battle tower closed early Sunday night.”
The newly appointed Chief of Operations suddenly looked rather unwell and replied:
“I was not aware of the early closure on Saturday and Sunday evening but it did open late on Sunday. That was a result of the morning shift gunner at Launceston battle tower going sick and being unable to get a replacement gunner.”
An astute observer in the hearing later commented that the newly appointed Chief of Safety demonstrated a strange change of facial expression concurrent with the Chief of Operations response to the Senator.
And Senator O’Brien Wan Kenobi thought to himself:
“The Chief of Operations doesn’t know that a sector of the Airservices was left completely undefended recently. How is it possible that something of such importance could not be known to him?”
“And where the hell is the Captain? Why isn’t he here explaining this himself? It’s his ship, isn’t it? What sort of operation is he conducting up there?
“Hmmmm, this bloke’s not a Captain. He’s a Phantom bloody Menace!”
“I might have a word to Imperial Minister Big Tony about this. This could be trouble.”
After completing his shift in the Melbourne Engine Room young Luke Skytalker retires to his cabin. In his mailbox he finds a plastic wrapped magazine addressed to him personally. Surprised, he wonders who could be sending him such a glossy – and expensive – magazine. On opening it he comes face-to-face with his Captain and Bridge Crews brilliance – the new crew magazine and literary masterpiece - “Atmospherix”. All across the ship the crew are returning home to find they have a gift awaiting them. And they are amazed. And the cry goes up around the ship;
“This is going straight to the pool room!”
Back on the bridge, the Chief’s of Operations and Safety have returned from the planet’s surface. Both men have retired to their ready rooms, drawn the curtains and told their Personal Assistants they are not to be disturbed. The Chief of Operations fulminates in his darkened office. He knows that not knowing the Launy Battle Tower was closed and a sector of the ship undefended is a textbook example of ineptness and incompetence. What’s worse is that it’s now permanently on the public record – available for anyone to use against him when the Captaincy of the Airservices next becomes available. Woe is him!
The Chief of Safety, however, is in a somewhat different mood. In fact, behind the closed curtains in his office he is dancing the way people dance when they think no one is looking. To say he is giddy with delight is to severely understate his state of mind. His is no feeling of woe. He makes a personal voice log entry:
“Chief Safety Officers Log – Stardate 190208 – Am feeling happier than I have in a long time. The wheel has turned again! Today, the man who the Captain favoured over me publicly humiliated himself in front of the Federation Senate. Lo, it was a sight to behold! He has proven he is not fit for command of the Airservices – he wasn’t even smart enough to say ‘It’s not my fault’ when his lack of knowledge was exposed. Has he learnt nothing from the Captain? He will never get the Captains recommendation now. HA! Log entry ends.”
Having heard the cries of delight from the crew when they received “Atmospherix” the Captain has decided to visit the engine rooms to soak up the crew’s admiration. He has as his guide a young Astronomically Larcenous Manager (ALM). Newly appointed, the ALM is keen to make a good impression on the man he admires so much. The ALM knows that he owes the Captain and Bridge Crew his promotion and stellar future. If it hadn’t been for their wonderful management of the Airservices he would have had to compete for his position with people far better qualified than he. Fortunately for him, good management ensured that no “living in the past” applicants even bothered applying – no matter how superior their qualifications. He knows the talk of a “shoot the messenger” culture on the ship is just the work of a few malcontents.
The young ALM and the Captain enter the Brisbane engine room. Appearing before them is row after row of crew at their consoles engaged in what appears to the Captain as some form of weird yoga-like activity. There are people in all sorts of contorted positions spread around the room.
“What is everybody doing?”, the Captain asks the young ALM.
The ALM, not being sure himself, quickly queries the nearest crewman and then responds to the Captain.
“Sir, after receiving your most excellent Atmospherix magazine the crew decided to make the effort to see the world from the Bridge Crew’s point of view.”
The Captain was pleased to hear this but, as he watched them, he still didn’t understand why the crew were twisting and turning themselves into new contortions.
“That’s wonderful, my boy, but what does all that twisting and turning have to do with it?”
Back to the nearest crewman goes the ALM. The crewman, having seen many Captains come and go during his 30 years service aboard the Airservices, answers using the language befitting a 30 year salty space dog.
Returning to the Captain the ALM seems slightly nervous but still keen to communicate in the open and honest way the bridge crew always say they encourage and deeply value. With absolute trust in the Captain and Bridge Crew he only slightly modifies the crewman’s answer:
“Errrr, Sir, the crew say they are making every effort to see things from the Bridge Crews point of view – they are attempting to insert their heads up their posteriors…”
“Oh.”
Epilogue:
In the dead of the following night a security team escorted the young ALM to a nearby airlock and “encouraged” him to expand his horizons by taking a walk into the -273 degree Celsius vacuum of space – without a spacesuit. He joined the hundreds of others who have taken the same walk from the Spacewreck Airservices during the current Captains command. Some say they are the lucky ones.
When we last left the Spacewreck Airservices the Captain was leading his Gang of Gollums bridge crew to the 6th Floor Alan Woods Battle Bridge (known to all on the Airservices as the “NOC Shop”) in order to deal harshly with a mutiny by the crew. Never in the history of the United Federation of Off-the-Planet ANSP’s had their been a mutiny of such gravity – the demand for free hot water, sugar, milk and a cup to go with the Captains generous offer of free tea & coffee had left him and the Gang of Gollums shocked. Not shocked into silence – but shocked into explosive action. We rejoin the action on the Battle Bridge:
“Ships Personnel Officer!”, snaps the Captain.
“Yessir”, squeaks the Officer huddled over a desk moving paper from one side of the desk to the other whilst considering this productive work.
“Find me a way to deal harshly with the crew, let them know that I’m running this ship and demonstrate my power!”
The Personnel Officer recalls a technique used some time ago that upset the crew:
“Sir, I recommend we do a leave audit on the ships crew but - like we did last time – have the ships computer take unused leave off some of the crew in a subtle manner. The crew will eventually detect it and demand it back. We can then give it back to them and also give them a fake apology with the excuse that it was an administrative oversight. For months to come they’ll be too busy making sure their pay and leave is correct to have time for their petty whining about your extraordinarily generous offer of tea and coffee.”
“Make it so!”, mutters the Captain before stalking off to his Battle Bridge cabin to consider other pressing matters.
Our doughty Captain sits at his desk sipping a cup of tea (all ingredients provided free). Despite his High Powered Executive Mind the irony of this escapes him. Maybe it’s the two immediate problems confronting him that have dulled that Mind. Firstly, the United Federation of Planets Senate Estimates Committee hearings are occurring shortly. They only happen rarely - it’s the time when representatives of the ultimate owners of the Airservices expect to be provided with a Captain’s Report on the state of the ship. The Captain has always considered these hearings to be beneath a man of his stature – how dare there be any form of accountability applied to his command!? Don’t they know he commands the finest ANSP Starship in the Fleet? The Senators and the lumpen proletariat they purport to represent are fools. His time is important – if they want to know the state of the ship all they have to do is ask the ships Corporate Communications department. That department is the most efficient on the ship – they have only one thing to ever do - flip the switch on the continuous playback tape between “We’re a world’s best practice ANSP. Look at the IATA Silver Eagle Award we recently won” to “Safety was never compromised. Safety is our No.1 priority.” It just depends on the question asked by the enquirer.
The Captain doesn’t know the decrepit state of the Airservices has meant the “Safety was never compromised” part of the tape is being used much more than it was designed for and is starting to sound scratchy from over use…
Nonetheless, his Mind has never failed him before and it doesn’t this time – he will send his Chiefs of Ships Operations and Safety to the hearings whilst he takes himself even further off the planet on Celestial and Astro Navigation Services Organisation (CANSO) business. All First Class, of course.
The second problem is somewhat less easy to solve. It involves the mutinous crew and that infernal site on the Galaxynet called PAROON. (For the uninitiated – PAROON is the Professional Astronauts ROOster Network. It gives the operational crews of ANSP starships –amongst many others - a place where they can temporarily escape from under the jackboot of corporate totalitarianism; shed their innocuous feather duster disguises; climb onto the rooftops and cock-a-doodle-FREAKING-DO; before slipping their disguise back on and reporting back for duty in the engine rooms and battle towers). The Bridge Crew of the Airservices don’t like the Galaxynet much. They like the opportunity it presents them to tell the entire Federation of Planets how wonderful the Airservices is – and by association how wonderful they are. They don’t like, however, that many more people – including their own crew for goodness sake – can just as easily tell the people of the Federation the exact opposite. The Captain, with the help of his Gollum’s, has gone to much effort to stamp out free speech on the Airservices – and been largely successful. What makes the situation particularly galling for the Bridge Crew is that PAROON also has its own Mission Statement:
And Ye Shall Know the Truth: And the Truth Shall Set Ye Free
It’s even got its own Guiding Philosophy:
You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police. Yet in their hearts there is unspoken – unspeakable! – fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts! Words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home, all the more powerful because they are forbidden. These terrify them. A little mouse – a little tiny mouse! – of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.
The Bridge Crew had never before seen these quotes let alone understood their significance. They had to resort to the Ships Computer for help. Observed from the 25th Century the first quote was 2500 years old and first appeared in a book titled “The Bible” – which the computer told them was a book used by an ancient “religious sect”. The second quote was sourced back to the mid-20th century as being said by a gentleman known as “Sir Winston Churchill”. On finding this out their collective High Powered Executive Minds kicked into gear, looked no further than how old the quotes were and spat out, as always, a brilliantly perceptive answer as to why the crew were using PAROON; resisting change; and being of mutinous disposition. In unison the Bridge Crew looked at each other and blurted out:
“The crew is living in the past! They think history has something to teach us!! Those poor, illiterate, uneducated fools!!! HAHAHA!!!! Can you believe it, they think history has lessons we should not forget?!!! Idiots!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”
The Captain calls the Bridge Crew to his ready room;
“Gentlemen, I am concerned about this PAROON site on the Galaxynet. I’m particularly concerned about the ships crew using it to criticise you and I. We all know the crew’s unhappiness is a result of their backwardness of thought. We should pity them. It must be difficult for them to live without the cutting edge intellects possessed by us. However, we must attempt to reduce the amount of criticism appearing on the Galaxynet. I have a brilliant plan their puny little minds will completely fall for.”
The Chiefs wait breathlessly.
“It’s called Atmospherix.”
The following day the Chiefs of Operations and Safety are down on the planets surface appearing before the Federation Senate Estimates Committee. All is well until Senator O’Brien Wan Kenobi says:
“I am told that the Launceston battle tower was closed early Saturday and then for over six hours on Sunday morning outside normal coverage hours. In order for the Sunday afternoon and evening gunners to attend duty early Monday morning the Launceston battle tower closed early Sunday night.”
The newly appointed Chief of Operations suddenly looked rather unwell and replied:
“I was not aware of the early closure on Saturday and Sunday evening but it did open late on Sunday. That was a result of the morning shift gunner at Launceston battle tower going sick and being unable to get a replacement gunner.”
An astute observer in the hearing later commented that the newly appointed Chief of Safety demonstrated a strange change of facial expression concurrent with the Chief of Operations response to the Senator.
And Senator O’Brien Wan Kenobi thought to himself:
“The Chief of Operations doesn’t know that a sector of the Airservices was left completely undefended recently. How is it possible that something of such importance could not be known to him?”
“And where the hell is the Captain? Why isn’t he here explaining this himself? It’s his ship, isn’t it? What sort of operation is he conducting up there?
“Hmmmm, this bloke’s not a Captain. He’s a Phantom bloody Menace!”
“I might have a word to Imperial Minister Big Tony about this. This could be trouble.”
After completing his shift in the Melbourne Engine Room young Luke Skytalker retires to his cabin. In his mailbox he finds a plastic wrapped magazine addressed to him personally. Surprised, he wonders who could be sending him such a glossy – and expensive – magazine. On opening it he comes face-to-face with his Captain and Bridge Crews brilliance – the new crew magazine and literary masterpiece - “Atmospherix”. All across the ship the crew are returning home to find they have a gift awaiting them. And they are amazed. And the cry goes up around the ship;
“This is going straight to the pool room!”
Back on the bridge, the Chief’s of Operations and Safety have returned from the planet’s surface. Both men have retired to their ready rooms, drawn the curtains and told their Personal Assistants they are not to be disturbed. The Chief of Operations fulminates in his darkened office. He knows that not knowing the Launy Battle Tower was closed and a sector of the ship undefended is a textbook example of ineptness and incompetence. What’s worse is that it’s now permanently on the public record – available for anyone to use against him when the Captaincy of the Airservices next becomes available. Woe is him!
The Chief of Safety, however, is in a somewhat different mood. In fact, behind the closed curtains in his office he is dancing the way people dance when they think no one is looking. To say he is giddy with delight is to severely understate his state of mind. His is no feeling of woe. He makes a personal voice log entry:
“Chief Safety Officers Log – Stardate 190208 – Am feeling happier than I have in a long time. The wheel has turned again! Today, the man who the Captain favoured over me publicly humiliated himself in front of the Federation Senate. Lo, it was a sight to behold! He has proven he is not fit for command of the Airservices – he wasn’t even smart enough to say ‘It’s not my fault’ when his lack of knowledge was exposed. Has he learnt nothing from the Captain? He will never get the Captains recommendation now. HA! Log entry ends.”
Having heard the cries of delight from the crew when they received “Atmospherix” the Captain has decided to visit the engine rooms to soak up the crew’s admiration. He has as his guide a young Astronomically Larcenous Manager (ALM). Newly appointed, the ALM is keen to make a good impression on the man he admires so much. The ALM knows that he owes the Captain and Bridge Crew his promotion and stellar future. If it hadn’t been for their wonderful management of the Airservices he would have had to compete for his position with people far better qualified than he. Fortunately for him, good management ensured that no “living in the past” applicants even bothered applying – no matter how superior their qualifications. He knows the talk of a “shoot the messenger” culture on the ship is just the work of a few malcontents.
The young ALM and the Captain enter the Brisbane engine room. Appearing before them is row after row of crew at their consoles engaged in what appears to the Captain as some form of weird yoga-like activity. There are people in all sorts of contorted positions spread around the room.
“What is everybody doing?”, the Captain asks the young ALM.
The ALM, not being sure himself, quickly queries the nearest crewman and then responds to the Captain.
“Sir, after receiving your most excellent Atmospherix magazine the crew decided to make the effort to see the world from the Bridge Crew’s point of view.”
The Captain was pleased to hear this but, as he watched them, he still didn’t understand why the crew were twisting and turning themselves into new contortions.
“That’s wonderful, my boy, but what does all that twisting and turning have to do with it?”
Back to the nearest crewman goes the ALM. The crewman, having seen many Captains come and go during his 30 years service aboard the Airservices, answers using the language befitting a 30 year salty space dog.
Returning to the Captain the ALM seems slightly nervous but still keen to communicate in the open and honest way the bridge crew always say they encourage and deeply value. With absolute trust in the Captain and Bridge Crew he only slightly modifies the crewman’s answer:
“Errrr, Sir, the crew say they are making every effort to see things from the Bridge Crews point of view – they are attempting to insert their heads up their posteriors…”
“Oh.”
Epilogue:
In the dead of the following night a security team escorted the young ALM to a nearby airlock and “encouraged” him to expand his horizons by taking a walk into the -273 degree Celsius vacuum of space – without a spacesuit. He joined the hundreds of others who have taken the same walk from the Spacewreck Airservices during the current Captains command. Some say they are the lucky ones.
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Return of Episode 4
Episode 4: Abandon Ship!
Shortly after finishing his latest copy of Atmospherix young Luke Skytalker – engine room crewman on the Spacewreck Airservices – receives a message in his mailbox. Upon opening he recognises it as a letter of some sort. He understands the words but can’t understand the message they are attempting to send. He calls for C3PO – his etiquette, customs and translation droid. C3PO hurries into Luke’s cabin:
“Yes Master Luke?”
“Threepio, I have here what I think is a letter but I barely recognise the language. Can you translate it?”
“Oh Master Luke, I am fluent in over six million forms of communication. I am sure I could translate for you!”
“Take a look.”, says Luke, handing over the letter.
“Master Luke, I recognise the language used. It is a dialect of the Human language known as English. The dialect is called ‘Spin’. It would be my pleasure to translate it piece by piece for you.”
“Go ahead.”
“Master, if it pleases you, I shall read a part of the letter aloud, translate and then move onto the next part.”
“Yes, yes, that’s fine. Get on with it Threepio.”
“Of course, Master Luke.”
“Message from the Admiral to All Crew”;
Translation: “Pay attention, peasants!”
“As many of you may be aware I have elected not to seek re-appointment to a further term on the High Command of Spacewreck Airservices and will be stepping down as Admiral and Overseer on Stardate 28032008.”
“I’m abandoning ship”.
“This has been a difficult decision, but I believe our new Government and Minister should have the flexibility to determine the make-up of a High Command and its leadership.”
“I’m jumping before I’m pushed”.
“I am confident that organisational reforms that will maintain a sustainable organisation are now at a stage where they can be successfully carried forward by current and future Boards.”
“SDE has busted the ships Warp Drive. I’ll leave repairing it to some other sucker.”
“For myself, it has been both enormously rewarding and an honour to be associated with Airservices and its people. The tasks that are performed day in and day out, with such a high degree of professionalism and dedication in a high risk, dynamic, and changing environment, are a constant source of immense pride.”
“Admiral’s fees are lucrative. I’ve basked in the reflected glory provided by the ships hardworking crew. I haven’t a clue about how the ship actually works.”
“When I joined the Spacewreck Airservices in Stardate 012005 as Admiral of a largely newly appointed High Command, the ship had just been through a very difficult period.”
“The ship was run down when I joined. It hadn’t had competent commanders in a long time.”
“While a world-wide leader in technology and innovation with some remarkable achievements, the ship had also lost focus with its owner and some stakeholders. In some areas it had over promised and under delivered and important issues relating to future planning had not been given the attention they demanded.”
“It’s a miracle the ship was still operating given how bad the previous commanders were. The previous commanders were also not active National Party supporters. If you weren’t aware, the Spacewreck Airservices High Commands’ most important role is as a vehicle for rewarding loyal Party members – not to provide high standard Space Navigation Services. Amongst their many other failings the previous command did not plan for this.”
“The High Command addressed these concerns by providing stability and selecting a committed and energetic Captain supported by a high calibre Bridge Crew. We then focused on meeting the Government’s expectations by providing strategic direction and robust governance. Common to all Members of the High Command has been a vision and commitment to continuing the development of the Spacewreck Airservices and preparing the ship for the future.
“The High Command appointed a new pro-National Party and Government Captain and let him, in turn, clear out the previous Bridge Crew and appoint his own Gang of Gollums – errrr, Bridge Crew. We then sat back, collected our fees and let the Captain run amok. Common to all members of the High Command has been a complete failure of corporate governance; an appalling case of corporate myopia and ill-preparation of the ship for both today’s battles and those of the future.”
“I am proud and feel privileged to have led the wonderful team of people who make up the High Command of the Spacewreck Airservices. The Vice-Admiral has brought considerable counsel to High Command deliberations and has been of tremendous assistance in her capacity as Deputy”.
“I am lucky to have had a High Command team that is so dumb they manage to make me look good. When it all goes wrong I'm going to blame the Vice-Admiral for giving me dodgy advice.”
“The Chair of the High Command Safety and Environment Committee has worked tirelessly to ensure stronger safety management. His airline management and associated operational knowledge have been invaluable.”
“Since this High Command took over the ships safety management state has deteriorated to the point where it can no longer reliably run its engine rooms, man its battle towers or produce navigational charts to guide it through low visibility space. As a consequence, those who depend on the ship’s services are burning much more fuel than necessary whilst being delayed by the ships inability to process them – at the rate we’re going we’ll single-handedly ensure Mother Nature needs to be put on a ventilator. All that airline management experience has ensured we’re heading towards being the ANSP equivalent of Garuda.”
“Alice has brought considerable aviation experience and financial acumen to the role of Chair of the High Command Audit Committee.”
“Alice’s considerable aviation experience and financial acumen ensured the Audit Committee did what most Auditors would do – be alert to the need for strict identity requirements to ensure free tea and coffee was only provided to ATC members of the ships crew (a few hundred dollars) – whilst completely missing the fact the ship was falling apart around them (a few hundred million dollars). Alice must have been in Wonderland.”
“To my fellow High Commanders my sincere appreciation for their considerable and considered contribution.”
“I am grateful my fellow High Commanders had as little a clue as I.”
“Looking back on recent years and what has been put in place I believe the High Command has made a difference, in a number of key respects.”
“I’m now about to attempt to justify the High Commands role in doing even more damage to the Airservices than the previous Command.”
“Most importantly has been the creation and retention of a skilled Ship’s Crew and their ongoing training and development is a cornerstone of a sustainable ship. The ship now has an improving understanding of future workforce requirements and will soon be in a position to finally break the ‘overtime business model’ which has operated since the ships launch in Stardate 1995. The opening of the Battle Tower Visual Simulator and the ongoing creation of the Airservices Academy near the Melbourne engine room, which in time will be a Spacefaring training powerhouse was (sic) extremely pleasing achievement.”
“In the early days of our Command the Captain, with our full support, despatched hundreds of crew members into the -273o Celsius vacuum of space (without a space suit). We explained this to the remaining crew as giving these poor souls a chance to ‘expand their horizons’. Strangely enough, on hearing this many of the remaining crew started taking to the ships escape pods. We now know that escape pods should only be provided to Bridge Crew and above. We will soon be in a position to finally break the crew. Successive Commands have been attempting to break the crew since the ships launch in Stardate 1995. The Battle Tower Simulator and Academy are providing an entirely new opportunity for bureaucratic bungling. In time, they too will be restructured/downsized/rightsized/re-engineered in order to ensure a Ship’s Officer can big-note him/herself in the never-ending cycle of empire building and scrapping. By the way, the “(sic)” stands as monumental testimony to the lack of attention paid by me and the High Command to matters relating to the Airservices. I signed this letter – one of the few times I have deigned to speak to you - but didn’t even pay enough attention to detect the missing ‘an’. If I can’t even get something as small as that right – imagine how much damage I may have done when dealing with the big issues.
“An important legacy will be the improved capability of our neighbours in the Starships Indonesia and Papua New Guinea fostered by Airservices commitment to extend our knowledge and capability to our kindred ships in our nearest neighbours.”
“Our ships capabilities are rapidly heading towards the level of Indonesia and Papua New Guinea.”
“Finally, I thank the Captain and his Bridge Crew for their support and commitment. I am confident they will continue to pursue the long term wellbeing of the ship and deliver significant and positive results.”
“I thank the Captain and his Bridge Crew for being my co-defendants in a future Royal Commission. In the meantime, I am confident they will continue to pursue their ‘at-risk remuneration’ at the expense of the ship and its crew.”
“Stardate 2008 and beyond will bring enormous challenges, which in many respects I am saddened not to face with you. I wish the future High Command and each and every one of you continued success.”
“The Spacewreck Airservices is freaking doomed. I’m running away as fast as I can. I wish the future High Command and each and every one of you luck – you’re going to need a miracle. And remember this – IT’S NOT MY FAULT.”
Admiral Two-Dads
Stardate 28032008.
Agape, Luke looks at C3PO.
“That’s how it translates?”
“Yes Master Luke, I have been very accurately programmed to understand ‘Spin’. I assure you I have not made an error.”
“Where do we get these High Commanders from?”
“Master Luke, that I cannot help you with. My programming does not extend to the absurd.”
On the Battle Bridge, the Captain reads the Admiral’s message and then retires to his ready room. He inserts the combination into the Captains Safe, opens the door and removes an envelope. The envelope contains a small piece of paper with a series of numbers and letters printed on it. The Captain says to the Ship’s Computer:
“Computer, activate Captain’s programme ‘One Delta Six’ – authorisation code ‘zulu, six, one, eight, alpha.”
“Programme activated.”
At the rear of the Captains ready room a hidden door opens slowly to reveal the most luxurious escape pod on the ship. The Captain – delightedly having named the pod himself - lovingly runs his hand over the words painted beneath the cockpit window:
“The Golden Parachute”
“The time may be coming soon where I’ll get to take a ride in you - my beautiful”, whispers the Captain.
The Gang of Gollum’s has also read the Admirals message. They survey each other – for things have changed. No longer is the “At-risk Remuneration” envelope in the Captain’s top pocket the most precious thing in their lives. Oh no, a much bigger “precious” might be on the horizon – the Captain’s Chair itself. They noted that after reading the Admirals message, but before retiring to his ready room, the Captain circled the Battle Bridge in ever decreasing circles. To the Gollum’s, it looked much like the waddle of a lame duck. But with this revelation comes a new worry. A new Captain inevitably means a new Gang of Gollum’s – this is an all or nothing situation. For each of the current Gollum’s failure to achieve victory over the other Gollum’s will almost certainly result in them joining their predecessors on an un-suited space walk. And what would happen if – as has happened for the last 15 years or so – an outsider was given the command of the Airservices? They could all be doomed. The Gollum’s can see the greed and fear in the eyes of each other. The Admiral’s letter will see the incessant manoeuvring reach new heights of intrigue in the weeks to come.
Out beyond the orbit of Pluto, in his Battle Star escorted by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Darth Midair detects a subtle disturbance in the Force. He senses that a new weakness has overtaken the Spacewreck Airservices. Its poorly-performing Captain and Bridge Crew have a new distraction – that of command instability. Where men of goodwill see trouble – Darth Midair see’s opportunity.
And beneath his inscrutable black mask - the faintest hint of a smile appears.
In his cabin, Luke contacts his mentor, Yoda. He explains the situation to him.
“Master Yoda – what should I try to do?”
“Luke, do or do not, there is no try!”
“Yeah, thanks Yoda, haven’t you get any newer material?”
“Ah, the impatience of youth – Luke, I suggest you grab a couple of slabs of galactic gargleblaster, a bucket of popcorn, sit down in your favourite recliner and watch the show unfold.”
“What will I see?”
“Search your feelings, Luke.”
After a long pause:
“Master Yoda, will I see a lame duck transform into a dead duck?”
“Quack! Quack!”
Shortly after finishing his latest copy of Atmospherix young Luke Skytalker – engine room crewman on the Spacewreck Airservices – receives a message in his mailbox. Upon opening he recognises it as a letter of some sort. He understands the words but can’t understand the message they are attempting to send. He calls for C3PO – his etiquette, customs and translation droid. C3PO hurries into Luke’s cabin:
“Yes Master Luke?”
“Threepio, I have here what I think is a letter but I barely recognise the language. Can you translate it?”
“Oh Master Luke, I am fluent in over six million forms of communication. I am sure I could translate for you!”
“Take a look.”, says Luke, handing over the letter.
“Master Luke, I recognise the language used. It is a dialect of the Human language known as English. The dialect is called ‘Spin’. It would be my pleasure to translate it piece by piece for you.”
“Go ahead.”
“Master, if it pleases you, I shall read a part of the letter aloud, translate and then move onto the next part.”
“Yes, yes, that’s fine. Get on with it Threepio.”
“Of course, Master Luke.”
“Message from the Admiral to All Crew”;
Translation: “Pay attention, peasants!”
“As many of you may be aware I have elected not to seek re-appointment to a further term on the High Command of Spacewreck Airservices and will be stepping down as Admiral and Overseer on Stardate 28032008.”
“I’m abandoning ship”.
“This has been a difficult decision, but I believe our new Government and Minister should have the flexibility to determine the make-up of a High Command and its leadership.”
“I’m jumping before I’m pushed”.
“I am confident that organisational reforms that will maintain a sustainable organisation are now at a stage where they can be successfully carried forward by current and future Boards.”
“SDE has busted the ships Warp Drive. I’ll leave repairing it to some other sucker.”
“For myself, it has been both enormously rewarding and an honour to be associated with Airservices and its people. The tasks that are performed day in and day out, with such a high degree of professionalism and dedication in a high risk, dynamic, and changing environment, are a constant source of immense pride.”
“Admiral’s fees are lucrative. I’ve basked in the reflected glory provided by the ships hardworking crew. I haven’t a clue about how the ship actually works.”
“When I joined the Spacewreck Airservices in Stardate 012005 as Admiral of a largely newly appointed High Command, the ship had just been through a very difficult period.”
“The ship was run down when I joined. It hadn’t had competent commanders in a long time.”
“While a world-wide leader in technology and innovation with some remarkable achievements, the ship had also lost focus with its owner and some stakeholders. In some areas it had over promised and under delivered and important issues relating to future planning had not been given the attention they demanded.”
“It’s a miracle the ship was still operating given how bad the previous commanders were. The previous commanders were also not active National Party supporters. If you weren’t aware, the Spacewreck Airservices High Commands’ most important role is as a vehicle for rewarding loyal Party members – not to provide high standard Space Navigation Services. Amongst their many other failings the previous command did not plan for this.”
“The High Command addressed these concerns by providing stability and selecting a committed and energetic Captain supported by a high calibre Bridge Crew. We then focused on meeting the Government’s expectations by providing strategic direction and robust governance. Common to all Members of the High Command has been a vision and commitment to continuing the development of the Spacewreck Airservices and preparing the ship for the future.
“The High Command appointed a new pro-National Party and Government Captain and let him, in turn, clear out the previous Bridge Crew and appoint his own Gang of Gollums – errrr, Bridge Crew. We then sat back, collected our fees and let the Captain run amok. Common to all members of the High Command has been a complete failure of corporate governance; an appalling case of corporate myopia and ill-preparation of the ship for both today’s battles and those of the future.”
“I am proud and feel privileged to have led the wonderful team of people who make up the High Command of the Spacewreck Airservices. The Vice-Admiral has brought considerable counsel to High Command deliberations and has been of tremendous assistance in her capacity as Deputy”.
“I am lucky to have had a High Command team that is so dumb they manage to make me look good. When it all goes wrong I'm going to blame the Vice-Admiral for giving me dodgy advice.”
“The Chair of the High Command Safety and Environment Committee has worked tirelessly to ensure stronger safety management. His airline management and associated operational knowledge have been invaluable.”
“Since this High Command took over the ships safety management state has deteriorated to the point where it can no longer reliably run its engine rooms, man its battle towers or produce navigational charts to guide it through low visibility space. As a consequence, those who depend on the ship’s services are burning much more fuel than necessary whilst being delayed by the ships inability to process them – at the rate we’re going we’ll single-handedly ensure Mother Nature needs to be put on a ventilator. All that airline management experience has ensured we’re heading towards being the ANSP equivalent of Garuda.”
“Alice has brought considerable aviation experience and financial acumen to the role of Chair of the High Command Audit Committee.”
“Alice’s considerable aviation experience and financial acumen ensured the Audit Committee did what most Auditors would do – be alert to the need for strict identity requirements to ensure free tea and coffee was only provided to ATC members of the ships crew (a few hundred dollars) – whilst completely missing the fact the ship was falling apart around them (a few hundred million dollars). Alice must have been in Wonderland.”
“To my fellow High Commanders my sincere appreciation for their considerable and considered contribution.”
“I am grateful my fellow High Commanders had as little a clue as I.”
“Looking back on recent years and what has been put in place I believe the High Command has made a difference, in a number of key respects.”
“I’m now about to attempt to justify the High Commands role in doing even more damage to the Airservices than the previous Command.”
“Most importantly has been the creation and retention of a skilled Ship’s Crew and their ongoing training and development is a cornerstone of a sustainable ship. The ship now has an improving understanding of future workforce requirements and will soon be in a position to finally break the ‘overtime business model’ which has operated since the ships launch in Stardate 1995. The opening of the Battle Tower Visual Simulator and the ongoing creation of the Airservices Academy near the Melbourne engine room, which in time will be a Spacefaring training powerhouse was (sic) extremely pleasing achievement.”
“In the early days of our Command the Captain, with our full support, despatched hundreds of crew members into the -273o Celsius vacuum of space (without a space suit). We explained this to the remaining crew as giving these poor souls a chance to ‘expand their horizons’. Strangely enough, on hearing this many of the remaining crew started taking to the ships escape pods. We now know that escape pods should only be provided to Bridge Crew and above. We will soon be in a position to finally break the crew. Successive Commands have been attempting to break the crew since the ships launch in Stardate 1995. The Battle Tower Simulator and Academy are providing an entirely new opportunity for bureaucratic bungling. In time, they too will be restructured/downsized/rightsized/re-engineered in order to ensure a Ship’s Officer can big-note him/herself in the never-ending cycle of empire building and scrapping. By the way, the “(sic)” stands as monumental testimony to the lack of attention paid by me and the High Command to matters relating to the Airservices. I signed this letter – one of the few times I have deigned to speak to you - but didn’t even pay enough attention to detect the missing ‘an’. If I can’t even get something as small as that right – imagine how much damage I may have done when dealing with the big issues.
“An important legacy will be the improved capability of our neighbours in the Starships Indonesia and Papua New Guinea fostered by Airservices commitment to extend our knowledge and capability to our kindred ships in our nearest neighbours.”
“Our ships capabilities are rapidly heading towards the level of Indonesia and Papua New Guinea.”
“Finally, I thank the Captain and his Bridge Crew for their support and commitment. I am confident they will continue to pursue the long term wellbeing of the ship and deliver significant and positive results.”
“I thank the Captain and his Bridge Crew for being my co-defendants in a future Royal Commission. In the meantime, I am confident they will continue to pursue their ‘at-risk remuneration’ at the expense of the ship and its crew.”
“Stardate 2008 and beyond will bring enormous challenges, which in many respects I am saddened not to face with you. I wish the future High Command and each and every one of you continued success.”
“The Spacewreck Airservices is freaking doomed. I’m running away as fast as I can. I wish the future High Command and each and every one of you luck – you’re going to need a miracle. And remember this – IT’S NOT MY FAULT.”
Admiral Two-Dads
Stardate 28032008.
Agape, Luke looks at C3PO.
“That’s how it translates?”
“Yes Master Luke, I have been very accurately programmed to understand ‘Spin’. I assure you I have not made an error.”
“Where do we get these High Commanders from?”
“Master Luke, that I cannot help you with. My programming does not extend to the absurd.”
On the Battle Bridge, the Captain reads the Admiral’s message and then retires to his ready room. He inserts the combination into the Captains Safe, opens the door and removes an envelope. The envelope contains a small piece of paper with a series of numbers and letters printed on it. The Captain says to the Ship’s Computer:
“Computer, activate Captain’s programme ‘One Delta Six’ – authorisation code ‘zulu, six, one, eight, alpha.”
“Programme activated.”
At the rear of the Captains ready room a hidden door opens slowly to reveal the most luxurious escape pod on the ship. The Captain – delightedly having named the pod himself - lovingly runs his hand over the words painted beneath the cockpit window:
“The Golden Parachute”
“The time may be coming soon where I’ll get to take a ride in you - my beautiful”, whispers the Captain.
The Gang of Gollum’s has also read the Admirals message. They survey each other – for things have changed. No longer is the “At-risk Remuneration” envelope in the Captain’s top pocket the most precious thing in their lives. Oh no, a much bigger “precious” might be on the horizon – the Captain’s Chair itself. They noted that after reading the Admirals message, but before retiring to his ready room, the Captain circled the Battle Bridge in ever decreasing circles. To the Gollum’s, it looked much like the waddle of a lame duck. But with this revelation comes a new worry. A new Captain inevitably means a new Gang of Gollum’s – this is an all or nothing situation. For each of the current Gollum’s failure to achieve victory over the other Gollum’s will almost certainly result in them joining their predecessors on an un-suited space walk. And what would happen if – as has happened for the last 15 years or so – an outsider was given the command of the Airservices? They could all be doomed. The Gollum’s can see the greed and fear in the eyes of each other. The Admiral’s letter will see the incessant manoeuvring reach new heights of intrigue in the weeks to come.
Out beyond the orbit of Pluto, in his Battle Star escorted by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Darth Midair detects a subtle disturbance in the Force. He senses that a new weakness has overtaken the Spacewreck Airservices. Its poorly-performing Captain and Bridge Crew have a new distraction – that of command instability. Where men of goodwill see trouble – Darth Midair see’s opportunity.
And beneath his inscrutable black mask - the faintest hint of a smile appears.
In his cabin, Luke contacts his mentor, Yoda. He explains the situation to him.
“Master Yoda – what should I try to do?”
“Luke, do or do not, there is no try!”
“Yeah, thanks Yoda, haven’t you get any newer material?”
“Ah, the impatience of youth – Luke, I suggest you grab a couple of slabs of galactic gargleblaster, a bucket of popcorn, sit down in your favourite recliner and watch the show unfold.”
“What will I see?”
“Search your feelings, Luke.”
After a long pause:
“Master Yoda, will I see a lame duck transform into a dead duck?”
“Quack! Quack!”
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trueline,
thats for the re-post of obi-wan's classic saga, which should be immortalised for all time.
personal copy now saved. (not on a work computer, of course)
undervalued ATC
EDIT: notice parts 1 & 2 seem to have disappeared from this thread. Big brother is watching it seems.
thats for the re-post of obi-wan's classic saga, which should be immortalised for all time.
personal copy now saved. (not on a work computer, of course)
undervalued ATC
EDIT: notice parts 1 & 2 seem to have disappeared from this thread. Big brother is watching it seems.
Many were left really perplexed and dissappointed about the comments from Airservices Corporate Affairs (Media/PR) last week with respect to the delays at Sydney Airport.
It was really obvious that some of those lines used in the media reporting had been 'fed' to the journos, trying to insinuate that there was in some way an organised 'sick out' - albeit of only three people. How this transpired to being 'half of the ATC;s calling in sick, one can only guess - but it wasn't questioned by any journo'. (The clarifications of the facts or denials from Airservices about what had been printed never came - so they must have been happy with the 'stories')
That is the dissapointing side of it - as well as the lack of reaction from the controllers association in quashing that allegation as unfounded speculation and an outright falsehood.
But the really perplexing bit is this: Why on earth would those in Canberra wish to alienate their remaining controllers even further, at a time when an absolutely critical shortage of operational controllers - admitted already as managements own doing - has left so few propping up the system - literally relying on goodwill for these controllers to come in on their days off, week after week - just to keep the airspace open? Why tell half truths to the media just to piss these people off even more?
I just don't get if it is stupidity, incompetence or that they know no other method of dealing with their operational staff but being confrontational and accusatory?
It was really obvious that some of those lines used in the media reporting had been 'fed' to the journos, trying to insinuate that there was in some way an organised 'sick out' - albeit of only three people. How this transpired to being 'half of the ATC;s calling in sick, one can only guess - but it wasn't questioned by any journo'. (The clarifications of the facts or denials from Airservices about what had been printed never came - so they must have been happy with the 'stories')
That is the dissapointing side of it - as well as the lack of reaction from the controllers association in quashing that allegation as unfounded speculation and an outright falsehood.
But the really perplexing bit is this: Why on earth would those in Canberra wish to alienate their remaining controllers even further, at a time when an absolutely critical shortage of operational controllers - admitted already as managements own doing - has left so few propping up the system - literally relying on goodwill for these controllers to come in on their days off, week after week - just to keep the airspace open? Why tell half truths to the media just to piss these people off even more?
I just don't get if it is stupidity, incompetence or that they know no other method of dealing with their operational staff but being confrontational and accusatory?
Last edited by BN APP 125.6; 7th Apr 2008 at 10:57.
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This thread is not really applicable to me.....but any news on how our mate in Launie is getting on?
Mind you......maybe it should not be discussed on here.....seems that is not appreciated, bit like my Oz CTAF map
J
Mind you......maybe it should not be discussed on here.....seems that is not appreciated, bit like my Oz CTAF map
J
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Just wanted to dust of my User name.
Does look like ASA has some pull here, TFN must have inappropriate photo's.
Do us all a favour TFN, pull the pin and then insert it, ask most of your management team to come over for the show.
Actually its a wonder, if you were in the army I'm sure you would have been fragged long ago.
I would have thought the time was near, f off now so someone compotent can sort out your mess.
BgTFN
Do us all a favour TFN, pull the pin and then insert it, ask most of your management team to come over for the show.
Actually its a wonder, if you were in the army I'm sure you would have been fragged long ago.
I would have thought the time was near, f off now so someone compotent can sort out your mess.
BgTFN
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What The....
I notice the Mod's seem to be VERY hush hush removing the documentary writings on ANSA.
Seems Obi hit a raw nerve....
Come on fess up. Where did they go and WHY!!!!
Seems Obi hit a raw nerve....
Come on fess up. Where did they go and WHY!!!!
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Episode 2; back by popular demand!
Episode 2
Hello again Spacefans!
At the end of the last episode of the continuing journeys of the Spacewreck Airservices we saw the Captain pleading & sobbing to anyone who would listen that he wasn't responsible for the ships Warp Drive emitting a loud, wet fart then blowing up in a cloud of TIBA smoke and cascading essential services shutdowns. All he did was call for Warp Factor 9 to commence the journey to the Star System "Service Delivery Environment".
We rejoin the journey as the Captain sits in his cabin wondering how it all came to this. More importantly, he is mining his High Powered Executive Mind for a solution to fix the Warp Drive and jump out of earth orbit towards SDE. After many hours hard thinking he strikes corporate gold. He is so pleased he hurries out of his cabin onto the bridge. With a wide waving sweep of his hand and a descending two tone "HIIIIIIIIiiiiiiii!!!!!" he announces his presence to the bridge crew. As always, the bridge crew rush to surround the Captain in rapturous wonderment. Our intrepid Captain is used to this reception and revels in his bridge crews adoration. Unfortunately, he has yet to detect that the hushed whispers of;
"My precious"
"My ppppreciousssss...";
are not directed at him personally. In fact, they are directed at the envelope in his top pocket labelled "Bridge Crew At-Risk Remuneration" (I won't use the word "bonuses" - apparently some people find it "insulting ***Haarrummmph***!".) The Bridge Crew are not known as the "Gang of Gollums" for no reason...
Our Captain continues, "I've found the solution to the ships problems! It's obvious and as I first thought - it's not my fault! I've been let down by one of you!"
Pointing at his Chief of Ships Operations he growls, "This is all your fault! You've mismanaged the ship! You displease me! I replace you with the Chief of Ships Safety - he has run the ships safety department without ever raising a single concern with me. That is how the ship should work - I don't want to hear bad news and the Chief of Ships Safety and his department have assured me they know exactly what goes on in all parts of the ship and that we are the safest ship in The Fleet. In fact, they never say anything but the ship is perfect and safety is not now nor has ever been compromised. That kind of loyalty I reward. For you - I think you can take charge of the ships safety department. Look on it as a career development opportunity! They can teach you what I want to hear!"
"***GGGRRRRRRRR***"
"Furthermore, you have upset the engine room crew! Fortunately, I also have a solution to this. Pay attention now! My solution should demonstrate to all who question my competence that I'm the most brilliant Starship Captain the Universe has yet produced."
The Captain thunders on,
"I'm going to give the engine room crew free tea & coffee on Wednesday mornings until Easter!"
The Gang of Gollums recoils aghast at the audacity of their leader. They cry, "We would never have thought of that. The Brisbane and Melbourne engine room crew will be astonished at your benevolence and will no doubt consider themselves blessed to have you as their Captain. Truly you are a Great Man!"
The Captain strides over to the ships Tannoy, presses the button and says, "Now hear this! Now hear this! This is your Captain speaking! I understand the crew is enduring difficult times and here on the bridge I feel your pain. As a show of leading edge corporate staff motivation techniques I have just authorised the provision of free tea and coffee. But only to engine room staff. Not the Battle Towers, nor the ships engineers and technicians. Or any other crew member for that matter. Engine room crew must also prove they are engine room crew to the satisfaction of an Officer. For those engine room crew who can prove their identity please accept with my thanks this substantial gift. But only on Wednesday mornings and only until Easter. That is all!"
A small voice is then heard squeaking from a dark corner of the bridge, "Captain, the Launy Battle Tower is reporting a shortage of gunners and ammunition."
"So is the Melbourne Tower Main Armament Battery".
"And the Perth Photon Torpedo Magazine is also reporting shortages".
"Sir, the Melbourne and Brisbane engine rooms are now reporting further crew shortages".
"In fact, Sir, every time our orbit takes us over the Middle East some of the crew are taking to the ships escape pods."
"Germany, Ireland, Canada and New Zealand as well."
"The ships engineers are abandoning ship, too."
"Oh, and our instrument approach designers are also grabbing seats in the escape pods. We'll be blind when attempting approaches through thick atmospheres on other planets, sir."
"Bloody hell", mutters the Captain.
Now, never let it be said the members of the much-unloved Gang of Gollums are not always looking to get ahead of each other in their eternal effort to take possession of the "Bridge Crew At-Risk Remuneration" envelope. One of them gets the attention of the Captain and opines, "I bet I know why these reports are coming in, sir."
"Out with it, Number Two!", snaps the Captain.
"Sir", hisses the ships HR counsellor, "I suspect the crew is engaging in illegal industrial action - as well as the free tea and coffee you have so generously made available to them I think they may be trying to use industrial thuggery to also obtain free hot water, sugar, milk and a cup from you! Sir, you have provided two free things to them and now they want four more free things from you. Their rapaciouseness knows no bounds. I recommend you deal with these mutineers harshly!"
A startled silence descends on the bridge. Everyone is shocked at the thought the crew could be so greedy and await the increasingly incandescent Captains response.
"To the sixth floor Alan Woods Battle Bridge!", erupts the Captain.
The bridge crew look around uncertain as to what the Captain means.
"The Battle Bridge, Sir?"
"Yes, you idiot, where we go when we have a crisis and want to thoroughly screw someone! The National Operations Centre!"
"Oh, you mean the NOC Shop, Sir? Yes, Sir. The NOC Shop is the perfect place to screw people, Sir! You're smart, Sir! Right behind you, Sir!"
"And send a loyal security team to deal with the mutineers in the Launy Battle Tower. We'll deal with them first before moving onto the rest. And tell the security team to set their phasers to "kill"!"
"Yessir!"
Meanwhile, out beyond the orbit of Pluto - unnoticed by those on the dysfunctional bridge of the Airservices solemnly entrusted with the defence of so many innocent people - stands a solitary menacing figure on another ships bridge. The bridge of a Battle Star escorted by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. If you listen carefully, dear reader, even at this distance you can hear the faint strains of the Star Wars Imperial March. Now, you may think that - in space - no one can hear music - or hear you scream. However, your author gently chides you to remember that any matter relating to the Spacewreck Airservices involves operating in an alternate reality. The laws of physics in this reality are not just stranger than you think - they are stranger than you can possibly imagine. Welcome to The Twilight Zone...
The lone figure quietly surveys the 3rd planet orbiting our non-descript star and, more closely, the spaceship gently orbiting the planet. Across the galaxy he has laid waste to many Air Navigation Service Provider Starships and those their duty it was to protect. He is relentless. He is merciless. He is utterly lethal. He spares not man, woman or child.
And he can sense weakness from light years away.
Unheard by any, he breathes:
"I am become Death. Destroyer of Worlds."
Hello again Spacefans!
At the end of the last episode of the continuing journeys of the Spacewreck Airservices we saw the Captain pleading & sobbing to anyone who would listen that he wasn't responsible for the ships Warp Drive emitting a loud, wet fart then blowing up in a cloud of TIBA smoke and cascading essential services shutdowns. All he did was call for Warp Factor 9 to commence the journey to the Star System "Service Delivery Environment".
We rejoin the journey as the Captain sits in his cabin wondering how it all came to this. More importantly, he is mining his High Powered Executive Mind for a solution to fix the Warp Drive and jump out of earth orbit towards SDE. After many hours hard thinking he strikes corporate gold. He is so pleased he hurries out of his cabin onto the bridge. With a wide waving sweep of his hand and a descending two tone "HIIIIIIIIiiiiiiii!!!!!" he announces his presence to the bridge crew. As always, the bridge crew rush to surround the Captain in rapturous wonderment. Our intrepid Captain is used to this reception and revels in his bridge crews adoration. Unfortunately, he has yet to detect that the hushed whispers of;
"My precious"
"My ppppreciousssss...";
are not directed at him personally. In fact, they are directed at the envelope in his top pocket labelled "Bridge Crew At-Risk Remuneration" (I won't use the word "bonuses" - apparently some people find it "insulting ***Haarrummmph***!".) The Bridge Crew are not known as the "Gang of Gollums" for no reason...
Our Captain continues, "I've found the solution to the ships problems! It's obvious and as I first thought - it's not my fault! I've been let down by one of you!"
Pointing at his Chief of Ships Operations he growls, "This is all your fault! You've mismanaged the ship! You displease me! I replace you with the Chief of Ships Safety - he has run the ships safety department without ever raising a single concern with me. That is how the ship should work - I don't want to hear bad news and the Chief of Ships Safety and his department have assured me they know exactly what goes on in all parts of the ship and that we are the safest ship in The Fleet. In fact, they never say anything but the ship is perfect and safety is not now nor has ever been compromised. That kind of loyalty I reward. For you - I think you can take charge of the ships safety department. Look on it as a career development opportunity! They can teach you what I want to hear!"
"***GGGRRRRRRRR***"
"Furthermore, you have upset the engine room crew! Fortunately, I also have a solution to this. Pay attention now! My solution should demonstrate to all who question my competence that I'm the most brilliant Starship Captain the Universe has yet produced."
The Captain thunders on,
"I'm going to give the engine room crew free tea & coffee on Wednesday mornings until Easter!"
The Gang of Gollums recoils aghast at the audacity of their leader. They cry, "We would never have thought of that. The Brisbane and Melbourne engine room crew will be astonished at your benevolence and will no doubt consider themselves blessed to have you as their Captain. Truly you are a Great Man!"
The Captain strides over to the ships Tannoy, presses the button and says, "Now hear this! Now hear this! This is your Captain speaking! I understand the crew is enduring difficult times and here on the bridge I feel your pain. As a show of leading edge corporate staff motivation techniques I have just authorised the provision of free tea and coffee. But only to engine room staff. Not the Battle Towers, nor the ships engineers and technicians. Or any other crew member for that matter. Engine room crew must also prove they are engine room crew to the satisfaction of an Officer. For those engine room crew who can prove their identity please accept with my thanks this substantial gift. But only on Wednesday mornings and only until Easter. That is all!"
A small voice is then heard squeaking from a dark corner of the bridge, "Captain, the Launy Battle Tower is reporting a shortage of gunners and ammunition."
"So is the Melbourne Tower Main Armament Battery".
"And the Perth Photon Torpedo Magazine is also reporting shortages".
"Sir, the Melbourne and Brisbane engine rooms are now reporting further crew shortages".
"In fact, Sir, every time our orbit takes us over the Middle East some of the crew are taking to the ships escape pods."
"Germany, Ireland, Canada and New Zealand as well."
"The ships engineers are abandoning ship, too."
"Oh, and our instrument approach designers are also grabbing seats in the escape pods. We'll be blind when attempting approaches through thick atmospheres on other planets, sir."
"Bloody hell", mutters the Captain.
Now, never let it be said the members of the much-unloved Gang of Gollums are not always looking to get ahead of each other in their eternal effort to take possession of the "Bridge Crew At-Risk Remuneration" envelope. One of them gets the attention of the Captain and opines, "I bet I know why these reports are coming in, sir."
"Out with it, Number Two!", snaps the Captain.
"Sir", hisses the ships HR counsellor, "I suspect the crew is engaging in illegal industrial action - as well as the free tea and coffee you have so generously made available to them I think they may be trying to use industrial thuggery to also obtain free hot water, sugar, milk and a cup from you! Sir, you have provided two free things to them and now they want four more free things from you. Their rapaciouseness knows no bounds. I recommend you deal with these mutineers harshly!"
A startled silence descends on the bridge. Everyone is shocked at the thought the crew could be so greedy and await the increasingly incandescent Captains response.
"To the sixth floor Alan Woods Battle Bridge!", erupts the Captain.
The bridge crew look around uncertain as to what the Captain means.
"The Battle Bridge, Sir?"
"Yes, you idiot, where we go when we have a crisis and want to thoroughly screw someone! The National Operations Centre!"
"Oh, you mean the NOC Shop, Sir? Yes, Sir. The NOC Shop is the perfect place to screw people, Sir! You're smart, Sir! Right behind you, Sir!"
"And send a loyal security team to deal with the mutineers in the Launy Battle Tower. We'll deal with them first before moving onto the rest. And tell the security team to set their phasers to "kill"!"
"Yessir!"
Meanwhile, out beyond the orbit of Pluto - unnoticed by those on the dysfunctional bridge of the Airservices solemnly entrusted with the defence of so many innocent people - stands a solitary menacing figure on another ships bridge. The bridge of a Battle Star escorted by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. If you listen carefully, dear reader, even at this distance you can hear the faint strains of the Star Wars Imperial March. Now, you may think that - in space - no one can hear music - or hear you scream. However, your author gently chides you to remember that any matter relating to the Spacewreck Airservices involves operating in an alternate reality. The laws of physics in this reality are not just stranger than you think - they are stranger than you can possibly imagine. Welcome to The Twilight Zone...
The lone figure quietly surveys the 3rd planet orbiting our non-descript star and, more closely, the spaceship gently orbiting the planet. Across the galaxy he has laid waste to many Air Navigation Service Provider Starships and those their duty it was to protect. He is relentless. He is merciless. He is utterly lethal. He spares not man, woman or child.
And he can sense weakness from light years away.
Unheard by any, he breathes:
"I am become Death. Destroyer of Worlds."
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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TFN's NOC
What is the purpose of TFN's AWB7 NOC, apart from allowing him (and Admiral Two-Dads' replacement) to show-off some glitzy plazma screens with pretty icons to visiting dignatories and parliamentarians?
NOC-operator positions have been advertised as ASA4 clerical staff; is this simply a glorified typing pool?
It would seem that the NOC has become an iconic facility, built to honour TFN himself and the departed Admiral Two-Dads. It had to be built, come hell or high water, regardless of the cost to industry, and irrespecive of whether there was an operational need for it or not. It had to be built before Big Tony could say
.
NOC-operator positions have been advertised as ASA4 clerical staff; is this simply a glorified typing pool?
It would seem that the NOC has become an iconic facility, built to honour TFN himself and the departed Admiral Two-Dads. It had to be built, come hell or high water, regardless of the cost to industry, and irrespecive of whether there was an operational need for it or not. It had to be built before Big Tony could say
.
I can give a quick summary on the EBA.
AsA will offer F All. They will blame it on rising interest rates and the unstable aviation sector due fuel prices. The membership will be up in arms but vote for it anyway. The Union will not outright say not to vote for it then afterwards say they never supported the offer. People will say 'we will get them next time'
Same old same old.
AsA will offer F All. They will blame it on rising interest rates and the unstable aviation sector due fuel prices. The membership will be up in arms but vote for it anyway. The Union will not outright say not to vote for it then afterwards say they never supported the offer. People will say 'we will get them next time'
Same old same old.
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UAE
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I have been told from a fairly reliable person that the best we can hope for is CPI - so about 3.5%. Don't want a wage breakout from the 1000 odd controllers.....that may just tip the balance for the rest of the 10 or 15 million wage earners around Oz.....not.
Cheers,
NFR.
Cheers,
NFR.
